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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 9:34:44 AM

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Joined: 5/20/2011
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Looking for a 2nd wife? I am wondering if it is polyamory or polygamy you seek? But your real problem...is that I think I saw your profile on a polygamy website searching for a second wife for sex...and you were scolded and yelled at by MEN and some women telling you to take a second wife for sex has nothing to do with family, love, or her- but you. Very selfish. So you come to Collarme seeking the same thing? It is still very selfish.

(in reply to ashjor911)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 9:57:51 AM

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wow.

Let me just say this... Some of you are right on the head. some of you are just mean then others are just wrong. I didn't want to go into details on this forum and wanted to talk to someone one on one for the details. Lets just say she was on a high dose of Prednisone for 1 year at the start of this.. she got overweight.. then the moon face then pale.. then sickly till i confronted the DR and then she was off it.. dr didn't want to see her if i was going to be there and YES i was there every dr appt for 1 year during that time.. 2 times a week. then she went on other drugs and couldn't extend her arm and ppl wouldn't believe her... very hard for a dr to believe you have lupus. then she lost her job and i was the only one supporting us.. when i get stressed yes i eat and yes i got FAT too! tell me to tell her to go to the gym with me isn't a option... her joints hurt (go do water aerobics, tried to have her do that.. didn't work). Told her to come with me to the gym sit in the sauna or spa she ok with doing that but nothing else. Do you people think im so brash in not trying to FIX the woman i have first then look for something else? I 've tried everything I can think of but nothing helps. if someone not willing to change then they won't change. We wanted kids when we first got married.. house.. dog and all that. Now we got the house.. the dog.. and no kids and ya we can always adopt..But I want my own kids not someone else s.. that's a bit selfish but honestly its my life and what I want i don't consider selfish.

ABOUT me... YES i was fat still consider myself fat. Yes i go to a gym and yes i work out in the cardio and lift weights. YES im still fat and seem to not be able to lose what i want and yes will be getting a bypass surgery soon. does this make me any less of a man... not in my book. If you think I'm then good for you. I know my faults and good aspects to me and what I can offer someone.

Don't offer anything good about her... I married her. That should be enough for you all to see my love for her. I did met her online.. and 1 month later did tie the knot.. too fast for some but I don't like to waste time when I know what I want in life. 6 months after being married she got sick and I haven't wavered and still don't and really.. if you need to know more about her then write me I don't really want to spell out my heart on this forum so other users that are just mean in nature to tear me down. Ive put my self out there with what im looking for and if I find it great for me if not then im sure i will eventuality. If you don't like my post or this thread then move on I really dont want to read about how you think this sounds fishy.. w/e. Ive been nice to everyone I met on here If someone points out something I'm missing from my profile didn't snap. That post about fat chicks was 2 years old and you know that's just my preference again don't like it.. move on . IF someone wants to know more and wants to talk to me one on one I will be more then willing. But I'm not going to put my personalty information out here so others can talk shit about me or my situation for fun.

Either way thank you for your time in reading this thread and hope you all find what you want in life.

SS

< Message edited by sean333333 -- 11/21/2011 10:02:10 AM >

(in reply to JanahX)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:04:00 AM

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which 2nd site?

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:07:25 AM

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Met on line and got married a month later? Man.....ya made ya bed, lie in it.

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:11:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333
If you don't like my post or this thread then move on I really dont want to read about how you think this sounds fishy.

You don't get to determine what happens here.

quote:

That post about fat chicks was 2 years old and you know that's just my preference again don't like it..move on

Oh the irony......

Here's the crux, cupcake....

A relationship is a two way street. If you expect some woman to be your caregiver, housekeeper and give you sex whenever you want it.....you need to show what they receive in return.

You expect women to overlook your weight issue, but you're not willing to do the same.

And when people point out that you're a pot calling the kettle black, you start getting hissy.

I appreciate that you love your wife, I really do. But, the rest of statements come across as shallow and self centered. Not what most female subs would look for in a dominant.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:13:04 AM

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quote:

tell me to tell her to go to the gym with me isn't a option... her joints hurt (go do water aerobics, tried to have her do that.. didn't work)

My knees hurt when I was 40 # heavier - because I was over weight. So I went to the gym and lost weight, and in the process hurt my knee on the leg extension machine. So they still hurt, but that doesn't stop me - I consulted a PT regarding what exercises I CAN do, and found out the bike is ok. (I had assumed it would be bad for my knees.)

Yesterday, I made it to 5 miles on the bike for the first time! Last summer, I swam almost every day.

Today, my knee is hurting, so for my lunchtime walk I am going to walk slower/less and do some yoga instead of the brisk mile I normally do.

