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Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:12:57 PM

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I've had many many subs/slaves show a great amount of interest, but when asked to meet in person, or sometimes, even talk on the phone, they make all kinds of excuses.

One question on that: WHY????

< Message edited by Diana50 -- 5/13/2011 3:21:57 PM >

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:19:19 PM

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Some of us have had some very very bad experiences and are cautious or overly so. I've been raped several times and been stalked, had my life threatened by a stalker, so i can say i'm on the overly cautious side most of the time. If you're really interested, though, you'll give us some time to feel comfortable enough to brave it up to meet in public somewhere.

Then there are others who just like to play sub but when it comes down to doing it in real life, they just aren't into it and like the online only games. I think they should be more up front about the situation to begin with, but most think they can't find someone who only wants an online fling, i guess... i don't know

That's just my observations and personal experience and not just from a female perspective because i helped a male sub through a similar situation where he didn't wait as long to meet and didn't listen to his gut and ended up being sodomized by 3 men that weren't supposed to be there at the behest of the Mistress he was interested in. He had to have corrective surgery on his rectum and colon and was in the hospital a bit, then had to attend rape counselling which took a bit of talking to get him to even do. Last i heard he's doing well, but these kinds of things spread among alot of us subs and we hear them and other horror stories and we know we're more vulnerable because of our nature, or at least some of us are, and so we are excruciatingly careful.

that's just my 2 cents

(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:21:57 PM

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Any number of reasons. Some prefer to live out fantasies online. Some are scared or cautious. Others (like me) wait until they feel comfortable with a person before talking on the phone, let alone meeting. I emailed with my owner for a month before we talked on the phone, then it was another month until we met. Neither of us were in a hurry, so it worked out well for us.

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(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:25:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

Some of us have had some very very bad experiences and are cautious or overly so. I've been raped several times and been stalked, had my life threatened by a stalker, so i can say i'm on the overly cautious side most of the time. If you're really interested, though, you'll give us some time to feel comfortable enough to brave it up to meet in public somewhere.

Then there are others who just like to play sub but when it comes down to doing it in real life, they just aren't into it and like the online only games. I think they should be more up front about the situation to begin with, but most think they can't find someone who only wants an online fling, i guess... i don't know

That's just my observations and personal experience and not just from a female perspective because i helped a male sub through a similar situation where he didn't wait as long to meet and didn't listen to his gut and ended up being sodomized by 3 men that weren't supposed to be there at the behest of the Mistress he was interested in. He had to have corrective surgery on his rectum and colon and was in the hospital a bit, then had to attend rape counselling which took a bit of talking to get him to even do. Last i heard he's doing well, but these kinds of things spread among alot of us subs and we hear them and other horror stories and we know we're more vulnerable because of our nature, or at least some of us are, and so we are excruciatingly careful.

that's just my 2 cents

Oh My! And again ... SHIT! What a crazy world we live in.

I guess I never thought of those reasons, and here I follow a crime forum, you'd think I would have. I guess it's because I'm real, that I get frustrated, since I'd love to meet the ones I'm interested in. I do give them lots of time and have patience, but many still lag behind. I'm sure some of them, are as you say, only interested in on-line play, and not reality.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I'm so sorry that happened to you and your sub friend.

Diana

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:27:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Any number of reasons. Some prefer to live out fantasies online. Some are scared or cautious. Others (like me) wait until they feel comfortable with a person before talking on the phone, let alone meeting. I emailed with my owner for a month before we talked on the phone, then it was another month until we met. Neither of us were in a hurry, so it worked out well for us.

Yes, I can understand that ... I guess it's because with me, we have chatted for some time, and this is more than one sub/slave.
They seem comfortable, and we seem to hit it off well, but when asked to meet, they either run, change their mind, or keep delaying.

I have met 3 so far in person, so I guess that's good, but so many won't.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:37:43 PM

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Or they could be married and just wanting to cyber.

One guy who wanted to meet me but disappeared when I insisted on getting his phone first. WTF???

Another one gave me his phone but asked me not to call or text unless he initiated the convo.

Two asked me to not call after 7 PM. They were not shift workers

A few only emailed me during their work hours.

I got red flags about two guys, looked them up in my county's Clerks of Courts database, found they each had two domestic violence charges, and declined to meet them.

(I have met lots of nice people as well, but that's off topic.)

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 5/13/2011 3:46:13 PM >

(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:38:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Diana50
Oh My! And again ... SHIT! What a crazy world we live in.

I guess I never thought of those reasons, and here I follow a crime forum, you'd think I would have. I guess it's because I'm real, that I get frustrated, since I'd love to meet the ones I'm interested in. I do give them lots of time and have patience, but many still lag behind. I'm sure some of them, are as you say, only interested in on-line play, and not reality.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I'm so sorry that happened to you and your sub friend.

Diana

I agree wholeheartedly, Ma'am and just because you follow crime forums doesn't mean it would occur to you that someone you would run into could possibly have been harmed in a fashion like that. It occurs to me because i've been there. It wouldn't be as likely to occur to someone who hasn't been there.. it's just human nature. We think these things won't touch our lives until one day it does.

As far as me and my friend... we're just fine. It's all over with, it's all good... but i am cautious because i can't allow myself to be violated like that again. Things take years to recover from and it's never 100%. There's always that nagging doubt in the back of our minds.

But you can figure out the ones who just like the online play, because sooner or later they'll lose interest and run off. It's typical. The rest of us... well... some people are so traumatized or recently so that they think they can jump back into it and they can't or... some are like me and like to have a good feel of a person before hand. I'll admit i've talked to people for months before meeting and sometimes even finding some things out after 3-4 months that made me confident it wasn't a person i wanted in my life.

