RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 5:24:20 PM

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

OK I see everyone on this thread pretty much calling your master a chump, but I haven't seen anything from you that says you've sat and talked to him and asked him to step up and help. I understand when there has been past traumas, people can be overly careful to the point of detrimental, but I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about what's going on here.

What I see in your posts is some martyrdom from you. You know, not being able to do it all is NOT failing. It's finding where your limitations are. If your master is gone and working so much, he may not realize what's really going on here. So, be honest with yourself and with him, and talk it out. That's your first step.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 5:43:39 PM

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ill wait until i have one of those fine and dandy migraine set backs for a rest.

You might find Carolyn Myss's "Why People Don't Heal and How They Can" useful. I did.

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 5:54:16 PM

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Many of the women who gave you advice have grown children of their own.

Many of these same women have moved in with other men.

There is only one you. If YOU dont take care of YOU, and HE wont take care of YOU, who is going to be around to take care of those TWO YOU created.

Just a question you really need to ponder.

QFT

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 5:54:33 PM

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

Since you are the one in charge, do yourself a favor. Hire a maid. Problem solved.

I agree with the maid but want to address the cost. Any allowances given to the kids ENDS when the maid is hired. Their allowances are paying the bill. This also goes for any extras the kids might ask you to purchase for them.

I have only one thing to say about your living situation. You and Art need to stand together as one voice and support each other as you BOTH enforce the rules of the home.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 5:59:41 PM

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm
snip
It has actaully gotten to the point where i felt the best place for us to be in back in our own home, just so the freaking dishes could be ignored for a day.....
snip

That may be the answer to your problem too tammy. My son was 14 when his dad left, and there was no way I would have asked any man to put up with him, hell I loved him and had given birth to him, and there were days I couldn't stand him.

If the kids are good kids, but your stress is due to trying to live up to standards that are not your own, hell, do go back to your own home.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 6:01:42 PM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Time for me to quit whinning and clean. My kids 10-13 do have their chores but its a struggle to get them to do them when i want them done (aka before i hit the door). Art did clean the house last weekend when i was in bed with migraines the entire time. So yeah tammy stop your whinning. and soul i had an ubberly strict mother who everything had to be in its place and clean before she got home, so one thing i do know is work ethics. Just let it all go (for the kids) as i said after their father died, (you never want to look little children in their beautiful faces and tell them daddy is dead), and i went down with fibro so bad i was in bed for months.... guilt sat in....hell an 8 yr old was practically running the house for months... so im soft now, and fustrated. Yes i take the laptops cellphones xboxs wiis etc away....then it goes back to the same old thing. GAHHHHH! Art has been very patient in this matter after all its his home, he bought it and kept it emaculant until we all moved in. He has been taken over by all of us. It does no good to talk to the older ones......just wont even go there..... so again stop your whinning tammy and deal with it.

Laundry, study, kitchen, study ........... me ? ill wait until i have one of those fine and dandy migraine set backs for a rest. Life i chose.

Er step off the drama llama and think for a moment. You came here asking for advice. Why won't you listen to it? I have heard a great deal of wonderful ideas for you to try, but you seem to be rejecting all of them in favor of martyrhood. Being a slave has nothing to do with martyrhood.

Why are you giving up to revert to your same past ineffectual behavior?

You still have not answered some basic questions. How old are his kids? Do they have jobs outside the home? Are they in school? Are you telling me two adult children's only chores are cook 3 times a week and keep the lawn mowed? Do they pay rent?

It looks like both you and Art have emotional issues that need to be worked through here. Counseling, please.

_____________________________

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 6:12:43 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Since you are the one in charge, do yourself a favor. Hire a maid. Problem solved.

I agree with the maid but want to address the cost. Any allowances given to the kids ENDS when the maid is hired. Their allowances are paying the bill. This also goes for any extras the kids might ask you to purchase for them.

You know why I didn't think of that.. because the LAST people in the house who would be getting allowance are children who don't pull their weight!

I was thinking more along the lines of Ebay and selling off the Xbox, iTouch, iPads and crap like that to pay for it.

I'm a mean mother though.

Warn once.

Take for a second offense ..

and throw it away or sell it on Ebay for the third strike.

My kids love me now, but they sure as hell didn't always like me when they were growing up.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 6:55:42 PM

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

.....This was never about Art, this was my issue.

I call bullshit on this. Everything under that roof affects you and it also affects Art. All issues that happens in that house will either directly or indirectly affect all who live there. He has his children living there, he wanted you to live there with your children, you choose to move in, you both chose to combine 2 separate households into one. Therefore any and all decisions made and avoided affect everyone of you living in that house. All I am reading from you is excuses left, right and centre.

