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Initial contact - 4/30/2006 2:59:41 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Generally if I see a profile or pic I will send a mail saying so or welcoming someone to the site. I may be wrong but I anticipate that the sub/slaves will seek he Dom and not vice versa. I am pretty clear on my wants and don’t wants on my profile, and really do think it is the sub/slaves place to contact me to see if we mesh, click, whatever.

So what do you think?

Loki

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

Post #: 1

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:02:23 PM

Reasonable

Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline

The fact is,most slaves are hesitant to contact initially,fearing they will be seen as agressive.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 2

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:03:31 PM

ladychatterley

Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

Funny, I assume the Doms will seek the subs. I assume that if he is interested, he'll let me know, and otherwise, it would be weird. Occasionally, I'll see a profile that grabs my attention and send my photo as I don't have a photo on my page, but it seems to me that things always go a little better when the Dom/Guy initiates the conversation.
Now, that said, I don't know how much of that has to do with BDSM and how much of that has to do with sexist assumptions I've carried over from society.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 3

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:08:10 PM

Reasonable

Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline

I rearly contact anyone who appeals to me on more than an intellectual level. I know from experience that the "girly girl" sorts strike me as insipid-takes a lot more than a nice body to arouse passion in me.

I'm more interested in intelligence and creative content-someone I can build things with-one that far supercedes just emotional connections.(though those are fine as well)

But what else would one expect from a crafter?

< Message edited by Reasonable -- 4/30/2006 3:09:06 PM >

(in reply to ladychatterley)

Post #: 4

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:08:42 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

I'm just the opposite ...

I never know what to say to a Dom so if I think I might like him, I'll put him on my favorites list and I might send him a quick little note saying hello or something but I don't go into too many details. If he responds and shows any interest in drawing me out of my shell, then I'll do my best to overcome shyness and be at least somewhat engaging ... lol

I do get approached by a lot of Doms who just don't get it ... And I will admit to being one of those submissives who doesn't respond to emails that are obviously pre-written or one liners that don't really say anything. I hate getting emails that say, "Ur sexy, submit 2 Master" ... That just grates my nerves. I've learned to simply delete them and move on. As a submissive, I want a meeting of minds first ... Capture my mind and I'll offer the rest. If you can't do that, chances are I'm going to be polite but I'll never offer much of anything.

Now I've heard both sides though ... I've been told that "true" Dominants do not approach submissives because that would be trolling. I've also been told that "true" submissives do not approach Dominants because that would the ultimate act of brazen rudeness. I personally prefer to think of dominants and submissives as just being people and as long as you act like an adult and remember your manners, it shouldn't be a big deal who reaches out first.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 5

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:10:46 PM

BrianSenior

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

If I see a profile that has caught Me for what ever reason, I will tell them and ask to read Mine. If they see anything and wish to talk further then good. I also say that I always like to have friends, as that is the truth- alot more can happen from finding a friend then just looking for a partner. After I send the e mail, if I do not get anything back then I take it as it was just meant that way. If I do then we speak and see what goes on from there. ~BK~

(in reply to ladychatterley)

Post #: 6

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:11:18 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

A little bit of this... a little bit of that... hell if you're lucky... you end up with a prize winning relationship...

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to darq)

Post #: 7

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:12:33 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I go both ways (go figure, I'm a bisexual switch ...). I have contacted people here, but mostly people I talk to have contacted me because of our profile.

(in reply to ladychatterley)

Post #: 8

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:19:28 PM

mathiasdomm

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

I've had made some friends and it's pretty much fifty fifty on who approached who. It all depends I guess. I don't find it offensive either way. Sending someone a compliment is sending someone a compliment and vice versa. But that's not me. I'm not exactly a protocol kind of guy.

-m

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 9

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:19:31 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Really? I assumed it would be easier for the sub to go through the profiles and see if she could find a match based on the Dom/me. Considering from the forums I see a lot of “On your knee’s” complaints, I would think the sub/slave would seek out someone more amiable to his/her interests. I guess it would detour a lot of pervs and HNG’s.

I think a sub/slave with initiative would please anyone. However I have been known to be wrong from time to time. *reflects on past lives* Hmmm… probably shouldn’t told Genghis Khan he was a pussy.

Smiling
Loki

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 10

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:20:47 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I have sent short notes to Doms, if their profile caught my eye. Sometimes, I get replies and sometimes I don't...It doesn't bother me either way, as long as we start a conversation. Talking about this has brought back childhood memories...."You go first, No, you go first"....

