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subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:07:11 PM   
rose442


Posts: 60
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I want to ask a question. This is going to be a touchy subject. I will say now that I mean absolutely no disrespect in anything I say or ask. I just want to understand. I am trying to figure out why so many sub's and slaves are overweight. I am a little bit, meaning like 35# overweight for me. But there are sooo many that I have met, and see on the computer that have serious weight issues. Master and I have worked out a routine for this girl to lose this weight because of my self esteem and health issues. Well and because Master hates fat ppl.
 
I feel good and confident with clothes on (most of the time). But when I have no clothes on and look in the mirror, I hate the way I look. And that was the 1st reason for me to lose the weight. But now, per Doctors orders. I must lose the weight.
 
Can I ask how any sub / slave can look in the mirror and be pleased with themselves being that way?
How do the Dom's/Domme's feel about there overweight sub/slaves?
Or how do You feel seeing other ones like that?
Isn't health issues a major concern?
It is for me and I use to think that I was fine. I was just a little overweight. And I am, and it is still a problem for me.
Like I said, I am not trying to disrespect anyone. I am overweight too and talking about myself. But I am not letting my issue go and letting myself get beyond overweight. I don't want to be insecure about myself and ppl not see the sexy side of me because I am fat. And I am very down on myself for the weight. So I don't understand how anyone can be proud of being fat. And want to stay that way. Or want There subs or slaves that way.
I see so many overweight subs and slaves in the lifestyle and I would like to understand why there are so many.
Is it because of the weight?
Is it because of insecurities?
I have been to a couple BDSM events and I was in the minority. I was one of the skinniest people there. I was shocked to see this.
I guess my real reason for this post is to find out what brings people or draws people to this lifestyle that are overweight.
Do the subs and slaves that are overweight feel they can please there Dom in ALL ways being overweight.
I don't, that is MY reason for losing it. Master and I just discussed this issue and He says I am doing it for me. And I know I am not. And that is why I fail at diets and don't stick to exercising for very long. Yes I want to look good. But I want to be samantha on bewitched and twitch my nose and it be done. Not have to work at it. I am lazy. And I know it. That is why I gained the weight to begin with. And with 4 kids and active with them, how I am overweight, I may never know. That was contradicting, smiles. Ok other than my kids and being with them I don't want to do anything else.  
 
Thank you for reading, and I hope to get some POSITIVE responses. I just want to understand.

rose442
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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:22:36 PM   
angelface183


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According to you (and my mother) I am overweight.  According to my Beloved, and my most recent ex-boyfriend, I am sexy.  Some men like a little meat on the bone.  I am healthy; neither my doctor nor I am concerned about my weight. 

Different people are attracted to different body types and I think you will see that all body types are fairly well represented in all lifestyle categories.  There are number of full figured Dommes out there, just as there are thin sub/slaves.  Personally, I like very tall men.  I was fortunate to find a tall Dom who likes short curvy women.

Why do you assume that everyone that has a few extra pounds is unhappy with that?  I am not saying that there are not people out their that would like to lose weight, but many heavy people live productive, happy, healthy, and sexy lives.  Weight is not always the issue that you are making it out to be.  You seem very angry about seeing other sub/slaves that are heavier than you.  Like somehow it reflects badly on you to be associated with them.  For a lot of those women, their weight is not an issue, why are you making it yours? 

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:33:00 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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rose, do you have an opinion about fat dominants? Or is it only fat subs/slaves that need scorn?Just ciurious if you saw any fat doms, or just fat slaves/subs/

I have 10 more lbs to lose, I love me overweight or thin. My self love is not weight reliant, although I feel sexier when thinner. I think healthy people are sexy people. I have known some overwieght people that we much healthier seeming than some of the skinny people I have known.

(BTW, although I remember my body being firmer when I was younger, I still like the way I look in the mirror..funny how that happens, self acceptance and love)

I lost 55 pounds for me, kept it off for me, and I will lose the final 10 pounds for me. The men that have been in my life over the last couple of years (all two of them..lol) like me the way that I am...I think your Master is correct... You have to look at how it will make you feel and do it for you, and if you want to make this change last. Good luck to you rose.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/22/2006 4:36:42 PM >


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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:40:31 PM   
zumala


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I have 6 pounds to lose in order to reach my "goal" weight.  HOWEVER, 118 lbs is just my estimation of where I think I should be according to my height and body build.  If it turns out that I'm fit and weigh 121 lbs, that's just fine.  My personal issue is with the extra places of soft pooch on my body and an overall lack of good muscle tone.
 
