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Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:25:07 AM

Bugei

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Joined: 9/3/2005
From: West Wales UK
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I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.
Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

Bugei Master of slave o^^

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:35:41 AM

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When I read the profiles of many young people I often get the feeling that they just have no clue at all. The mom in me tends to feel more than a little concern.

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:35:48 AM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
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i don't know if its becoming to popular but i do know it is much more accepted but still not fully accepted. i believe alot of people think they have an idea on the subject because it is being incorporated into tv shows lately but mostly in a negative light. Am waiting to see how the Lady Heather thing works out on CSI though.

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"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:48:33 AM

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i too feel concern for the young 'uns...but mainly because i fear T/they lack a sense of vunerability and will place T/themselves in an unsafe situation. i recently offered to lower my fees to help a 18 year old in an effort to organise a The Next Generation group here...have done so to a 22 year old elsewhere as well. Generally i question the value of such groups, but TNG groups seem to me to be a safety net for the young 'uns.

candystripper

(in reply to spectreandnectre)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:55:09 AM

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I watch the young'ins coming up and most times just have to shake my head because they don't have a real clue. Grant to some I might be considered 'young' at 30. Its all how we where taught too, like the old guard. Personally I like the mentoring aspect, but not many actually do mentoring anymore. I've been wondering the reasoning why lately.
- Smokey

(in reply to candystripper)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:01:53 AM

darq

Posts: 443
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From: under a rock
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I'm only 25 so I'm probably still technically a "young 'un" but I got started online when I was 14. Yep I said stupid thing. Yep I did REALLY stupid things. Up until three years ago when I quit doing BDSM stuff in real life altogether, I would get myself in horrible situations over and over again. What I find funny is that if I'm open about what I did and what happened to me, people like you (when I said you, I mean older and more experienced) accuse me of being a drama queen.

I'm not a drama queen. I'm a living testament to what happens when children play in the adult sandbox. The fact of the matter is, BDSM is TOO popular. Its all TOO easily accessed by children. Even on this website, all you do is say YEAH I'M 18, SURE! You don't have to prove it ... If your pics look too young they won't publish them but they don't kick you off the site or anything.

Here's what I do know from experience ... If someone had approached me at 14 - 15 years of age and actually shut up and listened to me for a little while, I would have been more inclined to listen to them when they told me that BDSM wasn't a safe environment for me to be hanging out in. If someone had actually sent me the books to read instead of just spouting off titles and leaving me to find them on my own, I would have been slowed down a bit more because I'd have actually had something concrete. Yes, I know that would have required this kindly soul actually spending the money and putting forth the effort into getting it into my hands but I think it would have saved me a lot of pain in the future. If certain dominants wouldn't be such horn dogs and go salivating after the cute little 16 - 18 year olds, telling himself the entire time, oh she's legal, she's legal, then I think fewer cute little 16 - 18 yr olds would be getting so badly hurt.

The thing is, at that age, most female submissives arent really looking for kinky sex. They're looking for love. God knows I was. Its a common tale; young girl trades her virginity to keep her boyfriend. Only in this version the boyfriend is 5 - 15 years older and is holding a whip. No, they don't know what they're doing. If my saying that offends some of you young submissives, tough. I used to be you so I *can* say this and know what I'm talking about.

Now, there are exceptions to every rule. There are a few who actually really do want to be submissive or really do want to be dominant. Those few stand out because instead of just trying to leap in, head first, they go slow and talk to people and try to find a mentor and read all the books and go to munches and do all the 'right' things. Its hard to do those things though because you are sooooooo pressured to start playing. You've got this young hot body and this fresh 'untainted' mind and everyone wants a piece of it.

And I guess this was my morning rant. Yay me!

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to candystripper)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:09:33 AM

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I don't know that the popularity has anything to do with it, but the "jump in running" that you see certainly does. Luckily, many of the newbies are interested in learning and do read information provided and some of the discussions on forum boards such as this. That fact alone makes it vital that we try to direct them to accurate information when available and to give fairly definitive advise when appropriate. Certainly we won't all agree on specifics, but subjects pertaining to safety are paramount and should be stressed.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:10:11 AM

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From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
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My daughter will be 18 in a few months. My daughter has never actually seen the kink, shes overheard about some of it and know we do enjoy kink. She has actually heard more about it in high school than at home. Thankfully she had enough sense to come ask if what she was hearing was accurate. With her 18th birthday just a few months away she has asked that we see to it that she has proper training in topping. We agreed and told her after she is 18 and told her to make a list of things she is intrested in.