Many people here gave you sound and sensible advice to change your situation yet change will not happen until you suck it up and make those changes happen for the benefit of all. Somehow I just am unable to see any positive changes coming from you since it's obvious you aren't listening and hearing what others are trying to tell you.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 7:15:13 PM

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Tammy, I think many have offered you good advice. I have one more piece of advice. Go to the doctor and get some pain meds that work.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 7:17:17 PM

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline

Well, guys, not to put too fine a point on it, but remember, this is Tammy. She is a perpetual victim......and before you get on me for being snarky, look at this whole thread.

Tammy, you know we are right.....you are well known for posting, and in your own words, WHINING about a situation, yet you rebuff any and all advice. Put on your big girl panties and deal with the issue at hand. Like it or not, Art is a jerk, we've seen proof of that in his posts. Obviously, the current living situation isn't working out, it's causing you stress that you aren't prepared to handle. MOVE OUT ALREADY!!!! Go back home, and let him do his thing with his own kids. Let him see what it's like. As long as you are there, he's not going to do a damn thing. Tell him that until he decides that he IS part of the solution, nothing's going to change. Otherwise, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it.

I don't know, I've had friends who have fibro, one is diagnosed with a severe case, and she functions fine. She has two kids of her own, and worked, and ran the household. There are medications and treatments out there....look into them. There's no sense in living in pain if you don't have to hun. Take care of YOU, then your kids, then deal with Art and his baggage. Sorry if you take this the wrong way, it's not my intention for it to be a slam on you, but I tend to call a spade a spade. Ultimately, we can say whatever here, but it boils down to how you want to be treated, and what you want to put up with. Me, I wouldn't....old Art would have been set straight from the get go if it was me.

Good luck, it sounds like you'll need it.

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 7:21:44 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

My best suggestion is to move out. He doesn't want a relationship with your children. He told you point blank in the beginning that he wasn't going to be a role model for them, wouldn't be a father of any kind.

Your kids know he resents them being there. He doesn't have to say it, they feel it.

Move out and be a good mother for a change. The three of you can pull together but not with a man who dislikes them putting them down. And even a four year old knows when they aren't loved. At 10 and 13 this is crystal clear to them. I strongly suggest you moving in with your own family instead if this is possible. There will be other adults who will love them which they desperately need, especially after the recent death of their own father. And those other adults can help teach them responsibilities when you're too ill to.

Give them a home filled with love for a change. They need it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to 0ldhen)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 7:29:30 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Second the getting to the doctor for treatment for the fibro. Fortunately it's not a disease, but a pain state and tight tendons, so you have to be taking time to exercise and stretch; you'll probably need some physio to get out of bad posture habits. Hit the pool, take some bellydancing classes or Swiss ball to strengthen your core. Anti-inflammatories and anti-depressants can help get you off the downward spiral of 'too sore to exercise/don't exercise/feel worse'. Likewise, time to stop the cycle of 'feel too bad to discipline the kids and now they're running wild'.
Time for some family counselling before you all explode! And if they won't go, go by yourself. Free at most universities.
Good luck.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 7:30:47 PM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Since you are the one in charge, do yourself a favor. Hire a maid. Problem solved.

I agree with the maid but want to address the cost. Any allowances given to the kids ENDS when the maid is hired. Their allowances are paying the bill. This also goes for any extras the kids might ask you to purchase for them.

You know why I didn't think of that.. because the LAST people in the house who would be getting allowance are children who don't pull their weight!

I was thinking more along the lines of Ebay and selling off the Xbox, iTouch, iPads and crap like that to pay for it.

I'm a mean mother though.

Warn once.

Take for a second offense ..

and throw it away or sell it on Ebay for the third strike.

My kids love me now, but they sure as hell didn't always like me when they were growing up.

Absofuckinglutely!!!

Tammy, quit playing the drama queen victim card. It's immature and pathetic. Grow a set and be a parent instead of behaving like your 13 year old.

I won't even voice how I feel about the other adults involved.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/27/2011 7:46:09 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 7:45:09 PM

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share

I don't know, I've had friends who have fibro, one is diagnosed with a severe case, and she functions fine. She has two kids of her own, and worked, and ran the household. There are medications and treatments out there....look into them. There's no sense in living in pain if you don't have to hun.