I have no Master or Dominant to help motivate me, so my progress is not as fast as it could be by any means.  I have no doubt I could reach my goal (I've been in this 'almost there' state for years), but I haven't gotten there yet.  I'm actually planning on starting a new workout routine soon.
 
zuma

< Message edited by zumala -- 5/22/2006 4:41:16 PM >

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:40:58 PM   
Slipstreme


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Health is my only concern with being overweight. Otherwise, I don't really care what people look like, although I know I hate what I look like. However, that is because I don't have the body I see myself as having and is related to me being genderqueer. Honestly, I don't think someone's looks should really affect their prospects in life.  

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:41:59 PM   
perverseangelic


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From: Davis, Ca
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I'm overweight. This is partially due to the medication that I take that causes weight gain, and partially due to the fact that I'm more sedintary than I should be. I have weight issues, sure. I plan on loosing weight. I -am- able to, however, with the medication, loosing weight is a very serious undertaking, because simply upping my exercise and lowering calorie intake doesn't do it. I'm also healthy. I'm not in great shape, but I'm not putting undue stress on my organs, nor do I have high cholesterol. My doctor says I'm at no more risk of diabetes than anyone.

It's possible to be overweight and healthy.

Having said all that, my Owner thinks I'm beautiful, and it's helping me learn to think of myself that way. I come from an emotionally abusive family that insisted I was hugely fat for my entire childhood. It's been amazing for me to be with someone who loves my body just as it is, and doesn't pressure me to be anything other than who I am. I'm -glad- he appreciates my body, because it's helping me to appreciate it.

I think that while loosing weight is wonderful, it's much much more important to learn to love yourself no matter what body you're wearing. While loosing weight would probably make me feel even better about myself, I'm much happier knowing that I love my body becuase it's -my- body. I think that it's good to love -yourself- and to be sexy because you are a sexy individual. I think I'm being all convoluted.

Basically, I think that I'd rather be around someone who's overweight that loves and accepts his/her body, and strives to keep his/her body healthy than a skinny person who is fixated on her weight as the determining factor in his/her self esteem.

Take this with a grain of salt. I'm...senstive about this stuff. I'm working on it.



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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:45:44 PM   
tade


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From: Tampa Bay, Florida
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Personally I like it when someone "hates fat people". More for me..

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:46:06 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442


So I don't understand how anyone can be proud of being fat. And want to stay that way. Or want There subs or slaves that way.
 
I don't think it's so much being "proud of being fat", as being proud of themself as a human being.

I see so many overweight subs and slaves in the lifestyle and I would like to understand why there are so many.

I don't think it has much to do with the lifestyle, more to do with Americans being overweight, period.
It's wonderful when anyone pursues a healthy lifestyle, and I commend you on that, rose.


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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:47:06 PM   
Nyxalinth2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

Well and because Master hates fat ppl. 
 
rose442


No offense, but I hate people who say "I dislike X" and then get involved with someone who is that way, and then try to change them.  sorry, but I was severely burned to the point of being suicidal by a man like this.

when I dumped him, he asked why.  I told him 'Because you don't want me the way I am, yet you got involved with me.  Why not find what you really want?'

'Because what I really want doesn't like me.'

Never had I been so tempted to slap someone.  But I took the high road and left without another word.  thank the gods I found the strength after six weeks of emotional and verbal browbeating to get out of it.

I am not saying that this is what 'master' is doing, per se.  But to me this sort of thing is a warning sign of less than pleasant things to come.

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:48:33 PM   
shyfem


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Sorry Rose, no positive response here either.

I am overweight. Am I satisfied to remain that way? No.

Do I have self esteem issues that "drew" me into BDSM? No.

I have no self esteem issues. I am not unhealthy in any way (no high blood pressure, etc) except my weight and I am working on that. I am a very happy person who lives a life full of friends and loved one's. I just happen to be submissive.

My former Dom searched for bigger submissive women because that is his preference and I have been in contact with others who either don't care or prefer it as well.

As I loose the weight by exersize it is pleasing to me and that is all that matters. I will feel sexier and that shine outwardly as well.

