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RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 12:01:38 PM   
straponprincess1


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/19/2010
From: Tampa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I think your name is fitting.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
You are thinking of a fourth visit....



I agree your setting your-self up for disappointment


_____________________________

StrapOnPrincess
Strap On Sessions

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Confusion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 12:06:01 PM   
DumbassSub


Posts: 89
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		Kalikshama, majority of comments received i agree with and indeed appreciate that same as yours has given me perspective which i much appreciate. I do not see where mixed messages have been conveyed as Her profile at the time, my initial response and followup communication had so there was agreement and understanding. When session did not occur and discussion commenced in Her presence an promise of future and extended session was made. It did not happen. Not until refusal of future work sessions and pointed comments did promised session come about. Next work weekend session at end of work was again denied. That has resulted in correspondence and venting. Such has resulted in a rescheduling of tonight and Saturday so perchance i receive what was in the beginning promised, and ongoingly discussed.

Indeed i am pouting, more than pouting i am complaining, communicating, venting and uncharacteristically for a submissive/slave pushing to have staed promises and expectations fulfilled as promised. I am not requesting/demanding anything other than what was discussed to transpire. Perchance as some suggest i am receiving OWK treatment... that i had not before contemplated but do accept. Bottom line however is certain aspects were conveyed and discussed via Mistress and myself. No new aspects nor expectations have surfaced nor to be requested. My want and expectation is for same truth and integrity that i have put forth. I expect Mistress to honour and to keep Her word. I resent the deceit and lack of integrity thus far and push to have it fulfilled. This is first time i have scammed, conned, deceived by a Mistress and my character trait has me with difficulty in rolling over and accepting it. I expect more from a Mistress. I expect the common courtesy of integrity, trust and the honouring of ones word. I fail to see where i am stating or demanding conditions other than fulfilling what has been portrayed and promised. 

Yes the relationship is doomed, but it was not anticipated nor discussed to be a ongoing relationship. It was simply a exchange of services. My labour and skill in exchange for Her dominance, time and expertise. I made commitment to fulfill work tasks and to supply necessary tools, etc. She made commitment to sessions, OWK experience and premise expressed in profile.





(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 12:07:06 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		You and her spoke and came to an agreement about what would happen. A verbal contract of sorts. You do this work, and in return you will receive "X." You did your part and didn't get "X." It isn't your integrity that will be compromised by not returning it will be a lesson to her that if you are not true to your word, you don't get what you want.

Sorry, but you really would be a "dumbasssub" if you go back to this woman's house to complete the work for anything other than cash. If you are smart, you will simply explain to her that since she has not held up her end of the agreement you made at the start (sessions in exchange for work), then you will only finish for cold hard cash, paid prior to your starting any work. She will of course then promise you a session to end all sessions, and it is in YOUR best interest to turn her down.

Communication is part of the whole process. While it seems you were communicating, she was blowing unpleasant smoke up your ass telling you what you wanted to hear so she could get the work on her house done for free.

No one can use you without your permission. Slave or not, this was a temporary arrangement where agreements were made. She violated that, your integrity remains intact if you don't go back.

(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 12:10:34 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn

maybe i'm missing something here, but doesn't owk basically mean female supremacy? well guess what bucky, what you are getting is the fucking owk  experience. that's what it means to be the slave of somebody who considers you inferior to them. you and your desires and needs don't really matter all that fucking much.catering to you defeats the whole fucking illusion and the house of cards will fall apart.

you know what they say bubbles, be fucking careful what you wish for - you just might get it.



This.


I have to double Ditto this one!! :-)

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Confusion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 2:24:13 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I missed the flooding aspect of the situation. Not only is that stressful, but it can result in mold, which can make people sick, and kill the sex drive.

How about you offer that whenever she is not in the mood, you do the work for 50% off going rates? You'll either get your session, or you'll get cash to pay for a session w someone else.

(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 5:37:10 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		I have a different view on this one, she may enjoy you as she uses you, but not in
the sense of she is indiffeerent towards you , you her slave!  If she truly did not
want to give you a session she would not. My slave was given the task to bring dinner, he made the
mistake of buying himself dinner also but he then invited himself to our dinner!
he was angry and upset, because he thought he was invited too!  We talked it over
and he understood , "i never said come and have dinner with us", talk with her! Yes she may have used
you , but i am an open book i look through the pages for more!  My opinion is not right each and everty
time so let us know  what happens, please!  Some mistress will hide their true feelings for slaves!

