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RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/14/2010 8:36:37 PM

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~FR~

Maybe I'm a fool. It wouldn't be the first time.

But, I find it pretty damn offensive that this dude came here, asked a question, got a lot of quality responses (including from yours sweetly), and then proceeded to tell us how we didn't answer him. What is up with that?

Damn, I remember asking a question and oneo f the women here slammed me. WHOMP! And she was RIGHT! (that was a long time ago - the onliest time I was ever wrong... of course) And wow, I learned a really valuable lesson from it. It completely woke me up.

You'd think some people would wake up and smell the coffee.... speaking of... I need to go make some. It's 1:30 and I still haven't had breaky or coffee...

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/14/2010 9:02:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subinlife

Is anyone besides me seeing red flags every where?

Two hours away and won't drive to meet her.
Doesn't want to send her out to meet others in the lifestyle.
Doesn't want her comming to the forums.
Ect, ect,ect.

No, you're not the only one.

One thing which surprises me is that no-one appears to have mentioned rapport and the charisma of presence - which I regard as two essential components to any D/s interaction. Perhaps some people refer to this as chemistry, although I think that blurs the distinctions somewhat.

Rapport, I regard as a stepping stone to gaining trust. And trust is essential. Likewise, a sense of presence when meeting a dominant is essential. Without the unspoken appreciation of the dominance inherent in the way an individual carries themselves, walks, talks, speaks and acts, the submissive is unlikely to respond with enthusiasm or belief.

To me, it sounds like the OP wants to work some conditioning on her long distance to ensure her normal judgment skills will be suspended upon meeting. Given her age and inexperience, what we have here is a scenario where a guy's had something fall into his lap but has no idea how to handle it and is terrified of a real-life interaction because he strongly suspects she'll be repelled upon meeting. Alternatively he has something else to hide - a wife, a criminal past... who knows.

The other problem here is that he's asking people to do his homework for him. Either he understands the rationale for providing a sub with restrictions, instructions and tasks or he doesn't. If he does, then he should be doing this himself. If he doesn't, then he should be asking for assistance with what he's trying to achieve, not the mechanisms used to achieve it.

It's like trying to build something - not telling anyone what it is - and asking people to tell you how to arrange pieces of wood and hammer in the nails to achieve your ends. Only he knows what he wants to achieve with this poor woman and yet he's asking people here to tell him how to do it.

OP - Man up and meet her. Trying for the psyche lock-in prior to meeting strikes me as unethical. 2 hours distance is nothing and the whole piece of bollocks about her being "sufficiently my submissive to meet" strongly suggests you lack the balls to meet her in person until you're assured of a positive response.

(in reply to subinlife)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/14/2010 9:43:19 PM

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quote:

One thing which surprises me is that no-one appears to have mentioned rapport and the charisma of presence - which I regard as two essential components to any D/s interaction. Perhaps some people refer to this as chemistry, although I think that blurs the distinctions somewhat.

Rapport, I regard as a stepping stone to gaining trust. And trust is essential. Likewise, a sense of presence when meeting a dominant is essential. Without the unspoken appreciation of the dominance inherent in the way an individual carries themselves, walks, talks, speaks and acts, the submissive is unlikely to respond with enthusiasm or belief.

Evelyn, Red Magic, and Constanze, and I all mentioned those things. I didn't even bother going past page three for that.

He doesn't want to meet her. He's really not interested. He just wants to think about it... have "ideas" of busy work for her to do. Meh.

quote:

2 hours distance is nothing and the whole piece of bollocks about her being "sufficiently my submissive to meet" strongly suggests you lack the balls to meet her in person until you're assured of a positive response.

And I just might need to call you just to hear you say the above in that oh-so-proper accent. *purrr.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Awareness)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/15/2010 12:49:54 AM

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Littlewonder, I'll take the housewife, he says they have talked via phone.
Unless he's got a boy with a female voice.
The later would almost be poetic justice for not doing a public meeting.

Edited cuz it's 3am and i can't spell.

< Message edited by subinlife -- 12/15/2010 12:51:14 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/15/2010 2:56:37 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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I am seriously waiting for the Jerry Springer episode where his wife calls Jerry to accuse her husband of cheating on her and the 19 yr shows up to say wifey isn't "woman" enough to please her man. Then the cursing begins, the two women beging hair pulling and general catfight ensues only to be broken up by "security". And of course hubby denies anything to do with youngun cuz he doesn't want the divorce that's going to cost him everything. Of course don't forget that at the end of every show Jerry gives his o so logical and tender advice.

Hey, isn't that what Jerry's all about?

And all I catch of his show is the very end. Steve Wilkos is more realistic if that's at all possible.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to subinlife)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/15/2010 7:31:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Farido

For example, my new girl's sexuality was not the main factor for me but rather her will to learn and work on a full long term relationship.

