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RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/6/2011 1:05:52 PM

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I'm a switch who prefers a dom role slightly more often. I'd say 6 to 7 out of every 10 situations I'd prefer to be dominant, but I still really love being submissive(For those of you who can't make simple percentages, that's 60 to 70 percent of the time). So I can understand why they ask that, because it's not really a totally even split for me.

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/6/2011 7:04:35 PM

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Most switches seem to fall somewhere along a continuum...unlike people who identify as only one or the other, switches have to find a comfortable balance, which isn't always 50/50.

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/26/2011 7:23:03 PM

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lol most people asked that because they want to know how it would work and what side are you....... and alot of people are prejudice against switches manly cause we are a challenge to alot them or they just scare that we will top from bottom , i am a slave to my Master but sometimes i let my Domme side come out with him (but the punishment mmm) it all about how the relationship work really....

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/29/2011 7:10:34 PM

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Because they want to know which side of the spectrum you are on. Being a switch isn't a simple thing. Some only like to switch roles for a certain type of person, situation or such. It usually isn't 50/50, it's a way of them knowing who you are. We're all different. I find nothing about the lifestyle to be clean cut and simple, it's gray matter, rarely black and white. There are many shades to each roles, whether you are dominant, submissive, or switch.

< Message edited by Marisol -- 7/29/2011 7:11:25 PM >

(in reply to spankgirl4u)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/30/2011 11:35:47 PM

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Many people put themselves as Switches, when they are pretty much all dom or all sub in regards desired position, but, enjoy occasional forays into the other side, for training or for the novel kinkiness of it all, instead of the same old staid kinkiness they usually engage in.

It's part of the by-product of the thinking that bdsm is all about flesh and weird sex. Someone who knows they are dominant, in their interior being, know that they continue to be dominant, even if they are being spanked; whereas, someone who thinks it is all about if you desire to spank or be spanked, tends to get confused, not realizing it is the mind and inner person, not the flesh, which determine the nature of the (wo)man.

As a result of the confusion, there are so many people claiming to be switch that are actually submissive or dom, and, just open to exploration, that the people who really are just switches, who really could just go either way, at any given moment, get even more misunderstood than they already are.

Add to that, that the switches actually tend to be fully dominant, and, that is precisely why they can do as they please, without worrying about which role they are in, at all given moments. That is a statement about actual psychology, by the way, not current modern socially acceptable bdsm roles defined by the majority.

Dominance is not really about what you do, who you do, how you do it, but, about WHY you do it. Same for submission.

That's my two cents.

(in reply to XxAnthaxX)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/31/2011 9:17:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

Many people put themselves as Switches, when they are pretty much all dom or all sub in regards desired position, but, enjoy occasional forays into the other side, for training or for the novel kinkiness of it all, instead of the same old staid kinkiness they usually engage in.

And then there are those who switch because they understand life isn't black or white but so many shades of grey.

quote:

It's part of the by-product of the thinking that bdsm is all about flesh and weird sex. Someone who knows they are dominant, in their interior being, know that they continue to be dominant, even if they are being spanked; whereas, someone who thinks it is all about if you desire to spank or be spanked, tends to get confused, not realizing it is the mind and inner person, not the flesh, which determine the nature of the (wo)man.

Ah, I love the "switches are just confused" comment. Again...shades of grey.

quote:

As a result of the confusion, there are so many people claiming to be switch that are actually submissive or dom, and, just open to exploration, that the people who really are just switches, who really could just go either way, at any given moment, get even more misunderstood than they already are.

And then there are people who get so hung up on labels and sticking people in boxes that they forget that...oh gosh, again...life isn't simply black or white.

quote:

Add to that, that the switches actually tend to be fully dominant, and, that is precisely why they can do as they please, without worrying about which role they are in, at all given moments. That is a statement about actual psychology, by the way, not current modern socially acceptable bdsm roles defined by the majority.

If you feel the need to post "actual" statements that, according to you, are held as belief across the board by all, could you please provide a link to such data? Otherwise, you're simply talking out of your ass.

quote:

Dominance is not really about what you do, who you do, how you do it, but, about WHY you do it. Same for submission.

Interesting....I'd love to read what others have to say about that statement alone. Maybe a new thread topic perhaps?

quote:

That's my two cents.

Indeed, thank goodness.

(in reply to JWriter)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/31/2011 2:47:54 PM

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Well, I think that this is similar to asking someone that is Bisexual, whether their preference is towards males or females.
I do not believe that you can be 50/50. Surely, you must lean towards one side, even slightly.
Put into context of orientation; Consider that you are bisexual. However; say that you maintain a preference towards females. You would not state that you were lesbian, would you?
It is just an assumption that is made. And an understandable one if you ask Me.

