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Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:23:53 AM

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What do you think of this article?

I was wondering on here realise bdsm is very unhealthy or not?

why are some woman more domineering?
It is difficult to pinpoint why any person behaves in a specific way and often one is left to generalize based on individual beliefs, past experiences and misconceptions. If you are in a relationship with a woman who you believe is too dominant yet you want to continue the relationship, identifying the possible cause for her behavior may allow you to work on the relationship rather than running away.

Traumatic Past
Behavior that we exhibit is often learned through previous experience or is a defense mechanism to protect us from falling prey to an abusive person. Understanding your partner’s past is important in identifying any trauma that may have molded her into the person you see today. From an abusive father to seeing an abused, submissive mother or even being in a relationship where she was abused by her previous partner, many dominant woman may not have exhibited this type of behavior all through their life. The trauma of their personal experiences may have triggered a pattern of behavior (conditioning) that translates into her dominating her partner even when she is not faced with the same abusive nature or trauma. It may be a way of protecting herself from ever being in the situation that she previously endured.

http://www.sorrynotes.com/domineering-women-woman-dominating-a-man/

< Message edited by steve2011 -- 12/6/2010 10:24:34 AM >

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:25:05 AM

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OP fixed it - nm

My take on this... you are reading it wrong. A) There is a difference between dominant and domineering in what we do - IMHO - and B) The section you quoted is only one of several theories for why women might be domineering. C) If we are particularly interested in that section, one has to taken into consideration the facts.

Male submissives repeatedly report having trouble finding female dominants. And female dominants do confirm that they are frequently hounded because of the surplus of male submissive compared to the number of female dominants.

The last studies I read had the number of women who had been sexually assaulted or attacked at some point in their life was 1 in 4. The stats I'm find for domestic abuse are " Estimates show that 248 of every 1,000 females and 76 of every 1,000 males are victims of physical assault and/or rape committed by their spouse." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence)

It seems to me that if these are triggers for females dominants and to women to come to BDSM there would be a lot more of them.

Furthermore I don't recall the article mentioning BDSM at all - causing me to further question if the author was even thinking of us. We don't own the rights to the term 'dominant' after all.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/6/2010 10:34:03 AM >

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(in reply to steve2011)

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:28:16 AM

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I think the article is full of shit as a christmas goose.

Santa

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:29:30 AM

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As for male dominants, to me there just weak males, all women (and i mean all) want a strong man to protect them, if they we're genuinely strong they wouldnt be on here

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:30:01 AM

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I agree with you, Ron. It seems to Me that even the writer of the article didn't understand the difference between the terms of dominant and domineering.

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:31:18 AM

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Okay. So it's only wrong when a woman wants to control a man and be mean to his tender nibbly bits. Got it.

lovingpet
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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:33:19 AM

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All women want is an alpha male, if any so called dominant woman on here met a strong alpha male they would ditch this lifestyle immediatly i've no doubt about that

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:33:57 AM

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"As for male dominants, to me there just weak males, all women (and i mean all) want a strong man to protect them, if they we're genuinely strong they wouldnt be on here"

They're, I instead of lowercase i, were instead of we're, wouldn't, period at the end.

Ok, I fixed all the obvious corrections to make. Not sure how to tackle all that other stuff, though.

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:34:39 AM

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Well done, you found a mistake

(in reply to MisterMonster)

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:34:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

All women want is an alpha male, if any so called dominant woman on here met a strong alpha male they would ditch this lifestyle immediatly i've no doubt about that

New posters are sometimes so damn cute.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to steve2011)

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:36:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

All women want is an alpha male, if any so called dominant woman on here met a strong alpha male they would ditch this lifestyle immediatly i've no doubt about that

So by extension that means what about you since you are here?

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:36:24 AM

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The sad thing is for the female 'dominants' is they'll only ever attract weak males.

