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self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 2:38:17 PM

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I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

I find it very difficult when my Master doesn't approve of me in some way. I get very hateful towards myself and it sometimes takes me days to recover from it.

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 2:43:50 PM

gothikbutterfly

Posts: 484
Joined: 12/4/2010
From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
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hello and greetings. i know how you feel. i had a crying fit the other night because my Sir is going to New Orleans for a job interview. If He gets the job, He has to move down there and i cannot go with Him. i am afraid of abandonment because i was left out in the cold by my first Master, and He never told me why i was released. i thought for weeks afterwards, that i had done something so horrible to displease Him. It turns out, His wife wanted me gone, so He complied, and was afraid to tell me about why He released me.

Long story short, it does take a while to recover from self-loathing, in any regard not just BDSM. Hope that helps a little bit, and may good fortune smile on you.

Regards,
Lady Raven

_____________________________

You're the brains of this operation, I just do what I'm told!

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 2:46:08 PM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I think those kinds of hurtful and self destructive thoughts happen much more often than many subs will admit to. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to screw around with. See your doctor.

_____________________________

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RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 2:46:24 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

I find it very difficult when my Master doesn't approve of me in some way. I get very hateful towards myself and it sometimes takes me days to recover from it.

A relationship can NOT sustain stability when one partner regularly threatens to end the relationship. Sorry, but it is no wonder you suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts with someone destroying your self worth like that.

Suicidal thoughts are serious. Please walk away from the computer, run from the one threatening to end the relationship and get serious counselling. Dial 911 IMMEDIATELY and get the help you need to save your life.

Good luck.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 2:47:52 PM

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

I find it very difficult when my Master doesn't approve of me in some way. I get very hateful towards myself and it sometimes takes me days to recover from it.

If your Master is displeased with you, he needs to punish you. And when he's done... it's over.

Ignoring is useful but only for serious punishment. And it should be for a specified length of time. Leaving it open-ended is too damaging.

Telling you he will break up with you is wrong. Stating that he will break up if a specified behavior is not corrected is a last ditch attempt to fix something.

I don't approve of your dynamic. He should punish you, not yourself.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 2:49:54 PM

gothikbutterfly

Posts: 484
Joined: 12/4/2010
From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I think those kinds of hurtful and self destructive thoughts happen much more often than many subs will admit to. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to screw around with. See your doctor.

Mercifully, suicidal thoughts are not on my self-loathing list. Depression, bouts of crying, and fits of "what was i thinking?!" are however.

_____________________________

You're the brains of this operation, I just do what I'm told!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 2:59:44 PM

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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I don't see crying fits as necessarily being a self-destructive trait.

I am not allowed to engage in mental flagellation.
I can not "beat up on My chickie"; that My job." He says.

My Master however, does not threaten me with breaking up with me.
That is counter to His ownership of me.

You can't own something that you keep wanting to toss away, if you do then that thing really has no value.

I used to be afraid he would want to break up with me after every mistake both big and small, but reassurances of ownership have lessened that.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:06:31 PM

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Status: offline

No

Sounds like you have extremely serious issues.

Seek help ASAP.

There are times when I cry when be's upset with me and there have been times in the past when I have been suicidal but not because someone threatened to break up with me.

Anytime anyone has threatened to break up with me I simply have walked away. If they didn't want to be with me then I would make sure I wasn't there but it wasn't by killing myself. I just left the person.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 4/9/2011 3:09:52 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:07:54 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

I punish myself, because I'm not living up to my end of the bargain in the relationship. My Master and I are in a long-distance relationship, in which he wants me to train other subs, for him and I (his primary sub). It sounds great to me, but I'm painfully shy and kind of afraid of making a step to make anything happen

So, he tells me in that case he will train some subs where he is and I can come and visit, but not as his primary girlfriend...

(in reply to gothikbutterfly)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:12:09 PM

gothikbutterfly

Posts: 484
Joined: 12/4/2010
From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

I find it very difficult when my Master doesn't approve of me in some way. I get very hateful towards myself and it sometimes takes me days to recover from it.

A relationship can NOT sustain stability when one partner regularly threatens to end the relationship. Sorry, but it is no wonder you suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts with someone destroying your self worth like that.

Suicidal thoughts are serious. Please walk away from the computer, run from the one threatening to end the relationship and get serious counselling. Dial 911 IMMEDIATELY and get the help you need to save your life.

Good luck.

Well said.

_____________________________

You're the brains of this operation, I just do what I'm told!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:15:13 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I punish myself, because I'm not living up to my end of the bargain in the relationship. My Master and I are in a long-distance relationship, in which he wants me to train other subs, for him and I (his primary sub). It sounds great to me, but I'm painfully shy and kind of afraid of making a step to make anything happen

So, he tells me in that case he will train some subs where he is and I can come and visit, but not as his primary girlfriend...

I can't say for sure but the two of you don't seem to be a good match. You should be with someone with similar views to yourself, doing things that you enjoy. If he's asking for things that are uncomfortable for you why are you with him? Then to have him be punitive about the things you cannot make yourself do, this does not sound healthy or even like much fun. I don't know about you, but I'd rather enjoy my time with my man than be quaking in my boots because once again I cannot live up to what he wants. Go find someone who has wants that are similar to yours. Really. He's out there.

