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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/1/2011 12:22:12 PM

Nanako

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From: Glasgow, Scotland
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Hello everyone. I'm definitely still reading ^^

re orgasms: to me orgasm is an end point. it kills my libido for a while. After an orgasm I find sex of all forms considerably LESS enjoyable. that darn refractory period...
I definitely do agree that arousal helps enjoyment a bit, but only up to that point and not past it.

I've been looking around for a suitable inflatable dildo, and I'm having zero luck :(
I'd ideally like something that is barely thicker than a pencil to start, but still stiff enough to penetrate with (using lube), and that can be inflated once inside, to increase its size and stretch the anus. Does such a thing exist?

Enemas sound fun too :o I've never tried that at all. Never managed to find a dominant who has an interest in it and it seems hard to do alone :/

I got a new, slimmer dildo today ^_^ soft-feel silicone as opposed to the glossy rubbery feel of my other one. Will report on effectiveness once I've had a chance to try it out :p

Hausboy has an interesting idea about that numbing lube. Does anyone here have any experience actually using it? what's it like ?

I did run into another concern with a client yesterday though (I didn't mention at the time :p). Sometimes when the cock is fairly long, it can cause discomfort in a different manner. I guess it's pressing against my prostate or something, it causes a sharp discomfort - not really pain, but not pleasant- as well as a sensation of urgently needing to pee. I don't suppose there's any way to spontaneously become deeper? :(

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/1/2011 2:36:58 PM

SimplyMichael

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You associate anal sex with pain and you are a sex worker on top of it. Learning to enjoy anal in your situation is going to be very difficult. Add in your inability to have multiple orgasms and you are pretty well screwed but only in a profitable way, not a productive one.

Couple of hints, when you start, use lots of lube as others have said, but concentrate on pushing the anus out, not pushing your ass against it but the anus itself, that is the muscle movement that opens the anus. Try masterbating and when you are near orgasm play with your ass, don't cum for the reasons you stated, just associate almost comming with LIGHT and non painful anal play. Only push deeper over days/weeks as you retrain your mind to associate pleasure with anal sex. Stay in the pleasure or at least pleasure/pain realm and stay away from "fuck that hurts" until your body accepts it.

however, the whole sex worker thing and the psychological issues that you may have with it are probably part of the issue you are having and there I can't help you.

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Post #: 22

RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/1/2011 3:50:08 PM

hausboy

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(fast reply)
Nanako:
Ememas can be administered to oneself--the Fleets home enema is inexpensive and easy to do--the applicator is fairly soft medical grade vinyl and is tapered--these were designed for medical purposes, and they are really intended for comfort upon insertion, so you may actually find it helpful to just work with the "insertion" part of the enema, and work up to the "injection" part of the enema. I'm not into enemas on the kink side, but have experience with them from a medical perspective.

The numbing tube: man, I wish I saved that article that discussed/reviewed it--there are several out there--I know that you can buy it at Adam & Eve--they made a lube that contained a mild numbing agent. I also recommend checking out www.goodvibes.com I know these folks (and their co-founder) personally--excellent products and fantastic customer service. One of the items they sell is a lube injector ($8 I think) not only does it basically inject lube into the bum for better smoother fucking, but again, for you, you might enjoy/benefit just from the insertion part of it.

It's almost impossible to find a dildo or plug that is pencil size, as you suggested. So instead--look at other options--items designed to go in the bum--that are the diameter you want. (the lube injector, the enema tip, etc.)

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/3/2011 1:23:28 PM

Nanako

Posts: 222
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From: Glasgow, Scotland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

You associate anal sex with pain and you are a sex worker on top of it. Learning to enjoy anal in your situation is going to be very difficult. Add in your inability to have multiple orgasms and you are pretty well screwed but only in a profitable way, not a productive one.

Couple of hints, when you start, use lots of lube as others have said, but concentrate on pushing the anus out, not pushing your ass against it but the anus itself, that is the muscle movement that opens the anus. Try masterbating and when you are near orgasm play with your ass, don't cum for the reasons you stated, just associate almost comming with LIGHT and non painful anal play. Only push deeper over days/weeks as you retrain your mind to associate pleasure with anal sex. Stay in the pleasure or at least pleasure/pain realm and stay away from "fuck that hurts" until your body accepts it.

however, the whole sex worker thing and the psychological issues that you may have with it are probably part of the issue you are having and there I can't help you.