For which you're not even willing to meet someone 2 hours away or think up your own assignments. Relationships take work from BOTH sides. Get off your ass, go meet and actually bother to figure out if you actually like this person face to face.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Farido)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/15/2010 10:17:57 AM

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Amen! the end... and they live hapopily ever after.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/15/2010 2:15:12 PM

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Joined: 12/6/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

FWIW-

Maybe "Training" can just be helping her learn what you like, and don't. If you like flogging, teach her how you like to flog; if you like PB&J sandwiches with the crust trimmed off, teach her to make your lunch that way.
You aren't training her to be A slave; you are teaching her to be YOUR slave.

As far as the profile- the part about not wanting sex right away sends up red flags to me-Like Jeff pointed out, we men think with our cocks- I am suspicious of those who claim otherwise.

Thank you very much. Very helpful enlightening answer and directly to the point.

As for "not wanting sex right away", I received much more responses when I added this detail from those who are looking for a serious 24/7 long term relationship.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/15/2010 4:36:58 PM

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Oh man, loving this thread.

<what's that continuous blaring klaxon-like noise?>

OP - You've had some stellar advice and feedback on this thread. Not all of it is to your liking, but my sincere advice is to re-read the posts that annoyed you the most, and spend some time thinking about those ones. Seriously - go back to Lockit's especially.

As for your specific request for help "in starting giving her Assignments and Tasks to do while incorporating the teaching element in between. "

What the fuck do I know about your relationship with this person? How in dog's name am I supposed to intuit her needs and wants? If you wish to dominate her then, with the greatest respect, you need to figure this shit out with her - and not by asking a bunch of strangers who know even less about the sub's needs and wants than you do.

So my advice?

Again - Meet with her face to face.

If you can't do that, then at the very least, communicate with her rather than us.

If you can manage one of those then maybe that blaring klaxon-like noise will go away.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Farido)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/15/2010 6:28:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Farido

As for "not wanting sex right away", I received much more responses when I added this detail from those who are looking for a serious 24/7 long term relationship.

Well yeah, that's true, but the problem with posting that you "don't want sex right away" is that you only attract women who..don't want sex right away.

You could probably up your response rate by saying how much you liked "My Sister's Keeper", and how you want to spend Sunday afternoons at her mom's house for brunch, and long walks on the beach where you talk endlessly about your fucking feelings.

If you want a woman who is auditioning to be on The View, fine. But the best way to attract a woman who thrives on tending to a man's needs, cooking, cleaning, sex on demand, supporting him in his decisions, being his helpmate and loving wife, is to be the man such woman crave.

Which is really the hard part.

They want us to be commanding, but not boorish; decisive, but not stubborn; capable of defending ourselves, but not violent; Successful, but not a wage slave; and demanding, but not hypercritical.

Because in order to get from here, to there, you need to earn her trust and adoration, so completely and convincingly that she gets a thrill out of you giving her a firm commands, even as simple as trimming the crust off your sandwiches.

And that does require a certain degree of cold showers, patience, and the occasional viewing of movies without a single fucking explosion.

(in reply to Farido)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/25/2010 9:51:21 AM

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Aqua- got the mind painting pictures with the "pinned against the wall" comment, god I love my imagination ;). And agree with alot of what I have read as to the advice. OP - if she is a "wanna-be" as you put it, it is up to you to lead her in the direction you want her to go, and if she is that new to it all I think the munches are a great idea to teach her. And these forums are great informational tools. You can't be a "master" to anyone if you have no clue how to lead.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val To Aqua- Thanks!
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever...

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/26/2010 1:07:20 PM

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Have her write a diary everyday and either post it as a blog or email it to you. 500 words minimum is a good place to start.

(in reply to Farido)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/27/2010 7:29:33 AM

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Joined: 11/28/2010
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quote:

"Designing Assignments and Tasks for a new sub/slave".

I do not care how old she is...19 or 56, living 2 hours away from her is n o t h i n g ! Prove yourself and get to her side. jmho,jmlr

I am not a dominant but I can help with this input just a little bit.....
1. have her journal her thoughts and her feelings after she is on line with you (tells you where her head~ mind is at) and send this to you, discussing it after you read it ~ never belittle her for her thoughts and feelings, they are hers, not yours...read carefully and do not judge
2. for yourself, set restrictions on how long you keep her on line so she can digest what you are telling her, discussing with her and always take her input carefully
3. have her make a rule journal, where she lists some of your rules down.... simple rules
4. simple rules might include: a. when she goes to bed
b. if a student, make sure she has all her homework done before she comes on line with you
c. you want a domestic as well ~~ clean her room...picture before, picture when done, do laundry in a timely manner
5. give her some ugly task, something you can measure and know she did it......maybe she hates doing dishes.... picture before, picture when done
6. have her list 25 important things she wants people to know about her....this gives her something positive to think about, building her self esteem
7. only 3 things she does not like about herself, request she tell you why... help her to begin to like these things...
8. ask her to think about why she thinks she wants to submit to a 47 yr old...journal on it, send it to you (if she is honest, she probably has daddy issues at home)

and for you again...stop calling her a wanna be...this diminishes who she is and I ask you, do you want that?

you want a woman with a healthy self esteem, not a weak and vulnerably poor self esteem.........

just a few things on my mind.....

you need to realize that these boards are for opinions and peoples judgmental rants about who and what they think you are...take what you can use and leave the rest.