Btw, if any man asked me to get women for him under the pretense of 'training subs' I'd hand his ass to him on a plate and never look back. I require a much better caliber of man. Please don't take that as anything more than my opinion, but I thought it might help to hear that not all us s types would participate in that type of game playing.

< Message edited by lizi -- 4/9/2011 3:19:17 PM >

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:15:22 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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I wonder sometimes, if he really owns me, when I'm always resisting being owned.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:20:37 PM

Posts: 115
Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I punish myself, because I'm not living up to my end of the bargain in the relationship. My Master and I are in a long-distance relationship, in which he wants me to train other subs, for him and I (his primary sub). It sounds great to me, but I'm painfully shy and kind of afraid of making a step to make anything happen

So, he tells me in that case he will train some subs where he is and I can come and visit, but not as his primary girlfriend...

I can't say for sure but the two of you don't seem to be a good match. You should be with someone with similar views to yourself, doing things that you enjoy. If he's asking for things that are uncomfortable for you why are you with him? Then to have him be punitive about the things you cannot make yourself do, this does not sound healthy or even like much fun. I don't know about you, but I'd rather enjoy my time with my man than be quaking in my boots because once again I cannot live up to what he wants. Go find someone who has wants that are similar to yours. Really. He's out there.

Thanks Lizi. I think about that sometimes...finding someone else who is a better match. But then i think back to all the love there is between Master and I (other than when he's ignoring me and I'm abusing myself) and I can't even imagine life without him.

(in reply to lizi)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:22:43 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I wonder sometimes, if he really owns me, when I'm always resisting being owned.

This perhaps is another sign that you are not a good match with this person? Really look at what you are saying here and think about it. I can't speak for you but it doesn't look very convincing that you are right for each other.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:26:29 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I punish myself, because I'm not living up to my end of the bargain in the relationship. My Master and I are in a long-distance relationship, in which he wants me to train other subs, for him and I (his primary sub). It sounds great to me, but I'm painfully shy and kind of afraid of making a step to make anything happen

So, he tells me in that case he will train some subs where he is and I can come and visit, but not as his primary girlfriend...

I can't say for sure but the two of you don't seem to be a good match. You should be with someone with similar views to yourself, doing things that you enjoy. If he's asking for things that are uncomfortable for you why are you with him? Then to have him be punitive about the things you cannot make yourself do, this does not sound healthy or even like much fun. I don't know about you, but I'd rather enjoy my time with my man than be quaking in my boots because once again I cannot live up to what he wants. Go find someone who has wants that are similar to yours. Really. He's out there.

Thanks Lizi. I think about that sometimes...finding someone else who is a better match. But then i think back to all the love there is between Master and I (other than when he's ignoring me and I'm abusing myself) and I can't even imagine life without him.

The highlighted phrase speaks volumes. Once again....look at what you're saying here.

It's kind of like saying wow...that car is a great deal! It's cool, new, in good shape, my favorite color (!), but doesn't run because the engine isn't there.
Would you really spend your money and time on a car like that so you could admire it in the driveway now and then or go get one that actually drove you around places and did what a car was supposed to do?

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:27:41 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

This perhaps is another sign that you are not a good match with this person? Really look at what you are saying here and think about it. I can't speak for you but it doesn't look very convincing that you are right for each other.

I don't know how else to live...He's the only family I've had for the past 5 years...

(in reply to lizi)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:30:09 PM

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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He sounds like a winner. There is nothing that screams dominant more than emotional blackmail.

I'd dump my family, let alone someone who lived far away, in a hot second if they tried to manipulate me like that

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:32:26 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

He sounds like a winner. There is nothing that screams dominant more than emotional blackmail.
I'd dump my family, let alone someone who lived far away, in a hot second if they tried to manipulate me like that

I understand. I've always been very easily manipulated by others and unassertive.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:44:53 PM

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

Greetings,

i used to punish myself in the past when i failed to meet his standard or experienced some form of correction. But i don't behave that way anymore and he nipped it in the bud. i'm not at liberty to inflict harm upon myself or flagellate in any manner. It would be an abomination to my partner to maim his property and i view it as a despicable display or selfishness mistakenly seen as martyrdom or an act of contrition. That would require a deep seeded self-loathing that is in contradiction to the love and value i feel for myself and his vessel. There are healthier ways to express my feelings and discontent without undertaking the methods noted.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/9/2011 3:50:09 PM

Posts: 115
Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

Greetings,

i used to punish myself in the past when i failed to meet his standard or experienced some form of correction. But i don't behave that way anymore and he nipped it in the bud. i'm not at liberty to inflict harm upon myself or flagellate in any manner. It would be an abomination to my partner to maim his property and i view it as a despicable display or selfishness mistakenly seen as martyrdom or an act of contrition. That would require a deep seeded self-loathing that is in contradiction to the love and value i feel for myself and his vessel. There are healthier ways to express my feelings and discontent without undertaking the methods noted.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

I've been called a martyr many times before...I know what you mean. I need to find a way to nip it in the bud before I cycle down into those behaviors. They were learned as a kid.

(in reply to porcelaine)

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