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What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 6:11:20 PM

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Joined: 2/2/2007
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Hello to you all, and I have a question(s) for you subbies and slaves. Of course I know there is a difference, but these will center around a 24/7 relationship. This is my first post, and I figure the charlatans don't view the posts and I can get a somewhat straight answer.
1) RELOCATION - What do you look for that would motivate you to relocate for a Dom/Master and how much time do you think is reasonable talking with them before you do?
2) PROFILE - What is it that you look for in a profile that catches your eye, intrigues you and you find yourself wanting to know more about a particular Dom/Master?
I may have more pending what comes out of this, and appreciate the input.
L.

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 6:23:19 PM

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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Welcome to CollarMe

Personally, the term "subbie" annoys the hell out of me and i would be paying careful attention to your reaction when i told you so. Would you respect my feelings or would you thump your chest act all urber-domly?

As to relocation. I would relocate to a Dom in the same manner and for the same reasons as one vanilla partner would for their vanilla partner. It would take a long time and a lot of physical contact before i made that decision.

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 6:29:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Welcome to CollarMe

Personally, the term "subbie" annoys the hell out of me and i would be paying careful attention to your reaction when i told you so. Would you respect my feelings or would you thump your chest act all urber-domly?

1) RELOCATION - As to relocation. I would relocate to a Dom in the same manner and for the same reasons as one vanilla partner would for their vanilla partner. It would take a long time and a lot of physical contact before i made that decision.

<Lance continues for Holly in the same vein......>

2) PROFILE - What I would look for in a profile that catches my eye, etc. blah, blah, is exactly what would catch my eye in a post on a vanilla social site.

Lordy, did

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 8/5/2011 6:54:52 PM >

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 6:38:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Welcome to CollarMe

Personally, the term "subbie" annoys the hell out of me and i would be paying careful attention to your reaction when i told you so. Would you respect my feelings or would you thump your chest act all urber-domly?

1) RELOCATION - As to relocation. I would relocate to a Dom in the same manner and for the same reasons as one vanilla partner would for their vanilla partner. It would take a long time and a lot of physical contact before i made that decision.

<continuing for Holly in the same vein...>
2) PROFILE - What I would look for in a profile that catches my eye, etc. blah, blah, is exactly what would catch my eye in a post on a vanilla social site.

Lordy, did

<continuing for Lance in the same vein...>

Lordy, did.......WHAT?????????

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 6:40:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Welcome to CollarMe

Personally, the term "subbie" annoys the hell out of me and i would be paying careful attention to your reaction when i told you so. Would you respect my feelings or would you thump your chest act all urber-domly?

1) RELOCATION - As to relocation. I would relocate to a Dom in the same manner and for the same reasons as one vanilla partner would for their vanilla partner. It would take a long time and a lot of physical contact before i made that decision.

<Lance continues for Holly in the same vein......>

2) PROFILE - What I would look for in a profile that catches my eye, etc. blah, blah, is exactly what would catch my eye in a post on a vanilla social site.

Lordy, did I have trouble making my head "switch" sides of the kneel even to type a few words, pitch-hitting for sirsHolly. <brain-bleach, brain-bleach, please. LOL!>

"Elder Knight" (as one D-type to another, may I call you "L."?) Looks like you are trying to post the "perfect" snare for a female submissive by asking on the slave / submissive forum, as in "What 'cha want, babe? I can be / write that!"

Short answer: There is NO perfect snare / profile. There is no "one size fits all" profile.

Short, short answer: Be yourself and see what happens!

P.S. to short, short answer. If you fake it, you are not telling the truth. BDSM has as its rock-solid foundation "truth." Fuck it up in your profile, you'll never be able to recover from that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
Lordy, did

<continuing for Lance in the same vein...>
Lordy, did.......WHAT?????????

sirsHolly: I quoted myself instead of hitting the edit button...... All better ?

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 8/5/2011 6:49:07 PM >

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 6:55:19 PM

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From: Quietville
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As to a profile...i responded to a Dom here many years ago because he had a vanilla profile with a hint of kink. He did not come off as a superior jerk looking for a doormat or anything else along those lines.
He presented himself as a man looking for a woman as opposed to a Dom looking for a submissive. I was intrigued and curious. A c-mail exchange led to the phone calls that led to dinner that led to a relationship that led to a very happy marriage

I wish the same luck to all that seek it

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 6:56:55 PM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

All better ?

