RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 5:55:22 AM

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I have fibro too, and ultram doesnt touch it. 800 mg ibuprophen three times a day keeps me going much better. My mother functing nicely on that dose twice a day. Its been so long since I havent been "in pain" I forgot what being pain free is like.

The "acting like a 13 year old", I think you may have taken that out of context. Your kids have friends. Your job is to be their mother. Sure, its nice that you get along with them, have fun, and that they like you. Its important that they respect you and learn life's lessons from you.

Children crave discipline and boundaries. Of course they rebel, pout, whine and carry on.... but secretly, you are their defense against the world, their excuse not to do the things they dont want to do.

My proudest moment with my son was hearing him tell a friend he wanted to go somewhere with his friend.. but that I would kick his ass if he did, so he better stay at home. When his friend asked, I asked my son why he told that very obvious lie... his friend wanted to go play pool and I had no issue with that.

My son pointed out that his "friend" wasnt really a friend, that the last time they went he had started drinking. Instead of getting into an argument or dealing with the hassel of his friend pushing him into doing something he didnt want to do, I became the convenient lie my son hid behind. His "friend" was scared of me... lol.

And, you know what? I was so cool with that!

A mother nurtures, protects, disciplines and guides her children. When we say your kids have enough 13 year old friends, we mean it. Be their mother, they will love you more for the effort.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:02:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

There lies the problem, He does not want to be the one to set down the laws regarding this matter, this is up to me. They never listen to me. Its insane!

He does not want to set down the laws for his house?

WTF is he master of?

I believe his domain has been named "HouseofArturas" NOT "HouseofTammy". Tammy, there's no love lost between us & I debated whether or not to post here but I can't stay quiet any longer. You don't deserve this. My 1st thought was as other posters have said, YOUR health should be HIS concern. He knew that you had fibromyalgia when he collared you. Did he say then & there that your health was of no concern to him?

He wants YOU in control of "HouseofArturas" then he should rename the home & take the collar off of you & put it on him. He's getting a free ride (no pun intended) thinking that he can get away with anything & everything just because he slapped on a "Master" title. Being a Master/Mistress doesn't entitle a person to ignore the health & well being of their property, if anything it ADDS responsibilities.

Good luck, Tammy.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:05:40 AM

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FR

Since we've decided to open my house up to CM forums in this soap opera I'll fill in some holes here in my business.

My single child here is 22 and out of work. I let her boyfriend live here because she would stay with him out on the street homeless selling blood for money if I had not and I love my daughter. She is here two to four days a week and the other time with her mother and she does help out and does cook much of the time she is here. He and she both help me out with the outside chores on a very large yard. Her boyfriend does work four days a week now and pays for a singles room close to were he works in another city. They are hoping to get their own place. He is paying what rent he can to me. Both of them do exactly as I wish most of the time and are respectful of my house.

On tam's children. I purposely tread lightly on tam's children and I made it clear that I was not in the business of disciplining her children from the first. But, I have stepped in when her son gets too out of control and that is a slippery slope I am loath to slide down.

Finally, as far as the name calling and criticism that occurred here, I want to make it clear that unless you walk in my shoes before you critique me you are the bigger jerk.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:08:05 AM

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uh-huh.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:13:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

There lies the problem, He does not want to be the one to set down the laws regarding this matter, this is up to me. They never listen to me. Its insane!

He does not want to set down the laws for his house?

WTF is he master of?

I believe his domain has been named "HouseofArturas" NOT "HouseofTammy". Tammy, there's no love lost between us & I debated whether or not to post here but I can't stay quiet any longer. You don't deserve this. My 1st thought was as other posters have said, YOUR health should be HIS concern. He knew that you had fibromyalgia when he collared you. Did he say then & there that your health was of no concern to him?

He wants YOU in control of "HouseofArturas" then he should rename the home & take the collar off of you & put it on him. He's getting a free ride (no pun intended) thinking that he can get away with anything & everything just because he slapped on a "Master" title. Being a Master/Mistress doesn't entitle a person to ignore the health & well being of their property, if anything it ADDS responsibilities.

Good luck, Tammy.

I had no idea who her "master" was when I posted that. Had I kown, I probably would not have been so kind.

I really think that moving out, and making her self and her kids priority #1 would be the best for her, but, I also have to wonder if the whole thing is just fucking drama and a way to pull our strings for them to sit and get more shits an giggles.

I do hope it all works out, for the kids. They are the ones with no choices here.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:15:19 AM

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quote:

I do hope it all works out, for the kids. They are the ones with no choices here.

Exactly.