How do you feel now, that everyone says she "used" you?  Are you happy , or
sad!  Some mistress hide their true feeling for their slaves!

I wish you the best (ok everyone my spell check does not want to slave for me
so there maybe many mistakes)  ;-(
jane/mons

(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 5:40:49 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I 'confuss' that I did not read the entire OP because if I had, I would have gotten a brain 'confussion' !!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 7:26:17 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DumbassSub

I do confess domiguy there was a time i had thoughts of retribution and had thoughts of contemplating what i would do. Such was the depth of my emotions and feeling of being deceived. Those feelings were dangerous because i felt to be justified and found myself with clear conscience. Whereas you perchance are being factious, i contemplated it as a reality. It did not progress that far nor in that venue. In hindsight i am glad and thankful it did not.  



Listen up, cageboy, retribution is what makes the world go round.

Do you think that Cathy Singleton's cat just up and wandered off? I bet that Sonja Marleson is still wondering how she misplaced that $1,200 for her rent... Just as I imagine that to this very day, that Connie Powers feels that it was most likely those rotten neighborhood kids that took a dump in the front seat of her car.

Quit being such a pussy and fuck that bitch up!

_____________________________



(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 7:42:58 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

I have a different view on this one, she may enjoy you as she uses you, but not in
the sense of she is indiffeerent towards you , you her slave!  If she truly did not
want to give you a session she would not. My slave was given the task to bring dinner, he made the
mistake of buying himself dinner also but he then invited himself to our dinner!
he was angry and upset, because he thought he was invited too!  We talked it over
and he understood , "i never said come and have dinner with us", talk with her! Yes she may have used
you , but i am an open book i look through the pages for more!  My opinion is not right each and everty
time so let us know  what happens, please!  Some mistress will hide their true feelings for slaves!

How do you feel now, that everyone says she "used" you?  Are you happy , or
sad!  Some mistress hide their true feeling for their slaves!

I wish you the best (ok everyone my spell check does not want to slave for me
so there maybe many mistakes)  ;-(
jane/mons


Honestly, did you even understand the OP? He isn't her slave, she doesn't own him, they don't have a relationship. This was a barter of services. She agreed to give something to him in exchange for him doing some work for her. Then she had every excuse why she couldn't hold up her end of the bargain. If he had been doing work for money, it would be the equivalent of "the check is in the mail."

The had a verbal agreement, a "contract" if you prefer. She violated it. In so doing, she used him for the work and never paid for his services.

Difficult to understand? Because honestly, I don't think it is your spell check that is the problem but your ability to comprehend.

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 8:12:23 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		hi DAS-
such is the risk of a "quid pro quo" agreement.  I have met a few Dommes who strictly wanted (and expected) labor...and some were willing to offer their services in return.  It's a shame that you didn't have more of a chemistry/relationship--at least you did get some enjoyment, but it doesn't sound proportionate to the effort you expended.

I cannot say that I have had that unfortunate experience--I have donated my efforts/services--some "in exchange" for what I was hoping to get out of the interaction, and some strictly for the enjoyment of serving, and typically if I don't feel that I'm getting anything out of the service, I don't return.  A local playspace (and proDomme) space had a flood the night of a local club FEM event.  It was a terrible flood--truly devastating to the hostess (and her livelihood).  What disappointed me the most was that the other subs left....without so much as an offer to help with the cleanup... perhaps they felt that they would not get anything in return since the "party was cancelled."  Her full-time sub drove her to the club that night--He and I spent more than 6 hours wet-vacing water out of the space.

The reward?  Her respect and appreciation.  

Hopefully you will find other Dommes who will appreciate your talents, and you will earn their favour in return, to perhaps fulfill some of your desires.

good luck to you!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 8:20:40 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

How about session on Saturday and work on Sunday?


