RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 1:32:37 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

There lies the problem, He does not want to be the one to set down the laws regarding this matter, this is up to me. They never listen to me. Its insane!

He does not want to set down the laws for his house?

WTF is he master of?

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 2:02:58 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

There lies the problem, He does not want to be the one to set down the laws regarding this matter, this is up to me. They never listen to me. Its insane!

Then isn't about time you stepped up to the plate and make them listen before it's too late? You stated in a post your offspring are 10 and 13 I believe? As to what LP wrote, it is sound advice and for a second, I thought she was channelling my own mom, in the sense that a child is never too young to learn how to take on a bit of responsibility. Hell...like many others,I had chores to do when I was your offspring's' age, from helping with dishes, picking up my dirty clothes off the floor to keeping my room neat.

As for Art foisting all the household chores to you...well being a Master entails a hell of a lot more than delegating what he will do and what you must do, sorry sweetie but all these excuses I am reading from you sure sounds like his fantasy is falling way short of reality; as I see it, you both are failing to mesh the M/s with the reality of every day living. As I asked earlier...what about the importance of your own health? Is that some minor inconvenience or not. I still fail to see how any responsible master allowing his slave, whom he so cherishes, to allow said slave to have her health suffer because neither he or the other members of your household ignore their own responsibilities of the house. Any decent and caring Master will ensure their property is healthy physically, emotionally and mentally, anything less and I seriously wonder about the ability of that master and the choices he makes.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 2:17:19 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

Then isn't about time you stepped up to the plate and make them listen before it's too late? You stated in a post your offspring are 10 and 13 I believe? As to what LP wrote, it is sound advice and for a second, I thought she was channelling my own mom, in the sense that a child is never too young to learn how to take on a bit of responsibility. Hell...like many others,I had chores to do when I was your offspring's' age, from helping with dishes, picking up my dirty clothes off the floor to keeping my room neat.

As for Art foisting all the household chores to you...well being a Master entails a hell of a lot more than delegating what he will do and what you must do, sorry sweetie but all these excuses I am reading from you sure sounds like his fantasy is falling way short of reality; as I see it, you both are failing to mesh the M/s with the reality of every day living. As I asked earlier...what about the importance of your own health? Is that some minor inconvenience or not. I still fail to see how any responsible master allowing his slave, whom he so cherishes, to allow said slave to have her health suffer because neither he or the other members of your household ignore their own responsibilities of the house. Any decent and caring Master will ensure their property is healthy physically, emotionally and mentally, anything less and I seriously wonder about the ability of that master and the choices he makes.

I agree totally. By the ages of 10 and 13 kids should understand enough about what a family is to realize that have to help out and be used to that. Tammy should have been teaching them that, she has not. That's her bad. HIS bad is ignoring the issue and delegating it all to her, when she is not physically up for it.

On the one hand, I can understand a step parent getting tired of trying to help their mate discipline their kids, but if this is something he cannot accomplish, he owes it to the entire family to get them counseling.

This is, after all, a very common every day issues in vanilla households as well. Which is why family counselors are really good at teaching parents how to discipline their kids and help them learn basic chores and responsibilities.

I used to work at a large university. You would be floored at how many college age students can't clean, do laundry, cook, shop, handle money, maintain a car.....it's scary.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 6/27/2011 2:18:20 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 2:20:41 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

smoke weed...smoke lots of weed...
or brownies, then you get the eye slammin` going on -L-

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 2:33:26 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

ETA: Fast Reply

I'm a teacher, and every september I have to 'housetrain' up to 150 kids to do things MY way in MY classroom.

I hate mess, so I have jobs. I explain to the kids the rules of the room and why they need to be there. Once it's been explained that there's more time for fun stuff at the end of the lesson if everyone does a little bit to tidy up, you can get them on board.

Then comes rewards and consequences. A highly visible 'reward' chart shows each student pulling his/her weight. They see their friends being rewarded and tend to keep up. Regularly (about once a month) I give out silly little prizes...every lesson I give out praise.

Kids who fail to follow the room rules have consequences. It might be they don't get to join in the fun games, or (depending on the transgression) it may involve a 'discussion session' after school to figure out the problem.

