quote:

ORIGINAL: TonyB79
  What you girls are describing is more akin to walking into a male brothel, approaching the nearest stud and saying, "Oh my god PLEASE rape me!" then slapping him across the face and saying "How DARE you!!!" when he says, "Yeah, okay."

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ORIGINAL: TonyB79

Very clever insults, ladies.  What was I thinking?  OF COURSE a bunch of cultured women like yourselves should be able to come on a fetish-themed site, post provocative pics, and create profiles specifically tailored to advertise your sexual proclivities, and not expect to be contacted by men who are interested in - GASP! - sex. 

I hasten to add... I'm not saying these guys' behavior is appropriate or excusable.  I just wonder what kind of attention you were honestly expecting to attract...

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ORIGINAL: Epytropos

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


Well, since you aren't convinced that being offended is not a real emotion we're all not entitled to our feelings?

You're entitled to your feelings, I'm just not convinced that they actually exist as they are described. I've never met anyone who claimed to be offended by things that wasn't trying to gain control over a related situation - the anti-porn people, the anti-gay people, the anti-violent film/tv/game/etc people, they all have one thing in common, and that is that they are trying to make some power play in society. If that estimation is incorrect, feel free to be as offended as you like.

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ORIGINAL: Epytropos

quote:

some of us just might not like to be assaulted with the sexual fantasies of strangers, so your solution is to put the profile into hiding and not get any mails instead of having the reasonable expectation that people treat you like a human being and not some piece of meat that is there to fulfill their fantasies? Great solution.... Isn't that like telling a woman if you don't want to have your butt pinched in public transportation, you better not leave the house or make sure you only take a car? One would think that it is a reasonable expectation to be treated with some basic respect, but again, that's just me...

Fair point - I just don't see the emails that get quoted here as being anything close to as bad as all that. I see one of these threads every few weeks at a minimum, and many are rife with quotes of these 'terrible' emails, and they're hardly the worst thing I've read. I just have real trouble with the idea that they have any real affect on people who read them by choice. Being molested on a train is no closer to having an email sent to you asking if you like "loser pig boys" than it is to hearing the word 'cunt' in casual conversation, which incidentally is another one of those things people are always 'offended' enough by that others are expected to acquiesce to their 'needs'

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

and it's not a catsuit

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I just think that online the same basic manners as offline should be expected, and if somebody uses 'cunt' a lot in casual conversation, I draw my own conclusions about their education level, their intelligence and the way they view women... Should they use it in a restaurant, I would have no problem asking for the manager and complaining about it, because I don't think that spending quite a bit on nice food includes having to listen to a bunch of yobs using derogatory terms for women or women's vaginas, I would do the same if it was a group of females who'd be talking about "dicks" - and if there would be younger people around, I'd absolutely would make a stink. The kids will pick up those words by themselves, no doubt about it, but they shouldn't get the impression that it's remotely acceptable to use them, unless of course their sole aspiration is living in council housing. I find cunt very offensive and being called one, let's say the last time it happened the guy did regret it.

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ORIGINAL: Epytropos

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I just think that online the same basic manners as offline should be expected, and if somebody uses 'cunt' a lot in casual conversation, I draw my own conclusions about their education level, their intelligence and the way they view women... Should they use it in a restaurant, I would have no problem asking for the manager and complaining about it, because I don't think that spending quite a bit on nice food includes having to listen to a bunch of yobs using derogatory terms for women or women's vaginas, I would do the same if it was a group of females who'd be talking about "dicks" - and if there would be younger people around, I'd absolutely would make a stink. The kids will pick up those words by themselves, no doubt about it, but they shouldn't get the impression that it's remotely acceptable to use them, unless of course their sole aspiration is living in council housing. I find cunt very offensive and being called one, let's say the last time it happened the guy did regret it.

Ok but see that's exactly what I mean. It's never "I'm offended." It's always "I'm offended so you need to behave according to the following proscriptions." I would never behave as you described it in a restaurant, but neither would I feel the need to involve myself in the affairs of others if they did, or even care for that matter. What in God's name makes one person's idea of 'proper' language inherently superior to another?

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

and it's not a catsuit

Isn't it? I always thought it was.

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ORIGINAL: TonyB79

Wow, you disagree with my opinions so it's on to fat jokes now?  You're right, you're WAY classier than I am.  I salute you, madam.  *tips hat*

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I just think that online the same basic manners as offline should be expected, and if somebody uses 'cunt' a lot in casual conversation, I draw my own conclusions about their education level, their intelligence and the way they view women... Should they use it in a restaurant, I would have no problem asking for the manager and complaining about it, because I don't think that spending quite a bit on nice food includes having to listen to a bunch of yobs using derogatory terms for women or women's vaginas, I would do the same if it was a group of females who'd be talking about "dicks" - and if there would be younger people around, I'd absolutely would make a stink. The kids will pick up those words by themselves, no doubt about it, but they shouldn't get the impression that it's remotely acceptable to use them, unless of course their sole aspiration is living in council housing. I find cunt very offensive and being called one, let's say the last time it happened the guy did regret it.