Please keep in mind that you may not loose the self esteem issues with the weight.

~shy

*BTW angelface, I think you are beautiful girl. I wouldn't want to change you either

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:49:50 PM   
Nyxalinth2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183

You seem very angry about seeing other sub/slaves that are heavier than you.  Like somehow it reflects badly on you to be associated with them.  For a lot of those women, their weight is not an issue, why are you making it yours? 


Sometimes it's not anger, it's offense.  As in 'How DARE that fat woman over there even THINK of enjoying her life until she loses weight?'

I used to beat myself up for being overweight.  I stopped.  I REFUSE to wait until my weight reaches some secret super speshul magical number on a scale before enjoying my life, vanilla or otherwise.

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:51:31 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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In my small pond, I tend to be involved with some of the more desirable submissives, measured in looks, play style, or by whatever other standard.  I have had as S&M partners anything from size 7 hardbodies to a size 16 well past rubenesque women.

That size 16 was one of the sexiest women I have ever been with.  In fact, she was hot enough to permanently warp my sensibilities and whenever I see a woman with her body shape, my thoughts slide instantly into the gutter.

One of the things she did possess that made her so erotic, was she truly loved her body.  Not to the point of arrogance, but just nice healthy love.  She also always took the time to dress well and took pride in her appearance but I believe that was part of the healthy love of herself.

So girl, throw your shoulders back, lift your head up high, and own it baby!

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:52:04 PM   
Nyxalinth2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tade

Personally I like it when someone "hates fat people". More for me..


Applauds

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:54:33 PM   
angelface183


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First of all pervy, you are adorable.  I too had a family that told me that I was fat and I wore a size 5 in High School.  In my early 20's I had a coke problem and got down to a size 1.  My family thought that I looked great!  Never mind that I had flabby tits, a skinny body, and a huge head.  I looked like ET!

18 years late I am a size 18 with large breasts and an ample rump and all of the curves that go with them.  I am happier with who I am than I ever have been.  And when I am with Him, I rarely wear clothes.  Why; because He thinks I am hot and He wants to be able to look at and touch me.  What more can a girl ask for?  Do I need to lose weight for me and my Beloved to be happy?  Hell, no! 

So you little perverse angel, I guess we are two of the lucky one who found Doms who love and adore us for the women that we are, not the ones that they would like for us to be.

angelface

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:56:32 PM   
MistressWolfen


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I have read and reread this post...will go and ponder. I am technically a gazillion# overweight, muscle weighs a hell of a lot. Thinking and will respond soon.


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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 4:57:41 PM   
pissdoll


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quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

Well and because Master hates fat ppl. 



I think this site and in bdsm in general mirrors the weights of people in our society.  meaning, if 60% of the women on this site are a size 16, then 60% of women in the United States are a size 16.

and we as women should be proud of who we are and what we look like, no matter what our age, size or ethnicity is.

one of my best friends who i met off of this site is a size 18-20.  she sent me a copy of an email that a "Dom" wrote to her on here basically telling her that she was a fat pig and she needs to lose weight if she ever wants someone to love her.

funny thing is, he wrote to me about a week before, telling me i was a scrawny little ugly stick and that until i get implants, no self respecting man would want me.

you can't win with people who want to be negative and hurtful.  the best we can do as women is LOVE each other and SUPPORT each other.  when we turn on each other and call each other names, make fun of each other and generally hate on each other, we do ourselves more damage than any jerk of a guy ever could.

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:00:42 PM   
bandit25


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julia...you are da bomb!  And angel, you are da second bomb.  LOL.  As for you, rose...google Sensuous Sadie.  She is a gorgeous BBW (her words) who loves the way she looks and I must say she looks fantastic.  She had NO shortage of partners.  She's successful, witty, sexy...you name it.  Now, I don't have weight issues but that is because I am obsessed with my weight.  I wish I weren't, but I always have been.  You want to lose the weight for you...you go girl.  You want to do it cuz "Master hates fat ppl" well, what the hell are you going to do if you gain it back?  Stay with someone who hates you?  Start hating yourself?  Doesn't make any sense to me.

