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more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/30/2010 9:46:52 PM

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I have more of a general "ask a guy" type question... or rather advice...

*long story short*
met a guy last friday at a "vanilla" kink event, talked for a good 3 hours, exchanged numbers, parted ways, got a text from him an hour later talking about how he enjoyed meeting me and hopes to hang out again soon... we hang out saturday, sunday and monday night. hang out again wednesday night and before leaving he kisses me, not just a peck but a real kiss. hang out again friday night, I leave, no kiss, only a hug...

now I have gone to hang out on his prompting every time. I have no asked if he wanted to hang out, he asked me...

I thought it would be safe to assume that theres a good chance he may like me... but i am confused as to why no kiss again... any ideas people?

thanks,
AvaJayne

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/30/2010 10:21:51 PM

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Maybe you had bad breath?

That may sound flippant but it's possible. I'd pop some mints while hanging out with him and see if he continues to want to hang out with you. He may have changed his mind about want to be involved with you. Or the simplest solution is right here and you just needed a tic-tac.

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(in reply to HiddenGeisha)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/30/2010 10:44:49 PM

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Best to assume he's interested in more than friends and act on it. Such assumptions can make their own reality. As can their opposite.

Flirt more. He could need a clue. If you've got a friends vibe going on, it's possible he's been conditioned to just not push that. Or it could be performance anxiety.

The whole 'going at his prompting, i have not asked him out' thing is a possible clue. If you haven't initiated anything, it sometimes scares a guy off, because if he makes a pass and it's not followed through by you then further attempts may just land him further into the friend zone.

Not suggesting this is what you're doing, but theoretically - The way you talk to him, if you're flippant or hazing him conversationally... you could see it as an invitation for him to push back, but he's seeing it as warning signals that you're just hanging with him because no better options are available.

Of course if I were talking to him, I'd tell him to man the fuck up. But since it's you, all I can suggest is that you try to be inviting with your language and tone, and let nature take its course.

Or you could just kiss him. But that'd break The Rules, can't have that, can we?

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 10/30/2010 10:47:22 PM >

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 2:04:39 AM

TotalDiscipline

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HiddenGeisha

I thought it would be safe to assume that theres a good chance he may like me... but i am confused as to why no kiss again... any ideas people?

thanks,
AvaJayne

perhaps he scared himself the first time kissing you....I mean..soemtimes we do things and we regret it..because it was to early.
And because you didn't mention it..he propably wants to forget it also.....till you mention it.

so. Ask him.

(in reply to HiddenGeisha)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:17:14 AM

poise

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Maybe he had bad breath. or a toothache, or a runny nose, or chapped lips.
There could be 100 reasons, but none of them that we can come up with will
make him want to kiss you again. It's all on you for that.

Do you want him to kiss you more, or are you just curious about why he didn't?
If you have a take it or leave it attitude, you can be sure he has honed in on that.
DMF offered some good insight. I'll add to that by suggesting you text him next
and tell him you have really been enjoying his company the past week and look
forward to seeing him again soon. Be more inviting of the attentions you want from him.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:25:12 AM

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Easy... ASK him rather than speculating and trying to get others to speculate... especially here, if I am interested in a girl then she knows it without a doubt because I TELL her... but I'm not a 'nilla and frankly haven't a clue how they think!

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(in reply to poise)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:41:10 AM

agirl

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Could just be that just because he kissed you once, he doesn't feel he has to follow some set pattern. ie..I kissed her last time , now I must kiss her every time*

agirl

(in reply to HiddenGeisha)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 6:38:28 AM

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If you want him to kiss you again, do 3, 4, 5 and 6 on this list: http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt-with-a-Guy

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 6:43:18 AM

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You gotta love a guy who cites a "how to flirt" article.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 7:00:30 AM

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Well...I kinda like the ask him idea...but that's only because if it was me, that's what I'd want of you. I hate trying to guess if I'm doing the right thing or making her uncomfortable. So a quick: "Hey...why did you kiss me that one time and not any others?" would be a real easy way to open up a conversation and find out if you wanted me to do it again. But...he's not me...so...who knows. :P

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 7:16:17 AM

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Could be any number of reasons. Sometimes if a guy is a little unsure he is going to try and read body language. Not every man is going to go right for it unless they are really confident that the girl is into them. Give him some non verbal clues if he doesn't pick up on it he may not really be into you or there may be something else going on. Ask him is always another option, but it can come across as putting him on the spot. Good luck with this.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 7:53:38 AM

