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RE: True submissive? - 7/23/2011 8:15:54 PM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

This whole thread has kinda gone down hill. As a Dom, I'd suggest that you (as a sub) - notice I didn't order you - LOL! I'd suggest thatyou go back to the very beinning where there ARE helpful and concerned posters. The early suggestions have gone by the way-side.

Do you remember saying things like "That makes perfect sense to me." and other such positive statements.

Sometimes threads start high and devolve.

Scoot, girl! Go and read. Daddy says so!

Plus Daddy said i have to scoot, so i'm scooting.

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Post #: 141

RE: True submissive? - 7/23/2011 8:19:58 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

i have no idea what that means.

Your profile pictures give the impression that you'd dress a certain way on first meet. They don't show someone "shy".

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Post #: 142

RE: True submissive? - 7/23/2011 8:47:55 PM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
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quote:

Your profile pictures give the impression that you'd dress a certain way on first meet. They don't show someone "shy".

Well, people can think anything they want of me. It's none of my business. People that matter and talk to me will know me as I know them. I really don't care what people conclude by looking at a few of my pictures. It doesn't change who I am inside or how I feel. I am a masochist because I get sexual pleasure from it, not because I’m into self harm as some have stated here and I’m very shy in meeting people in RL. I'm not trying to conform to what other people need me or want me to be or how they think I should present myself to the world. I’m new to the lifestyle, being shy doesn’t help and being a masochist makes it harder. I except all of that, I ask questions to help me learn and I take the advice that resonates with me to heart.

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Post #: 143

RE: True submissive? - 7/23/2011 9:15:14 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

Not at all. I'm only asking because I’m meeting someone for coffee, or I was going to. But the things that I’m suppose to do are already freaking me out. And before anyone asks I’m not to show up naked. lol

But after speaking with him and feeling like I’m ready to bolt before doing the things he's asked, has brought up "shit" for lack of a better word for me.

quote:

Well, people can think anything they want of me. It's none of my business. People that matter and talk to me will know me as I know them. I really don't care what people conclude by looking at a few of my pictures. It doesn't change who I am inside or how I feel. I am a masochist because I get sexual pleasure from it, not because I’m into self harm as some have stated here and I’m very shy in meeting people in RL. I'm not trying to conform to what other people need me or want me to be or how they think I should present myself to the world. I’m new to the lifestyle, being shy doesn’t help and being a masochist makes it harder. I except all of that, I ask questions to help me learn and I take the advice that resonates with me to heart.

Then why are you so unsure? You send the message that you're not shy and then expect men to read minds.

I am extremely shy and a masochist and haven't run into the problems you seem to have. You send mixed messages.

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Post #: 144

RE: True submissive? - 7/23/2011 9:38:45 PM

Wretchedness

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Just because you think I’m sending a message in my profile picture where I’m wearing a dress that goes all the way to the floor doesn’t make it so. I' am unsure because I am. Why the sky blue. I'm very happy that you have not had the experience I did. I did not say I was having problems, you did.

You're opinion has been noted. I don't answer to you. Thanks you for your opinion.

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Post #: 145

RE: True submissive? - 7/23/2011 11:26:17 PM

erieangel

Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
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Listen up, Wretchedness, I am also new. And I'm not that much older than you. I am also terribly shy and have some social phobia issues. I am also a sub. So we are not that all that different. I am a sub who does not like pain and in that we differ, but it doesn't make how we should go about finding happiness and contentment any different.

Just because a man calls himself Dom doesn't mean he is my Dom until such a time that we decide together he will be so. No man has the right to tell me what to do. And he certainly has no right to punish me for not doing what he wants me to do.

As for him cutting off communication between you...it sounds like he's trying to manipulate you. But maybe not, in which case you got off easy because it saves you from having to do it. Based on your posts here, I don't think you would have done what is best for yourself.

Bottom line, you are moving too fast. This is supposed to be fun, the entire process...so have fun, meet people get to know people. Eventually, somebody will cross your path with whom you click. And he will respect you, will not put unnecessary demands on you, and will want to get to know you. Until then, just have fun. Explore and learn from people with more experience by talking with them.

Take it from another newbie, I understand you wanting it all right now, but it takes time. So just slow down.

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Post #: 146

RE: True submissive? - 7/23/2011 11:40:47 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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Wretchedness - Everyone is 'entitled' to their wants and preferences, they just aren't entitled to you providing them. Balls in your court, baby.. till you say otherwise.

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 147

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 3:13:51 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

I'm not broken, I'm shy…. to the *#@$%^ that said I was and that I was unattractive and wouldn't attract the cream of the crop. Where you talking about people like you? Because I’ll pass. Being shy is NOT BROKEN. You on the other hand might want to get yourself checked. Just saying.

I didn't think you were, but you still might want to change your profile pictures and maybe your profile a bit, let's put it this way, I look quite good in a short skirt, also in a clingy low cut top, killer heels or boots, though wouldn't wear it all at once because I would attract only wankers or guys who want a quick fuck, would be an overkill, that's basically what you're doing with your profile in BDSM terms. You'll attract guys who pay attention to the pics, what they can do with you, what a nice sex toy you'd make - they don't pay attention to you as a person. They think because some of your pics are quite explicit in terms of SM, that you're there for the taking and they don't even need to do a bit of courtship or getting to know you, that you're just there for their pleasure, nothing else.

That's why I would recommend that you change the profile a bit and "tone it down" so to speak, you might attract less guys, but hopefully a better quality of guys, some who won't try to walz over all your limits and play stupid games.