How about a vastly more succinct essay?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/4/2011 9:37:51 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Oh blah, I read your very long post and for some reason I can't explain your profile as well and all I can say is...blah. I hate it when hanna nails stuff(before I get here) but she really did. O.W.K. lets think about what we know...how do you like being a piece of furniture? Do you know they didn't let them speak there(the slaves I mean) Do you know they couldn't even talk to each other? Did you know they could never in any way address a domme without the permisson of their own...and even then it was frowned on? Do you know what the word slave ment to them? Do you even know what the words female supremacy mean? From what you told us....you said you wanted me to be used(that's what your profile says) You met this lady. She used you. But, but, but...she didn't beat you when you wanted her to? What is it the ladies are always saying about a fetish delivery system. They talk often about how it isn't all about your kink but you really got your kink handed to you on a silver platter. You just didn't get the kick(in the mouth) that goes with this kink. You worked hard. You got used for what she saw you as being worth. You felt let down, cheated, wronged and yet for some reason you can not explain you still wanted to go back to her. You still want to know if there is any chance that you can get more of her. All I can say is Welcome to the O.W.K. this really was what it was all about, and some of it was damn fun. Get used to being used or get used to the idea of having a different kind of realationship than the one living in your head now.

*Dissclaimer* The above is my opinion and my opinion only.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/5/2011 2:51:25 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It allows sense of being useful and productive that results in self pride and obvious happiness and satisfaction of another. Such projects are usually a full day, weekend or longer and not a short one or two hour session.


Is that really your motivation? Pride in your work and making the recipient happy? Here's an idea: Why don't you volunteer your services for Habitat for Humanity or for old people whose houses are falling apart? Help build playgrounds? Build raffle prizes like playhouses? Donate your time to organizations that are worthy. The satisfaction of serving and pride in your work can be independent of your kink.

Yeah, helping ordinary (read vanilla) folk won't satisfy your urge to sleep in a dungeon or get whipped. But selflessness and submissiveness comes in all forms, including creating a better world.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/5/2011 3:34:29 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January

quote:

It allows sense of being useful and productive that results in self pride and obvious happiness and satisfaction of another. Such projects are usually a full day, weekend or longer and not a short one or two hour session.


Is that really your motivation? Pride in your work and making the recipient happy? Here's an idea: Why don't you volunteer your services for Habitat for Humanity or for old people whose houses are falling apart? Help build playgrounds? Build raffle prizes like playhouses? Donate your time to organizations that are worthy. The satisfaction of serving and pride in your work can be independent of your kink.

Yeah, helping ordinary (read vanilla) folk won't satisfy your urge to sleep in a dungeon or get whipped. But selflessness and submissiveness comes in all forms, including creating a better world.

January

Hi January...
Maybe he DOES.... I know plenty of service subs who do "vanilla" volunteer work but also really enjoy serving a Domme/Dom. The satisfaction is a little bit different, and it is fulfilling on a different level.

In addition to doing community volunteer work,  I clean several houses--one is for a good friend with cancer (and even though we fight over it, he insists on paying me)--another is a local pro-Domme, I get nothing (physical) in return.  The third--I have a part-time Household where I clean monthly, and I get some of my BDSM needs met when I'm there--it's a nice arrangement for both of us.  Three houses--same "job"--but each has benefits and is satisfying work, but in very different ways.

I kinda feel a little bit for the OP-- his mistake was to keep going back even after it was obvious that she had no interest in finding a way to meet one of his needs or developing into a deeper Domme/servant relationship.  I really think that some folks really don't understand service subs--  even if I don't get a physical (or monetary) benefit to service I provide, that does not mean that there isn't a connection between me and those I serve.   I won't serve just "any" Domme/Dom for the sake of it.

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/7/2011 4:51:21 AM   
DumbassSub


Posts: 89
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		Lafeyette Lady, it is exactly as i felt... the sense of having unpleasant smoke blown up my ass and led-on so as to get work completed. In feeling deceived and lied to, i was with much difficultly in coming to terms with such. In doing my part and keeping my word, i felt walking away although the sensible option as further demonstrated by comments here, it however did not sit well with me. In feeling i was getting fucked-over so to speak, my stubbornness and sense of righteousness has so i can not walk away. In doing my part i want that She does Hers. To keep my word, i want that She honours Hers. You are correct that one can use me without my permission. That is true and that aspect i must take responsibility for. After reading all these comments and agreeing with much of it, the next choice is mine. I am now with greater awareness and with much input that shares same consensus. As of this collarme forum any future action can not put complaint anywhere but upon myself.

