Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (Full Version)

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PhilSlave -> Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:01:32 AM)

I find I migrate to bdsm after vanilla relationships because I desire structure for a while with less emotion. Is this what BDSM is?



BonesFromAsh -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:04:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

I find I migrate to bdsm after vanilla relationships because I desire structure for a while with less emotion. Is this what BDSM is?


For you, it would seem it is. For me, it isn't. I put emotion into ANY relationship I have...regardless of what flavor the ice cream is.



SpiritedRadiance -> RE: I have a humilation kink and want it to be fed... (5/26/2011 6:12:47 AM)

Just wow...

No, I have D/s styled relationships because it fulfills me on a deeper level.



sirssubk2008 -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:24:18 AM)

Not for me. I can not be in any kind of relationship (BDSM, vanilla, friendship) without having my emotions used full force.

I have been told by a couple of different people that they use a BDSM relationship to punish themselves for something they failed at. I am in no way slamming you Phil, but in a way, you remind me of them. I'm not saying it's right and I'm not saying it's wrong. If this is a coping mechanism for you in any way and it succeeds in what you are meaning it to do then, that is great, however, I would have to ask, are the people who you enter the BDSM relationships with aware that it likely will be temporary?



DarkSteven -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:26:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

I find I migrate to bdsm after vanilla relationships because I desire structure for a while with less emotion. Is this what BDSM is?


You're leaving open the definition of "BDSM".  I use it as a flavor of a relationship.  But if you're referring to simply sessioning without a relationship, then maybe yes.



NuevaVida -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:28:53 AM)

I'm not sure what you mean by "normal" relationships - non BDSM ones?  I'm in this relationship because it fulfills me in ways non M/s relationships did not - because it's my nature to submit to my man's authority.  As for emotion - in my relationship with him, I can express all my emotions in a way I could not in other relationships.

To me, "BDSM" is a physical act; M/s is the relationship platform and how we express ourselves within it.  I can be myself in this relationship - something non M/s partners could not accept.



xssve -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:35:57 AM)

Yes!

Now, what's a "normal" relationship?

You did manage to hit on one important factor, it does give you the option of basing the relationship on structure, rather than status/emotion/pleasing-the-parents/keeping-up-with-the-Joneses, and letting the chips fall where they may (kids, massive debt, mutual hatred, messy divorce).

That what you mean by normal?

Go get 'em Tiger - but do remember, it's still life, people are still people, it's not magic, it's just a slightly different set of priorities, know what yours are.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:42:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

I find I migrate to bdsm after vanilla relationships because I desire structure for a while with less emotion. Is this what BDSM is?



Um, nyope. [8|]

Not for me. If anything, I feel more- not less emotion. I feel things on a deeper level. It gets more to the core of me.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 6:53:29 AM)

I like Master/slave style relationships because their is more emotion and passion for me in it.  The levels of trust required to submit to a sadistic Master are far greater than most forms of vanilla relationships. 
. . . spirit and ego are opposites.  Bringing them together is achieved through surrender, and the only force that can accomplish this is love.  Surrender, then, is the next phase on loves journey, which you enter as soon as you choose to be in a relationship. 
-Deepak Chopra

How can you start a power exchange if you don't know what makes the other person tic, what power to give or take?  There can be no secrets, especially if it conflicts with paying respect to the bond.  Neither Master nor slave can hold secrets or limit exposure if they are to succeed.  There must be complete exposure.
-Kalon  Eric

To me, successful 24/7 TPE requires complete trust and commitment.  It has to run both ways or neither will gain it.  You must commit to both your role in the relationship and each other.  If you are not committed to exchanging all physical, mental and emotional dynamics, then it isn't a total exchange is it?
-Kalon  Eric

Mutual trust requires mutual exposure.  Exposure is vulnerability.  Vulnerability proves trust.  Trust inspires love.  Love makes surrender and control possible.  If you are to succeed at a 100% power exchange, there is no room for secrets or privacy on either part under any pretense, not even the pretense of respect.  My power to control comes from completely exposing who I am, not from false invulnerability created by guarding my exposure to you.
-Kalon  Eric




LaTigresse -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships (5/26/2011 7:12:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

I find I migrate to bdsm after vanilla relationships because I desire structure for a while with less emotion. Is this what BDSM is?


Not for me, no.

For me, there is no such thing as a relationship with less emotion. Different types of relationships sometimes create different types of emotions. But there is emotion in everything. I am poly to the core so I don't feel the need to chose one type of relationship over another. Different relationships fulfill different needs. I don't expect any one person to be everything.



xssve -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 7:12:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming


quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

I find I migrate to bdsm after vanilla relationships because I desire structure for a while with less emotion. Is this what BDSM is?



Um, nyope. [8|]

Not for me. If anything, I feel more- not less emotion. I feel things on a deeper level. It gets more to the core of me.
I should have stressed the word "option" - I can totally see going the opposite direction on that, in fact my first impression of BDSM was that it was the last of the hopeless romantics - however, when it comes to structure, it does offer that too, much like religion, without all the baggage and politics, all the extra mommies and daddies.

Well, some politics, maybe, but you can make you own magic.



DesFIP -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 7:15:46 AM)

Not for me. I don't have emotionless relationships. I'd rather not have one than have it be devoid of love.
For me, I'm drawn to it because I do better not being the leader, if there's a more competent person who I can follow wholeheartedly.



Kana -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 7:19:05 AM)

Not me. I've done vanilla and I can have a fine relationship, but there always is a part of myself I can't shar. That makes me a liar and kinda dooms the relationship outta the gate.
So actually, for moi, it's the opposite.



PhilSlave -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 7:23:16 AM)

Isn't prolonged BDSM just a form of extended roleplay, pure fantasy not unlike furries.



LaTigresse -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships (5/26/2011 7:25:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

Isn't prolonged BDSM just a form of extended roleplay, pure fantasy not unlike furries.


Ask a masochist if the pain of some good play is pure fantasy.



Marc2b -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 7:27:23 AM)

There is no one size fits all.

For me BDSM is a release valve... an occasion to indulge the primitive inside me.



Icarys -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships? (5/26/2011 7:31:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

Isn't prolonged BDSM just a form of extended roleplay, pure fantasy not unlike furries.

Are you trying to poke sticks. [:D]



PhilSlave -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships (5/26/2011 7:32:32 AM)

He is living out a fantasy scenario, his psychology requires him to accept the pain in the game he is playing. Lot's of games require pain.



Icarys -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships (5/26/2011 7:36:54 AM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

He is living out a fantasy scenario, his psychology requires him to accept the pain in the game he is playing. Lot's of games require pain.

Maybe even the one you're trying to play out right now. [:D]

By all means, if these are legitimate questions, don't let me stop you. Ask away.



PhilSlave -> RE: Is BDSM for people who find they can't cope with normal relationships with Vanilla relationships (5/26/2011 8:04:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

He is living out a fantasy scenario, his psychology requires him to accept the pain in the game he is playing. Lot's of games require pain.

Maybe even the one you're trying to play out right now. [:D]

By all means, if these are legitimate questions, don't let me stop you. Ask away.



Thank you I will



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