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What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 6:56:35 PM

yourslut1988

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/21/2011
Status: offline

i have messaged quite a few Doms and it seems like everyone reads the message but none answer me. Not only that the usually dont even look at my profile. Is it because of my age? Please help me.

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 7:03:48 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

Naked pictures before being asked for them, and naming yourself "yourslut."
Hope that helps, M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to yourslut1988)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 7:07:47 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I read your profile. You sound too desparate.

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(in reply to yourslut1988)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 7:32:34 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Direct from the FAQ:

Q: Why won’t dommes answer my CMail?

A: There are many reasons a dominant woman doesn’t respond to email. Perhaps you are too young, too old, too far away, married, or you don’t share the same interests. Sometimes, it just boils down to lack of chemistry. If she reads your message, inspects your profile, looks at your picture, and doesn’t feel a spark of interest, she probably won’t reply. Most women will not respond to a message of only one or two lines or one that demonstrates you haven’t read her profile. Another possibility is that your profile is too short or comes across as too focused on yourself and your kinks. Below are links to on-going threads dedicated to getting help with your profile and improving your introductory email.

Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman
CMail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 7:35:41 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Being male, you should only expect a 5-10% response rate from a first contact message. As mentioned above, you may be shooting yourself in the foot and getting less than that just from your screen name. Yes, it's a kink site, but you're going to find that screen names that are related to kink and/or sex don't go over all that well. The age might be a factor if you are messaging people who are significantly older than you. Between the two, that's why nobody is even looking at the profile.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 7:37:00 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourslut1988
i have messaged quite a few Doms and it seems like everyone reads the message but none answer me. Not only that the usually dont even look at my profile. Is it because of my age? Please help me.

Your screen name alone screams "I am a giant man whore. I'll be a slut for anyone who wants me, and I'm totally focused on sex and don't care about getting to know you as a person before offering to be your slut".

In addition to raising safety concerns if you really are anybody's slut who wants you, it shows a lack of standards and a total indifference to who your partner is as a human being. It is really no fun being asked for kinky sex by men who don't care who I am as a human being. In fact it feels pretty yucky to be sexually pursued while being socially ignored.

I generally just delete mail from men with explicit screen names. I don't need to see yet another cock picture or a gross, tasteless, rude and explicit sexual offer from a stranger. And that's all it's ever likely to be from someone who advertises themselves that crudely, so it's not worth assaulting my eyeballs with it for the hundredth time. If I do open my mail and find something tasteless and crude, I delete it and block the sender.

If you are sending offers of sex, kinky play or personal servitude to strangers without taking the time to get to know them as human beings first, it's going to be a predictable pattern. Most women will delete and block you, period. Even if you share their kinks, you're treating them like a kink fix rather than like a person. And that's not attractive.

Try toning down the screen name and making friends first. Being simply friendly and getting to know people with no pressure to jump right into the sack (or the dungeon) will get you a whole lot farther than shoving naked pictures and explicit names in strange women's faces. Would you introduce yourself that way in person? I hope not. It really doesn't work any better online.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to yourslut1988)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 8:00:45 PM

LonDom61

Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline

Agree with all the above.

And, as a male sub, you've got a TON of competition. So if it's even a little crappy, many Dommes will just click "next". And, as itemized above, yours is...uh...more than a little crappy.

And, okay, your cmail includes notification of if/when it's read. But don't assume they're not looking at your profile. The "viewed you" only lights up if they click "view full profile". They only do that to
a) read a profile that's longer than yours is, cuz it's continued past page one;
b) want to look at your interest list, but you've included a long list right on page one;
c) want to read journal entries more easily, which you don't have; or
d) perv you from a link such as on your post here.

So you've given them no reason to make the click that'd put them on your radar.

Also you've got at least three typos/spelling mistakes. Dommes may or may not care about that. But it borders on a fetish for me. Just sayin'. Heck, just look for red wavy lines.

= = =
Edited to add: Not sure if "Ask a Mistress" is open to replies from MDoms. If not, my apologies. (I just spotted the comment in the blurb box on the other side.)

< Message edited by LonDom61 -- 6/22/2011 8:11:56 PM >

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 8:17:48 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LonDom61
Edited to add: Not sure if "Ask a Mistress" is open to replies from MDoms. If not, my apologies. (I just spotted the comment in the blurb box on the other side.)

Ask a Mistress is open to posting from anyone. Especially, respectful men.

M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to LonDom61)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 8:24:02 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LonDom61
= = =
Edited to add: Not sure if "Ask a Mistress" is open to replies from MDoms. If not, my apologies. (I just spotted the comment in the blurb box on the other side.)

You're going to find that we don't generally fuss about that on this board. We take that 'anybody can post/respond' bit rather literally. You won't find the same response or train wreck threads on the 'you're not this gender' as you will on the other board. A number of male Doms post here regularly and we're glad to have them.

Not to mention, the original did say "Doms" specifically, so if you caught it on the scroll, it's more than reasonable to think that the OP meant males.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LonDom61)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 8:42:30 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I read your profile. You sound too desparate.

Not just desperate, but entirely focussed on you and your kinky needs/wants.

Is there a man behind the penis? From your profile it doesn't seem so.

Give prospective Dommes a reason to WANT to talk to you. What are you like as a person? Do you have hobbies? What movies do you like? What music do you love? How do you spend your spare time?

And as for the female supremacy bit...you might want to tone that down a tad. I know many lifestyle Dommes in r/l and there's only one I know that believes in female supremacy. The rest just want a submissive partner.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 9:00:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

1. Your pic shows nothing but a hairy chest. Wimmins like to see a man. I'd recommend one pic of you chopping wood and looking manly, another of you in a suit looking suave, etc.

