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RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:25:44 PM

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There are more than one type of control based relationships. I was part of one for over 4 years. Was party to one that was very controlling for 6. I do know the difference. People enjoy the extremes. Its not my kink. When permission had to be obtained to scratch her nose... yeah... I label that the "permission to blink" type.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:26:51 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

I was in possession of little more than a mattress stuffed with lusty lustiness of the most proper kind :) I can't be expected to think beyond that for at least 3 weeks.. it's called Austin-Drop, dontcha know :)))

I know it! I have all her works, and I have the A and E Pride and Prejudice mini series, I have seen it 4 or 5 times, and it is like 6 hours long.

Pride and Prejudice is the bestest love story ever. Mr Darcy is my ideal dominant archetype.... especially as he was played by Colin Firth... omg, he was so yummy in that role

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to agirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:29:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

There are more than one type of control based relationships. I was part of one for over 4 years. Was party to one that was very controlling for 6. I do know the difference. People enjoy the extremes. Its not my kink. When permission had to be obtained to scratch her nose... yeah... I label that the "permission to blink" type.

And while in such relationships, were you still able to think for yourself?

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:31:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Sounds to me... and this is just my opinion, julia.. that she wanted a Daddy and he wanted a submissive.

You do realize I am a daddy's girl sort of submissive... and I wouldn't behave that way, "daddy's girl" does not equal immature.

I didn't say it was related to the immaturity. I'm not even sure there was any immaturity. I got the impression she wanted someone to turn her life around and take care of her.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:32:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

There are more than one type of control based relationships. I was part of one for over 4 years. Was party to one that was very controlling for 6. I do know the difference. People enjoy the extremes. Its not my kink. When permission had to be obtained to scratch her nose... yeah... I label that the "permission to blink" type.

And while in such relationships, were you still able to think for yourself?

outside of the house, yes. inside, no. Mine wasnt the extreme. In that case, she wasnt allowed to think for herself or make any decisions that he wasnt a party too.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:35:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

outside of the house, yes. inside, no. Mine wasnt the extreme. In that case, she wasnt allowed to think for herself or make any decisions that he wasnt a party too.

Then perhaps I misunderstood your post of "The man prefers a woman who can think for herself" to mean those who are micromanaged are incapable of thinking for themselves. That is how it's typically meant, so if you meant he prefers that his woman think for herself rather than telling her what to do, it didn't come across in your post.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:35:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

To be fair, threads like these do not lend that view of micromanagement... it is a very bad example of it.

The OP said he did not enjoy it, and I think for them to be very successful the dominant has to want that sort of power, or it isn't going to work because for the dominant it is nothing BUT work.

Oh I get that. But I find the statement in general implies a woman who is micromanaged can not think for herself. Maybe it was just in the wording, but I don't think statements like that are kind toward those who are in control based relationships.

That is the reason for my first post to this thread; the repeated idea that asking for permissions means you are not an adult, can't think for yourself, ect. I do a pretty good job of thinking for myself, but I am in the relationship with him because I love that he has the authority in all aspects of my life. He exercises that authority in ways that are important to him. Money is very important, so we are not allowed to spend it without permission. For some things we have standing permission to buy, but the new Sherrilyn Kenyon book that is coming out will require express permission to purchase ;) Other things he controls because he is a sadist and saying no is fun. Whenever I ask for junk food, I am never sure whether I want him to say yes or no; each has their own rewards

Honestly, I don't feel micromanaged. He gets highly involved in some decision making and in others he turns over to us and just gives us broad brush strokes of what he wants.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:41:19 PM

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quote:

I didn't say it was related to the immaturity. I'm not even sure there was any immaturity. I got the impression she wanted someone to turn her life around and take care of her.

That is one impression...

I saw it as someone who was resistant to someone taking control over her and helping her control her own life. If she wasn't resistant, she would not be finding excuses to have soda even though he did not want her drinking bunches of it. That to me is immaturity.

I hesitate to label all people who want their dominant to help them turn their lives around and take care of them as being immature... but I would feel like I was not quite a mature person if I wanted someone to care for me like a literal parent. Nothing wrong with that, but it just would make me feel immature.

That is not what I seek from a daddy dom. I want a mate that we take care of each other, he helps me by being supportive of me, and I admire, respect, and support him too. I want an interdependent relationship, not a codependent one.

Other people are really into age play, and I am sure those people would cop to enjoying the regression aspect to that sort of relationship.... that is not what Daddy/girl relationships are inherently about. It is the type of authority transfer that is taking place... which feels more parental and intimate and egalitarian , instead of hierarchical.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:42:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

That is the reason for my first post to this thread; the repeated idea that asking for permissions means you are not an adult, can't think for yourself, ect.

I figured as much, having seen all the comments. So tazzygirl's comment, without further explanation, seemed to fall right in line with the others.

quote:

Other things he controls because he is a sadist and saying no is fun. Whenever I ask for junk food, I am never sure whether I want him to say yes or no; each has their own rewards

Ha! I can imagine.

quote:

Honestly, I don't feel micromanaged. He gets highly involved in some decision making and in others he turns over to us and just gives us broad brush strokes of what he wants.

