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desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 11:43:09 AM

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I hate pathologists. Because of their conflicting reports, I ended up needing 3 separate surgeries to get rid of stage 1B cervical cancer and my FMLA ran out. I'm thankful to be cancer free for now, but I'm depressed because Christmas is next month. My last employer is willing to rehire me as a home health aid, but I can't have any lifting restrictions. Everything I've read about robotic hysterectomy and lymph node dissection says it takes 6 weeks to recover because of internal healing. My last surgery was on Halloween and in 6 weeks it will be the middle of December. I won't get paid until after Christmas. Sir and I were married in August and I want our first Christmas as a married couple to be special. Unfortunately, there's no way we can have a decent Christmas on his salary alone. I have to start working again this month or at the very latest the beginning of next month. I have experience as a home health aide and working in call centers, but I'm not a fast typist. Unfortunately, many call centers now require passing a typing test. I don't see why typing speed is more important than 8 years call center experience but whatever. What types of jobs can I safely do to make money before Christmas that don't include bending, lifting, and being on my feet all day?

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Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 11:47:25 AM

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I would think being alive would make this Christmas special. That alone ought to be filling both your hearts with joy and a knowing you just may have another one next year!

Every day you are here, breathing, having a chance at living, ought to be one more day you are happy to be in love and able to share yourself with your beloved.

Everyone needs a job... everyone likes to show love in different ways... but if you can't see how special it is, this new lease on life and what you have been given... no amount of gifts or special is going to be impressive. Be glad you are alive and focus on making next year, more money and gift filled.

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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 11:57:19 AM

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Money isn't what makes a holiday special. If you both put your minds to it, you can come up with ways to make it special.

I can't remember the title of the story, but...it was about a couple who were very poor and wanted to do something very special for each other for the holiday. She had long beautiful hair she sold to buy him something for his music or painting or something. He sold his instrument or painting stuff to buy her a beautiful clip for her (now sold and gone) hair.

Also you need to go back to your local Social Services office and talk to them about your medicaid. There are ways to appeal, but they aren't going to lead you in that direction, and you will have to be a bit pushy about it. If you need to talk to supervisors or whatever, you do it.

Also, not for nothing, but additonal opinions on the pathology reports could have been helpful. Those reports come with numbers that the doctors should also have been interpreting. Regardless, put it in the past and move forward. Looking bad isn't going to change anything, isn't going to help your recovery and isn't going to change your financial circumstances.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 12:03:22 PM

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don't worry about the money aspect. My daughter and her boyfriend both agreed to not buy each other gifts this year for Christmas because they want to save their money for future big buys (I'm thinking...marriage? house? kids? LOL).

Last year he made her origami flying cranes that she has hanging above their bed. They're the cutest things I've ever seen.

She created for him some artwork and made him his favorite meals.

It doesn't take expensive gifts to make it special. It takes love and attention to make it special.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 12:04:26 PM

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One of the most meaningful gifts I ever gave anyone was a letter. He carried that letter with him every day, until the day he died, and he had it with him then, too.

Money is nothing. Your being here is everything.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 12:08:37 PM

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I agree with what has already been stated, make Christmas not about commercial gift giving but about giving of yourself. It doesn't take much money to make fond memories and to initiate traditions that last the rest of your married life.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 12:58:15 PM

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So there's no job I can do before 6 weeks? Nothing at all? Am I eligible for unemployment since my FMLA ran out last month or do lifting restrictions make me ineligible? At least that would be something. I know there's always next year, but next Christmas won't be our first Christmas as a married couple. I'm also tired of feeling like a freeloader.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 1:03:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

So there's no job I can do before 6 weeks? Nothing at all? Am I eligible for unemployment since my FMLA ran out last month or do lifting restrictions make me ineligible? At least that would be something. I know there's always next year, but next Christmas won't be our first Christmas as a married couple. I'm also tired of feeling like a freeloader.

When you are married, there is no such thing as "freeloader."

Whether you are ineligle for unemployment is not something people here can tell you. The fact that you have job restrictions though shouldn't disqualify you.

There should be a good number of places hiring for the holidays. I have no idea what your qualifications are (other than you can't type), but checking out temp agencies for file clerk jobs is also an option.

The point you are missing though is that Christmas and money shouldn't have anything to do with each other.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 1:06:13 PM

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Good luck finding any job at all. Even teenagers are finding it tough to get holiday and summer jobs.

I guess you could find a small little store where you sit at the cash register all day? Do some volunteer work like stuffing envelopes? I'd say a clerical job but you said you don't type very well and these days you have to be able to type fast for a phone job because it's all done on computers these days. If you can't type fast you won't be able to keep up.

Enjoy knowing you are married, your both are alive and well and have a roof over your heads. You have a wonderful life compared to most others in the world. Give thanks for what you have and love each other...that is the gift you give.