Ok but see that's exactly what I mean. It's never "I'm offended." It's always "I'm offended so you need to behave according to the following proscriptions." I would never behave as you described it in a restaurant, but neither would I feel the need to involve myself in the affairs of others if they did, or even care for that matter. What in God's name makes one person's idea of 'proper' language inherently superior to another?

Living in a society? I simply think if I am spending money in a nice restaurant, I am spending a bit to enjoy the food and the ambiente, so it's simply not too much to ask that I don't have to hear language that doesn't belong there, I'm not going to be offended by the occasional effing and blinding slipping out, but somebody cussing loudly, really don't need to waste £100 or more for a meal that is made unenjoyable by behaviour that is simply unacceptable in public. Would you put up with somebody talking loudly in a cinema? You'd ask them to shut up or complain, because you spent money on watching the movie, if I spend quite a bit for a meal that I intend to enjoy with somebody, then it's not unreasonable that I'm not disturbed by excessive gutter language. Now of course if the owner of the restaurant is fine with some people peppering their language with "cunt", not a problem, just cancel my order and I take my business somewhere else.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
It's a leather dress with a corset, I thought that was obvious?

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

There are certain rules in society about what is acceptable, a bikini in a restaurant is not, using vulgar language is not - if I am spending money in a restaurant, I expect to enjoy it, if somebody violates what is generally accepted as good manners there is a reason to complain, simple as that. I don't have to accept listening to offensive language, should somebody find a display of cleavage unacceptable, they aren't forced to look - though most restaurants have dress codes - but it would be a bit much to have to wear earplugs because you don't want to hear vulgar language in a restaurant. We went out to dinner the other week and a couple of people were behaving in a way that was not acceptable, swearing loudly, we didn't have to say anything, a waiter asked them to tone it down or please leave, since they didn't tone it down, the manager came and asked them to leave.

In case I'd go to a country where they have a certain dress code, I will adapt to it, it's their turf and I have the choice of not going, in most countries yelling cunt loudly is about as unacceptable as yelling *Fuck, Shit, Bugger, Asshole, etc.*, now if somebody does that in their own home and in private, not a problem, once they force it on others, it does become a problem. Now if I go to a restaurant, I behave like it is expected and dress like it is expected, it's simple respect to others, if I come to your house I will not violate your rules, in case I don't like it, I can leave. It's called manners.

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ORIGINAL: TonyB79

OF COURSE a bunch of cultured women like yourselves should be able to come on a fetish-themed site, post provocative pics, and create profiles specifically tailored to advertise your sexual proclivities, and not expect to be contacted by men who are interested in - GASP! - sex. 

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ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: TonyB79

OF COURSE a bunch of cultured women like yourselves should be able to come on a fetish-themed site, post provocative pics, and create profiles specifically tailored to advertise your sexual proclivities, and not expect to be contacted by men who are interested in - GASP! - sex. 

Hello, Tony.

Take a look at my profile. Tell me, if you would, what the fuck is sexually provocative about it, and I will remove the offending material at once. Then we will see if that cuts down the sexually aggressive spam in my inbox at all.

I can tell you already that it won't.

I'm not walking into a brothel and yelling 'rape me'. I'm just sitting there, trying very hard not to make eye contact with anyone or look too closely at the questionable stains on the carpet. And I get as much nasty spam as everyone else, believe me. Which means you're talking crap.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

What do you actually want? You were the one who proclaimed that people should be allowed to use the word cunt and if somebody is offended it is their fault and you complained that you weren't polled when it came to manners "the presumed opinion of the unpolled majority"

So do make up your mind, if YOU think it is OK that they swear and use cunt because you say so and everybody who disagrees is wrong, who is trying to enforce the view on the majority? As I said, you can poll if it makes you feel better, what I am saying is that every society has generally accepted norms and it's expected to behave according to those norms, you are the one who thinks that's completely unreasonable to expect people to behave in a manner that is generally accepted - by "the presumed opinion of the unpolled majority"...

Come on, remember, I am the horrible person who feels offended by some stranger sending her explicit pictures of scat, some guy using the word cunt, fuck and shit loudly in a fancy restaurant (one I pay quite a bit of money to go to, so oh so very unreasonable to expect to not hear swearing), you are the one who finds the whole concept of manners ridiculous because you weren't polled on them... What's it going to be?