2. Your list of likes/dislikes is 100% kink. Your profile is about kink. It screams "I want to worship you" instead of "I'm looking for a relationship".

3. Your spelling and grammar are sloppy. That puts off some women.

4. You have been on this site one whole day and are already getting discouraged.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 6/22/2011 9:40:02 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 9:15:27 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
1. Your pic shows nothing but a hairy chest. Wimmins like to see a man. I'd recommend ne pic of you chopping wood and looking manly, another of you in a suit looking suave, etc

.I just pictured you (but as Blanche Devereaux of the Golden Girls) saying that, in a sexy southern drawl (is this a word).

quote:

yourslut1988
my name nick and i am seeking a strict Mistress. i am a very firm believer in the Female Superemacy and believe that men were created to please Women. Women deserve to be in charge of everything in a mans life.

Even for me, who likes 'em romantic, and servile, this is more nauseatingly desperate, than attractive. I would lose it, and tell women about you; or invite conversation, if you don't want to write a very long profile. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 11:10:07 PM

seppef

Posts: 5
Status: offline

Quite the same experience but it might happen if they dont pay the contribution as a consequence they may even not see your mail or pofile

(in reply to yourslut1988)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 11:40:40 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Are you sending generic messages? By that I mean messages that could be sent to any Dom at all. A message that could be sent to any and all Doms are very easy to spot and not appreciated. Doms are not one size fits all, and Doms like messages that show you actually bothered to read their profiles. In other words, in your messages refer to something in the profile that interested you, that caused you to write, or that you both have in common.

(in reply to yourslut1988)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/22/2011 11:54:44 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

no offense intended, yourslut1988, but you come off as a creeper

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/23/2011 12:20:04 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Quite the same experience but it might happen if they dont pay the contribution as a consequence they may even not see your mail or pofile

Ummm, what? Not sure if this is what you are implying, but this is not a pay site.

OP- What everyone else is saying. Desperation is not attractive, and a profile or cmail that sounds like you want a woman, any woman, to fulfill your kink (hint: your profile does this) is a complete turn off for females on both sides of the kneel.

This site isn't McDommes or Subway and you cannot expect to just step up to the counter, place your order, and get a #2 combo anal fisting with a side order of ball busting, hold the public play.

If you want the women here to be interested in you, back off the kink and approach them as women first.

ETA- My best advice- Do not be this guy!

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 6/23/2011 12:23:29 AM >

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/23/2011 1:40:57 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
This site isn't McDommes or Subway and you cannot expect to just step up to the counter, place your order, and get a #2 combo anal fisting with a side order of ball busting, hold the public play.

If you want the women here to be interested in you, back off the kink and approach them as women first.

ETA- My best advice- Do not be this guy!

Great reply! The video is funny, no matter how many times I watch it. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to WyldHrt)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/23/2011 2:07:39 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seppef

Quite the same experience but it might happen if they dont pay the contribution as a consequence they may even not see your mail or pofile

You're on the wrong page, I think you meant to go to ALT

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to seppef)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/23/2011 5:15:49 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i'm not a Dominant, but a lot of the same principles apply because, FemDom or femsub, we're both female. if i got a message from someone with your name, i would pass. i tend to ignore messages from Dominants with similar names, like MasterAssLuvr, or BBCDom4u, SlutOwner99, or anything like that. to me, it's a sign of a thought process that i have no compatibility with; the sex/kink is the primary emphasis or motivation for them, even at the cost of being original or creative and showing something about who they really are, while it isn't for me.

in this medium, every little bit goes into a first impression, and a screenname DOES matter.

i dunno if you've done any modifications to your profile yet, but perhaps take away the "Hello Mistress" salutation, and replace it with a simple "Hello." your profile comes across to me as not so much desperate but as groveling, and oddly enough, random groveling is a turn-off for many. you need to talk more about YOURSELF and less about the kink you're into -- not only do you have this information in your Interests, but you have it in the body of your profile. Take it out of your profile (anyone who views your profile can see the interests lists you have) and write a little more about you. What makes you interesting, what non-kink stuff do you do in your spare time, what are you studying? What do you like to read? Women of either orientation like a well-rounded guy who isn't just one-dimensional.
you can always write a journal about your female supremacy ideas (a lot of women like reading journals because they show how your brain works, which is part of what makes you interesting), but frankly, that stuff isn't as attractive to women as you might think. you can SHOW your own mistress that you believe in her right to own you, but you do that with your interactions, showing respect, care, and obedience -- that comes later, though, not Day 1 on your profile.

and the profile picture -- a nondescript hairy chest is never going to stand out. And honestly, it's probably not as impressive as you think it is. a full-body shot of you, or a face shot, would be better. even if, for some reason, you have to blur out the face or conceal your identity, there are more creative, appealing ways to do it than what you have at the moment.

think of it as doing the same things you'd do to attract a girl offline -- how would you go about finding compatibility in the vanilla world? would you introduce yourself with "hi! i'm one seriously slutty guy!" i hope not. would you walk up to someone, take your shirt off, and throw your chest in her face? i hope not. would you hand her a list of your favorite sexual fantasies? i hope not. you'd introduce yourself, chit chat with her, share opinions, find common ground and hopefully mutual attraction, and move from there.

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

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RE: What am i doing wrong? - 6/23/2011 6:08:29 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
you'd introduce yourself, chit chat with her, share opinions, find common ground and hopefully mutual attraction, and move from there.

I just felt like I needed to emphasize this point that Lilly made. OP, your profile says "I want a woman to Dominate me!" Aside from having estrogen, will you take just anyone?

Spend some time getting to know someone. Reject those, politely, that you're not compatible with. It's your responsibility to both you and her to determine that compatibility before throwing yourself at her.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

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