You know Master always asks me what I want for the holidays and my birthday and I always tell him the same thing...spend time with me. That's all I care about and want. That's what makes me happy.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 1:22:27 PM

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I wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't our first Christmas as a married couple. It's pretty hard to have a great Christmas with hardly any money. Many people save money for months in advance for Christmas. I hope you're right about the unemployment. How long is the wait time on that? If the pathologists hadn't screwed up, I would've had the correct surgery in August and this wouldn't even be an issue. Instead, I've lost my paycheck, my seniority, and my $500 holiday bonus based on that seniority.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 1:25:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't our first Christmas as a married couple. It's pretty hard to have a great Christmas with hardly any money. Many people save money for months in advance for Christmas. I hope you're right about the unemployment. How long is the wait time on that? If the pathologists hadn't screwed up, I would've had the correct surgery in August and this wouldn't even be an issue. Instead, I've lost my paycheck, my seniority, and my $500 holiday bonus based on that seniority.

The Christmas's I remember the most were ones where there was no money, but there was so much love and gratefulness to be alive and together.

If money keeps you from having a great holiday, that is all on you chickie. You are here, he is here, yall are together. Many would give up every penny they have to be in your shoes.

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yep

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 1:41:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
The Christmas's I remember the most were ones where there was no money, but there was so much love and gratefulness to be alive and together.

If money keeps you from having a great holiday, that is all on you chickie.

This.
My best present ever was a single flower and a poem.
And the short story is 'The Gift of the Magi' by O Henry.

And remember it's the guy who gave you HPV and the politicians who voted against universal health care who REALLY screwed up, not the pathologists.
Chin up, and good luck.

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"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 2:19:45 PM

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I still can't believe single-payer health care didn't pass when Democrats controlled both the house and senate at that time. Why couldn't they just one time choose the needs of the people over campaign dollars? Pathologists really need to learn to get it right the first time. Their mistakes are causing people to need multiple surgeries and lose their jobs. I'm not the only person this has happened to. The time of year just makes it more depressing.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 2:28:46 PM

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Defiant, throughout the years, you have proven to focus on the worst of everything no matter how many have tried to encourage you. Life happens, it is a mess, it gets pretty fucked up sometimes, but if you cannot see the joys, the beauty, the amazing and wonderful... you will be stuck just where you have been repeatedly and consistently stuck all these years.

While many of us can relate to the trials you have gone through... you are making those trials harder simply by focusing on the shouldn't be's, the should be's, the problems, what you think should be different etc. If you can't change it on your own... then you must let it go to some degree. Fight for what you believe in, take action when you can... but when in a life struggle and depression... is it really the best time to tackle the huge problems in this life... or maybe, could it be a time to chill, be thankful for the good in life and find some focus that will bring you out of the pits of life hell and overcome by your positive attitude?

If you just want to get feel goods... bitch about the ills in life.. couldn't you find it within yourself to remember how it typically goes around here for you and your threads and maybe fucking learn something? We have hearts... we do sympathize... thus we respond... but really, isn't it time to get off the pity pot?

You fucking survived! Even if it took a while to get there.. you survived! You married even when you knew it could be risky... you will see Christmas and most likely many more. Take on what you can change and let the rest go and be happy for what you have. Seriously. Some have it far worse.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 3:17:34 PM

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Hey girl, check your cmail. Just here to help out.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 3:21:28 PM

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Lockit, I fully agree that I have a negative attitude. I'd love to be an optimist, but almost every time I have a positive attitude, I get a negative result. My cervical cancer is the latest of many examples. When I was told it wasn't invasive after my cone biopsy, I was overjoyed that my gynecologist could do my hysterectomy. After my hysterectomy, the pathology showed a very small micro-invasion. My gynecologist said when she was in medical school, a simple hysterectomy was the recommended treatment for beginning stage cancer and she already did that. She said I needed to be sent to a cancer doctor just in case. Despite my fear of cancer doctors, I went in there with a positive attitude explaining that I had been successfully treated. Then the cancer doctor lowered the boom. My surgical specimen was sent to a different pathologist who said I had more than a micro-invasion. That's what having a positive attitude got me. At that point, my positive attitude turned negative. I was convinced they would find more cancer in my lymph nodes and I was going to die. The pathology report was clean. That's what having a negative attitude got me. I also learned throughout the years if I go to a job interview convinced I'll be hired on the spot, it rarely happens. If I go in thinking I'm wasting my time, I seem to get hired more often. For some strange reason, reverse psychology seems to really work for me while a positive attitude brings bad luck lol.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 11/11/2011 3:23:14 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 5:17:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Lockit, I fully agree that I have a negative attitude. I'd love to be an optimist, but almost every time I have a positive attitude, I get a negative result. My cervical cancer is the latest of many examples. When I was told it wasn't invasive after my cone biopsy, I was overjoyed that my gynecologist could do my hysterectomy. After my hysterectomy, the pathology showed a very small micro-invasion. My gynecologist said when she was in medical school, a simple hysterectomy was the recommended treatment for beginning stage cancer and she already did that. She said I needed to be sent to a cancer doctor just in case. Despite my fear of cancer doctors, I went in there with a positive attitude explaining that I had been successfully treated. Then the cancer doctor lowered the boom. My surgical specimen was sent to a different pathologist who said I had more than a micro-invasion. That's what having a positive attitude got me. At that point, my positive attitude turned negative. I was convinced they would find more cancer in my lymph nodes and I was going to die. The pathology report was clean. That's what having a negative attitude got me. I also learned throughout the years if I go to a job interview convinced I'll be hired on the spot, it rarely happens. If I go in thinking I'm wasting my time, I seem to get hired more often. For some strange reason, reverse psychology seems to really work for me while a positive attitude brings bad luck lol.