I think you may be reading too much into this sir ^^ I don't mentally associate it with pain. only physically, because it does hurt. I still enjoy it regardless. I don't believe I have any psychological issues here, purely physical ones :p

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/3/2011 5:06:32 PM

ResidentSadist

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+

+

=

Carlsbad Caverns

. . . or read the very good book angelikaJ recommended

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/3/2011 8:51:01 PM

MaxsBoy

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IMO numbing creams are a very bad idea for anal. You feel pain for a reason - it's your body's way of letting you know something is wrong. Painful anal means you're taking too much, too fast. If you push yourself too fast because you can't feel pain you could end up with tears, and that can lead to other problems.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/4/2011 8:34:20 PM

Nanako

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

(fast reply)
Nanako:
Ememas can be administered to oneself--the Fleets home enema is inexpensive and easy to do--the applicator is fairly soft medical grade vinyl and is tapered--these were designed for medical purposes, and they are really intended for comfort upon insertion, so you may actually find it helpful to just work with the "insertion" part of the enema, and work up to the "injection" part of the enema. I'm not into enemas on the kink side, but have experience with them from a medical perspective.

I see, good to know ^^ I'll try to pick up something like that next time I visit a chemist then. I seem to spend so much in pharmacies.. :O

quote:

I also recommend checking out www.goodvibes.com I know these folks (and their co-founder) personally--excellent products and fantastic customer service. One of the items they sell is a lube injector ($8 I think) not only does it basically inject lube into the bum for better smoother fucking, but again, for you, you might enjoy/benefit just from the insertion part of it.

an injector actually sounds quite helpful ^^ I always seem to make a mess with manual application. for opening up it'd probably be too small to make a difference though. I was specifically looking for an inflatable dildo that's pencil sized - or as slim as possible - so that it can be easily inserted and then inflated. So far I'm having very little luck. I see only two kinds of inflatable insertables:

1. Those that are normal sized, and inflate to even bigger
2. Those that are essentially deflated balloons and require inflation before usage.

neither really suitable.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/4/2011 8:35:48 PM

Nanako

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From: Glasgow, Scotland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaxsBoy

IMO numbing creams are a very bad idea for anal. You feel pain for a reason - it's your body's way of letting you know something is wrong. Painful anal means you're taking too much, too fast. If you push yourself too fast because you can't feel pain you could end up with tears, and that can lead to other problems.

This seems like sound advice. But would it not be possible to find something that is only partially numbing? that reduces the pain without masking it entirely.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/4/2011 8:40:13 PM

dcnovice

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FR

quote:

Pain in anal sex

I've been looking at too many political threads, so I read this as ""Palin in anal sex."

Now I need mind bleach.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/11/2011 4:40:33 AM

LillyBoPeep

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i've never seen the type of dildo you're referring to, either, and i bet they'd be helpful for a lot of people! anal has always been painful for me, too. i've never successfully been on top for anal; it has to be something that "happens to me," otherwise i'll chicken out of it, despite the fact that i REALLY like it! and being a masochist, the pain is part of the fun for me -- honestly, if it weren't painful, i might not like it so much.
for me, it helps to zone out as much as possible at first, i have a little breathing thing i do to help and relax myself as much as possible. i've had a good amount of anal experiences, a few pretty hard ones, and one "accidental" experience due to a TON of misdirected force -- mostly dry, no prep, TERRIBLY painful, but the endorphins afterward were spectacular. =p i wouldn't say im an expert, but not a novice either.

i would be wary of numbing creams, but it's possible that you could experiment with one -- do it SOLO -- to see if it totally blocks out pain for you. for some people, those creams do absolutely nothing. for others, they take away ANY sensation, even pleasurable ones. and for still others, they are just right; blocking out enough general discomfort while still allowing for signals that mean "injury possible!!" so experiment on your own and see; just as many people swear by the numbing stuff as those who are adamantly against it. personally i would avoid it because i get so loopy from sexual stimulation anyway, i don't need anything further blurring the lines for me.

so before it's going to happen, there's 1) a lot of lube, and 2) a process of breaths that get gradually deeper and deeper, and i consciously try to release as much tension EVERYWHERE, from my hands, face, thighs, everything, and as penetration starts, i push out as much as possible. sometimes i'm more successful than others, but that's always really helped me. orgasms do help me sometimes, too, but that's probably an issue of biology. also, sometimes being stimulated somewhere else at the same time actually does more harm than good for me, because my body tends to tense up in response, which defeats the purpose. =p

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/12/2011 7:13:56 AM

xssve

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Presumably, it's similar to fisting the vagina, my theory is that it's not a factor of being "stretched out", it's a factor of levels of the hormones relaxin and elastin - relaxin allows muscles to relax and become flexible, elastin is what allows them to regain their shape after being distorted.

So, some of it might be genetic, some people may have higher levels of one or the other, but the anal sphincter normally relaxes during evacuation - might be a good time to use an enema, warm water perhaps, might help you maintain a relaxed state, and lead to a gradual increase in relaxin levels - orgasm results in increases of elastin, and semen contains elastin as well.

I was watching a Blue Angel video, and the photographer asked her how she maintained it (she has a very rubbery cunt, she can double fist and it snaps back almost instantly), and she said she fists 4 times a day, lol.