_____________________________

-Hated by plenty. Wanted by many. Disliked by some. But confronted by none-

(in reply to XxAnthaxX)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 8/1/2011 5:35:34 AM

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OP, people ask because the possibility always exists that, even though you enjoy both roles, you may have preference for one more than the other.

Now this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

Many people put themselves as Switches, when they are pretty much all dom or all sub in regards desired position, but, enjoy occasional forays into the other side, for training or for the novel kinkiness of it all, instead of the same old staid kinkiness they usually engage in.

This is not what I see. Most Dominants who like to bottom or submissives who like to top generally describe themselves with the relationship role. Those who describe themselves as switch for play only will come out and say they enjoy both topping and bottoming.

Switches do run into issues still (I think at least three on this thread alone used the word "prejudice") because people want to assume things that just aren't the case. The 'in the case of training' bit is a crock. It used to be that every leather Master started as a slave in somebody's house. (That's changed a bit now, but not the point.) They don't call themselves switches because they were once in service to somebody else.

quote:

It's part of the by-product of the thinking that bdsm is all about flesh and weird sex. Someone who knows they are dominant, in their interior being, know that they continue to be dominant, even if they are being spanked; whereas, someone who thinks it is all about if you desire to spank or be spanked, tends to get confused, not realizing it is the mind and inner person, not the flesh, which determine the nature of the (wo)man.

Any Dominant who is always Dominant is going to call themselves Dominant. They aren't confused because they like to bottom as well as be in charge of their dynamic.

quote:

As a result of the confusion, there are so many people claiming to be switch that are actually submissive or dom, and, just open to exploration, that the people who really are just switches, who really could just go either way, at any given moment, get even more misunderstood than they already are.

I'm not buying that, either. If anything, there are a number of folks who do switch, but would rather label themselves as one or the other because of bad propaganda.

quote:

Add to that, that the switches actually tend to be fully dominant, and, that is precisely why they can do as they please, without worrying about which role they are in, at all given moments. That is a statement about actual psychology, by the way, not current modern socially acceptable bdsm roles defined by the majority.

I'm trying to figure if there is any possible way you could be more wrong about this. However, if you'd like to state your reference about the actual psychology, I'll be more than happy to read it.

quote:

Dominance is not really about what you do, who you do, how you do it, but, about WHY you do it. Same for submission.

Funny, because I do it because it's who I am.

quote:

That's my two cents.

If you thought it was worth two pennies, I think you might be overestimating the value.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JWriter)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 8/1/2011 10:17:12 AM

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eta ... I answered this already never mind

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 8/1/2011 10:19:56 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to XxAnthaxX)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 8/2/2011 7:34:22 AM

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

quote:

That's my two cents.

If you thought it was worth two pennies, I think you might be overestimating the value.

Quoted for truth.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 8/2/2011 12:40:56 PM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

Many people put themselves as Switches, when they are pretty much all dom or all sub in regards desired position, but, enjoy occasional forays into the other side, for training or for the novel kinkiness of it all, instead of the same old staid kinkiness they usually engage in.

And then there are those who switch because they understand life isn't black or white but so many shades of grey.

quote:

It's part of the by-product of the thinking that bdsm is all about flesh and weird sex. Someone who knows they are dominant, in their interior being, know that they continue to be dominant, even if they are being spanked; whereas, someone who thinks it is all about if you desire to spank or be spanked, tends to get confused, not realizing it is the mind and inner person, not the flesh, which determine the nature of the (wo)man.

Ah, I love the "switches are just confused" comment. Again...shades of grey.

quote:

As a result of the confusion, there are so many people claiming to be switch that are actually submissive or dom, and, just open to exploration, that the people who really are just switches, who really could just go either way, at any given moment, get even more misunderstood than they already are.

And then there are people who get so hung up on labels and sticking people in boxes that they forget that...oh gosh, again...life isn't simply black or white.

quote:

Add to that, that the switches actually tend to be fully dominant, and, that is precisely why they can do as they please, without worrying about which role they are in, at all given moments. That is a statement about actual psychology, by the way, not current modern socially acceptable bdsm roles defined by the majority.

If you feel the need to post "actual" statements that, according to you, are held as belief across the board by all, could you please provide a link to such data? Otherwise, you're simply talking out of your ass.

quote:

Dominance is not really about what you do, who you do, how you do it, but, about WHY you do it. Same for submission.