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From a blokes point of view, and especially a bloke who suffers from chronic shyness but has learned to handle most situations, it could be that he too is a tad shy and may have got his knickers in a twist after kissing you worrying if he did the wrong thing. I'd be asking him and ask him to open and frank. if the issue lies with you (perhaps a breath thing), better to get it in the open and see what can be fixed. In past decades, many's the time I've kissed a lass and wasted time getting worried if I went to far to early. I just learned to read body language (After I lost a goodly number of possible lady friends due to not reading signs which had not been hammered into my head with a hammer for fear of appearing to be a gabby bastard).

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 7:56:09 AM

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Here is what I would do. NOTHING.

Men like the pursuit. If a man is not pursuing you, he is not interested.

It is really that simple.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:08:35 AM

Arpig

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quote:

Men like the pursuit.

Actually I hate it

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:14:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Men like the pursuit. If a man is not pursuing you, he is not interested.

This is majorly incorrect. Men in academic and other professional jobs are trained at work to avoid sexual harassment possibilities. Just like so many other things about the job, guys take this home with them, which includes taking it out on dates. If the woman isn't giving green lights, a lot of men will choke even if they don't want to, because 8+ hours of their day, they HAVE to act like that.

If a woman is interested in a man, she would be well advised to create a safe space in which he can pursue her.

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(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:15:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Here is what I would do. NOTHING.

Men like the pursuit. If a man is not pursuing you, he is not interested.

It is really that simple.

For me? No! My hunting technique is to have the female chase me so if she doesn't, there is a good chance she's not interested. It saves the issue of rejection.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:17:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Men like the pursuit.
Actually I hate it

Arpig isn't the only one. From the point I realise there is something worth having to settling a Dynamic and beginning to try and build things properly is frankly a pain in the arse. I know some that are addicted to it, need the whole struggle and conquest thing to the point where they can't sustain a relationship because once they have 'landed' the prey they no longer want it. I only hunt what I WANT and if I want it I know what I want to do with it.

But frankly this.. questions about a 'kiss'? I'd expect questions like this in a 'nilla magazine aimed at teen girls, not on a site with adults... want to know? ASK the only person who can give an answer... the bloke in question.

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to Arpig)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:33:52 AM

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What are you, twelve?!? To quote John Cleese, 'What's wrong with a simple kiss?!?'
No kiss after three dates? Get on your tiptoes, smile, lean in and up, ask playfully, 'May I?', and smooch away!
If you kiss him sweetly and a little lingeringly and his lips respond, he may just have been shy or polite. Have at it!
If he doesn't respond physically, he may be gay or, sorry, just not that into you, or otherwise just wants to be coffee buddies.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:53:20 AM

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Ok, Thank you all! I guess the way I look at it I am a bit chicken shit, and I am not used to flirting with guys... this whole aspect of it seems mighty new to me. But I will attempt to innitiate next time. both the meeting and the kiss... As for the bad breath... I brushed my teeth before going to see him both times and I have a bit of a gum fetish so I tend to doubt that was the reason.... Maybe its high time I "man" up and act like all the other girls I see out there and flirt with him and see what happens...
hes not nilla and thats part of what makes him so appealing... and hes actually taller then me... I will be seeing him tuesday at the latest so I will try then...
thanks for all the advice!

AvaJayne

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 9:06:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HiddenGeisha

Ok, Thank you all! I guess the way I look at it I am a bit chicken shit, and I am not used to flirting with guys... this whole aspect of it seems mighty new to me. But I will attempt to innitiate next time. both the meeting and the kiss... As for the bad breath... I brushed my teeth before going to see him both times and I have a bit of a gum fetish so I tend to doubt that was the reason.... Maybe its high time I "man" up and act like all the other girls I see out there and flirt with him and see what happens...
hes not nilla and thats part of what makes him so appealing... and hes actually taller then me... I will be seeing him tuesday at the latest so I will try then...
thanks for all the advice!

AvaJayne

I think asking him ... I was just wondering...? is a good approach. And is it possible he doesn't like gum? Maybe that is a turn off for him, or maybe he isn't sure when you are chewing gum or not.

Another thing, if you liked the kiss, you could tell him you think about when he kissed you. Even if you're shy.

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