Why Do People Lie Online (Full Version)

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eruditegirl1 -> Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:39:26 PM)

I have read some of the posts on here...I have found quite a few very insightful people...so I have a question as stated in my post...Why do you think people lie online????...are they liars in their day to day lives...or does a keyboard and hiding behind a monitor somehow transform them into "Super Liar"....
Who knows I might get lucky and have a few liars tell me their motivation....
Thanks



champagnewishes -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:42:04 PM)

My theory would be for the same reason a dog licks himself....[:D]



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:46:37 PM)

Because they are trolls; They are married men in closets hiding from their wives, men in their mommy's basements, thye have no life, they are teens who want masturbratory material, they are curious but don't know how to go about acting on their fantasies, they have nothing better to do with their lives, they don't think anyone will find out that are lieing, they are spinless and guttless in real life and onlien they can be 'anything/anyone' they want to be.

Take your pick. Those are my top reasons why people lie online.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:47:14 PM)

I would hazard that for many, they lie because they can. This isn't -real- to them, it is a fantasy world, and they create themselves as they want to be in the fantasy that they want to live.

I would also hazard that for many, they have no idea that some might perceive what they are doing as wrong. It makes perfect sense, when in that mindset, that this is a -virtual- world, and that it is perfectly acceptable, and even -expected- that there will be people who prefer to treat it as a fantasy environment, and an opportunity to live out a dream in a virtual world.

It isn't just the internet that precipitates this behavior. If any remember the popular music song from just a few years ago by the group Savage Garden:

quote:


But on the telephone line i
Am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a super model or
Norman mailer
And you wouldn’t know the
Difference
Or would you


Any time that people interact and it isn't face-to-face, there is the opportunity to try to be something different -- our fantasy of who we would be if we were perfect and amazing. It happened between pen-pals throughout time, it happened on the phone before the internet, and now, it happens here.

Your best bet is to come into this world without the expectation that everyone will be "real". Then, when you encounter people who -are- what they say they are, it is a pleasant surprise, and you don't get thrown when you find out that someone isn't exactly what he or she portrayed him/herself as.

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

I have read some of the posts on here...I have found quite a few very insightful people...so I have a question as stated in my post...Why do you think people lie online????...are they liars in their day to day lives...or does a keyboard and hiding behind a monitor somehow transform them into "Super Liar"....
Who knows I might get lucky and have a few liars tell me their motivation....
Thanks



Padriag -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:50:39 PM)

There's no single reason for it, so no simple explanation.  But over the years I've observed a few common themes.

One is that they are living out a fantasy online, they lie because they weren't being honest to begin with.  These are people who want a fantasy they cannot have in real life for various reasons.

Another is that they life out of fear, usually a fear of rejection.  They are afraid if they told the truth that they would be rejected by someone important to them, or perhaps everyone in general.  It might be a lie to cover up a "dark" fantasy they think is unacceptable, they might lie about who they are because they don't think who they are is desirable, they might lie because they are embarassed about the truth, etc.

A third is that its all a game to them.  Some people seem to think chatrooms, forums, and the internet in general is a giant computer game.  To them, everything is a joke and none of us count as real people.  The believe nothing they do here really affects anyone, and so believe its okay to do whatever silly thing pops into their heads... to them its all just about laughs.

I'm sure others can add other reasons, but those are three very common ones that come to mind.



littlemissub -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:51:40 PM)

I believe, from personal experience that people lie just as often in real life as they do online.  Online just keeps them from doing it to your face, but so does the phone.  Its all the same in D/s or vanilla relationships.



LadyHugs -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:53:49 PM)

Dear eruditegirl1,
 
I hope that you indeed get some liars to confess.  I would like to hear why they do it as well.
 
However, I doubt if any liar would speak about lies they tell on this forum.  Perhaps a phony non-deplume will be formed and they'll give the reasons why and come back in another screen name.
 
My personal feelings on the matter, is that anybody can hide behind the monitor screen.
Perhaps feed an alter-ego or a position where they are unable to maintain in public.
They lie because they can and it is hard to prove or disprove, unless there is facial to facial contact where the voice, expressive features and go from there.
 
I am looking forward to the responses that follow.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



FirmhandKY -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:54:42 PM)

eruditegirl1,

People lie for as many reasons are there are people.

But, in a more specific answer to your question:

The 'net is an easy place to disconnect the "you" of everyday life, from reality.  There is a sense of unreality to it for many people, almost like a computer game, so I tend to think that many people lie, not out of being totally dishonesty, but out of a feeling of unreality, and the ease of it.  Fewer controls against it.

Just like the person that you truly are inside, usually isn't the person you project to the world at large, the personality you project on the 'net is often not who you are to the real world.

That's not an acceptable reason to "lie", but I think the average person has trouble in being as totally upfront and honest online as they are in person for this reason.

It takes a higher than average drive to present yourself as close as you can to the "real" you online, as in person.

It's also why so many people "disappear" when asked to meet - they realize (perhaps unconsciously) that the person they protrayed themselves to be online doesn't match what someone will see in person ... and fear takes over.

I know this probably doesn't help much, but you could also probably write a book on the subject.