*hugs the sexy Lance*

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:00:25 PM

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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1. Hate the word subbie. I would dismiss you immediately for using it in any contact with me.
2. I have two school age children. Relocation was never a possibility which is why I only looked locally.
3. The profile had to be written so as I could hear that person's voice in my head. It had to be written how they talked.
Long profiles suck, imo. A few lines to show the strong points of the personality were all that was needed. And a picture had to accompany the first contact if there was none on the public profile. I had pictures up...it's only fair.

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:03:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

All better ?
*hugs the sexy Lance*

{{HUGS}} back, m'dear!

Y'know, if I'd go straight, I think I'd have my choice of the sexy, INTERESTING female s-types here. Oh, I might not "have" the ones like sirsHolly, but I bet ones like her have "friends." LOL!

And speaking of "the sexy Lance," did you get a chance to look at my new (posted 3-4 days ago) gallery photos? I got really tired of "View all my photos" being a gray button. LOL!

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 8/5/2011 7:10:06 PM >

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:07:59 PM

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First...I desire people to stop using the word "subbies". <bites her tongue>

Second, I decided to relocate after we had established a long term relationship where we loved one another and I realized I didn't want to live another day without him. There is no time set for this. It's something you both sit down and talk about.

Third, I looked for a profile that was honest, said something about him, what he was seeking, his interests in life and maybe just a small hint of his bdsm proclivities. I looked for a man who came off as a dominant personality, a leader in life, not some guy who wanted pussy and thought this was an easy place to find it.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/5/2011 7:09:35 PM >

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:09:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
<snipped>
3. The profile had to be written so as I could hear that person's voice in my head. It had to be written how they talked.
Long profiles suck, imo. A few lines to show the strong points of the personality were all that was needed. And a picture had to accompany the first contact if there was none on the public profile.
<snipped>

Heartily agree. I think my profile does just that.

HEY! OP! If you think that's your style - short, snappy, hint of military background and a GSOH, you're welcome to use it as a model. Oh, wait..... you're trying for a "generic" profile which mine is certainly NOT!

P.S. My profile works for me. I hope you can write one that works for you!
P.P.S. I had to ask about Good Sense Of Humor. LOL!

_____________________________

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:15:32 PM

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Count me among those who hate the term "subbie." Complete turn off.

Relocation - Knowing we have a loving, stable, in-person committed relationship which we both feel is for life. Tons of other things have to factor in, too. I've been with the Mister over two years and we're still holding off on a move (and he's only an hour and a half away) due to his kid, my mom, our jobs, and all sorts of life circumstances. The timing has to be right. For everybody.

Profile - His profile attracted me because it wasn't too short, wasn't too long, and it gave me a snapshot of him as a person. I could see his personality in it, and I liked it. And there wasn't a bunch of BDSM'y stuff in it. Just him, the man. Same with our emails and phone calls at first.

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:26:11 PM

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElderKnight

Hello to you all, and I have a question(s) for you subbies and slaves. Of course I know there is a difference, but these will center around a 24/7 relationship. This is my first post, and I figure the charlatans don't view the posts and I can get a somewhat straight answer.
1) RELOCATION - What do you look for that would motivate you to relocate for a Dom/Master and how much time do you think is reasonable talking with them before you do?
2) PROFILE - What is it that you look for in a profile that catches your eye, intrigues you and you find yourself wanting to know more about a particular Dom/Master?
I may have more pending what comes out of this, and appreciate the input.
L.

We knew each other for 14 months before I relocated about 800 miles south to live with (and about a year later) marry Him. If not for job/financial obligations, it would have been a shorter time before I relocated to be with Him.

We met on here in May 2006 but I wasn't concerned about His profile. He found me and began the conversation. By the time we spoke on the phone, it was amazing. We talked most of the day on the phone and in chat online about everything BUT sex/bdsm. Books, music, food....you name it. We hit it off so well that we were both taken off guard. What I looked for in Him (not his profile) was compatibility, intelligence, a good sense of humor and so many other things that just totally matched up for us. Being able to write a good profile is not indicative of a whole lot to me. It's kind of like how people judge others by spelling, punctuation, etc. There are some wonderful, intelligent, well-rounded amazing folks out there who can't write a good essay. That's not what I wanted a master/husband for anyway

luci

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:32:09 PM

lizi

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Relocation would be something I would consider if I found a man that I connected with and wanted to share a life with him. In other words, it has nothing to do with BDSM and everything to do with my relationship with him. I am going to relocate within a year or so to be with my partner, we've been together for 2 1/2 years to give you a time table. We started planning to share a residence and a future life about a year ago. I still have college age children coming home on breaks, we're waiting for them to be settled in their future careers before I leave.