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 11

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:22:40 PM

MissA

Posts: 192
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Generally I think I get contacted more often than I contact. But that's not hard to do given the ratio of male submissives to anyone else on personals sites. But, I have no problem contacting anyone, whether for a relationship or friendship if I see someone who interests me. I usually just say hello and don't go too indepth until I get a reply.

~Ms. A~

_____________________________

Life is not measured in the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away ~Author Unknown~
My Domain

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 12

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:23:13 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reasonable

The fact is,most slaves are hesitant to contact initially,fearing they will be seen as agressive.

I would agree. Even out of those that do contact you only a very few will even bother to write more than 1-2 sentences. Out of those that are articulate and write more even fewer will be a match for what you're seeking.

Thinking that by putting out the Dom shingle subs will just come running to throw themselves at your feet I think is more of a male idea in this lifestyle. It's also in my opinion not one that's likely to produce the kind of result you're actually looking for. You don't wait for the job or house or car of your dreams to just come park itself on your lawn do you?

(in reply to Reasonable)

Post #: 13

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:24:08 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I rarely contact submissives. Normally, if I send a sub a message, it's to comment on a post they've made on the forums. Besides the fact that most of them that I'd have any interest in are about 1,000 miles or more away...

I guess as a woman, I'm used to being "wooed" rather than doing the wooing. I'm a bit old-fashioned in believing it's ok to sit back and wait for the man to ask me to dance.

Also, if one looks at the whole BDSM dynamic from a more "business" point of view, normally an employer puts out one ad. Then the flocks of potential employees apply. Kind of the same in servitude. The Master/Mistrees/Owner puts out that initial ad (via the profile), then the flocks of submissives apply (beg, impress, woo, whatever) and the sorting process begins.

Plus, I like seeing a sub take the initiative to seek out what s/he wants instead of waiting around for something to just happen. If they are out there looking through profiles until they find potential matches, writing to guage compatibility, etc... it shows a certain level of intiative, motivation, determination, and perseverance; all good qualities in a submissive.

I think part of it is just supply and demand. There seems to be quite a supply of submissives. Even at munches that I attend, I often see single subs there, but rarely do I see single Dominants. That which is in demand is going to be sought after by the supply of masses that demand it. Dominants rarely need to message subs because they're so busy replying to (accepting & declining) all the incoming requests.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 14

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:34:24 PM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

quote:

The fact is,most slaves are hesitant to contact initially,fearing they will be seen as agressive.

most slaves are afraid to approach me, my SM edge is sorta scary to them because i admit i play hard.. and if you can't handle that then there is no need to contact me.

when they do contact me they're shocked to see i'm very personable and approachable. i just can weed out shit fast and i have problem telling someone we aren't a match.

i dont view it as agressive when they approach, i just don't approach slaves- no need to. the few i have approached have been heavy rubber masochists. and they will say how they've seen my profile but didn't wan to bother me.

if women are on this site. or male tops to find slaves, then why would someone be afraid to approach someone they want to serve?

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to Reasonable)

Post #: 15

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:36:05 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Grin...OK..so I of course had to go read your profile Wulf...so riddle me this..If say I contacted you, how would you or I for that matter know that I am exceptional or mediocre? As for what you admire, isn't it usually in the eyes of the beholder?.as in what I may think as intelligient, refined,articulate or even (lol)sensual, may not be your idea of these qualities.So there you sit and wait for this wonderful person to contact you, and there may be many who think wow,I like the way this Dominant sounds, but the submissive thinks .."well, I wont contact him because I am not as intelligient or articulate as he may desire"...so in the end you may lose out.IMO..if there is an interest either way when perusing the profiles, then I say get your fingers to tapping or you have no one to blame but yourself.Specific profiles will not a match make....be well...tempting

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 16

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:38:45 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Forgot to add to Wulf..I do not see you being foolsih enough to write..on your knees bitch...unless of course you were in a slit your own throat frame of mind..

...Tempting

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:41:03 PM

Raethepain

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline

I approach them. The way I see it, Doms shouldn't have to sift through the subs- the subs should be clamouring for them.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 18

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:42:08 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have usually been contacted first by men I am interested in, but I wouldn't hesitate to make first contact if I found someone interesting. If you don't then they may have never seen your profile and never have known you existed. The person I have found most interesting in my search since I have become available again actually contacted me first, and not on this site but another. I have found that it works better for me to be contacted first because it shows whether they took the time to read my profile before they emailed me or I contacted them. But I have no hard rules about this, and if I remain "on the market" so to speak, I will probably contact someone else first again... What is there to lose? At the very least we can all make new friends, right?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 19

RE: Initial contact - 4/30/2006 3:45:36 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I don't know that it makes much difference. Although I will say that I do contact if I see a profile I like.

(in reply to Raethepain)

Post #: 20

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