quote:

ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper
On the one extreme are people who are disdainful of any act of force, people for whom any sort of bondage or aggression is ceremonial and ritualized and who insist on total obeisance fro their submissive(s). At this extreme, the dominant often expresses a belief that any submissive who requires an ounce of coercion or brutality is "not a true submissive."

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather


This is what I call learning, and its fun!! <But neither dominant or submissive )

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

I see it more as mental and physical combined for men. I have played on both sides of the fence and for me the tactile very much feeds the mental and vise versa.

I'm pretty sure that the Dommes would agree with you that its both mental and physical for them as well. I guess I should have thought out my OP a little better. It seems some people are a little confused by what I was getting at, and in trying to clarify, I find I am as well.

Lets try this. for men it is physical/mental, for women it is mental/physical. Does that make sense?

quote:

What I’m thinking is that this difference is a very fundamental one: male dominance is physically based and female dominance is mentally based.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

OK, rather than try to restate my OP, because my thinking has changed over the course of the thread so far, I’m going to slightly modify my question (hopefully more clearly) to focus the discussion on what is of particular interest to me at this point.

There is a particular flavour of dominance that holds that there is something inherently dominant or submissive in certain sex acts or positions. In order to avoid gender issues with the style, I’m going to call this the “Action” style. The opposing view, which I’ll call the “Reason” style, is that the act itself doesn’t matter so much as the reason behind it. Tazzygirl’s example of the blowjob defines this very well; the act is both submissive and dominant at the same time, based on the perceptions and reasons of the participants.

Now, based on the posts on these boards, the majority of the proponents of the “Action” style seem to be men. My question is why do you think this is?

The answers suggested so far have basically been as follows:
1.    They are HNGs. This sounds like some one-true-way talk to me. You don’t agree with them so they must be HNGs? Besides the idea came from Focus50’s thread, and he hardly strikes me as an HNG.
2.    Because men are more visual. I have trouble with this one because, as I stated before, I don’t find this to be true in my limited experience.  I also have a little trouble seeing how being more visual would lead one to consider an act more or less submissive. I suspect I’m missing something here though, so if anybody wants to elaborate on this idea I’d appreciate it.
3.    It has to do with social conditioning. This is where my current thinking leans. This seems to me to be the most likely reason.
4.    Its all very interesting and confusing (Thanks for being so enlightening Parappa). <Just kidding, you know I luvs ya!>

quote:

As a general rule, male dominance stems from a physical desire to dominant; female dominance stems from a mental desire to dominant.

quote:

I think it has to do with nature (how are brains are wired) and nurture (how society has taught us to handle emotion).

quote:

I admit for me certain acts and positions are submissive. Others are dominant. Being taken doggie style is submissive. Him on top is dominant. It may seem stupid to some but for me that's just how it is.

quote:

Which do you think is the more telling factor? Myself, I'm unsure at this point. my thoughts on it are not clear yet. I'll have to either get clarification from another poster's reply, or just think it through some more.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather
littlewonder I'm so glad you replied. It's nice to get a perspective that goes utterly counter to my basic ideas. I had it in mind that submissives, and especially female submissives would be of a very different mind set.

Please, if you don't mind, since you're the only one so far to advocate the "Action" style, would you elaborate a little as to why you find certain positions and such to be dominant or submissive.

quote:

In my personal experience, it is easy to find women who want to be tied up and whipped, but it is extremely difficult to find women who like to be whipped, but who are also willing to spank me say 10% of the time, and still view me with respect.

quote:

Which is a very round a bout way of saying that is a great question with no easy or definable answers.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Can you successfully switch with the same person? Many women cannot. They have a person in their life who is a dom, and another who is a sub. I have certainly met women who are "just kinky, let's do it all," but they seem to be very much in the minority.