Here's an analogy: when you run across a mountain lion in the woods, one of the best ways to get him to leave you alone is to act agressive. If you do that, he's a lot less likely to bother with you. Not that he has any doubt he could pick you apart like a grasshopper, he just doesn't need the hassle when there are deer and elk around who are more compliant and predictable.

If the lion was desperate or maybe not sure he could take down the graceful deer, he might have a try at you.

Women who say how strong you are is the same thing. You're turning off the healthy lions and attracting the desperate ones. Maybe you wear your strength on your sleeve.

< Message edited by steve2011 -- 12/6/2010 10:38:18 AM >

(in reply to MisterMonster)

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:37:51 AM

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Some might say that what doesn't kill you makes ya stronger.

Seems a reasonable observation (and consequence)....

Focus.

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:39:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

All women want is an alpha male, if any so called dominant woman on here met a strong alpha male they would ditch this lifestyle immediatly i've no doubt about that

Hope you're wearing asbestos undies, as the flaming should start in 3...2...1...

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:39:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

Well done, you found a mistake

<3 I feel so congratulated.

Gonna print this out, hang it on my fridge.

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:40:53 AM

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Steve, what do you think about the male subs who no doubt serve in armies and militaries all over the world?

(in reply to MisterMonster)

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:47:26 AM

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It must be tearing them up inside mistermonster, there a nervous breakdown waiting to happen sadly

Regardless of what most progressive-minded men say, deep down inside, although he may not necessarily have to win control over the remote and may not mind window shopping on the weekend, there's an inner masculine beast that's wondering "dude: SHE's bringing home the bacon? Um, what the f*ck's wrong with this picture?" There's a closet macho man that doesn't want to be nagged about hanging out with the boys.

There's a rough neck that hates being henpecked about crumbs on the kitchen counter, as though his girlfriend/wife his second mother. And so when the tempers flare, a woman should understand the dynamics at play here. And the truth is, she probably does - she's probably just subconciously testing the guy to see if he understands what's going on, 'cause most of the time, we men don't. We don't have the slightest clue.

(in reply to MisterMonster)

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:49:28 AM

hlen5

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Steve just joined today. I would suggest introducing yourself in the introductions forum, but you're making quite a splash right here!!

EFSpelling

< Message edited by hlen5 -- 12/6/2010 10:52:53 AM >

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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:50:27 AM

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LOL Steve, Steve, Steve... you came here to enlighten us about our misdeeds and how very fucked up we must be? Darling... you aren't the first and you won't be the last, but you are far from the best at it. Giving some bullshit from a an unidentified person talking about dating relationships is a poor effort in convincing anyone if their behavior resulted from wounds and misconceptions.

What causes you to assume that you are worthy of proving anything to anyone or able to help us recognize how fucked up we must be? Is this all you got?

If you didn't come to make us aware of something, which you aren't real good at, what did you come here for? Looking for a dominant woman to play with you while you wrestle with the fact that you are submissive and are not at peace with the fact that a dominant woman could be normal and still want the kinky things you want?

You are here for a reason.

I will not defend all dominants... some are wounded... some are abusive... but they aren't dominants that I would respect unless they had dealt with their wounds and lived an otherwise normal life with healthy relationships.

Now... stop pointing the finger, look in the mirror and see who you are. Because you are here. There is a reason and you must get comfortable with it. Don't point at other people because you have a struggle with it all.

Once you understand dominance doesn't have to be an ugly thing, maybe you will see that submission doesn't have to be ugly either. Until then, you might want to focus on changing, challenging or helping those who ask for it.

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(in reply to steve2011)

RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 10:50:54 AM

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There you go throwing logic into the whole conversation, Aqua. Now what have we told you about that? This is supposed to be a proper thread for blissful ignorance and truly righteous indignation to flourish. *shakes head in disappointment*

And I see, MisterMonster set a trap.....and there goes the the little troll right for the bait. Oh this is going to be CLASSIC!

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