So, I just don't buy that can't exercise due to joint pain.

quote:

Yes i go to a gym and yes i work out in the cardio and lift weights. YES im still fat and seem to not be able to lose what i want

Clearly you still need to exercise more and eat less. The equation is simple - people get stuck on the execution and resort to quick fixes.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:14:42 AM

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I hear what you're saying. I challenge you to think of this from a different angle. Rather than looking at fixing or changing the "woman you have"...is accepting her and learning a new "normal" an option?
Marriage isn't easy. It just isn't.
Is she on board with you finding someone else? Really, really on board with this?
You are telling us basically that it is none of our business, but you came here advertising for a second wife, and as such, opened yourself up for scrutiny.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

Do you people think im so brash in not trying to FIX the woman i have first then look for something else? I 've tried everything I can think of but nothing helps.

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:30:37 AM

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OP, you say you want to talk to someone one on one for the details but don't you see here that you won't get to that point without giving someone some of those details upfront? Do you really really expect someone to be interested in this offer you are making when it isn't clear what you're offering beyond wanting your needs to be taken care of? The people here are telling you how things look, if I were you I'd pay attention to what they're saying. So you're saying you want another wife but we're not supposed to know more than that? I'm not being mean, but come on, get real. It's just not likely in the least that you'll find a woman willing to have your children and think she wants to do that on the basis of a few vague sentences that you've put out on an internet site.

There have been some really good questions here on this thread that you've chosen to bypass or give a very brief explanation to. You say you are looking for another wife, considering that's even legal, it's not a flash in the pan position here. How do you expect to find real commitment when you think you can dictate that we know almost nothing about your situation?

Many of the answers you got here were very direct and maybe they hurt but it doesn't mean they weren't valid points.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:33:10 AM

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For better or for worse...isn't that what the vows are meant for? Lupus is a very researched autoimmune disorder. Did you not walk into this relationship with your eyes open? You want a second wife to be your maid, servant, and whore...how wonderful this second wife will feel coming into this relationship. Shame on you. In your profile you don't even mention your WIFE. Very selfish of you.

Have a good day!

< Message edited by orchid77 -- 11/21/2011 10:38:18 AM >

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:40:35 AM

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blah blah blah from haters... move on.

(in reply to orchid77)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:50:55 AM

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quote:

blah blah blah from haters... move on.

You've been on since 2007 - how much luck are you having? Perhaps there is something to this negative reaction everyone on the thread is having.

Step back and see the constructive criticism. I know it's hard because it is personal.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:55:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

Good day,

Please if you need more info don't be bothered to ask. I'am Looking for a 2nd wife to my first. we are still in love but she has had some illness and cant have sex anymore due to her body not being able too. Looking for someone to fill my needs and hers. Looking for someone that is a submissive type personality that likes a strong man to take care of the household. Looking formone that likes to clean and help 1st wife cook. Looking for someone that can hang out and just be themselves and be willing to fill my needs when I want them when I want them ... yes sex. I'am a Dominate type male that only into females. Please live close to Vancouver, Wa or willing to relocate. Looking for someone that wants to have a LTR with a future of having kids with me.

If any of this catch's your eye and you want to know more please contact me and lets see where we can go with this.

Sean, I give you a thumbs up for standing by your wife. I don't know why you have or do, but thats a good starting place. However, with the mixed messages found between your profile and first post alone, I can imagine that your communication style may be feeding into some difficulties within your first relationship and the one you wish to start with someone else. Reading the things you have said and having the experience I have had in being ill, starting out in medicine and not completing because of my health, the research I have done, the advocating, the career I did go into and counseling those in crisis, along with having relationships of my own... I must say... you are stuck, confused, fantasy filled, confusing and an all round mess. Now that isn't said to be mean. It is said as a descriptive measure in hopes that you will see the mess you are in and are and that you will find someone like me that can assist you in finding a balance before you try to solve all the problems.

If your communications here indicate anything about you, and they do, then I can imagine that your whole life will be effected. I didn't work in all this for many years and learn nothing and this is something I did learn working with hundreds of people, within relationships. I see many signs of dysfunction and can assume with some knowledge base on what happens emotionally to every person involved with a chronically ill person. Some things simply go hand in hand and some things are worse because of responses and emotions, add medication and how life challenges can crop up... you have the potential to have one huge mess that is pure hell to sort through and most don't sort through it, but give up, leave or escape, lay blame and find someone else far too soon and bring all that mess into a new relationship.

You must start with yourself and then your relationship with your wife and get things sorted out before you invite someone else into the situation using being a dominant male that calls the shots... especially when you haven't done so well at that in the first place. I am very sure that your wife has some real struggles and while she may say she doesn't want to lose you and its okay to bring another woman in to provide for your needs and assist her... she may make that decision based on fear and if fear has any part in this... any poly situation is going to turn into a nightmare.