The first few weeks are tough. Very tough. You have to go in hard and relentless - draw the line in the sand and watch it like a hawk. Praise and consequence must be immediate. Eventually, they get the hang of it, get used to it and you can ease off.

I spoke with a child a few weeks ago who had been a major PITA in the first term. Now he's settled down, he's lovely to be with. He said he preferred being at school to being at home because 'at school I know where I am. I know the rules and I know I'm going to be rewarded or punished'. At home, he said his mum just let him do his own thing, and he hated it.

Kids like structure, boundaries and consistency. Show them that. And get Master off his ass and involved too. Hell, two of the kids are his responsibility - he needs to man up and support you!

< Message edited by myotherself -- 6/27/2011 2:34:19 PM >

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 2:34:07 PM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

Agrees with all. My kids do have chores, but i fail miserably at making them do them before i return home from school this in turn takes us on a ride, of arguing etc. Ridiculous! Yes as a child i had to make sure the house was perfect before mom came home, i was terrified of that lady!
I agree they need their stuff taken away till things improve.....
they half-ass do their chores now and that is not alot.
IT is freaking maddening!
I know i have failed as a parent, when i have to yell to get them to do what they should have already done. I have spent far too long feeling sorry for the kids who lost their father, had everything taken away from them from a housefire and having to move to a new state, hell that was years ago.
At the same time im way too exhausted to stand over them and make them do it.
As far as Art stepping up to the plate, his ex wife called the cops on him and so did her son for disiplining him (nothing physical) and lets face it he is older now, i still dont blame him one bit for not wanting to step in.
If i could afford a maid that would be fantastic, but with not working and only going to school.....not so much.
Thunder ya really had a good idea, since i dont take meds for pain, yet im in constant pain maybe i should switch to weed and either A) not give a fuck or B) forget how many hours has passed since i was standing over the kids while they cleaned.... damn near as brillant as all the other post.
It has actaully gotten to the point where i felt the best place for us to be in back in our own home, just so the freaking dishes could be ignored for a day..... dunno but do know i now have a full fledged migraine and i have to take the kids to the ballpark, just freakin dandy!

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 3:10:08 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

but do know i now have a full fledged migraine and i have to take the kids to the ballpark, just freakin dandy!

No you fucking don't. Are their chores done? No? No one goes to the ballpark. See how easy that is?

Pick up any parenting book about consequences, and stop saving them from themselves. No chores, no ballpark.

"But mom! We'll get kicked off the team!"

"Then I suppose you should do your chores."

You never have to stand over them to make them do chores. They do them, or they suffer consequences. Seriously, this is not rocket science.

Make a chore chart for each kid, with a place for them to put an X in the box for each chore finished.

Kid 1

Monday - after getting dressed, sort their own dirty clothes into the laundry bins (always have several, pre-sorted bins so anyone can do a load of laundry at any time)
- make bed
- with a damp rag, wipe down bathroom counter. Empty bathroom trash if more than half full. Wash bathroom mirror with windex and paper towels. Change towels to clean ones.
- wash own dishes after eating breakfast and lunch

Tuesday - sort own dirty clothes
- make bed
- check bathroom counter
- vacuum own room and hallway
- wash own dishes after breakfast and lunch

Wednesday - sort own dirty clothes
- make bed
- check bathroom counter, spot clean bathroom mirror above sink if it is dirty, scrub toilet
- vacuum living room
- wash load of towels on large cycle, hot water. Put in dryer when washer is finished.
- wash own dishes after breakfast and lunch

etc. Kid number 2 can be:

Monday - after getting dressed, sort their own dirty clothes
- make bed
- with a damp rag, wipe down kitchen counter. Empty trash if more than half full. Change kitchen towel to clean one.
- wash own dishes after eating breakfast and lunch

Tuesday - sort own dirty clothes
- make bed
- wipe kitchen counter
- take out recycling
- wash own dishes after breakfast and lunch

Wednesday - sort own dirty clothes
- make bed
- wipe kitchen counter
- fold load of towels when dry, put them away
- wash own dishes after breakfast and lunch