Interesting....I'd love to read what others have to say about that statement alone. Maybe a new thread topic perhaps?

quote:

That's my two cents.

Indeed, thank goodness.

Thank you BonesfromAsh........

The comments didn't sit well with me either I was trying to find an eloquent way to respond to what was written and I couldn't agree with your answers more!

< Message edited by impishlilhellcat -- 8/2/2011 12:41:33 PM >

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 10/22/2011 4:56:14 PM

MistressLilliana

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Many Switches I've talked to lean more to one thing than the other but enjoy both. Perhaps they are looking for a balance. Also, if you're going to talk to someone who is a Dom/Domme they may ask because they don't want to be topped from the bottom if the Switch suddenly decides to be more Dominant.

_____________________________

http://patriciaschott.webs.com

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 11/1/2011 6:12:50 PM

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Joined: 12/4/2009
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because we are just that damn inscrutable

(in reply to XxAnthaxX)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 11/1/2011 8:26:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLilliana

Many Switches I've talked to lean more to one thing than the other but enjoy both. Perhaps they are looking for a balance. Also, if you're going to talk to someone who is a Dom/Domme they may ask because they don't want to be topped from the bottom if the Switch suddenly decides to be more Dominant.

I have to agree with this though what many do fail to understand is that more often than naught....it is the unseen chemistry between ourselves and another which will have us leaning one way or another overall. The thing is, when I am in discussion with a dominant for a play scene or even for the purpose of wanting to be in a relationship, I am approaching him from a submissive stance. Thus when I am in service to them, I am in service as their submissive. Yes they know I have strong switch tendencies and it's not will all people that my more dominant aspect is craving to be let loose.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to MistressLilliana)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 11/4/2011 4:28:59 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2011
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<Smiles> Good Evening!

First of all, before I state my opinion, I wish all posters to this topic to know: I do NOT begrudge anyone their interests (unless children are involved!)

My opinion is this:

My very first submissive was a Switch...with a submissive of his own. It was incredibly difficult for me to watch this male, with whom I shared an intense chemistry, running back and forth between me and his submissive. But I did... only to have him break my heart the day he told me he couldn't submit as well as be a Dominant, and walked out of my life. You will note in my profile, I am no longer interested in Switches.

I believe at the beginning of this post, someone was irritated by the number of people always asking them if they were more Dominant or more submissive? My irritation is the opposite... the begging messages from Switches (through NO prompting by me!) telling me "they are actually more submissive so I should give them a try," or "I can be whomever you want me to be." SAY WHAT????

So for as much as people ask you "which side you're on," there are an equal amount of those offering "whichever side turns you on."

Respectfully submitted,
Clickofheels

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 11/4/2011 5:39:32 PM

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I know this is probably outside of the spirit of the discussion intended here, but I have actually asked that question before simply as a shorthand for "I see you are a switch. Do you happen to be more domme; switch; or would you say you are pretty evenly split?" I think it can simply be a question based upon curiosity and not meant to imply someone can not be a "true" switch. I could theoretically describe myself as a switch who leans strongly towards submissive or is more of a bottom. There is no real way to try to understand what a person "is" without having more in depth discussions including questions.

(in reply to XxAnthaxX)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 11/6/2011 6:20:09 AM

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Sadly I don't get this...I get loads of emails from men who want to serve me. This makes me very bored because apparently they have not read my profile. I guess it could be that I say I am naturally dominant, but that is me outside the lifestyle...I cannot change that part of me. In the lifestyle...I am definitely more of a switch and the fact that I have tasted both sides of the island and say so in my profile should be a plus...it isn't. :/ So now I am wondering around looking for a Daddy switch LOL.

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 12/2/2011 9:18:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: XxAnthaxX

I am a switch, and always have been, but I always get asked whether I'm more sub or domme. Why does everyone ask this? If I was more one or the other I would put that as my role.

Because they're likely French and they simply want to fuck with your hayud.

(in reply to XxAnthaxX)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 12/4/2011 7:18:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: XxAnthaxX

I am a switch, and always have been, but I always get asked whether I'm more sub or domme. Why does everyone ask this? If I was more one or the other I would put that as my role.

Probably the same reason when someone writes in their profile: "I'm bi sexual....that means NO MEN!!!!"

Whereupon, I explain to them "no hon...that's what 'Lesbian means"'.

(in reply to XxAnthaxX)

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 12/6/2011 4:53:28 PM

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FR

Switches of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Wait... nm.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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