I had previously messaged Mistress of possible option to attend Friday evening to work on patio deck and awake very early Saturday to finish other two tasks, thus allowing time for session. The many comments here gave me resolve and resulted in decision that this be my last kick at the can. I finally resolved with myself it's either a two day session or to walk away as one day can not incorporate both work and session and i do not have the trust that She incorporate session into work aspect. The walk away part was not easy for me to accept, but comments here has had effect on my mindset. Not enough to overcome my deep-set character traits and stubbornness, but enough to cause second thought and some reflection.

Friday i did receive message from Mistress informing me my arrival would be in darkness and not conducive to outside work task. I was informed to arrive Friday night 6:00pm and to work Saturday. Although not outright promised it did convey session would happen. Ecstatic, i profusely thanked Mistress, closed shop early, purchased a long stemmed rose and a bottle of  Chateauneuf-du-Pape in expectation of anticipated session. It is the outcome i hoped for and preferred. Illogical to most, but for myself it brought a sense of contentment, the option that would allow me satisfaction of desires and needs fulfilled and perceived wrongs to be righted.



(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/7/2011 5:42:28 AM   
DumbassSub


Posts: 89
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		Mons, i do not believe there is a communication issue in that our initial messages created a anticipated groundwork. Nothing was conveyed point by point, step by step as per a direct, specif contract, however expectations by us were clear and evident. What happen first visit is bizarre and caused me to question Mistress. That first day i worked hard, very hard as it was all physical labour. When it was time to eat Mistress had prepared BBQ lamb and a red wine. I was confused  as my expectation was bread and water or table scraps and eating from a bowl on the floor. In asking Mistress of OWK expectations and slave meals Mistress responded in saying bread and water is not sufficient energy for such physical labour. Assurance was given not to worry, my OWK experience will come. Other meals were not as elaborate but all were excellent normal meals. There was not OWK experience in my opinion but i did enjoy Her golden nectar and to experience a short, in truth disappointing flogging session. Again i conversed with Mistress verbally and informed a extended session and OWK would be forthcoming. That did not happen. I did my tasks Saturday and Sunday and after tasks Mistress informed my She was with errand...  my session is in the bank and a extend session would be forthcoming next work session. That two hour drive home had so my feelings and emotions and thoughts multiplied in the negative and i rebelled. A lengthy email was sent to Mistress and a sharing of emails exchanged. I remained respectful but also direct and point blank with my issues. Mistress termed it as my going to war with Her, but i did not see it that way. I saw it as being lied to, and Mistress deceiving and not keeping Her word. Events i was convinced were at a end. She commented with Tempo project She absolute need my assistance and gave assurance session would happen and to happen first. I arrived that weekend and Mistress had kept Her word. At end of next day however there was no session and again the familiar words... session is in the bank and next visit will be extended session.

Some have suggested i am receiving OWK treatment. Perhaps that is true, but it is not the OWK aspect we talked of. To me it is not a communication issue as Mistress and i get along excellent and converse openly. It just seems She is not in mood to do sessions or to incorporate a OWK or power exchange aspect into work tasks. Most common response i receive is She is tired, stressed, frustrated, with upset stomach, not in mood, must assist a friend, must do shopping and empty promises of future sessions. My work does make Her happy and satisfied and i get compliments on it. For myself i confess i enjoy to work and be in Her presence and it is good feeling to see Her happy, satisfied and smiling. I know Her pleasure with my efforts is genuine and my sense of satisfaction in pleasing  Her is genuine. That and our conversations has so there is a bond of sorts. A distant bond as i know with completion of final task i am history and gone. Our agreement was work in exchange for sessions and OWK experience. It was not agreement for ongoing sessions or Mistress/slave relationship.

Each of our wants and expectations are well known to the other. I do not see a communication issue and that compounds my confusion and frustration. It makes me wonder if it is a form of power exchange as certainly she is exerting a control.

That everyone says She used me has not had much effect on my feelings as it mirrors my own belief. I know i am being used... but i do not understand it and i do not desire to accept it and instead of walking away, i stubbornly expect that She honours Her word. I am having difficulty in understanding and accepting. It is totally illogical to me and i find myself too frustrated. I feel i am getting fucked-over and to not accept it. It is my complaint...being lied to and deceived. Regardless of how a session or relationship transpires it has always been with a trust and respect and honesty, but that is not the situation here.