Perhaps one of the other Dom/mes can help you find a way of screening out the ones that are just for the online thrill so you can focus your energy more on the shy or cautious ones that may be the perfect match for You?

(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:40:20 PM

divi

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Maybe they're just not that into you ?

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:42:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Diana50

Yes, I can understand that ... I guess it's because with me, we have chatted for some time, and this is more than one sub/slave.
They seem comfortable, and we seem to hit it off well, but when asked to meet, they either run, change their mind, or keep delaying.

I have met 3 so far in person, so I guess that's good, but so many won't.

If they run, change their mind more than 2-3 times or delay repeatedly, they just want the play.. more than likely, unless they give you a valid reason for rescheduling. I've actually had a friend do an email for me to let someone i was meeting know i had to go to the hospital because i was having a severe migraine and would be out of commission a couple days and would get in touch as soon as possible. That's a valid explanation.

3 relatives dying in 2 weeks and my grandma's in the hospital and i just found out i have cancer and my dog died one after the other as reasons not to meet are just in it for the play. I mean.. it's possible but unless there was a major accident.. almost no one is that unlucky.

(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:48:25 PM

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quote:

3 relatives dying in 2 weeks and my grandma's in the hospital and i just found out i have cancer and my dog died one after the other as reasons not to meet are just in it for the play. I mean.. it's possible but unless there was a major accident.. almost no one is that unlucky.

Oh, I met this guy too. I suggested he notify the CDC. (Center for Disease Control)

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:49:40 PM

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Its what the others have stated..... I have met a couple of people in real life... one after only talking to once.. we met in very public place... I feel more comfortable getting to know people in person than always talking online for an endless amount of time.... but that is just me...

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 3:51:08 PM

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lmao!!

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 4:18:24 PM

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When I talk to people online but don't meet them it's clear sign that I'm not interested in them for anything more than a chat buddy online.

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 4:20:17 PM

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Meet quickly for coffee or lunch, no expectation of play. If the other person won't, they have some obstacle to showing up -- a relationship or a social anxiety. With all respect to the other posters on this thread, do you really want someone in your life who won't meet you at Starbucks for fear of getting raped? That is someone who will punish you again and again for the indiscretions of the doms in his or her past. Healthy people know that coffee is just coffee.

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(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 4:39:40 PM

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sometimes people do that because they aren't as interested in you as you are in them. they don't want to meet because they don't want to have to let the other person down. they might be interested in talking about things, but they see you wanting more and meeting as the first step to "more," and they don't want to go there with you.

then there are those who do it because they're not as interested as they let on. they pretend to be in order to live out a fantasy online, or to stroke their own egos, or whatever, but they aren't actually interested at all.

then as others have said, there are those who are overly cautious, have had bad experiences, or are just a little anxious about meeting face to face. some people are super concerned with their own appearance and -- well especially nowadays when even 8 year olds and use photoshop, sometimes photos of people aren't accurate representations of them. they might use an angle to hide a chubby tummy or something, or they're using photos from 10 years ago, and in person, they can't hide that stuff.

they could be married and just looking to mess around, they could be men pretending to be women and visa versa. all sorts of reasons. if someone won't meet on your time frame, then just look for something else, unless you really feel a serious connection with that person.

i yammered at M on yahoo messenger for 3 months before finally getting to meet him. i had moved to a new place and didn't have reliable transportation of my own. we had all kinds of glorious conversations and the minute i bought a car, i drove to see him. if the conversations can't keep your interest, either, that's a pretty bad sign. even if someone won't meet you right now when you say so, if their conversations are still engaging and enjoyable, it might mean waiting for them is still a good idea.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 4:40:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Or they could be married and just wanting to cyber.

One guy who wanted to meet me but disappeared when I insisted on getting his phone first. WTF???

Another one gave me his phone but asked me not to call or text unless he initiated the convo.

Two asked me to not call after 7 PM. They were not shift workers

A few only emailed me during their work hours.

I got red flags about two guys, looked them up in my county's Clerks of Courts database, found they each had two domestic violence charges, and declined to meet them.

(I have met lots of nice people as well, but that's off topic.)

Speaking of checking them out .... can anyone access those files?

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 4:51:21 PM

Arpig

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The ones I find really frustrating are the ones who say they are interested , they say "Let's get to know eachother better" You start chatting, they don't say anything but answer your questions. They have no questions, they won't discuss anything, just sit waiting to answer a question. A guy runs out of questions pretty quick. Once all my questions are answered, if the right answers are given, I'm ready to set up a meet. Their response? "Maybe when we know eachother better"...and then nothing. idle screen just waiting for you to type another question.

AAAARRRRGGGGGG!

< Message edited by Arpig -- 5/13/2011 4:57:55 PM >

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(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 4:53:00 PM

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hahaha that is funny -- guys do it too, yanno =p
either one-liners from reader's digest or men's health, or "so what kinda sex stuff do you do" =p

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 5:12:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

The ones I find really frustrating are the ones who say they are interested , they say "Let's get to know eachother better" You start chatting, they don't say anything but answer your questions. They have no questions, they won't discuss anything, just sit waiting to answer a question. A guy runs out of questions pretty quick. Once all my questions are answered, if the right answers are given, I'm ready to set up a meet. Their response? "Maybe when we know eachother better"...and then nothing. idle screen just waiting for you to type another question.

AAAARRRRGGGGGG!

YUP!

(in reply to Arpig)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/13/2011 5:22:26 PM

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Well then i guess that says that you've never been raped, assaulted, or physically threatened or abused. Not to mention that there are a lot of social anxiety issues that come up with some people like agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorders and other things like ptsd that can't be controlled so easily.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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