RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s)

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 4:43:43 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

i knew that. the one has fuck all to do with the other. besides, i don't think they meant paranoid as in you're mentally ill and need medical attention, more that you're being fucking paranoid about it.

He's kind of a broken record about broken women on this thread and the other one so I'm going to drop it without bothering to ask for clarification.

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

You people are fucking nuts. And I emphasise the 'fucking nuts' bit. Arrest records? Divorce papers? Property deeds? Why don't you go the whole hog and hire a private detective just to be sure?

I would not waste my time with a woman who was that paranoid, had such low self-worth and whose instincts were so poor she couldn't work me out just by getting to know me. Shit like this screams "issues" in bright red neon.

quote:

the fact that a woman approaches every man as a potential abuser tells me that she has serious issues. I'm not remotely interested in broken chicks.

quote:

No, I think paranoia is broken.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 4:56:20 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Btw, there is no cure for genital herpes
Who gives a shit? Seriously. Herpes has to be one of the most ridiculous fears anyone can have. Except for rare progressions into encephalitis or upper respiratory tract infections, Herpes is often asymptomatic and barely impacts anyone's quality of life.

Ummmm, well, i give a shit. I dont want to be with anyone that has an std, end of story. If you dont have a problem with it then hey, buddy, go for it!

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 5:19:36 PM

Awareness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Ummmm, well, i give a shit. I dont want to be with anyone that has an std, end of story. If you dont have a problem with it then hey, buddy, go for it!

Then I suggest you give up having sex - because given that often such things can be asymptomatic, the likelihood that either you or the person you're fucking has one is reasonably high.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 5:22:58 PM

pokerplay24

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You got hosed, guy was a douche .Be extra careful next time. Meet once first on neutral ground, it keeps the douche factor down, its another step, for an uncoordinated group.

You expected (rather than just hoped) for a lot.

mac

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 5:33:43 PM

sexyred1

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You know, I was in the hospital for the past week for an emergency.

I feel well enough to start reading the boards again.

I see a thread like this and it cracks me up.

If this is the worst problem a 38 year old woman who professes to have a perfect life has, then be happy you got played. There was nothing confusing about any of this; it was quite clear.

The one thing that continues to annoy me is when women (or men) try and use D/s as an excuse to believe that people will have higher behavioral standards than anyone else in life and that they instantly open their heart and legs to anyone professing to be a Dom.

Oh, and background checks? Background checks have nothing to do with behavior and integrity.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/25/2011 5:35:35 PM >

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 5:51:58 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Ummmm, well, i give a shit. I dont want to be with anyone that has an std, end of story. If you dont have a problem with it then hey, buddy, go for it!

Then I suggest you give up having sex - because given that often such things can be asymptomatic, the likelihood that either you or the person you're fucking has one is reasonably high.

there are various tests people can take so that they know if they have it or not.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 8:43:23 PM

Iamsemisweet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Oh, and background checks? Background checks have nothing to do with behavior and integrity.

Of course not. No one said they did. I don't do them to protect myself physically, or as a substitute for spending time finding out about someone. I do them to protect my time. Sometimes you can screen out the obvious losers, like the guys who are cheating on their wives. That is only the start of the screening process.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 7/25/2011 8:53:26 PM >

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The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 8:49:21 PM

Iamsemisweet

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Well Arpig, if I ever play with, or date, or whatever, someone with your "devil may care" attitude towards STDs, I hope they at least have the integrity to tell me that that is their attitude. I am sure you let your partners know. A background check just wouldn't uncover that kind of thinking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

you do realize that condoms dont protect you 100% against all diseases, right? condoms only reduce the risk, they dont eliminate it. They should also be used when oral is performed on a guy and dental dams should be used for oral on a woman...

Oh yeah, and what if the person you trust tells you she has no stds and she believes that but doesnt know that she actually does have something? Some people think no symptoms = std free
Then I catch something. Ooops. I go get the shot and I'm cured, and if it's AIDS, well...the way I see it is I'm 52, AIDS generally takes 10+ years to manifest, so I'll be in my mid to late 60s at the earliest. I don't see that as such a major tragedy. So I spend my 70s popping a ton of pills every day, no biggie.

I'm not averse to a little risk in my life, in fact I rather enjoy it. I've never been particularly worried about the possible consequences of the things I do. I admit I have cut way back on the risky stuff, but that just because my kids are still relatively young, and need me, not out of any real urge for self-preservation. If I do something dumb and die...oh well, tough shit for me, hopefully I was having fun doing whatever it was that did me in. I haven't caught anything yet, and I've never been a very monk-like fellow, so I'm confident the odds are in my favour.

And dental dams??? Not a fucking chance! If I can't taste it, I'm not eating it.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 7/25/2011 8:52:03 PM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/25/2011 9:08:41 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

The one thing that continues to annoy me is when women (or men) try and use D/s as an excuse to believe that people will have higher behavioral standards than anyone else in life and that they instantly open their heart and legs to anyone professing to be a Dom.

This. D/s or BDSM does make this way of life more enlightened or on a higher plane. It's just a slice of society with kinky sex.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 4:08:30 AM

Tristan

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quote:

1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape).1 17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.1 9 of every 10 rape victims were female in 2003.

I'm going to take a guess here...these statistics (if accurate) sound to me like they are lumping stranger rape with date rape together. While, this might really help an advocacy group get funding and support, it does little in helping one understand the problem or how to protect oneself.

In the case of stranger rape, locking doors, getting an alarm or dog, buying a gun, and being aware of one's surroundings would be effective protection against the lurking rapist. My guess is there are relatively few serial rapists out there. The media sells stories using fear, and we respond to those stories by over estimating risks. That is not to say one should not be careful. Caution is cheap.