See? Identify all the chores that need to be done, that each child can do or can be taught to do. If their chores don't get done, they don't get to do what they want.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 3:22:51 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Agrees with all. My kids do have chores, but i fail miserably at making them do them before i return home from school this in turn takes us on a ride, of arguing etc. Ridiculous! Yes as a child i had to make sure the house was perfect before mom came home, i was terrified of that lady!
I agree they need their stuff taken away till things improve.....
they half-ass do their chores now and that is not alot.
IT is freaking maddening!
I know i have failed as a parent, when i have to yell to get them to do what they should have already done. I have spent far too long feeling sorry for the kids who lost their father, had everything taken away from them from a housefire and having to move to a new state, hell that was years ago.
At the same time im way too exhausted to stand over them and make them do it.
As far as Art stepping up to the plate, his ex wife called the cops on him and so did her son for disiplining him (nothing physical) and lets face it he is older now, i still dont blame him one bit for not wanting to step in.If i could afford a maid that would be fantastic, but with not working and only going to school.....not so much.
Thunder ya really had a good idea, since i dont take meds for pain, yet im in constant pain maybe i should switch to weed and either A) not give a fuck or B) forget how many hours has passed since i was standing over the kids while they cleaned.... damn near as brillant as all the other post.
It has actaully gotten to the point where i felt the best place for us to be in back in our own home, just so the freaking dishes could be ignored for a day..... dunno but do know i now have a full fledged migraine and i have to take the kids to the ballpark, just freakin dandy!

Tammy, I am sorry you are in pain, my sister in law has bad fibro but takes care of a house, with 2 rambunctious 12 year old twin girls and a n 8 year autistic boy who requires a ton of help. My brother is always traveling for business but when he returns, he does everything possible to help her with the house and kids.

The part that I bolded about Art is wrong. Your current relationship with him has nothing to do with his past relationship with his ex wife and if he is using that as an excuse to dump all this on you, he is being a selfish jerk.

As for his older children, anyone who lives under someone's roof needs to do more than mow the lawn or cook 3x week. Your little kids need to respect you by disciplining them.

You can do it if you do not keep caving in. Oh, and I would not recommend dropping out of school; bettering yourself to be independent is second in importance to your health.

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 3:24:01 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

tammy, your kids are 10 and 13, you never stated how old his kids are.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 3:26:40 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

his daughter's old enough to have a live-in boyfriend. if all those two are doing is mowing the lawn and cooking a few times a week, that's ridiculous. and i agree with sexyred; he's using his past as the reason for his laziness, but that's ridiculous, too.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 3:55:35 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

By the way tammy, I would suggest to try to think ahead a bit more. I don't think this is going to go down well when Artie finds out you posted this. There are plenty of places online to get parenting help, organizational ideas, chore charts, etc. Why you would want to post this here, when so many people think you are the master in the relationship anyway? To confirm what they already believe?

Custom printable chore charts: http://www.dltk-kids.com/type/printable_chorecharts.htm
How to organize your house and yourself: http://mymessyhouse.org/
How to give consequences that work: http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Give-Kids-Consequences-That-Work.php#
Consequences and teens: http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/consequences%20and%20teens.htm

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 3:56:30 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

I gotta ask.... how old is old enough to have a live in boyfriend?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 4:06:56 PM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

This was never about Art, this was my issue. As they said, his daughter is old enough to have her boyfriend living here. Most of the time he is working out of town. No I have been in some form of higher education since 92 so stopping now would only be a temporary thing. School is the one place I can go and belong. Here I am the maid and a poor one at that. This topic got off hand bringing art into it when it never had anything to do with him to begin with. Thanks for the advice guys.

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 4:09:12 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

it does have something to do with him because you wouldn't be in the position you were in if he wasn't irresponsibly throwing his responsibilities TO HIS OWN CHILDREN off on you, with no regard to how the stress is affecting your health.
it's not "just your issue" when you're in a partnership with someone. it's an issue of a house that supposedly has a "master." pfft.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 4:10:51 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

tammy

it has alot to do with him. sad you cant see that. you asked for suggestions based upon what you told us. you have a daughter who is old enough to have a live in boyfriend, yet she can cook only 3 nights a week and mow the lawn?

