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Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 4:08:36 PM   
Nanako


Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline 		Hello everyone ^_^

I'll preface this thread by saying that I have a LOT of experience here. (not going to be specific :P) I've been penetrated lots, by all different sizes of cocks. I love it ^_^

That said, despite considerable experience, I don't seem to be getting any "looser". Perhaps it's my young age, but my anus stays tight the majority of the time. This is definitely not a sexy thing, it makes penetration completely impossible without great hardness, and pain for both of us. I've heard that some people can do anal dry, and this seems shocking to me.  a bottle of lube lasts me 6-8 sessions at most.

I long ago learned that the best way to have fun and avoid pain, is preparation. I got a rather large dildo which I use beforehand to "open up", which makes things a lot more pleasureable for all involved. But my ass seems to go back to normal within 3 hours or so, and using the dildo is still extremely painful for me.

I'm wondering if anyone might have any thoughts on the issue. How to make penetration less painful for me? perhaps good toys/devices for preparation, techniques to relax, etc? is it going to get better if I do it more regularly?

thank you in advance for all replies ^_^
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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 4:52:56 PM   
angelikaJ


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Status: offline 		The book by Jack Morin: Anal Pleasure and Health
http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306799462&sr=8-1

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 5:58:39 PM   
DeviantMan


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
Status: offline 		Practically, relaxing your muscles should help, at least up to a point. a 3 hour period though, is a normal time window for the anal cavity to return to it's "tight" condition, and it usually takes a long period of time, sometimes several years with regular, and often extreme anal action, for the anus to loosen enough for nearly dry anal sex. So far, I've not seen, or encountered anyone, that I could have dry anal sex with, and I've had my, at least fair share, of that.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 7:30:08 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Prep with a dildo is all fine and dandy, but why isn't it your partner of the moment doing it? It almost sounds as if you are doing it a few hours before meeting with your partner and then, of course, things have gone back to where they should be.

The best "prep" there is for anal sex to be the most enjoyable is a great deal of foreplay. Of course, you should still be using the lube, but foreplay with your partner, and your partner playing with your anus, I have found to be a much more successful way of making it enjoyable.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 7:40:52 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		I don't have any advice for you. It always involves pain for me, lubed or dry. But that's sort of the point of anal for us (comes from being with a sadist). And yes, it can be done dry without years of extreme anal training, it just hurts a lot more.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 7:45:24 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Having an orgasm first - prior to anal penetration - can help. Lots of lube (of course). Also.. SimplyMichael responded to a thread once. Lemme see if I can find it.

Ok... found it.:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2158276/mpage_3/key_anal/tm.htm#2175809

(and for what it's worth - that man is hotter in real life than he is on the boards....amazing that California doesn't go supernova with him there...)

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 5/30/2011 7:50:17 PM >

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 7:49:40 PM   
Nanako


Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

The book by Jack Morin: Anal Pleasure and Health
http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306799462&sr=8-1

Thank you miss ^^ Although I was hoping to find information without having to buy a book




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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 7:55:10 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
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Status: offline 		I'm getting a feeling that "dry anal sex" is soon to be the next new almost-unattainable standard for "You're nobody unless you....." Like, OMG, you use lube??? True slaves never use lube!!!! And so on.....

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 7:56:44 PM   
Nanako


Posts: 222
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From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Prep with a dildo is all fine and dandy, but why isn't it your partner of the moment doing it? It almost sounds as if you are doing it a few hours before meeting with your partner and then, of course, things have gone back to where they should be.


Hello miss ^^
I don't see much reason for my partner to be doing it, and plenty of reasons not to.

For one, as mentioned, it is very painful. And that's with me controlling the dildo and going at my own pace. Nobody has my nerve endings, and many people are inexperienced with anal in general, have no idea what to expect, and often expect me to be loose anyway. I have a lot of different partners, both for professional reasons and as a lifestyle choice.

putting a dildo in the hands of someone who doesn't know what to do with it is at least painful for me, and quite possibly has a risk of injury

Foreplay is usually kissing and stroking and such. While fingering and similar things can help to stretch the anus, they don't do it nearly a s effectively as a dildo. in addition, not everyone would be intto that. I've seen a fair few people who don't mind doing anal with a condom, but have no interest using their hands.

by stretching beforehand, I'm ready for my partner whenever they want to penetrate.  Allowing things to stay in the heat of the moment, and not have to stop for a warmup.

quote:

The best "prep" there is for anal sex to be the most enjoyable is a great deal of foreplay. Of course, you should still be using the lube, but foreplay with your partner, and your partner playing with your anus, I have found to be a much more successful way of making it enjoyable.


it would be nice to elaborate on what kind of foreplay you mean. I don't find that being aroused causes it to be any less tight


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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 7:57:45 PM   
sunshinemiss


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Status: offline 		Did you read the link I put up?

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 8:09:06 PM   
ExquisiteStings


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hey Nanako,

Have you considered starting out with a much smaller dildo and then working your way up various sizes. I mean, don't start out with something the size of a horsecock and jam it on in. As you work with the smaller sizes at first, you then put it up at the opening and then gently push. Not all the way. Just a teeny bit. Let your sphincter muscles relax around the bit you've pushed in before you take it further. Even if you go several cm's at a time. When you get used to one, try the next size up in the same fashion. Until you can take the regular size one. I'm not saying it will keep you stretched out, but knowing how to get to that point may make things a lot more comfortable and pleasurable for you. And it's good to use lube. Without it, you'd be at risk for tearing sensitive and delicate tissue.