What the comments have done is give me a stronger resolve, to open my eyes a little wider and to accept the trend can not continue. The comments as to my being used are honest, direct and sincere. That i respect and appreciate. I have no interest in comments facetious, derogatory or smart ass in nature, but i do very much want and appreciate open honest comments. To be used is a aspect of slavery, but to be used can also be a positive aspect. As slave i have found myself used in past and am with no complaint, but am hard pressed to recall being purposely deceived and lied to repeatedly. In essence it is the positive aspects in being used i have experience before and it is the negative aspects i experience now and do not like.
   
 

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/7/2011 6:01:47 AM   
DumbassSub


Posts: 89
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		Hausboy i in beginning thought this to be a perfect quid pro quo arrangement. Confess yes i have received satisfaction and pleasure in being useful and to know Mistress is pleased, happy and satisfied. That is what boogles my mind... She is obviously a Mistress with complete dungeon, has been to OWK a few times and yet in essence ignores my quest for sessions and OWK aspects. She is pleased and makes comments as to my work but is with excuse to avoid session. I am confused and wonder if it is just one big mind game, is She purposely refusing such as a form of power exchange! It certainly has not met expectations i had and that i have made known. It seems to fall on deaf ears and so i believe it is purposeful. I have come to conclusion words and agreement mean nothing to Her. It comes down to if She is tired or with other interests then session shall not happen. If She is in mood for such, it will happen... if She is not, then session is null and void. Supposedly just to be useful for Her pleasure should be enough. That could perhaps be... but for me it can not when my expectations and agreement conveyed so much more.

Interesting because even with my speaking up, rebellious moment and complaint, crazy as it sounds, i know She appreciates what i have done and that i have kept my word. As for myself despite my frustration and disappointment i also am with good feeling in assisting someone in need and to have made difference and improvement. Given a choice i suppose it's best to say the glass is half full!


(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/7/2011 6:26:53 AM   
DumbassSub


Posts: 89
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		Whiplashsmile4, yes i admit i i both took pride in what i did and to have a sense of pride. Her satisfaction and comments made my sense of pride even greater. I recall on fourth visit She thanked me profusely and made comment i was a angel. I replied "Mistress i am often a angel... but what i want is to be slave!" Session still did not happen. lol  Always a excuse and a promise of next time!

I think of the reasons our agreement and my expectations are not fulfilled. Mistress and i get along well and it feels to me more as friends than as Mistress/slave. I can see and sense Her stress and frustrations. We talk openly and She has showed me invoices. Damages are more costly than what insurance covers. Contractors are slow and only work a few hours a day then off to some other job. Her house is/was in ruins, Her bedroom unusable and indeed for a month She was sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Seems every project started with a quoted cost, but surpassed that amount. She took previous owner of house to court because of misrepresentations. She won that settlement but still it was stressful. She says She is financially stretched to the limit. I see and understand that aspect and find myself with compassion for Her. It is also part of the reason i do not readily walk away. I realize She is in a situation and that She sincerely needs someone such as myself. I twice asked if there were others that replied to Her collarme profile as work slave. Her reply was yes but their replies also made so She did not feel a comfort/confidence in opening Her home to them.

To realize all that, some perhaps think i am selfish or not a proper slave to remain steadfast in wanting our agreement and my expectations fulfilled, however such is my character... to me a promise made is a debt unpaid. Integrity is something earned. It can not be bought and it is too valuable to give it up readily.  If i am honouring my word and integrity as slave, then i strongly believe Mistress. Otherwise She should have at some point been upfront and expressed nothing would be received in exchange.

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/7/2011 7:41:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DumbassSub

. but what i want is to be slave!" Session still did not happen. lol

To realize all that, some perhaps think i am selfish or not a proper slave to remain steadfast in wanting our agreement and my expectations fulfilled, however such is my character... to me a promise made is a debt unpaid. Integrity is something earned. It can not be bought and it is too valuable to give it up readily.  If i am honouring my word and integrity as slave, then i strongly believe Mistress. Otherwise She should have at some point been upfront and expressed nothing would be received in exchange.