Her list of intrest was suprising, she listed foot/shoe worship not something that we even discuss here at home.

This goes to show that it is of intrest in the schools and these kids as a rule do not have access to the correct information. I'm not sure that we can do anything to educate kids in general at this point in time. Maybe the best we can do is to try to teach when we can, and watch out for the ones who will not listen till they are ready to.

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House Ds Haven
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(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:11:17 AM

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People make errors. As long as they learn and make it better for themselves eventually - it isnt really anyone elses concern. If something some does something that offends you in a general way - that's just your take. There is no 'one true wayism' of BDSM or Fetish. Just your own take.

I would personally be more offended by someone claiming others judgements and behaviours as right or wrong in a general way. Maybe the way they wrote was right for them, and some others. Just because you dislike it doesnt make it 'wrong' ... just wrong for you.

Saying that the community is attracting the 'wrong sort of people' smells of bigorty and unfounded judgements and is a bit elitist IMO.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:11:30 AM

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darq, I thought it was an excellent rant! I share your feelings. I have been approached by someone to get involved in a Fem. Supremacy "group". Not knowing this person at all I was concerned that it was just a setup to make this person money. My reply to them was that if there was money involved it would be given back to the community in such a way to help the young and inexperienced that I feel have such potential to be exploited and permanently hurt. She replied that that was certainly "part of it"...I asked for more concrete evidence of her plans. Not to my surprise, I have seen nothing more. I sure would like to see more evidence of safe, selfless mentoring and less of the predatory "mentoring".

(in reply to darq)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:20:18 AM

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darq....

Your post is fantastic. I was 15 when I first started realising there was such a thing as BDSM and it had a name... and I was a lucky one... I was found by a wonderul Person who sat me down and told me exactly what it entailed. I was never abused. I was never misled. I was kept at an arms length and kept an eye on - and without that support and that authority I could have fallen on a very slippery road.

It is those predators that abuse that cause BDSM to have a bad name and cause the difficulties

- not the abused and newbies IMO.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to darq)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:36:51 AM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
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What bothers me the most are the dominants who collar the REALLY young, barely legal submissives and then try to say how somehow what they're doing is different than what predators do; that they collared her in order to mentor her and then they fell in love and well, sex is just natural.

I'm sorry but I don't buy it.

I've learned more from the people who haven't been interested in me sexually than from those who have. The dominants who accepted my offering of sex at that time reaffirmed my belief that in order to be listened to, accepted and allowed to explore who I was, I had to give myself out like candy. If you ask me, the more responsible and yes, more dominant thing to do would have been to have said, no when I offered sex. Chances are, you'd have been offered again later on and after I'd learned what BDSM really was and a little more about who I was, it would have been a healthier decision for me.

Theres one dominant in particular I know who brags about his relationship with a much younger girl. She's technically of legal age ... But still ... It makes my heart hurt when he talks about her. I'm sure he cares for her a great deal but does he realize what he's taking away from her? Does he even care or does he convince himself that what they're doing is "ok" because he's "not a predator" ... Its ok that he's twice her age, lives far away from her and only gets to see her once or twice a year and took her virginity because he's "not a predator" ... Its ok that she doesn't date guys her own age or do stuff nilla girls her age do because instead she's hanging out with him online because he's "not a predator" ...

Is he a predator?

Good question ... I guess you should ask yourself, how would you feel if a guy in his 30's was deflowering your 15 - 16 yr old daughter while spanking her ass and having her call him Daddy? How would you feel if you knew that even now he's telling her how he's going to have her in the ass for the first time the next time they get together? Would you consider that man a predator? Chances are, her parents don't know. My mother didn't know ... My mother was just grateful that I wasn't out doing drugs and getting pregnant.

< Message edited by darq -- 5/27/2006 7:39:23 AM >

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:39:48 AM

Bugei

Posts: 40
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From: West Wales UK
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May have been a rant : but a very valuable one

(in reply to darq)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:45:58 AM

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BDSM is not too popular. It is no more or less "popular" than it ever was. People are just more aware of it. Wearing leather, rubber, latex, and all the other accouterments that used to solely "ours" are now fashion statements. A caricature of community is represented on TV, movies, songs, even commercials. As a result more people want to give it a try.

