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RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:23:43 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
We should be taught not to need what we need? By the same standard, homosexual children should be taught to change. Or not?

The greater sin here is to teach a child that he is wrong, that his basic self is unnatural. And that's what you're suggesting. I categorically refute and deny it. Better to teach them that their need for strong sensation is perfectly normal. Or do you also promulgate banning five alarm chili since it is also a strong sensation? Is there something wrong with you if you like tabasco on your scrambled eggs. After all, you're deliberately making your mouth burn, causing your nose to run and your eyes to tear. This must be analogous to self harm in your book. No?

Who I am is normal. I'm not the middle of the bell curve, but so what? This is normal for me. Being my authentic self is important, it's the only self I have. More than that, I am the person God made me to be. Throwing my authentic self away is the same as moving away from him. He doesn't cast us away, we put up the wall between him and us.

Beyond all of this, the major thing the op doesn't do is acknowledge his own fault for choosing a partner who isn't compatible. If your partner is compatible on many levels you won't feel that your individuality is being stifled even though they're more dominant than you. Steve, you have to own your own responsibility here. The only constant in all your relationships is you. So if you always get into a relationship with a woman and feel stifled, that isn't her fault. It's yours for picking her.


< Message edited by DesFIP -- 12/6/2010 11:27:41 AM >


_____________________________

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(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:24:08 AM   
steve2011


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/6/2010
Status: offline
There you go, you kind of backed up what I said 'lockit', yes i'd say pretty much ALL submissive men will feel angry, some will have it buried very well, some will show it and become aggressive at times. Anger is a healthy emotion, especially for males, it's just the bodys way of saying this is wrong for me. Emotionally intelligent people will realise this and do something about it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Think back on many recent threads... how many of the men came in saying how wrong bdsm were and how awful those damaged dominant women were. Getting a few people coming to mind? They were submissive men in a real struggle and angry. There was something very wrong with what we did and yet each had a profile looking for it. So this one has started this profile today... that doesn't mean he hasn't been here before and was looking.

A dominant that doesn't understand dominance and thinks it could be abusive may struggle, but how many of them do you see struggling on the boards and trying hard to prove something? I say Steve is a submissive in denial. I'd stake a pinky finger on it. lol

Steve, give it up... you can't change anyone or anything. Thinking we are this way because we don't have the energy or will power to change... is as faulty as your other concepts. You haven't a clue what we are each like. You are assuming a great deal, just as I am assuming you are a submissive in denial. (But I would bet money I am correct about you.)



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:24:38 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Think back on many recent threads... how many of the men came in saying how wrong bdsm were and how awful those damaged dominant women were. Getting a few people coming to mind? They were submissive men in a real struggle and angry. There was something very wrong with what we did and yet each had a profile looking for it. So this one has started this profile today... that doesn't mean he hasn't been here before and was looking.

A dominant that doesn't understand dominance and thinks it could be abusive may struggle, but how many of them do you see struggling on the boards and trying hard to prove something? I say Steve is a submissive in denial. I'd stake a pinky finger on it. lol

Steve, give it up... you can't change anyone or anything. Thinking we are this way because we don't have the energy or will power to change... is as faulty as your other concepts. You haven't a clue what we are each like. You are assuming a great deal, just as I am assuming you are a submissive in denial. (But I would bet money I am correct about you.)



I myself was thinking he was an emotional masochist looking for a beatdown by a strong Mistress to put him in his place!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:26:03 AM   
steve2011


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/6/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

We should be taught not to need what we need? By the same standard, homosexual children should be taught to change. Or not?


Bdsm isn't the same as homosexuality. If some is homosexual that is just who they are, if a man is submissive, he can learn to be strong and change, it won't be easy but its the same with de-pressed people, its caused by a de-pressing of emotions.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:26:18 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
Yet your psychological perspective is woefully ancient.  Sexually repressed cokeheads are who you really want to take your cues from?  There are much better schools of thought out there.  All of them, when it comes to sexuality though, represent their own creator's unhealthy relationship with sex to have such an obsessive need to explain it.

Many strong, independent women want what you described.  Other strong, independent women do not and are unapologetic about it.  You, like so many others missed the point of feminism.  It wasn't about making a different choice in life, but about HAVING them.  Some will choose to step out of the kitchen and nurseries, others will traverse the two, and still others are just fine with the way things were. 




_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to steve2011)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:26:45 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
Anger is especially healthy for MALES??