Here is the dealio as I see it. You ARE being treated as a slave. However, what you are expecting is to be treated as a client.

A slave, in the sense of the word, doesn't get the luxury of expectations. Sessions, as you put it, are a perk but not an expectation.

Make up your fucking mind. Do you want to be a slave, or a bottom exchanging work for fun?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Confussion/Resentment - 11/7/2011 8:09:45 AM   
DumbassSub


Posts: 89
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		Events with Mistress and work project are now finalized. Arrived Friday evening with long stemmed rose and Chateauneuf-du-Pape. Mistress was beautiful in short skirt and heels. A three hour session ensued which entailed worshiping Her legs and shoes, nipple torture, back massage and very long foot & leg massage. As i am with a strong legs fetish i was being spoiled. Portion of foot/leg massage was with Mistress in lengthy phone conversation with a friend. After phone conversation i was led to dungeon, fastened to portable toilet and consumed Her nectar. Was then fastened to iron shackles to sleep for the night.

Not tired i found myself giving thought in the darkness and to not being happy. I found myself giving thought to advice and comments on collarme. This was last work weekend and in thinking of work tasks in morning and to be sent on my way i resolved i was not a slave... i was exact as Mistress relayed in conversation on phone... i was a fool. Specifically the word 'fou' was spoken, the word for crazy, but in context of conversation meant i was a fool. The more i gave thought, the more i found myself in agreement with that assessment.

By adjusting position of padlock i noticed spacing of shackles changed. With that knowledge, determination, much struggling, twisting and forcing i was able to remove myself from iron wrist restraints. Then went to sleep and awoke in morning and administered self discipline. Cane was quiet but other implements were not. It caught attention of Mistress who was not amused upon entering Her dungeon to see me standing in front of mirror administering strokes to myself. I made comment as to being frustrated, not believing words of session to be fulfilled and thus if not possible to receive a session from Mistress then i decided to administer my own discipline. Mistress took the quirt out of my hand, struck me with it and instructed me to kneel. I explained to Mistress my disappointed . It created tension as i refused to obey and conveyed i was no longer slave and would not obey. I expressed expectations have not been fulfilled, nor did i believe they would be and i further expressed how i refused to spend another two hour drive home with feeling of disappointment and negativity. Mistress was demanding in tone and words, but i remained passive, humble and firm. She expressed what Her plans were for me for the day including explanation of humiliation and sm aspects. I responded i did believe Her and that i had lost any sense of trust with Her. I proceeded to get my clothes and to get dressed. We than talked and Mistress again assured me of what She had planned. I expressed i gave much thought during the night and was fed up and frustrated with broken promises. I expressed how i always leave from interaction with a Mistress happy and on cloud nine, often with warm burning pains and warm cherished memories. But here with Her i typically leave disappointed, deceived and with much frustration. I offered to finish tasks but She conveyed if i was not slave then to just go. I responded i was already here, with necessary tools and wanting to finish my commitment. At first Mistress remained to refuse. I expresed i was without malice, i was with positive mood and mindset. I would do my work properly and professionally. I just would not and could not do it as slave. I simply did not want the disappointed feeling and frustration of another deceit and broken promise. To have and maintain positive feeling and mindset I would do as a friend and from basis of friendship and not of slave. Mistress accepted. I closed in a jack post, removed eaves trough, fixed hole in wall with a accessible door and finished screwing of deck boards. At 1:00pm i was finished. As usual my work met the approval of Mistress and in saying our goodbyes with typical hug She said something that surprised me. Mistress informed me i remained with a session in the bank. That was a totally unexpected surprise. She conveyed anytime i was in the area to call and session would be waiting. I thanked Her for such generosity, another hug and i was on my way.

I will not be back for that session but the fact Mistress offered it spoke much to me. Most work weekends did not have me feeling positive, but this last work weekend did end on a positive note. I'm not sure if She fully comprehends why i rebelled and refused to work and obey as slave, but was willing to do so as a friend. In the end She was happy in having tasks completed and house together again. I was with good feeling in being part of that and finally able to shake off the negativity of previous non-sessions. Finally i could say it was water under the bridge and to move on.


(in reply to DumbassSub)
Profile   Post #: 60
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