AAkasha
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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ThePeripatetic
The second reason I would be more apt to pay attention to M/m BDSM is if I heard more Femdoms voicing similar sentiments as your own Akasha. I'll definitely check it out a bit now because your post has piqued my curiosity. But frankly, right now, I'm going to put much more effort into areas that I've heard Femdoms regularly speak about and point to as being "attractive" in a sub. Things like intelligence, being well-read, and physical fitness and health.
These are attractive qualities for a relationship partner and/or submissive, yes; but I am talking about attractive traits in a bottom or play partner. There can be some overlap, but still, different things.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ThePeripatetic
I have no problem watching M/m BDSM if i knew it would benefit me as a sub in a F/m relationship. It doesn't offend or bother me. But it seems like it would be an effort in futility for me. Again, I'll reiterate, my mind isn't wired like a Femdoms. I wouldn't know what aspects of M/m porn to tune into to pick up pointers from.
I mean is it the bottoms reactions and demeanor while he's being whipped that I should be learning from? Correct me if I'm wrong here but don't most Femdoms want natural responses from their subs? Wouldn't most Fem sadists want to see natural manifestations of fear and pain rather than something acted out in imitation of BDSM porn?
And I understand what your suggesting about many male subs picking up their cues from all the distasteful, male-directed Femdom porn out there. I think the solution for this is that they just need to stop trying to imitate this in it's entirety. But again, men aren't really watching this as "homework". They're watching it because it fulfills and caters to their fantasies. And when they recreate it in real-life in the bedroom with a partner, again, it's about their (the male sub's) fantasies, not their partners. In these scenarios what's needed is an attitude adjustment, not M/m gay porn.
Natural reactions, yes. Nothing totally faked of course. However, a sly man can be attentive about the way he reacts - which *specific* types of reactions - tend to arouse his partner most. I have had my share of dominating very boring, stoic wet blankets. I have been able to teach most, but not all, to be a little more responsive and animated. I have also dominated my share of melodramatic and embarassing types that try to over-emulate everything to the point that it's a distraction and is too "campy." But it's like dancing, or making love - a man has to know how to use his whole essence, from hips to ankles to wrists to breathing to eyes, to mouth - to be a 'victim' that is engaging, arousing, attractive to the predatory sadist who is enjoying his suffering.
Is that "faking" it? I don't know; I don't really care, if he "fakes" it to the point that I cannot tell if his fear, vulnerability or helplessness are *100% real* or not. My guess is that a good bottom takes an authentic feeling (fear, for example) and amplifies it, because he knows that the domina is thirsting for that on some level. He knows that she gets off on his helplessness, so instead of just being in his own head about how the helplessness feels, he will use his body or words or eyes to convey that to her -- because he knows this is what turns her on.
I've often told bottoms that I fully understand they often feel two very overwhelming things at the same time: arousal and vulnerability. As a femdom, I am MOSTLY interested in vulnerability. I am a sadist. I get off on seeing a man suffer, or be afraid, or endure pain. The arousal, to me, is a given. I don't need that advertised. I am not focusing on his erection. I am focusing on his eyes, his soul, his surrender, his vulnerability, because that's what makes me incredibly wet - and satisfies what drives me to dominate. If he wants to keep the dominant side of me interested in pushing deeper and deeper, he has to be engaging and interesting as "prey." If he just wants me to whip out my strap on and ride him while he grunts and acts like a robot, and/or rambles a bunch of porno-type lines to me because it turns him on to hear himself say those things, then one of us isn't going to be having a fully enjoyable time with it.
I don't force men to watch m/m porn, or obscure clips from TV shows with male bondage, or things like that; but I offer it up as a clue if a man is interested in a personal relationship with me where I pursue him, and I am predatory. This is my preferred style, I like to be so into a man that my lust is the primary motivating factor for my desire to dominate him. I can certainly have a blast, usually, just playing fun S&M games because I enjoy pushing buttons. But for the men that want to relate to me on a deeper level, it requires doing a bit of homework, and unfortunately, it's not the kind of homework they find particularly titillating.
What made me curious is why more men who want to be "very in demand bottoms" for toppy ladies don't study what toppy ladies crave.
Akasha
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