Come on.

you are a doormat to many, and you are allowing it.

Only you can prevent forest fires... especially within your own home.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 4:21:07 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

This was never about Art, this was my issue. As they said, his daughter is old enough to have her boyfriend living here. Most of the time he is working out of town. No I have been in some form of higher education since 92 so stopping now would only be a temporary thing. School is the one place I can go and belong. Here I am the maid and a poor one at that. This topic got off hand bringing art into it when it never had anything to do with him to begin with. Thanks for the advice guys.

It is about him though. He is supposed to take care of his property.

Any child old enough to have a b/f living in is old enough to take care of all the household, except for chores that should be the younger two childrens responsibilities.

You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with the man of the house, then the two of you have a family meeting with the other household members and lay out the rules.

If the two older kids can not do what is expected of them, show them the door. If the two younger ones can not do what is expected of them, they should enjoy being in their rooms with no tv or other fun things.

If Art refuses to be involved, well, then you have some things to really think about.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 4:23:03 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline

When I was eleven, I was peeling potatoes and starting them to cook for dinner after both of my working parents got home. When I was 12, I was taught how to do my own laundry, including the ironing. When I was 14, I was earning my own spending money by babysitting. I was also responsible for keeping an eye on my two younger sisters after school.

When I didn't do what chores I had, I didn't get anything in return. No one stood over me to make sure I did them, I had the responsibility, and if I didn't do what few chores I had, then there was no pool, no snowmobiles, no TV, nothing fun that I wanted to do. On Saturdays, we'd be stuck in our bedrooms cleaning them....to my mom's standards, which meant everything put where it belonged, not just shoved under the bed or into the closet.

I agree with what everyone else has said as far as Art's lack of stepping up. If he's in any kind of relationship with you, then that also means he's in a relationship with your kids. And if he's not making his own kids pull their weight, then let him clean up after them and take care of them. Be a feaking parent already...BOTH of you. Put down the rules, and if they can't live by them, then they suffer for it. I love the idea of strippping their rooms of all their goodies......I can't think of any kid today who can live or function without all of them.....use that little tidbit to your advantage.

And yeah, kick the boyfriend out...you still haven't said how old they are, but if they are living together as a couple, then they can handle their own expenses and living arrangements.

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 4:39:56 PM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

Time for me to quit whinning and clean. My kids 10-13 do have their chores but its a struggle to get them to do them when i want them done (aka before i hit the door). Art did clean the house last weekend when i was in bed with migraines the entire time. So yeah tammy stop your whinning. and soul i had an ubberly strict mother who everything had to be in its place and clean before she got home, so one thing i do know is work ethics. Just let it all go (for the kids) as i said after their father died, (you never want to look little children in their beautiful faces and tell them daddy is dead), and i went down with fibro so bad i was in bed for months.... guilt sat in....hell an 8 yr old was practically running the house for months... so im soft now, and fustrated. Yes i take the laptops cellphones xboxs wiis etc away....then it goes back to the same old thing. GAHHHHH! Art has been very patient in this matter after all its his home, he bought it and kept it emaculant until we all moved in. He has been taken over by all of us. It does no good to talk to the older ones......just wont even go there..... so again stop your whinning tammy and deal with it.

Laundry, study, kitchen, study ........... me ? ill wait until i have one of those fine and dandy migraine set backs for a rest. Life i chose.

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to soul2share)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 5:07:46 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Many of the women who gave you advice have grown children of their own.

Many of these same women have moved in with other men.

There is only one you. If YOU dont take care of YOU, and HE wont take care of YOU, who is going to be around to take care of those TWO YOU created.

Just a question you really need to ponder.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to tammystarm)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 5:21:56 PM

0ldhen

Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

but do know i now have a full fledged migraine and i have to take the kids to the ballpark, just freakin dandy!

No you fucking don't. Are their chores done? No? No one goes to the ballpark. See how easy that is?

A Mom after my own heart...let them get away with simple stuff n ow...you often pay dearly once they are teenagers or adults.....

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Profile

Post #: 60