Ok, I have some harsh realities for you. Believe me, I understand you have been through a very rough time, but this "blame game" needs to end. Right now.

The pathologist didn't make a "mistake" for starters. While there may have been a misread, when you can a diagnoses of Cancer, you MAKE them do the test again, and your doctor should have insisted it be done again. Those invasive cells may not have been in the sample they took.

Second, face up to YOUR responsibility in this. A doctor tells you that you have cancer, you go IMMEDIATELY to an oncologist. I don't give a rat's ass about your fear of "cancer doctors." Do you think anyone on the planet feels comfortable with them. NO gynecologist who isn't also an oncologist should have been doing this procedure as she isn't qualified. In fact, the test results should have indicated that an oncologist should have at the LEAST been present for your hysterectomy. That is on YOU sweetie, no one else. You blindly trusted them with your health. You came here looking for advice instead of scouring the internet to help YOU read the test results and get more information.

Do you honestly believe your "glass half full" outlook influenced the results. Grow up. True "luck" rarely exists, and every patient has some responsibility for their health care treatment.

Unemployment, even if you qualify wouldn't come in until after Christmas or right before. By all means apply, but don't expect the money before Christmas.

Now for the "good" news. As others keep pointing out, you are alive and at the moment cancer free. Fucking show some gratitude about it. You had a man who didn't only stand by your side, but married your negative thinking ass KNOWING that he could possibly be watching you, his bride die in a very short time. Given that, do you think he is expecting a big screen television from you for Christmas? If he is as negative as you, your marriage is doomed. If he isn't negative and you don't take your head out of your ass, your marriage is doomed. No one, and I mean NO ONE wants to spend their life with Miss Gloom and Doom. It gets tired and old. Fast.

As I mentioned earlier, your gynocologist had NO business treating you for cancer. Consult an attorney and find out if you have a case. Forget about the patlogists in a lawsuit, you will likely fail. The OB/GYN though? You might have a shot, although you allowing it doesn't work in your favor.

Oh and if you consult an attorney, and he tells you that you DO have a case? You aren't going to see that before Christmas either. Now is time to pull on your big girl pants and figure out what you can do. DO NOT see some general practice lawyer. Find someone who specializes in malpractice and knows what they are doing.

If you still can't get off the gloom and doom train, get some therapy. I really don't mean to be so harsh, but as others have said, you have it better than a lot of people and the holidays aren't about money, first Christmas or not. If you are a couple that will last, someday you will look back and talk about the Christmas you had nothing and how special it turned out to be. But only if YOU get off your ass and make an effort.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 5:19:51 PM

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What she said!

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 6:06:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

What she said!

Thank you.

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 6:18:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Second, face up to YOUR responsibility in this. A doctor tells you that you have cancer, you go IMMEDIATELY to an oncologist. I don't give a rat's ass about your fear of "cancer doctors." Do you think anyone on the planet feels comfortable with them. NO gynecologist who isn't also an oncologist should have been doing this procedure as she isn't qualified. In fact, the test results should have indicated that an oncologist should have at the LEAST been present for your hysterectomy. That is on YOU sweetie, no one else. You blindly trusted them with your health. You came here looking for advice instead of scouring the internet to help YOU read the test results and get more information.

Here's what happened. My gynecologist took the cone biopsy and waited for the immediate lab results. The results showed the cancer was invasive. My gynecologist did not proceed with the hysterectomy and told me when I woke up that a cancer doctor would have to do it. The next day, my gynecologist got a second report that said it was still in situ (pre-cancer). She called me herself and said she could do the hysterectomy or send me to a cancer doctor. I chose her because I knew and trusted her. When the hysterectomy pathology came back and I went to the cancer doctor, the cancer doctor said my gynecologist did everything right considering the pathology reports at the time. The one thing the cancer doctor and my gynecologist disagreed on was whether or not my ovaries should be removed. My gynecologist thought I should keep them since I'm only 38. My cancer doctor said they should be removed because adenocarcinoma likes to recur in ovaries. Since my cancer doctor is the expert, I allowed her to remove my ovaries during my second surgery.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

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