dew69
Posts: 8
Joined: 7/15/2011 Status: offline
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I *know* I screwed up, but I also feel this Dom was unscrupulous. A little help? Feedback? Below is what happened. This was an open letter to him on a message board that he will probably never see. I just worry that others may be exposed to his dangerous, inconsiderate ways: Yesterday, I awoke feeling pretty down, low. (A strange spot for me as I am generally happy, smiley, inquisitive, excited...) I stepped in somewhere new ... and I trusted *You*. We had had enough interaction beforehand (indeed, perhaps too much interaction beforehand) for you to know and understand that. Yes, you even had acknowledged it. What I [foolishly] didn't expect: the very fallible, human side. I don't think your intention was to hurt anyone ... and I suspect I set myself up to get hurt. The little warning flags and questions on the trust front were there beforehand and I even stopped to ponder them. I chose to ignore them. So who is really at fault but me? I own my part for lacking the self-respect and guts to walk away. However, I have to think you are also partially responsible as you made a commitment of safety, protection and honesty (and "gentlemanly" behavior) and you failed to assure my safety ... and ultimately yours and the others you are with by having unsafe sex with me while I was unaware and in a position where I could not see. Yes, today I am sad for me and for you. I think being more straight-up from the onset (on your behalf), you actually trusting *me* with the truth, could have set us on a different path. I understand that you were overwhelmed by the deluge of communication, and you told me that. However, you still showed up and stepped in. Then you asked me to start over, let it all go, left with words to the affect of "there will be a next time". Then, you bailed. Cowardly move. You bailed without having the decency to drop me even a quick note to say, "This is not going to work for me. I am moving on." So, despite our communication issues beforehand, you still chose to step in, took someone else's safety in your hands, and then disappeared. (For future reference, it is decent protocol to "check in" in a day or two to make sure all is well ... even if that was a one-off.) Sigh, I think perhaps you stepped in over your head and what you really wanted wasn't this role. I think you wanted just some non-identity, impersonal sexuality on your terms. You can have that too. Just be *honest* about who you are and what you are actually asking for. Will I step in again and seek someone else? No. Not for a long time. The door was opened and then quickly slammed shut again. Be well. Take care of yourself and those in your close circle. You, and they, deserve that. /s
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