Yeah. There IS a reason psychology is a soft science!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:27:19 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

There you go, you kind of backed up what I said 'lockit', yes i'd say pretty much ALL submissive men will feel angry, some will have it buried very well, some will show it and become aggressive at times. Anger is a healthy emotion, especially for males, it's just the bodys way of saying this is wrong for me. Emotionally intelligent people will realise this and do something about it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Think back on many recent threads... how many of the men came in saying how wrong bdsm were and how awful those damaged dominant women were. Getting a few people coming to mind? They were submissive men in a real struggle and angry. There was something very wrong with what we did and yet each had a profile looking for it. So this one has started this profile today... that doesn't mean he hasn't been here before and was looking.

A dominant that doesn't understand dominance and thinks it could be abusive may struggle, but how many of them do you see struggling on the boards and trying hard to prove something? I say Steve is a submissive in denial. I'd stake a pinky finger on it. lol

Steve, give it up... you can't change anyone or anything. Thinking we are this way because we don't have the energy or will power to change... is as faulty as your other concepts. You haven't a clue what we are each like. You are assuming a great deal, just as I am assuming you are a submissive in denial. (But I would bet money I am correct about you.)





So you have been submitting and you're angry about it? Or you're not submitting and you are angry about it?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to steve2011)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:27:43 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

There you go, you kind of backed up what I said 'lockit', yes i'd say pretty much ALL submissive men will feel angry, some will have it buried very well, some will show it and become aggressive at times. Anger is a healthy emotion, especially for males, it's just the bodys way of saying this is wrong for me. Emotionally intelligent people will realise this and do something about it.

Then that is exactly what you should do.  Take yourself to a nice vanilla site and find a 'normal' non kinky woman to have a great healthy relationship with.  Forget whatever urges brought you here and you'll be just fine.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to steve2011)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:28:03 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

Many strong independent women secretly desire to be tamed by a strong man. As much as feminism tries it can;t reverse nature.

I am not making assumptions but you can also be one of those nasty cold women who has no respect for men but thinks she is strong and independent. Most strong men with self respect stay away from those types. To me the strongest women I know are also the nicest and kindest. They are strong because they are secure enough in themselves to not have to bring themselves up by bringing men down.

As for the tragic events, i'm doing a phd in pshychology, i guess that is tragic for some people but I enjoy it.


Are you saying that a dominant woman cannot be nice and kind? That they cannot be strong because they are not secure in themselves? You haven't known any of the dominant woman I know! lol I don't bring my men down! I build them up if there is a need to, but most often there isn't a need to. I do not need to bring someone down to make myself bigger and better. Dominance that needs to put someone down to make themselves seem higher are not dominant's in my opinion.

You are very confused about what many of us do. You are getting ideas from porn or some of these people running around here that call men worms and act as if they are worthless. I would agree with you, there is a problem there, but they are not all dominant woman. Don't put us all into a box. I am not waiting for a dominant man... lol

I have a challenge for you. Meet me. Talk to me. Get to know me. You will find a sarcastic and humorous person, but you will also see a gentle heart and kindness. I am a normal, strong, independent woman and I bet if you would allow yourself to be calm for a bit, you would even like me on a personal level. Come on... try and prove me wrong.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to steve2011)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:28:07 AM   
steve2011


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/6/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Yet your psychological perspective is woefully ancient.  Sexually repressed cokeheads are who you really want to take your cues from?  There are much better schools of thought out there.  All of them, when it comes to sexuality though, represent their own creator's unhealthy relationship with sex to have such an obsessive need to explain it.

Many strong, independent women want what you described.  Other strong, independent women do not and are unapologetic about it.  You, like so many others missed the point of feminism.  It wasn't about making a different choice in life, but about HAVING them.  Some will choose to step out of the kitchen and nurseries, others will traverse the two, and still others are just fine with the way things were. 






I'm not sexually repressed at all, i love my partner and tell her everyday, we have a healthy loving sex life.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Anger is especially healthy for MALES??

Yeah. There IS a reason psychology is a soft science!



Sorry I don't understand what you mean.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:29:34 AM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

People can only be helped if they want to, sadly for many they are in denial.

good luck lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

And you just lost all the sensibility points.  There is nothing to be saved from except in your own mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

That's fine, however, theres a lot of people on here very young, some in their teens even, they should be taught the truth about the reasons they are attracted to bdsm, I can uderstand it an older person who maybe doesn't feel it's worth the effort to change, but people can be helped out of this way of life and it's important they should knwo that. Any person in their teens or 20's on here is in need of help and should be given it if they want it, i would genuinely fear for them.


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

All I'm saying is that for most of us, that's not really how we want it.



That's the first and only sensible thing you've said since you started this thread.  This way of living is alternative for a reason.  It's not the norm.  Most people couldn't or wouldn't want to hack it.  That is perfectly okay.  There are wonderful vanilla relationships for them to live happily ever after in.  And frighteningly, some of us (yes, the messed up perverts) actually function healthily in BOTH.