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:06:19 PM   
sleazybutterfly


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i am sorry to see that you feel that bad about yourself.. that has to make life very hard for you.  We all go thru those moments when we don't feel at our best.. it is sad..but as women.. be us slave or not.. we feel we have to live up to something that is unreachable.  As someone overweight.. who has suffered from bulimia for 4 yrs of her life..and still is recovering.. i thought that being thin was the only way i could be happy.. i could find someone to love me.. or want me.. so i decided i would do it no matter the cost to myself.  During this time... yes i did lose.. but i also put my life at great danger.. made my teeth very fragile.. and may have hurt any chance of being a mommy.  What really pissed me off.. is after i started my recovery..and realized that i am someone..and that it wasn't the weight that put ppl off from talking to me.. it was my attitude about it.  i started going out.. meeting ppl.. opening up.. dressing sexy.. approaching.. or making myself more approachable by my attitude.. that i was a wonderful.. beautiful woman.. and it did attract them.. not everyone.... but that is okay.. it kept me busy enough, trust me.   We all have our own tastes in ppl.. some look at only weight.. others look at intelligence.. hair colour.. height..etc...  That is okay.. they all have they right.. just as i do to be picky about who i am with also. 
 
As far as losing goes.. yes.. i am doing it.. but.. i am doing it healthy..and not for anyone else.. only for me.  i will still be me..whether i am thin..or not..that won't change.  i will never be a size 5..that's okay with me.. i might lose my great legs that way. ; )  i do have health problems in my family..though i don't have any yet.. i am concerned.. so i want to lose for that reason also.  i have never had any problem finding a Master at this weight..  they can tell i know who i am .. and what i want.. i think that can make all the difference. 
 
If you want to lose weight..and can do it in a healthy way.. i applaud you and wish you well.  With that though.. don't forget how you feel.. or felt..and know that everyone is different.. some.. it hurts.. some it doesn't..but you are no better nor worse for losing..than the one that doesn't.  i have found.. that many are upset..not that they are overweight..but that someone else..can be happy..sexy..and confident that way..and they can't. 
 

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~Curvylicious

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:07:15 PM   
Sinergy


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Hello A/all,

I consider myself a bit overweight.  My view on this matter is more that I am so physically active doing various things, that any extra pounds I have on me (that is not muscle) is just making it more difficult to do what I do.  I was grumpy about weighing approximately 209# the last few times I measured my weight, but at 6'1 with a BMI of 27, I imagine I am being ridiculous about it.

On the other hand, I have never been one to care too much about what other people think about me.  I want to feel good about myself so I take care of myself.

I am always fascinated when I run in to overweight or out of shape Dom(me)s who complain about overweight of submissives.  Im usually capable of biting my sarcastic comments back, but Im usually thinking "Dude(ette), look in the mirror."

From a relationship standpoint, getting in to a relationship with somebody with the goal of changing them to be somebody else has poor odds of being successful.

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy

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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:10:02 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

I am trying to figure out why so many sub's and slaves are overweight. I am a little bit, meaning like 35# overweight for me. But there are sooo many that I have met, and see on the computer that have serious weight issues. Master and I have worked out a routine for this girl to lose this weight because of my self esteem and health issues. Well and because Master hates fat ppl
Well rose, I'm glad you're not pretending to be worried about the dominants, because just like everything else in my life, I would say it's none of your business.

It seems your master found the right target for his control.  I hope your self esteem is better by the time the weight issue is resolved, because chances are you will still dislike yourself, and he will find some other imperfection you'll need to fix...  I hope I'm wrong, and you don't end up the way this love story sounds like it's going to end= not pretty.  
One can be proud to be a valued/loved human being at any weight for your information. 

A friend of mine works with cardiac patients, told me of a man in his 40s who is in great shape had a heart attack while on the threadmill 3 days ago, followed by immediate cardiac surgery, than followed by a stroke about 3 days ago; she also told me of a young vegetarian girl who had a viral infection, needed ventricular assist devices, and a heart transplant while in perfect shape and culturally accepted outer beauty (a year or 2 ago)...  I told her, that exercise will kill yah everytime, LMAO...  I'm kidding of course, but for those of you who think that you'll live a happy healthy, long life simply because you are "perfect" weight, you couldn't be more wrong.   In my opinion, working on being a decent human being, investing in doing onto others as you'd had done onto you (especially with your family or loved ones), and loving the skin God/dess put you in, and you'll likely do better overall in this life.   M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 5/22/2006 5:16:23 PM >


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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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