Hope this helps.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 8:21:17 PM   
Nanako


Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Did you read the link I put up?


aah sorry miss It kind of got lost between posts, having appeared in the time between reading and posting a reply of my own. Certainly very fun reading, although I'm not sure it's entirely applicable to me (I'm tg, and orgasms aren't always good for me)

I'm nnot lacking in positive association with anal. Admitedly, often the enjoyment is more mental (pleasing someone + submission) than it is physically enjoying the act.


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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 8:46:39 PM   
DeviantMan


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
Status: offline 		Unless you undergo hormone treatments, you can orgasm all you want, Nanako.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 9:57:07 PM   
Nanako


Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteStings

Hey Nanako,

Have you considered starting out with a much smaller dildo and then working your way up various sizes. I mean, don't start out with something the size of a horsecock and jam it on in. As you work with the smaller sizes at first, you then put it up at the opening and then gently push. Not all the way. Just a teeny bit. Let your sphincter muscles relax around the bit you've pushed in before you take it further. Even if you go several cm's at a time. When you get used to one, try the next size up in the same fashion. Until you can take the regular size one. I'm not saying it will keep you stretched out, but knowing how to get to that point may make things a lot more comfortable and pleasurable for you. And it's good to use lube. Without it, you'd be at risk for tearing sensitive and delicate tissue.

Hope this helps.


hello miss ^^
this is a good idea, perhaps one I'll end up doing. my current dildo is rather large...

Does anyone have any knowledge or experience of inflatable ones, perhaps? something that can be inserted while deflated, and slowly inflated to stretch the anus with relatively little painful shock?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantMan

Unless you undergo hormone treatments, you can orgasm all you want, Nanako.


it's not being unable to, more that it doesn't do much for me, is detrimental to motivation. It's kind of off topic anyway :p


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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/30/2011 10:19:25 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think it's off topic. Orgasms are very relaxing. One needs to be relaxed to have non-painful anal sex. Seems pretty on topic to me. *shrug*

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/31/2011 2:01:41 AM   
DeviantMan


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
Status: offline 		Nanako.... The mechanics of what we call "orgasm", and I mean the literal mechanics, what is behind our concept of pleasure, makes orgasming, especially during painful sex, a VERY critical aspect.

During an orgasm, ther are certain things that take place within our bodies... one of the most important, and what does the trick for painful sex, is the production of high levels of endorphins.
Endorphins, as you probably already know, are our body's natural opium... it will eliminate the sense of pain while it's effect lasts. And this is critical to enjoy, rather than suffer, anal sex.
As for the hormone treatment... during hormone treatments, there are two phases... one, is when reaching an orgasm is getting too difficult, usually after a prolongued treatment, and it comes back to normal , once the treatment ends or pauses. But, during the initial period of hormone treatments, orgasming is discouraged, or even prohibited, due to the amount of hormones lost with ejaculation. Judging by your young age, I assumed, that, if any treatment is ongoing, it's still in it's initial phase.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/31/2011 2:08:16 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nanako



Does anyone have any knowledge or experience of inflatable ones, perhaps? something that can be inserted while deflated, and slowly inflated to stretch the anus with relatively little painful shock?




I was going to suggest that you try one of these. I had similar problems to you in the beginning, but part of being a masochist is that I enjoy the pain, lol

But back on topic - inflatable butt plugs are a great idea. If you control it to start with so that you don't go any bigger than you can cope with, and do this prior to penetration. If you trust your partner, then allow him/her to control the inflation and it becomes rather fun for both of you - trust me

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/31/2011 5:07:20 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Try a warm enema before, it will help you to "loosen up" a bit and keep things clean

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/31/2011 9:40:32 AM   
DeviantMan


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
Status: offline 		To lighten up, and have a giggle or two...

When a Domme suggests a warm enema, do not ask Her for direct instructions... Hydrochloric acid is not going to just clean up things, it will also give you a sore ass for the next couple of decades

That was a joke, of course

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 5/31/2011 6:30:30 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hi Nanako

Jack Morin's book is excellent--I bought it for myself....and then for my partner to read...  It's really written for those who are starting from a basic level...I used to refer to the book as "Your asshole and You: a love story"   So if you don't have the patience for a book that was geared towards those terrified of their own butthole.....anyhow...

I digress.  Try experimenting with different butt plugs/dildo types.  Personally, I found that the "jelly boy" series of dildoes were the good beginner toy for my ex--they were soft but very easy to insert, pliable, and had a flared base that I could wear in my harness.  I would also start by using your own fingers, just to get yourself accustomed to the feel of it, and work your way up to something bigger.  I find that if I have the control,  I can take more and not get freaked out if it starts to hurt a little.

As others suggested--the more turned on you are, the more relaxed your muscles and the more endorphins that will allow you to take more pain.  We usually reserved anal play for after long sessions of other activities that we knew would activate the "launch sequence".

If all else fails, there are some lubes out there designed for butt-fucking that contain numbing agents.  I'm a bit on the fence about these--I've never used them--while they advertise that they make anal sex painless, I've always believed that the pain was important so that I could know if something wasn't going "right."  I enjoy pain--but not internally.

Lastly--lots of lube is always a good thing (for most)--and I use condoms every time on anal toys as well as nitrile (medical grade) gloves.  If you or your partner are using their fingers, be sure they are well-manicured and trimmed, and gloves make the sex a lot more comfortable I've found (and safer)

Good luck and hope you can find ways to relax and enjoy

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