I was reading this thread, thinking wow, this has to be one of the weirdest things I have seen on here. I was truly inspired to search for popcorn. Then I saw this. I think he just said you are in denial lovinget.... and I swear I laughed out loud so hard I almost choked. (If I had choked, would that have proven how dangerous BDSM really is for me??) I know You are deeply concerned lp that you are in denial ;)
It reminds me of a true conversation I once had after seeing someone for the first time in years at a family function!

Other person: God, you looked great, positively radiant.
Me: Thanks!
OP: I'm really concerned about you though.
Me: blink blink blink..whaaat?
OP: I think you need therapy, I think you only think you are happy, but you aren't really happy, and if you had therapy you would learn that you aren't really happy and then you would learn how to be happy.
ME: Whaaaaaaaaaat? So I feel really happy. Have everything I ever wanted, but I'm not actually happy, so I should be taught that I am miserable, to learn how to be happy, so I can jump through all those hoops just to be........ wait, what I already am? Happy? And you think I need therapy??!

My next words aren't worth repeating :)

Funny funny things people say!
~s

< Message edited by ownedbyPF -- 12/6/2010 11:31:57 AM >

(in reply to steve2011)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:30:08 AM   
MisterMonster


Posts: 156
Joined: 12/9/2008
Status: offline
Now I remember I don't post in threads like these too often. Sooo much reading!

Ok, let's talk about something that REALLY matters: Godzilla vs. Cloverfield Monster. Who would win?

(in reply to steve2011)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:31:19 AM   
steve2011


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/6/2010
Status: offline
Sorry but there's not a man out there who would be broguht up by being dominated and any man if he's being honest would say the same thing. In an arousal state a submissive men will say what he wants you to hear.

I'm sure you are a very nice woman but I feel your in denial about this lifestyle, although if it's a big part of your life I can understand you being defensive about it so I respect that, but if you answered honestly why you feel the need for control so much i'm almost 100% certain there'd be a big reason behind it and if you dealt with that at some point you would stop coming on here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

Many strong independent women secretly desire to be tamed by a strong man. As much as feminism tries it can;t reverse nature.

I am not making assumptions but you can also be one of those nasty cold women who has no respect for men but thinks she is strong and independent. Most strong men with self respect stay away from those types. To me the strongest women I know are also the nicest and kindest. They are strong because they are secure enough in themselves to not have to bring themselves up by bringing men down.

As for the tragic events, i'm doing a phd in pshychology, i guess that is tragic for some people but I enjoy it.


Are you saying that a dominant woman cannot be nice and kind? That they cannot be strong because they are not secure in themselves? You haven't known any of the dominant woman I know! lol I don't bring my men down! I build them up if there is a need to, but most often there isn't a need to. I do not need to bring someone down to make myself bigger and better. Dominance that needs to put someone down to make themselves seem higher are not dominant's in my opinion.

You are very confused about what many of us do. You are getting ideas from porn or some of these people running around here that call men worms and act as if they are worthless. I would agree with you, there is a problem there, but they are not all dominant woman. Don't put us all into a box. I am not waiting for a dominant man... lol

I have a challenge for you. Meet me. Talk to me. Get to know me. You will find a sarcastic and humorous person, but you will also see a gentle heart and kindness. I am a normal, strong, independent woman and I bet if you would allow yourself to be calm for a bit, you would even like me on a personal level. Come on... try and prove me wrong.



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:31:42 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

There you go, you kind of backed up what I said 'lockit', yes i'd say pretty much ALL submissive men will feel angry, some will have it buried very well, some will show it and become aggressive at times. Anger is a healthy emotion, especially for males, it's just the bodys way of saying this is wrong for me. Emotionally intelligent people will realise this and do something about it.

Then that is exactly what you should do.  Take yourself to a nice vanilla site and find a 'normal' non kinky woman to have a great healthy relationship with.  Forget whatever urges brought you here and you'll be just fine.



No, hold up here guys, there exists the same exact thing in the female side of submission, with the newbies (****NB: NEWBIES) and they cry, weep and gnash their teeth and rail at God, oh, why oh, why am I a submissive, and fight and piss and moan.

Not every submissive goes gentle into that goodnight.

Then sooner or later they (the greatest number of them anyway) lower themselves in that nice hot luxurious bath, and revel in it.

And of course there are a select few who rail for the rest of their lives (a certain submissive male in Ireland comes to mind) and harp and harp on the same old shit, rather than getting with whatever program is in there.