What catches my eye in a profile is intelligence, humor, shared interests, being single, honesty, and a sense of leadership. What sends me running without a backward glance is a focus on sexual interests, a domineering attitude, arrogance, false bravado, entitlement, and a porn based outlook on kink/sex.

(in reply to ElderKnight)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:39:04 PM

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quote:

Y'know, if I'd go straight, I think I'd have my choice of the sexy, INTERESTING female s-types here. Oh, I might not "have" the ones like sirsHolly, but I bet ones like her have "friends." LOL!

If you went straight, Lance, there would be bloodied s-types all over the place before we were done fighting over you.

ETA- Oops, I forgot to answer the OP's questions.

quote:

1) RELOCATION - What do you look for that would motivate you to relocate for a Dom/Master and how much time do you think is reasonable talking with them before you do?

I'm not really attached to where I live, so relocation wouldn't be a problem for me. That said, it would take quite a bit of time and in person interaction before I would consider it.

quote:

2) PROFILE - What is it that you look for in a profile that catches your eye, intrigues you and you find yourself wanting to know more about a particular Dom/Master?

First thing is a sense of humor. Second is a profile that reads like 'This is who I am' rather than "This is what I think a submissive wants to hear'.

As Lance said, be yourself.

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 8/5/2011 7:44:10 PM >

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 7:44:08 PM

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From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
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Not that my answer is going to help you much butttt.......

A large greybearded guy with some decent ink on a smokin hot hog......

Translated;

An older biker male who has given thought and care to his body art operating a Harley........

Seriously......read the profiles...hang out here and pay attention......some things we want are fairly universal...ie...don't be a lyin cheatin bastard......others just depend on the individual......there is no magic formula......

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 8:35:52 PM

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welcome welcome to collarme ^_^

i have "willing to relocate" on my profile because, if i found someone with whom i had a really solid connection, but who was not local to me, and we came to some consensus that we were good for each other, then relocating would be a possibility.
but i'm not going to relocate to casually date someone. relocation would come after getting to know each other and probably traveling to spend time with each other, etc etc. basic LDR-type of stuff.

also, the word subbie really doesn't bother me at all. i think it's cute. =p maybe it's the lg-ness, but whatever.

a profile, well i like when what i'm reading doesn't sound like it came out of Dominance for Dummies. if the wording is overly dramatic, it tends to turn me off. if it's written like "these are the activities we will do every day," as if it's a transcribed passage from a well-rehearsed fantasy, that turns me off, too. =p
seriously, just be yourself. you don't have to try to be the next erotic masterpiece writer (and blatant descriptions of sex or play acts don't go over well with many women, either) -- write as if you're talking to someone; a good conversational style is always a plus. show a variety of interests, not just your kinky interests. so you like spanking and hair pulling -- do you like museums? do you like beach combing? sometimes people make the mistake of thinking that having kinkiness in common is all you need, and that's not true.

and pictures really are important, especially if you're contacting someone else who also has pictures. or if you don't have any pictures, don't ask the person you're contacting to send you boatloads of pics when you have none, etc etc.

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 8:48:24 PM

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They want what all good subbie's want and need.

Beano's Submarine Dressing

(Sorry, I have been drinking)

Attachment (1)

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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 8:56:16 PM

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Well, I can say that I didn't expect such quick responses, an in particular those who got excited about the "subbie" bit. Trust me when I say this, it was ment as a term of endearment, tounge n cheeck if you will, a joke, etc. But lets not get wound up over symantics. As Lance posted you gotta have a sense of humor about these things :)
As for the rest, thanks much for the input, they are what I was hoping to see. Basically, be yourself and have fun doing it, just like any other thing in life. I am and will do *grin*.
Thanks also for your welcomes to the site. It seems more truth is laid out here in the forums than anywhere else on this site.
Special thanks to:
SirsHolly
Lance
Littlewonder
Wyldhrt & NuevaVida

(in reply to 0ldhen)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/5/2011 9:12:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElderKnight

Well, I can say that I didn't expect such quick responses, an in particular those who got excited about the "subbie" bit. Trust me when I say this, it was ment as a term of endearment, tounge n cheeck if you will, a joke, etc. But lets not get wound up over symantics.

Hey there, first, you're welcome. And welcome to CM.

Re: the "subbie" thing - no one is excited or wound up over it. But it's a term often tossed around in a condescending way, or to be insulting, or to be "cute" and, well, it just isn't. No big deal....now ya know.

_____________________________

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(in reply to ElderKnight)

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