RE: Why does everyone ask this?

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RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 4/18/2012 8:12:23 AM

Enforcersslave

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Joined: 5/31/2005
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I can see this being a valid question...I am switch but I do identify more with submissive. But I do have my tendencies to want to be in control. But if I was going to be limited to one role or the other I would prefer to be the submissive.

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

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Post #: 41

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 4/25/2012 7:48:45 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

[cut]

My thoughts are that switches, knowing both sides, do not (as a rule) put up with a great deal of domly BS. They know a good dom when they see one, and can easily spot those who are not dominant enough for them.

[cut]

As for a switches' dom/me side, again there is an inherent prejudice that they cannot be domly enough. When you know both sides well, first you know up front all the manipulations that just don't work on you, but you also know what it's like to be a submissive, and that to really get what you want, you need to lay down a solid foundation of trust. That takes time.

[cut]

I agree with your first point above. I think people assume that a switch is a switch because they are not comfortable enough with either side to commit. Conversely... I think most people are switches because the are very comfortable with both sides, and too enthusiastic about both to exclude one.

On the second point... I do think that "topping from the bottom" is more likely to happen with a sub switch. Not because they can't control the urge to dominate, but because they have a clear picture of what they want and how a good Dom would deliver it. (although some may call that an urge to dominate hehe)

To the op... I think most people are a little more enthusiastic about one than the other. For those who care about labels (and as much as I disagree with them, they have their uses), I think it would be a misnomer to identify as a Dom because you prefer that slightly more than being a sub. The switch label applies to anyone who entertains both sides... and I think asking someone if they lean more to one than the other is a natural question to ask if you are trying to figure out what someone is going to like the most.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 4/25/2012 7:54:23 AM >

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Post #: 42

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 4/25/2012 8:00:38 AM

Bhruic

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Joined: 4/11/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

...not current modern socially acceptable bdsm roles defined by the majority.

This is sort of off topic, but this line really jumped out at me. Does this really exist??? And who would want it??? I know for sure I want nothing to do with "socially acceptable bdsm roles defined by the majority" hehehe... talk about harshing a buzz. That would kill it for me. :)

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Post #: 43

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 5/6/2012 4:56:51 AM

Gerry241

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To me switching is not easy because of the headspace issue. Secondly you still have to be cautious. I will not sign my bank account over to a Dom Partner untill I feel very comfortable with the relationship.

As for why we are on this topic, if it is one, because in some respects we are all still trying to define who we are and what we want.

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Post #: 44

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 5/6/2012 7:30:14 AM

ConnossuerofPain

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for the general masses of classification I'm a sadomasochist, with Sado being 95% of the the time. This means I will given the right frame of mind and connection with a particular person I will bottom for a specific scene to get my rocks off(POV).

labeling yourself or others as a switch is a loose term, unless specifically stated in detail upfront= hence the why question?

People would rather ask for your definition of your particular view of switch to gauge if you may be compatible with their idea's of a switch partner. They do not know what you are trying to say in your profile(you= anyone and not directed at any 1 person). People type things that make absolute sense to themselves, yet leaves open gaps for others to interpret them other ways.

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Post #: 45

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 5/6/2012 7:38:55 AM

BurntKitty

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~FR~

I didn't read every reply in this necro thread. I relate as a sadomasochist, with no d/s involved. I'm neither submissive, nor dominant. In dungeon's play parties I'm at home on either side of the flogger or paddle. In my personal relationship my sweetie is a sadist. He's not dominant, either. He just likes to use evil things on me. I like having things used on me. It works for us.

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Post #: 46

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 5/9/2012 4:29:55 AM

kinkysweet

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for me.. as a Switch, it all boils down to chemistry. And like many others said above, there is no right or wrong answer.. sometimes it's natural.. sometimes it takes a lot of focus and concentration. Hopefully at all times it is fun. I am working with a wonderful Switch right now who made me her sub (which we didn't even discuss, it just naturally fell into that), but has me overtake her while I am subbing in the bedroom. And that is the training she prepares for me. It's wonderfully fun, and it makes us incredibly close at heart. There is great beauty in studying and learning both sides enough to understand your partner and to understand your roll in fulfilling your partner's needs.

if Switches, Dommes, and subs were categorized into visual character traits, Dommes would be the butches, subs would be the femmes, and Switches would be the tomboys who are in touch with both sides of themselves. (and by the way, don't get your panties in a wad over the butch / femme thing.. i was just making a visual example.. Dominant women are wonderfully gorgeous and have never really met a butch one) ok. if that pissed you off, try this one: Dommes are black coffee, subs have sugar in them, and Switch has cream and sugar.. lol. whateve... we are each our own. enjoy everyone!

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Post #: 47

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/29/2012 5:07:01 PM

ardmore64

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Joined: 7/12/2012
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The terms dom, sub, and switch are just labels. They are used for convenience. It's easier to say "I'm a switch" then to spend time explaining the nature of my sexuality, who and when I will I will be dominant submissive. There isn't a points system where if you score over 30 you are a dom, between 15 and 29 you are a switch and under 15 you are a dom. The reality is that there is a continuum form completely submissive to completely dominant along which everyone moves to one extent or another. That doesn't mean that a true dom will ever want to submit, but that they may be more or less dominant based on a number of factors, such as their health on a particular day, how tired they are, how much stress they are under etc. In some cases the variations may be very small in overs they may be bigger. The most obvious example perhaps, is seen in male subs who are often at their least submissive when they just cum. The difference between a switch and a dom or sub is the amount of movement on that continuum.

There seems to be a degree (to some extent warranted) of paranoia when people ask about how much a switch is a dom and a sub, but think there are 2 main reasons why people ask. Firstly, it is asked because someone doesn't fully understand the variety of things being a switch can mean. For someone who tops men but is submissive to women for example, numbers and percentages are irrelevant; the role is dependant on the partner. People often see it to simplistically, assuming it is just based on a degree of dominance and submission, ignoring other more important aspects. Secondly, I think people are trying to understand the dynamic to see how that person fits within the dynamic of their own role. the question is asked just as a part of getting to know someone and finding out if they may be compatible. In the end we are who we are. There are some people we will conect with and some we won't. It's as simple as that.

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Post #: 48

RE: Why does everyone ask this? - 7/30/2012 3:07:22 AM

Gerry241

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Joined: 5/3/2012
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Wow it's been a while. So why use all these lable. I mean I'm more of a submissive, but I do love to give an Over The Knee spanking with my hand. I was at a BDSM party the other evening, I was paddled bad, but when a girl I just met was asking for a good OTK spanking, I volunteered. When I finished she was grinning from ear to ear.