Overall this is positive. Access today isn't limited to a few metropolitan areas as it was back in my day. The advent of the internet provided nearly universal access. The result didn't generate a larger percentage of the population who were submissives, slaves, Doms, Masters, tops, bottoms; but it created a larger pool of people who now know BDSM is out there as an alternative lifestyle. Applying the same percentage of to a larger group of people generates a greater number of people. This type of access enabled beth to learn about the lifestyle and seek out a partner.The other side of this, is that applying the same percentage to a larger number of people generates a larger number of people who only seek the fashion or the sensation. And a group, somewhat large I'd say, who are just here to get laid; who have ads on every variation of internet dating site.

Age has nothing to do with the issue.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 7:47:45 AM

Sab

Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
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I have found recently that the word confusion springs to mind a lot in the young. I know of a young woman who is, at best, a switch but she knows nothing of this lifestyle - do we tell her about it, don't we tell her about it? She is in a vanilla relationship and is one of those women who, basically, doesn't want to lose the guy she is with but is not being fulfilled. She is, using her own words 'Into the whole shabang!' - wants to be flogged, tied, caned and spanked. She wants a master - but the guy she is with won't even use cuffs on her - too weird for him. So is it popular or do these young people really want the lifestyle - good question, and one that I don't think I really have the answer for other than saying that the young, like us, know that they are who they are and want the release that we all have found.

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God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to PhoenixLM)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 8:10:45 AM

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I feel concern in general--for all ages--I see our world as a fishing ground-- a place where newbs feel if they submit, they are assured of a mate for life--for foolish Dominants that feel if they say "kneel bitch"--they will always have an adoring slave ready and willing.

Eons ago, when I was active in the Catholic Church, a dear friend who was a priest --he said--organized religion exists because people need a sense of community---they need to feel they belong--I see that in our life more and more everyday--and its not among the young, I see more and more men in My age bracket seeking it as a means not to be alone as they age, whether Dominant or submissive--they command, they will have a woman at their feet adoring them for life--they serve, they will always be cared for---the young ones see this as the newest bastion of society scorn--they zoomed through goth and vampires and now openly wear "bondage pants" ----and they are as we all know so clueless--

if this keeps up, we are going to get a bad rep!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 8:23:00 AM

Sab

Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

if this keeps up, we are going to get a bad rep!

LOL we don't already!? LOL

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 8:41:07 AM

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From: Washington
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quote:

This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with a submissive having an "order" in her profile. She isn't submitting to anyone, she is stating what she wants in a dominant. I don't know what she wrote, but if it were something like: you must be between certain ages, or you must honor my limits, or you must not give me golden showers, etc, i see nothing wrong with that. She can order anyone she wants that she hasn't agreed to submit to.

As far as BDSM becoming too popular, isn't that a good thing? The internet has given many more people access to learning about this lifestyle and figuring out where they fit in. JMHO

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 9:04:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.
Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

Bugei Master of slave o^^

Excuse me, but who are you to decide for a stranger that her profile is wrong? She may well not fit YOUR ideal of a submissive or slave, but so what? I have no idea what her "order" was or why it offended you personally, but is it within the realm of possibility that her personal experiences have led her to put the comment in her profile?

BDSM is not too popular. It doesn't attract the "wrong" people, generally. One can obviously point out that it sometimes does, ie; the Slavemaster case. The problem is with the disparate information and education that is out there. People will read something written by someone who may or may not have actual experience and take it as gospel. Or they'll visit the site of someone that is beyond extreme and believe that's the way things should be. A lot of it is people simply not thinking for themselves.

There once was a time when I bought into a lot of the crap that's out there. But then I pulled my head out of my ass and remembered to think for myself. I have spent much time in introspection and I now understand what it is that I need to make me happy and why. Things that will make me feel bad or inadequate or whatever are things that I do not have to accept.

The biggest thing that I encourage newbies to do is yes, read a lot of information, get involved with their local group (even though the local group here is completely daft and I quit it). But above all, never to take anything that they read or learn from others as solid truth. They must figure out their own path. Slowly and with care.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 9:14:27 AM

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sab

quote:

if this keeps up, we are going to get a bad rep!

LOL we don't already!? LOL

I'd at least have it based on our resumes, than the fact that we are attracting, pervs, weirdos and the innocent---hmm let Me go rethink that---LOL

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 5/27/2006 9:15:02 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Sab)

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