< Message edited by mnottertail -- 12/6/2010 11:34:21 AM >


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:31:49 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Yet your psychological perspective is woefully ancient.  Sexually repressed cokeheads are who you really want to take your cues from?  There are much better schools of thought out there.  All of them, when it comes to sexuality though, represent their own creator's unhealthy relationship with sex to have such an obsessive need to explain it.

Many strong, independent women want what you described.  Other strong, independent women do not and are unapologetic about it.  You, like so many others missed the point of feminism.  It wasn't about making a different choice in life, but about HAVING them.  Some will choose to step out of the kitchen and nurseries, others will traverse the two, and still others are just fine with the way things were. 






I'm not sexually repressed at all, i love my partner and tell her everyday, we have a healthy loving sex life.



As does both my vanilla and "lifestyle" partner. 

I didn't call you sexually repressed.  I called the theory creators that.  But I guess the fact that you interpreted me that way doesn't mean anything.  Egypt has lovely summer homes.  NOW I said you were sexually repressed. 






_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to steve2011)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:33:10 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterMonster

Now I remember I don't post in threads like these too often. Sooo much reading!

Ok, let's talk about something that REALLY matters: Godzilla vs. Cloverfield Monster. Who would win?



Whoever Chuck Norris said would win.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MisterMonster)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:33:38 AM   
MisterMonster


Posts: 156
Joined: 12/9/2008
Status: offline
Tellin' you all, we can walk away right now.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:35:59 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

People can only be helped if they want to, sadly for many they are in denial.

good luck lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

And you just lost all the sensibility points.  There is nothing to be saved from except in your own mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

That's fine, however, theres a lot of people on here very young, some in their teens even, they should be taught the truth about the reasons they are attracted to bdsm, I can uderstand it an older person who maybe doesn't feel it's worth the effort to change, but people can be helped out of this way of life and it's important they should knwo that. Any person in their teens or 20's on here is in need of help and should be given it if they want it, i would genuinely fear for them.


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve2011

All I'm saying is that for most of us, that's not really how we want it.



That's the first and only sensible thing you've said since you started this thread.  This way of living is alternative for a reason.  It's not the norm.  Most people couldn't or wouldn't want to hack it.  That is perfectly okay.  There are wonderful vanilla relationships for them to live happily ever after in.  And frighteningly, some of us (yes, the messed up perverts) actually function healthily in BOTH.










I was reading this thread, thinking wow, this has to be one of the weirdest things I have seen on here. I was truly inspired to search for popcorn. Then I saw this. I think he just said you are in denial lovinget.... and I swear I laughed out loud so hard I almost choked. (If I had choked, would that have proven how dangerous BDSM really is for me??) I know You are deeply concerned lp that you are in denial ;)
It reminds me of a true conversation I once had after seeing someone for the first time in years at a family function!

Other person: God, you looked great, positively radiant.
Me: Thanks!
OP: I'm really concerned about you though.
Me: blink blink blink..whaaat?
OP: I think you need therapy, I think you only think you are happy, but you aren't really happy, and if you had therapy you would learn that you aren't really happy and then you would learn how to be happy.
ME: Whaaaaaaaaaat? So I feel really happy. Have everything I ever wanted, but I'm not actually happy, so I should be taught that I am miserable, to learn how to be happy, so I can jump through all those hoops just to be........ wait, what I already am? Happy? And you think I need therapy??!

My next words aren't worth repeating :)

Funny funny things people say!
~s


I want NO part of nonconsensual breathplay!  That would be messed up.  But then again, I'm in denial, so maybe it would be fine.




_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to ownedbyPF)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:36:08 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
No, hold up here guys, there exists the same exact thing in the female side of submission, with the newbies (****NB: NEWBIES) and they cry, weep and gnash their teeth and rail at God, oh, why oh, why am I a submissive, and fight and piss and moan.

Not every submissive goes gentle into that goodnight.

Then sooner or later they (the greatest number of them anyway) lower themselves in that nice hot luxurious bath, and revel in it.

And of course there are a select few who rail for the rest of their lives (a certain submissive male in Ireland comes to mind) and harp and harp on the same old shit, rather than getting with whatever program is in there.


I was thinking precisely the same thing, if not specifically the same individual.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Bdsm is wrong - 12/6/2010 11:37:05 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterMonster

Now I remember I don't post in threads like these too often. Sooo much reading!

Ok, let's talk about something that REALLY matters: Godzilla vs. Cloverfield Monster. Who would win?




Whoa. Tough one. Sentiment says Godzilla, common sense says Cloverfield because that dude is INSANE!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to MisterMonster)
Profile   Post #: 80
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