I hope I explained that right.

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Post #: 148

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 3:45:37 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I am not sure the OP understands the importance of the profile pic, and most especially to the males who will look at it.

So let me give an example.

I recently decided I want a service sub, and was given permission to look. So I made some changes to the text of my profile, and uploaded a pic of me sitting in a chair looking all uber dommely with a crop and thigh high boots.

I got all wankers messaging me.

I (for one Saturday) made another profile and used that same pic. Same thing, all wankers. That was a test to determine if the pic drew wankers, and it does.

So, I close that profile and go back to this one and make changes to my profile pic. I still have the one of me seated, it's just not my main photo.

Not only am I getting better quality messages, about an hour later a dom messaged to tell me how much he preferred the new pic !!

Men are very visual. If you are looking for males for anything, in my never humble opinion your main pic is essential in terms of drawing in the type of person you want to interact with.

BTW: The same thing goes with your nick. Mine means "Perfect Cat" -- which is either an oxymoron or a redundancy. It's a play on languages and some humor all in one. Right off the bat a person can determine I am intelligent and playful.

What does "Wretchedness" say? It screams prey, it screams victim. Combine that with your main pic, and you are sending a specific message.

It's up to you (of course) if that is the message you want to send.

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Post #: 149

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 3:55:58 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I am not sure the OP understands the importance of the profile pic, and most especially to the males who will look at it.

So let me give an example.

I recently decided I want a service sub, and was given permission to look. So I made some changes to the text of my profile, and uploaded a pic of me sitting in a chair looking all uber dommely with a crop and thigh high boots.

I got all wankers messaging me.

I (for one Saturday) made another profile and used that same pic. Same thing, all wankers. That was a test to determine if the pic drew wankers, and it does.

So, I close that profile and go back to this one and make changes to my profile pic. I still have the one of me seated, it's just not my main photo.

Not only am I getting better quality messages, about an hour later a dom messaged to tell me how much he preferred the new pic !!

Men are very visual. If you are looking for males for anything, in my never humble opinion your main pic is essential in terms of drawing in the type of person you want to interact with.

BTW: The same thing goes with your nick. Mine means "Perfect Cat" -- which is either an oxymoron or a redundancy. It's a play on languages and some humor all in one. Right off the bat a person can determine I am intelligent and playful.

What does "Wretchedness" say? It screams prey, it screams victim. Combine that with your main pic, and you are sending a specific message.

It's up to you (of course) if that is the message you want to send.

QFT! The pic and nic (heh a rhym!) have everything to do with what message is sent to those who check profiles and yes OP you are sending a mixed message. You don't have to listen to us of course but it is the plain unvarnished truth.

I'm not saying that you were wrong for not going along with what that idiot told you to do, you were. HOWEVER you should not be surprised that you are being asked to do it. Your nic and some of your pictures say that you'd most likely be up for it.

I get that you really, really want to show off the bruises and all that. The thing is that like Chatte wrote, men are visual creatures and they will take such pictures as a sign that you are up for things like that. Getting defensive won't help you, paying attention to those of us who have been there will.

Zeph

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Post #: 150

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 4:26:26 AM

LadyConstanze

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But also understandable, a shy person might not have mixed a lot with the other sex and had discussions on how they react and what turns them on.

We can't do more than tell her, if she takes it to heart or not is up to her.

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Post #: 151

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 4:50:13 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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That's true, LadyC but I saw her getting defensive about her pics and felt the need to reiterate that her pics are sending a mixed message. Hopefully repeating it will get her to rethink the message might be sending out.

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Post #: 152

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 5:32:37 AM

mysouldesire

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2010
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quote:

And no, being shy is not broken, but the combination of being insecure, feeling you're wretched and worthless and looking for someone to beat you, is.

If this is what you are looking for, you WILL find it in a predator not a well mannered man.

After your first OP, I looked at your profile and was....well....... you said it, your words, not mine.

Shy is not broken. I too am rather shy, but after all these yers, I suck it up most times and find myself most happy and able to function well without being beaten. I dont feel worthless, wretched or insecure.

I still do not understand the shy woman that asked the question in the OP with what is on your profile.
Like 2 COMPLETELY different women.

Jus sayin

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Post #: 153

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 10:15:43 AM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
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I totally love you guys already. I am a girl who listens sooner or later. lol

http://www.collarme.com/personals/processor.htm

Is this better?

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Post #: 154

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 10:19:01 AM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
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I'm not sure why it hasn't changed my profile pic yet, but i did set it to the link above. I submit for your approval. Well almost everyone's ~cheeky grin~

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RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 10:24:07 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

I totally love you guys already. I am a girl who listens sooner or later. lol

http://www.collarme.com/personals/processor.htm

Is this better?

Ummm either the link just goes to the general edit profile or you're editing my profile

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The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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Post #: 156

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 10:26:57 AM

Wretchedness

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Really, when i click it it takes me a page when i scroll down you can see the picture. Let me try again. I'm not sure why it hasn't changed my profile picture.

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Post #: 157

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 10:32:46 AM

Wretchedness

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Okay...well i have deleted the photo, uploaded a new one and still it's here. So i'm not sure what that's all about?

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Post #: 158

RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 10:41:50 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
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Try deleting all your photos, exit CM, clear your cookies out of the browser, reenter CM, upload new pics.

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RE: True submissive? - 7/24/2011 10:49:01 AM

poise

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I see your main profile picture as the one being used as your avatar, so
it seems the changes have taken affect. I agree this image is a positive change.

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