In the case of date rape, getting to know one's potential partner is critical. Date rape often involves both partners drinking way too much alcohol. To protect yourself, you really need to take the time to understand your partner's character and avoid situations with too much alcohol. As I said jokingly above, take your potential partner on a wilderness ordeal. There is no way one can hide their true nature under adverse physical conditions.

Googling a potential partner's name will probably tell you a little about how much alcohol and wild behavior he or she has done. If he or she has posted pictures of wild weekends, then maybe you need a little more caution especially around alcohol. Googling may also help you know if your partner has a significant other. There is a reason many employers google the names of potential hires...it can help weed out the a-holes. It's definitely not fool proof, but it could give you clues about the character of a person.

Time is probably your best protection against the a-hole. It's nearly impossible to prevent inconsistencies from occurring given enough time especially under enough conditions. Look for those inconsistencies.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 4:17:28 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

the way I see it is I'm 52, AIDS generally takes 10+ years to manifest, so I'll be in my mid to late 60s at the earliest. I don't see that as such a major tragedy. So I spend my 70s popping a ton of pills every day, no biggie.

That's kinda short sighted there Bob. It may take a while for it to manifest itself but meantime you're infected. That means that in order to have sex, at bare minimum you have to use a condom. Assuming your partner is willing to accept the risk of the condom tearing, that means you are having the safe sex you don't believe in. Irony is ironic.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 4:23:38 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Ummmm, well, i give a shit. I dont want to be with anyone that has an std, end of story. If you dont have a problem with it then hey, buddy, go for it!

Then I suggest you give up having sex - because given that often such things can be asymptomatic, the likelihood that either you or the person you're fucking has one is reasonably high.

there are various tests people can take so that they know if they have it or not.

And of course there are things that can be done to reduce the risk like use condoms?

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 4:53:27 AM

ClassIsInSession

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Seems to me that if you invest enough in getting to know someone adequately beforehand then making an agreement to both go gest tested prior to playing would not be a far stretched request. Then you have protected sex (condoms) for 3 months of monogamy and get tested again, after that you can be more liberal.

Maybe some don't like to play that way, but that was always my procedure, even in a poly situation at one point, and I never contracted any STDs.

Pretty much common sense don't you think?

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 5:15:20 AM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Then I catch something. Ooops. I go get the shot and I'm cured, and if it's AIDS, well...the way I see it is I'm 52, AIDS generally takes 10+ years to manifest, so I'll be in my mid to late 60s at the earliest. I don't see that as such a major tragedy. So I spend my 70s popping a ton of pills every day, no biggie.

Holy shit, you're nuts.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 5:17:10 AM

Kaliko

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ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

Seems to me that if you invest enough in getting to know someone adequately beforehand then making an agreement to both go gest tested prior to playing would not be a far stretched request. Then you have protected sex (condoms) for 3 months of monogamy and get tested again, after that you can be more liberal.

Maybe some don't like to play that way, but that was always my procedure, even in a poly situation at one point, and I never contracted any STDs.

Pretty much common sense don't you think?

EXACTLY. (Though, I am for 6 months of monogamy, not 3, before being more liberal, but same general process.)

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 5:32:05 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

Seems to me that if you invest enough in getting to know someone adequately beforehand then making an agreement to both go gest tested prior to playing would not be a far stretched request. Then you have protected sex (condoms) for 3 months of monogamy and get tested again, after that you can be more liberal.

Maybe some don't like to play that way, but that was always my procedure, even in a poly situation at one point, and I never contracted any STDs.

Pretty much common sense don't you think?

Sounds great, the thing is, you only have their word they are being monogamous. If you are going to trust someone's word (and really you have no choice unless you keep them in a cage 24/7) get to that level before you have sex.

Anyone who wants to get in my panties has to be willing to spend the time needed to establish a foundation of trust and friendship. And yes, in the past it has taken years (a ld relationship where I did not see the person that often).

In my mind, insisting on a condom or a test result is a way to delude yourself that you might be safe fucking someone you don't know that well and don't *really* trust (or you wouldn't need condom/test result.)

JMO, YMMV and all that crap

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 5:45:40 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Oh, and background checks? Background checks have nothing to do with behavior and integrity.

Of course not. No one said they did. I don't do them to protect myself physically, or as a substitute for spending time finding out about someone. I do them to protect my time. Sometimes you can screen out the obvious losers, like the guys who are cheating on their wives. That is only the start of the screening process.

Background checks can catch someone in a lie:

I'm not married

I own property

Multiple drunk driving convictions do speak to behavior, as do domestic violence convictions.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/26/2011 5:46:13 AM >

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 8:06:57 AM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

there are various tests people can take so that they know if they have it or not.

careful there mousey tits, you're overlooking an important factor. he's from new zealand, so his main concern is ovine epididymitis.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 8:13:56 AM

HannahLynHeather

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I am sure you let your partners know.

oh come on, migi and hidari know all about his fucking attitudes. after all, they've been with him all his life.

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RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) - 7/26/2011 9:05:27 AM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Sounds great, the thing is, you only have their word they are being monogamous. If you are going to trust someone's word (and really you have no choice unless you keep them in a cage 24/7) get to that level before you have sex.

Anyone who wants to get in my panties has to be willing to spend the time needed to establish a foundation of trust and friendship. And yes, in the past it has taken years (a ld relationship where I did not see the person that often).

Yes, I agree. I took this part of his post:

quote:

Seems to me that if you invest enough in getting to know someone adequately beforehand

(which maybe was incorrect...I read through the thread kind of quickly) to mean that they were at a place where they could trust each other enough to know they would be monogamous. I do not become sexually active in any way with anyone for a good long time until I know and trust them, and then I don't become more liberal until after 6 months of monogamy.

Which essentially means I never have sex. ....sigh.

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