So, frequency may be a factor, some porn stars keep a butt plug in all day - I'll tell you my secret technique, I use a Queen Helena 100% Cocoa Butter stick as an anal suppository - she can put it in after morning BM - it takes quite a while to melt and the feeling of needing to evacuate helps her stay loose - at the very least you need to put it in several hours in advance, and maybe a smaller piece.. It has a waxy consistency, and it can be molded into different shapes - the sticks, if you can find them, are about three inches long and an inch in diameter.

The caveat is that cocoa butter alone, while better than nothing, is not really an adequate lube, it's not hugely slippery, so even dry humpers might tolerate it, but I would think it probably doesn't hurt when it comes to maintaining tissue health in the colon.

< Message edited by xssve -- 6/12/2011 7:19:44 AM >

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/12/2011 7:39:58 AM

xssve

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Relaxation period, is an important factor - i.e., pain tends to make you tense up, and anticipation of pain will do the same thing - so don't neglect the psychological issues while dealing with the physical issues, it isnt strictly a mechanical act - in fact something like vaginisimus, which sometimes results from a traumatic incident, can result, where the muscles clench up so tight, penetration becomes practically impossible, and intercourse difficult and painful, you need to get your partner to slow down - some people take to it like a fish in water, most need a little more attention.

I don't recommend getting drunk, but one cocktail might help you relax and get in the mood..

< Message edited by xssve -- 6/12/2011 7:41:10 AM >

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/16/2011 5:17:39 PM

Back2theFuture

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I find that my anus tightens back up to virgin status the longer I go with out anal sex. Which is a good thin. Your sphincter should always tighten backup to a certain degree. I agree that when you want to enjoy larger penetrations it is a issue, but you really don't want your anus hanging open and fecal matter just falling out. I don't fancy having to crap into a bag for the rest of my life.

Some good Dailation or Stretching training can help with this, but atleast for me I like the tightness and a little pain. That is what makes me feel so sexily submissive.

Anywho there should always be a little bit of pain with the first insertion because you are stretching out your sphincter muscles. IF you are wanting to avoid this pain it you can relax your muscles with some nice ass plays, fingering licking and such.

And you should ALWAYS use lube, or at least ask for a curtsy lick.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 6/16/2011 7:05:23 PM

outhere69

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As a side note....

Damn, RS, that was a good one!

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 8/6/2011 7:58:53 PM

Blindcub

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I recommend you this dilator set

http://www.amazon.com/Size-Matters-Products-Ease-In-Dilator/dp/B001VRHE78/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1312685818&sr=1-1

personally I prefer doing enema and using dildo before any anal play because that helps the ring relax and prepare for larger object. Hope this would help :)

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 8/6/2011 8:20:13 PM

SuzeCheri

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OK, this is going to be more than just a little embarrassing, my first personal sexual experience post, and it's about anal.

I find that being rimmed for while first really helps. It not only relaxes me, it gets me thinking anally, so to speak. I'm thinking about how good my butthole is feeling, so instead of being apprehensive, I'm looking forward to it. Especially if there's a lot of fingering while the lube is applied,

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 8/13/2011 7:34:50 AM

stoni23

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I have a similar problem, but mine is more deep. I can go about 6 inches in and then it's like instant stoppage and pain. I know it's not poo because i've tried enemas before hand. I've also tried doing deep stretching but it never seems to make any difference. I always get stuck at that about 6 inches deep point, and it can be very painful if someone is forceful beyond that. Anybody else experienced this?

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 8/13/2011 3:21:25 PM

TheShrew

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The likely reason for your "stoppage" is because you've reached the end of your rectum and are at the sigmoid colon.

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 8/13/2011 3:24:20 PM

stoni23

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hmmm... never heard of that specifically lol. Is that something like another small entry to be passed, or is that something like a sharp turn and trying to penetrate past would cause damage?

cause I've had "rape" scene before where i was pushed beyond and it was extremely painful, but there was no permanent damage

< Message edited by stoni23 -- 8/13/2011 3:25:01 PM >

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RE: Pain in anal sex - 8/13/2011 3:40:39 PM

TheShrew

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It's standard anatomy. {Feel free to Google it.} Either way.. those 5"-7" are exceeded by millions of people the world over.
It's not a small entry, it's the lower portion of your GI tract. {The short list ~> stomach, small intestine, large intestine, colon, rectum anus} It's a sharp turn. From the front, it's a right turn .. from behind it's a left turn.
To penetrate past it into the colon would not 'automatically' cause permanent damage .. but it 'could.' {Almost anything 'could'}
If you've already experienced a "rape scene" where you you were pushed beyond that depth, and had no damage.. then you already have your answer.
When it's me? Well, personally, I feel it's my responsibility to spend the time & lube to prep because I do not want to be the reason someone develops an anal fissure.

< Message edited by TheShrew -- 8/13/2011 3:44:58 PM >

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