**Eta, I hope that we can let this matter rest w/o getting into a no win online battle**

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 6/28/2011 7:17:47 AM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:24:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

FR

Since we've decided to open my house up to CM forums in this soap opera I'll fill in some holes here in my business.

My single child here is 22 and out of work. I let her boyfriend live here because she would stay with him out on the street homeless selling blood for money if I had not and I love my daughter. She is here two to four days a week and the other time with her mother and she does help out and does cook much of the time she is here. He and she both help me out with the outside chores on a very large yard. Her boyfriend does work four days a week now and pays for a singles room close to were he works in another city. They are hoping to get their own place. He is paying what rent he can to me. Both of them do exactly as I wish most of the time and are respectful of my house.

On tam's children. I purposely tread lightly on tam's children and I made it clear that I was not in the business of disciplining her children from the first. But, I have stepped in when her son gets too out of control and that is a slippery slope I am loath to slide down.

Finally, as far as the name calling and criticism that occurred here, I want to make it clear that unless you walk in my shoes before you critique me you are the bigger jerk.

Dont get pissy at us for your "business" being out here. And asking how old the 22 year old was is a valid question in light of everything else.

I stand behind every word I posted to tammy. She has a bad habit of opening a door and then quickly slamming it shut, not explaining the complete scene and expecting people to get the situation right.

Out of curiosity... and of course you dont have to answer.... but why do you need both their help outside in a large yard? Are you also in pain? I grew up on a small farm. I had chores inside and out. Feeding the animals, tending to two smaller brothers and weeding the garden, along with dishes, dinner and laundry.

Children dont have to be beat to get them to listen. You pick and chose your battles. They want to go to the movies but couldnt seem to pitch in on the chores? Oh well. "Uh, no, you arent going. Why? If you cant do what I want you to do when I want you to do it, why should I do what you want me to do when you want me to do it?" That goes for anything that requires you to put out time, effort or money.

In a few weeks, after they stop bitching and moaning, and they finally realize you mean business... bet you have more cooperative kids... and bruise free.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Arturas)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:27:47 AM

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but Tazzy.. he's "out of town a lot"

*snerk*

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:30:56 AM

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All I see, based upon the words of Tammy and Art, is that 4 offspring are the 'masters' of the house. The adults are serving and submitting to them.

Art bottomed and submitted to his daughter and her idle threats and now is serving her and her boy toy. Instead of calling her bluff. Tammy is serving the lot of them. Four manipulative kids, two adults allowing it then pissing and whining about the outcome.

As a parent it is a helluva lot easier to do what they are doing and a lot harder, but more responsible, to create boundaries and stand by them. Even when the kids use your love for them, and weaknesses, to manipulate. Two adults too blinded to see they are the problems, not the kids.

Don't feel bad Tammy and Art, I see it all the time. You are not a rarity.

One more thing.....Tammy, if you cannot effectively parent AND go to school I sincerely suggest you quit school. It is all about priorities. Your health should be #1 and your children should be #2. School, while I understand it's importance to you personally, may very well have to take a backseat, as a responsible parent.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/28/2011 7:47:35 AM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:33:07 AM

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i think LaT kinda wrapped that one up.

shall we move on to backgammon, then?

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:36:00 AM

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ooh.. backgammon! or scrabble?

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 7:57:17 AM

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I'm finding this thread fascinating asked Mom what the consequences were when we kids didn't do our chores (we had 4 acres, goats, and a vegetable garden.) She thought about it, and says she thinks this didn't come up because we always did our chores.

We had a wood stove and bought wood in logs - Mom sawed them, Dad split them, and we kids stacked and brought it in.

I remember my grandmothers apron - "Those who work, eat"

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 8:33:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

FR

Since we've decided to open my house up to CM forums in this soap opera I'll fill in some holes here in my business.

My single child here is 22 and out of work. I let her boyfriend live here because she would stay with him out on the street homeless selling blood for money if I had not and I love my daughter. She is here two to four days a week and the other time with her mother and she does help out and does cook much of the time she is here. He and she both help me out with the outside chores on a very large yard. Her boyfriend does work four days a week now and pays for a singles room close to were he works in another city. They are hoping to get their own place. He is paying what rent he can to me. Both of them do exactly as I wish most of the time and are respectful of my house.

On tam's children. I purposely tread lightly on tam's children and I made it clear that I was not in the business of disciplining her children from the first. But, I have stepped in when her son gets too out of control and that is a slippery slope I am loath to slide down.

Finally, as far as the name calling and criticism that occurred here, I want to make it clear that unless you walk in my shoes before you critique me you are the bigger jerk.