Exactly. I get so mad when I hear people with intolerable pain being advised to stay away from pain meds. I'm equally mad when I hear about pain doctors losing their licenses for doing their jobs. There's a big difference between someone popping pills to get high and someone with fibro, spinal injuries, or cancer taking meds to relieve pain so they can function.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to soul2share)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 7:47:41 PM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

go on fucking strike.

inform them all, including that lame ass master, that you're no longer doing a fucking thing for any of them. and fucking stick to it. cook meals for yourself alone, do your laundry and not theirs, wash just enough dishes for your purposes, that sort of thing. take care of yourself and let them be hoist on their own fucking petard.

Los esclavos y los estudiantes, ¡uníos!
la maldito lucha continúa

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 8:42:40 PM

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

He isnt the father of my kids, i am in charge...that was the agreement. His daughter and her boyfriend live here, but they are always in their room. she does mow the lawn and cook about three times a week. my kids are 13 and 10, and somewhere down the line after the fibro hit i let them get away from murder since i felt so guilty not being able to be the mom i wanted to be, hell they just lost their father too. Now its time to lay down the law, but i dont have it in me. Its quit school so far as a solution, but how freaking sad is that!

Why quit school? Why not take a sabbatical, learn to manage your pain and teach your children some responsibility in the mean time?

Complex issues require several steps to resolve. Don't expect a wave of a wand and some fairy dust farts.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 9:44:33 PM

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

......

< Message edited by Arturas -- 6/27/2011 9:46:27 PM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to peachgirl)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 3:42:43 AM

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

K. I appreciate everyone's imput, and believe that many here are right. Ummm wasnt trying to be a drama queen...real problem ive been struggling with needed others advice. Im not on any websites about how to manage home, school and diseases so i asked you guys and again i appreciate everyone's advice. Ummm, to whomever said i should stop acting like my 13 yr old and be a mom for once, well........ that wasnt appreciated at all. I may not be strict I may be doing them an injustice by not enforcing their chores (due to having to stand over them) BUT i am a very loving and devoted mommy to my kids. They are my world. Great ideas have come from this and again i thank all of you. Hannah I actually have went on strike a couple of times, they wanted to put me on prozac the whole bunch! LOL Not really good at the whole take care of me thing, my bad. I did lay down the law last night to everyone and i do mean everyone about helping out and understanding and the punishments that would follow if it wasnt met. Will they believe me, probably only after I take and smash the laptops.... sighs.... (i kinda really liked one of them).
I cannot take pain meds i am allergic to almost all, even ultram etc. So alot of massage, alot of hot baths and stretches and alot of prayers. Moving out seems like a great option as well. It would relieve my stress greatly not to have to worry about each and everything all the time. When you take the long way home, and sit in your car before you come in ya know you have a problem.
Okay bladda bladda bladda thanks everyone!

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to Arturas)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 5:11:01 AM

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I cannot take pain meds i am allergic to almost all

Have you tried yoga? There are styles to avoid such as Power or Ashtanga - look for Gentle or Beginners. I can also recommend DVDs. Also see Jon Kabat Zinn on mind-body techniques for pain.

Yoga soothes fibromyalgia pain

Fibromyalgia patients who aren't getting relief from prescription drugs and are in too much pain to exercise may want to try yoga, a new study suggests.

A weekly two-hour yoga class reduced fibromyalgia symptoms such as pain, fatigue, and stiffness by 30 percent in more than half of the people who took it, according to the study, which was published in the journal Pain. A control group of patients who continued their regular treatment regimen reported no change in symptoms.

The yoga program used in the study is a low-impact way for fibromyalgia patients to get moving, and it may even change the way the central nervous system responds to pain, says James Carson, Ph.D., the lead researcher and a psychologist at the Oregon Health and Science University, in Portland.

"Exercise is often recommended, but many fibromyalgia patients find that exercise is too painful to continue or that the classes aren't tailored for them," Carson says.

Carson and his colleagues adapted elements of the gentle Hatha style of yoga into a program they call "Yoga of Awareness." In each two-hour session, patients spend 40 minutes working through a series of familiar yoga poses (warrior 1, child's pose) and another 80 minutes on meditation, breathing exercises, and group discussions about coping with pain.

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 5:33:04 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

I know i have failed as a parent

This quote sticks out more than anything.
The hell with you being in pain. The hell with you not being able to attend class.
The hell with the house you chose to live in isn't spotless. None of that matters in the end.
You never stop being a parent, so stop taking the easy way out by calling yourself a failure.
Mother the fuck up and work on being a success at parenthood instead of a success at school.
It's worth a whole hell of a lot more than any degree you could possibly obtain.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to tammystarm)

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.199