Knight's Kyra

That's why it's so bizarre when people assume micromanagement and therefore an inability to be an adult or to think. Just because some things are under tight control doesn't mean all things are. And even if they were, it has nothing to do with adult-ness or the capability of thinking.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:44:14 PM

agirl

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Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I was in possession of little more than a mattress stuffed with lusty lustiness of the most proper kind :) I can't be expected to think beyond that for at least 3 weeks.. it's called Austin-Drop, dontcha know :)))

I know it! I have all her works, and I have the A and E Pride and Prejudice mini series, I have seen it 4 or 5 times, and it is like 6 hours long.

Pride and Prejudice is the bestest love story ever. Mr Darcy is my ideal dominant archetype.... especially as he was played by Colin Firth... omg, he was so yummy in that role

Stop, stop.......!! You do agirl injustice.... Get thee behind me Mr Firth!

agirl

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See how easy it can be?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:44:33 PM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

Then perhaps I misunderstood your post of "The man prefers a woman who can think for herself" to mean those who are micromanaged are incapable of thinking for themselves. That is how it's typically meant, so if you meant he prefers that his woman think for herself rather than telling her what to do, it didn't come across in your post.

Very few competent adults are incapable.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:47:10 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I saw it as someone who was resistant to someone taking control over her and helping her control her own life. If she wasn't resistant, she would not be finding excuses to have soda even though he did not want her drinking bunches of it. That to me is immaturity.

Extremely passive aggressive, perhaps.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:47:26 PM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

That's why it's so bizarre when people assume micromanagement and therefore an inability to be an adult or to think. Just because some things are under tight control doesn't mean all things are. And even if they were, it has nothing to do with adult-ness or the capability of thinking.

I see the propensity of it to be used in sadistic ways, which could be fun for some people.... lets face it though, most of us know how to use a toilet, so micromanagement even down to going potty has nothing to do with capacity

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:51:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
.. lets face it though, most of us know how to use a toilet, so micromanagement even down to going potty has nothing to do with capacity

Which is why I scratch my head at the "he wants a woman who can think" type of comments.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:53:04 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

I saw it as someone who was resistant to someone taking control over her and helping her control her own life. If she wasn't resistant, she would not be finding excuses to have soda even though he did not want her drinking bunches of it. That to me is immaturity.

Extremely passive aggressive, perhaps.

Oh gosh, it is hard to give up stuff you really want for a dominant... especially if you are addicted to it. I had my first D/s relationship end because i was not able to quit drinking coffee on his time schedule, and he was unwilling to negotiate it with me... because I never agreed to quit completely in the first place. I never wanted to quit. As a result I was highly resistant. Since he had such a problem with it, he was right to break it off with me. And since I did not want to relinquish control over that, I had every right not to quit... But I would not play cute little games to get my way, either...

It was not what I would consider passive aggressive, I would call it being a liar.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:58:36 PM

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But isnt that what being passive aggressive is all about? Getting your way without actually saying what your way is?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 10:59:22 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

I saw it as someone who was resistant to someone taking control over her and helping her control her own life. If she wasn't resistant, she would not be finding excuses to have soda even though he did not want her drinking bunches of it. That to me is immaturity.

Extremely passive aggressive, perhaps.

Oh gosh, it is hard to give up stuff you really want for a dominant... especially if you are addicted to it. I had my first D/s relationship end because i was not able to quit drinking coffee on his time schedule, and he was unwilling to negotiate it with me... because I never agreed to quit completely in the first place. I never wanted to quit. As a result I was highly resistant. Since he had such a problem with it, he was right to break it off with me. And since I did not want to relinquish control over that, I had every right not to quit... But I would not play cute little games to get my way, either...

It was not what I would consider passive aggressive, I would call it being a liar.

I can understand all of that.

agirl.... who has so many things she ought to/ should/will probably be made to quit.

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 11:04:00 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

But isnt that what being passive aggressive is all about? Getting your way without actually saying what your way is?

Perhaps it is passive aggressively manipulating to get what you want dishonestly? Not all passive aggression and manipulation involves lying.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 11:05:04 PM

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quote:

I can understand all of that.

agirl.... who has so many things she ought to/ should/will probably be made to quit.

And if you are like me it is kinda like whack-a-mole... you kick one habit, and then another one springs up

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to agirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/21/2011 11:10:47 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
.. lets face it though, most of us know how to use a toilet, so micromanagement even down to going potty has nothing to do with capacity

Which is why I scratch my head at the "he wants a woman who can think" type of comments.

I don't scratch my head at those comments. They are generally quite clear in their objective even if they don't go as far as to spell it out with bullet points.

If you have to ask to do something that other people can manage perfectly well....can design, order, see to, sort out, is superbly wonderful with..... You are a bit lacking......... maybe not a BIG bit.....but enough to warrant all this *micro-attention*...insert a sort of eyes to the ceiling thing.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to NuevaVida)

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