Frankly, Arturas, it was a member of your household who came to this forum for advice. If that embarrasses you, it's no fault of the forum. I gave her the same parenting advice that I would have given regardless of who she happens to be collared to. Obviously, something's not working in your household and people gave suggestions. If you don't want that to happen, you've got control over yourself and exactly one other person on this entire thread. It seems to Me that if you don't want the result that has happened here, there absolutely is a way to prevent it from happening again, but it sure as heck has nothing to do with the people who answered the question.

Whether tammy is collared to you or not, living in your house or not, she still needs to be a parent. From what I'm gathering, that is something that is lapsing a bit at least in the area of *their* responsibilities in the household. This seems to have sprung from multiple factors. Her illness, the emotional situation from losing their father (so tammy's been too easy on them), different standards on the state of the household tidiness, etc. On top of this, it seems worse now because tammy is attending school and the kids are home for the summer.

I'm at a loss on how you want to set a standard in your household or delegate authority, but you don't want to enforce it. At this point, tammy either can't or won't do so. How do you expect this to happen? Somebody is going to have to step up to the plate, and I don't just mean the ten and thirteen year olds.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 8:34:10 AM

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I am grateful for my family every day, but this thread really makes that grateful bucket all shiny!

Tammy, it's your life. Fix it, or don't fix it. Saying that you are being a bad parent is all well and good, but what help is that? Your kids are floundering. It's like a fat person bemoaning their weight while they eat chips on the couch.

When I was considered old enough to be home alone a few hours after school (age 9 or10?) I had a different chore every day, change the bed linens, vacuum, dust, laundry, whatever. My parents worked like dogs, and I was happy to do something to be useful and help out. I might have spent half an hour a day on whatever the chore was. I set the table for dinner much earlier, and helped clear and deal with dishes. Ironing, remember that? Somehow, in spite of the hideous load of housework, I had time to read, do art, play, watch television, ride my bike, do my homework...astounding!!

Suit up, or shut up. I am sorry that you have no backup from the male front, but since you are a single parent, BE ONE. Lots of wonderful examples here on the boards of FANTASTIC moms raising their kids to be good citizens while still having good loving relationships with them. (Parade wave to my darling Daddysredhead!) Since you have been in school since the 1990's, I am guessing that you are not in a degree program that will finish soon. So take the rest of the year off. Your CHILDREN are your priority, right after YOURSELF.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 8:53:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

He isnt the father of my kids, i am in charge...that was the agreement. His daughter and her boyfriend live here, but they are always in their room. she does mow the lawn and cook about three times a week. my kids are 13 and 10, and somewhere down the line after the fibro hit i let them get away from murder since i felt so guilty not being able to be the mom i wanted to be, hell they just lost their father too. Now its time to lay down the law, but i dont have it in me. Its quit school so far as a solution, but how freaking sad is that!

Counseling, tammy.
Counseling with the kids that helps you get your parenting under control.
Accepting responsibility gives you the option of changing your circumstance.
Playing the blame game just keeps you victim to it.
Both you and the kids deserve better... and family counseling with them can help you get things back on track.

And tammy, get yourself to a doctor, there are newer (and often very effective) medication options for fibromyalgia.
Would your master be willing to go to the doctor's with you?
It sounds like he has forgotten about the reality of living with fibromyalgia.

I think perhaps you have too to some degree:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

I do find it a bit sad that your master has moved kids into his household and does not want the responsibility of sharing in their parenting, but as you say, he is very busy.

Best wishes-

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 9:00:57 AM

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I'm taking book the 13 yr old is the alpha right now. Is that wrong?

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 9:02:11 AM

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no bet, here

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 9:24:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

I may be doing them an injustice by not enforcing their chores (due to having to stand over them)

As long as you keep saying things like that, your house is going to be a mess. Go back and read my previous post. Be the carrot, not the stick. Be a leader, not an enforcer. This is not difficult. Although it would probably be easier if you have a good role model, which we know you do not.

If you've been in higher education since 1992, that's 19 years. If you haven't finished or gotten a degree or whatever it is by now (unless your career is being a professional student), what is the emergency? Why do you have to stay in school when it is obviously negatively affecting everything else in your life?

And Artie, "we" didn't open this up to the forums. Your "slave" did. Everything your "slave" does reflects on you. Everything you do as her "master" reflects on your leadership of her. Guess what... you are both failing, hence the quotation marks around "slave" and "master". You have no control over her (and this is nothing new to us), and she has no control over herself (again, nothing new to us). Neither one of you take any responsibility for your own actions and your own failures, but merely throw out excuse after excuse.

Man up dude, it's never too late.

Cali

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 9:32:57 AM

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Yay, Cali!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 9:35:10 AM

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*adores Calil*

(as always)

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