< Message edited by mysouldesire -- 12/27/2010 7:33:45 AM >

(in reply to Farido)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 12/27/2010 8:13:03 AM

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My girl and I used to drive 6 hours each way every weekend to come and see me. In this lifestyle, 2 hrs ain't much..You need to think what is best FOR HER... Have her meet others at a munch and such is great . Subbies have their own "network" (it isn't all true but can give you a general sense of how things go)..Meet her at a nilla place for coffee or something ....

After reading lots of profiles, I noticed that a lot of young fall into the 24/7 fantasy thing (maybe not all, but the majority , I would say).... I believe she does too.. Just use your common sense to "open some doors" for her...

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._

(in reply to mysouldesire)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 1/4/2011 6:18:45 PM

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I have found that assigning a potential sub tasks that are mildly degrading and requiring a picture of the tasks to be an excellent tool. For example, I made my newest one masterbate in her office, which has a lot of glass to the other offices. She is a squirter and I had her take pictures of the masterbation and the squirt on the floor. Later, I delivered a small tupperware of cum to her and made her drink it in her office and provide a picture of that as well. Licking the floor in front of a toilet, pushing carrots into their asses, holding a sign that says "I am a usless cum slut" and the like will test their willingness to follow directions. Further, you can weed out the ones who are not real in the first place.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 1/4/2011 6:24:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnDelahoya

I have found that assigning a potential sub tasks that are mildly degrading and requiring a picture of the tasks to be an excellent tool. For example, I made my newest one masterbate in her office, which has a lot of glass to the other offices. She is a squirter and I had her take pictures of the masterbation and the squirt on the floor. Later, I delivered a small tupperware of cum to her and made her drink it in her office and provide a picture of that as well. Licking the floor in front of a toilet, pushing carrots into their asses, holding a sign that says "I am a usless cum slut" and the like will test their willingness to follow directions. Further, you can weed out the ones who are not real in the first place.

Let's hope that they don't weed out the freaks who demand that stuff, but hey, if they don't they possibly deserve you....

Btw were you wanking much when you typed that ginormous fantasy

As a little hint, before you claim

quote:

The ginormous penis and a condition called Satyriasis (google it) round out the package.

You just might want to google yourself the mental illnesses usually associated with that condition...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to JohnDelahoya)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 1/4/2011 6:41:37 PM

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quote:

For example, I made my newest one masterbate in her office, which has a lot of glass to the other offices. She is a squirter and I had her take pictures of the masterbation and the squirt on the floor. Later, I delivered a small tupperware of cum to her and made her drink it in her office and provide a picture of that as well. Licking the floor in front of a toilet, pushing carrots into their asses, holding a sign that says "I am a usless cum slut" and the like will test their willingness to follow directions. Further, you can weed out the ones who are not real in the first place.

So a woman who is so exposed to her co-workers and may refuse your request which could very well put her job in jeapordy would be considered a fake?

Amazing.

Tell me, once she is fired, will you be supporting her?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to JohnDelahoya)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 1/7/2011 4:35:43 PM

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I guess I'm not a TWUE sub, yet again!

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnDelahoya

I have found that assigning a potential sub tasks that are mildly degrading and requiring a picture of the tasks to be an excellent tool. For example, I made my newest one masterbate in her office, which has a lot of glass to the other offices. She is a squirter and I had her take pictures of the masterbation and the squirt on the floor. Later, I delivered a small tupperware of cum to her and made her drink it in her office and provide a picture of that as well. Licking the floor in front of a toilet, pushing carrots into their asses, holding a sign that says "I am a usless cum slut" and the like will test their willingness to follow directions. Further, you can weed out the ones who are not real in the first place.

(in reply to JohnDelahoya)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 1/7/2011 8:49:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnDelahoya

holding a sign that says "I am a usless cum slut" and the like

And she will be extra humiliated when you correct her spelling!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to JohnDelahoya)

RE: Masters please help. Training fresh young sub-wannabe - 1/7/2011 9:42:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnDelahoya

I have found that assigning a potential sub tasks that are mildly degrading and requiring a picture of the tasks to be an excellent tool. For example, I made my newest one masterbate in her office, which has a lot of glass to the other offices. She is a squirter and I had her take pictures of the masterbation and the squirt on the floor. Later, I delivered a small tupperware of cum to her and made her drink it in her office and provide a picture of that as well. Licking the floor in front of a toilet, pushing carrots into their asses, holding a sign that says "I am a usless cum slut" and the like will test their willingness to follow directions. Further, you can weed out the ones who are not real in the first place.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...so if a woman will not endanger her job by doing what you said publically in a glass walled office, she is not real. Was this done after hours or during the workday?

Uh, huh...perhaps it your expectations that are not real.

(in reply to JohnDelahoya)

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