FHky




Phoenixandnika -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:56:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

I have read some of the posts on here...I have found quite a few very insightful people...so I have a question as stated in my post...Why do you think people lie online????...are they liars in their day to day lives...or does a keyboard and hiding behind a monitor somehow transform them into "Super Liar"....
Who knows I might get lucky and have a few liars tell me their motivation....
Thanks
 
I don't think someone changes their character simply because they are online. Those with honor and integrity will act accordingly regardless of the venue they are in. Those without, well they can fake it some of the time but they can not fake it all the time.
 



FirmhandKY -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:57:46 PM)

darn .. 5 posts between the time I started my reply, and I actually posted!





BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 8:58:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
Because they are trolls; They are married men in closets hiding from their wives, men in their mommy's basements, they have no life, they are teens who want masturbratory material, they are curious but don't know how to go about acting on their fantasies, they have nothing better to do with their lives, they don't think anyone will find out that are lieing, they are spinless and guttless in real life and online they can be 'anything/anyone' they want to be.
Slaverosebeauty has pretty much covered my best guesses...
In addition I would say, people lie because they have a need to disassociate what they believe to be the right, socially/morally acceptable way to live, and their need to experience a different kind of loving /relationship/kink.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_245744/mpage_1/key_Madonna%252Dwhore/tm.htm#245905.            M



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:05:30 PM)

Thanks BlkTallFullfig :o) I know I am missing a few, but thats a good taste.

That song by Savage Garden is what I was lookign for. Its short and to the point.
quote:


But on the telephone line i
Am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a super model or
Norman mailer
And you wouldn’t know the
Difference
Or would you

People use computers as a way to morph into someone else. ITs an easy way to hide.



MistressSassy66 -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:06:27 PM)

Perhaps a liar will reply...but will they tell the truth if they do?

I will add My two cents and agree with all the reasons above as to why
people lie.


I will admit I have told a lie when wanting to end a conversation....
Why lie,because simply saying I want to go now Grandma will hurt her feelings.





becca333 -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:10:08 PM)

The sad thing is, the more they lie, the more their real personality shows through anyway.



shyfem -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:12:12 PM)

I too have often wondered the same thing. I try to be as honest and upfront about who I am without scaring people away :) They either like me or want me for who I am or they can go home and masterbate [;)].

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY
It's also why so many people "disappear" when asked to meet - they realize (perhaps unconsciously) that the person they protrayed themselves to be online doesn't match what someone will see in person ... and fear takes over.

FHky


Hmmm FHky, I think you may have a point. This has happened to me on more than one occasion. [:@]

Be real folks

~shy



eruditegirl1 -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:17:08 PM)

I had a thought....the other day my son and I were on the freeway...a truck wanted over...I wouldn't let him over...there was no room for him to merge...he literally tried to run me off the road...now in remebering his face....he looked to be a decent man..probably a father...wife ...kids...etc...I thought...would he try to kill my 6 year old and myself if we meet on the street...but yet behind the wheel full of road rage....he tried...so is it similar... so is the internet a way for decent people to decieve others...where as they wouldn't in real life....just a thought...



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:19:28 PM)

My mother used to have a saying... "Your actions speak so loudly, I can't hear a word you say."

It's much the same on places like this. No matter how hard we try to be someone else, who we are becomes visible in the way that we communicate over an extended period of time. If you go back and look at a person's interactions over time, you will "meet" the person behind the screen name... at some point, not all at once, but broken over hundreds of encounters, everything that that person -truly- believes will be made visible, because what is "core" to us comes through, no matter how much we try to hide it.

Part of the reason that predators have such an easy time finding prey is that people don't take the time to do the extended vetting of the people they encounter in virtual environments. Two or three conversations or two or three -months- of conversations (many people =especially skilled predators= can maintain an illusion for as much as a year before the facade cracks) , the predator says all the right things and is evasive about anything he/she doesn't want to talk about that might "blow the cover", and the prey is running to be with The One... if we were more patient, and drew people out more, and took the time to scrape away the "cosmetics" covering up those little inconsistencies that we see but choose to ignore, predators would have a more difficult time... because hiding the real self requires limited exposure and a quick yank on the "hook".

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

The sad thing is, the more they lie, the more their real personality shows through anyway.



becca333 -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:27:53 PM)

And they always say, "But he seemed so nice online..."

Well SURE he did - he wouldn't have much luck as a predator if he didn't!



Reflectivesoul -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:32:35 PM)

quote:

My mother used to have a saying... "Your actions speak so loudly, I can't hear a word you say."


This is so true, your mom was a wise woman!
 
I think people lie for a multitude of reasons,getting their way being a big one. I come across as a bitch to a whole lot of people, and honestly its intentional. It weeds out the people who have a fear of being caught at something. ( atleast for the most part) Unfortunately a liar can see someone who may have a weak spot for something in their lives and they will play upon that every chance they get. Does it make me a liar that I intentiontionally come across as a bitch at times? I dont think so because I can be a bitch, I just usually prefer not to be unless I feel I have a reason to be.
 



eruditegirl1 -> RE: Why Do People Lie Online (5/19/2006 9:44:16 PM)

"Truth has no anger"



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