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RE: confused and need advice please - 11/6/2011 7:58:36 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

I'm choosing to stay and work on it bc I strongly believe we can reach a compromise.

great.

honestly, I hope it works out for you.

not that I think it will...

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RE: confused and need advice please - 11/6/2011 8:22:50 AM

TheFireWithinMe

Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eagertoplease55

I'm sorry if you think I have whined for all the advice people gave. I whined about him and said thank you to everyone that had something to contribute. I may have agreed or disagreed with some of it and people may have miscontrued some of the details and those I did not really listen to, but I am still thankful. The only reason I am here is because I am WAITING for someone else to say something as well. I've heard their opinions and taken it into consideration. Why do you insist on me doing what you want me to? Stay, leave, see a counselor etc. This is my relationship.. not yours. I understand many people would do things differently. There are a lot of things that I do not like about this relationship and there are many reasons why I do. I'm choosing to stay and work on it bc I strongly believe we can reach a compromise.

Ok I have to finish a lab. Please by all means keep on hating.

I haven't insisted you do anything. I'm just saying that what I've seen you do time and time again is dismiss the advice you've gotten (on the whole) as not what you're looking for but you don't say exactly what you do want...or at least not that I've seen. We can't tell you whether to stay or go all we can do is tell you what WE would do and several have suggested a counselor.

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you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink - 11/6/2011 8:38:19 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Please by all means keep on hating.

I spent 45 minutes on my last post to you. I'm through with you.

I'm glad ghita got something out of my post on page 1; maybe you will get something out of this thread after you suffer for a few more years.

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RE: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it... - 11/6/2011 8:44:44 AM

TheFireWithinMe

Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Please by all means keep on hating.

I spent 45 minutes on my last post to you. I'm through with you.

I'm glad ghita got something out of my post on page 1; maybe you will get something out of this thread after you suffer for a few more years.

oops missed this. I don't hate you, cupcake, you are just another person posting on a message board. It appears you have a flare for drama, not my kink. It seems that those like kalik who spend time on you are wasting their time because you skim them at best. Don't be surprised if they give up wasting their time.

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RE: confused and need advice please - 11/6/2011 8:59:31 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ummmmNo

You are coming across as sub who doesn't respect her Dom and even resents him.

I'm willing to bet it comes across to him as well and he doesn't like it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Yes, I think this man is probably quite abusive to you. But you have been his willing victim for far too long.

Actually, I'm going to disagree with this. He MIGHT be abusive to her, but we've only heard her side.

People don't suddenly become a narcissist. NPD stems from childhood, which means that if he is a narcissist, he's been one for the entire 6 years and she has rewarded that behavior. Trying to get him to see the point of changing at this point would be like spitting in the wind.

What I think is a more likely scenario: People tend to become depressed and insecure when unemployed for long periods of time. Now, picture someone standing over you telling you what a favor they're doing for you by staying with you. She's literally been playing the guilt card. "I do everything for you and you're not being what I want." She's harping at him, so he's responding by clamping down and trying to gain control. Now, at this point it's become habit and the same cycle keeps playing out.

In order for anything to happen, she needs to get off her high horse and accept that she plays the martyr. She's like a Jewish grandmother playing with guilt. Both sides need to see what they're doing in order for there to be any hope of saving the relationship.

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