So while I can understand that a poly situations might be very helpful and understood... as I am open to poly for a number of reasons going in this direction and then also because I like poly... but you are headed for another nightmare other than the one you have already been in and the two together could mean some pretty serious ramifications.

What have you done to understand the many (sister) illnesses your wife has, what she is going through stage by stage and what you have gone through as well? One response I know you went to was feeding yourself. You fed the frustration, etc. That tells me that you went in a poor direction with it all, although understandable... not a good place to go and this shows that somewhere you didn't handle things as well as you could have with wisdom, personal strength and such gained by information and knowledge. You need to back track. You are trying to handle it with control and life/emotional fillers... as you did with the eating... it won't work.

Damn it is too early in my day... my symptoms are not under control yet, not enough coffee and am still in a fog... but I still know a bit of what I'm talking about and you need help brother. I no longer work with people... I have far too much on my plate to do that with my own illness and my disabled son, plus having my own personal life. However, I might be able to assist in a way if you choose to be assisted and see that I may be seeing something you are either not saying, willing to see or want to face.

You are a man in a tough place and for that I do have compassion... how you as a man... as a person... deal with this, I won't always have compassion for because you can do a lot of damage along the way. I see you headed for more damage... not resolutions. If the emotions your wife and you have had all through this haven't properly been dealt with and they haven't been because I can see it in you and all you say... then you have to start there, not here on CM looking for something you are far from ready for.

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(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 10:56:09 AM

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Kali, I get what you're saying, but have you ever dealt with fribromyalgia?
I have a bad knee from marching band that gives me fits, but it doesn't occupy my whole life, like fibro can do. I'm active and I dance and I run and walk, blah blah blah -- but I don't believe my knee problem is anything like fibro. Fibro is a full body thing -- even hugs can be painful. It fogs up your brain and steals your motivation, and leaves you feeling exhausted all the time after doing little to nothing.

It's also possible that she's depressed because of the way her life has changed. Going from "my whole life is ahead of me" to "i've hit the end of the line" is drastic. If you've ever been depressed, it zaps everything. Colors aren't so bright, food tastes like nothing, and again, no motivation, and constant exhaustion.

Getting out and doing exercises is recommended for fibro and for depression, but it's not as easy as flipping on a light switch. And who knows what kind of treatment she's getting for cancer. Chemo is notoriously hard on people. My grandpa went out into fields and worked while on chemo, but I've seen other people who withered away to nothing. People handle things differently.

And Kali, to me, you always seemed like a more gregarious, go-getter type. Maybe I'm wrong, but personality can have a big impact, too. A shy, or easily intimidated person is going to respond differently and need a different path to follow than someone who is more of a go-getter.

OP/Sean -- is it possible for your wife to go to counseling? Or are there support groups she can join? Talking to others who understand the complexity that her illnesses have left her with might help her deal with some of these issues and feel like getting her life back on track.
I'm also not sure, though, that bringing a second into your relationship is a good idea. If she's acquiescing to this because she thinks it's the only way you'll stay with her, that's not healthy at all. You'll end up making her home a nightmare, and that's not what she needs.

And good luck finding someone to be sympathetic to your weight issues, when you can't extend that same courtesy to others.

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 11:04:13 AM

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Hard call being honest. Appreciate the honesty and you putting a bit of yourself out there but you negate all that by the way you go about it.

Not sure where you picked up the notion that being a dominant gives you some additional entitlement, privilege or advantage. That inequality in a relationship is not as fundamental as it seems. It's not like you're looking for a second dog.

I mean, without any submissive you're not a dominant, just someone who enjoys being dominant. There's a difference. It's a popular misconception but it is still a misconception. Dominants have to put in just as much effort into their relationships as submissives.

You see what really draws my attention here is that it is all 'I', 'I', 'I' - what about the wife? What about the marriage? What about her feelings? Is this something she's agreed to, or is it something she's had to concede? You might not see it, but other people do, and this is why they are responding the way they are.

I'm not going to get into the weight issue because it's too complex and few people really understand, but I've duly noticed the hypocrisy and double standards that you are demanding acceptance of your weight but seem unwilling to do the same for someone else. This makes me wonder whether this has something to do with your wife being too ill and too fat for your preferences.

This is worth considering if you have any sort of feelings for your wife. Being overweight makes life tiring and it's harder to stay motivated, which is why overweight people tend to be more susceptible to depression. Having conditions like lupus and fibro exacerbate that even further. You bringing in a second woman, or wife (your terms) to have a sexual relationship with could well be the final nail in the coffin and finish her off.

How do you think your wife is going to be feeling when she knows that you have brought another woman into your home for a sexual relationship - an important part of the relationship and marriage that she can no longer provide you with? Don't you think that she's going to feel some sort of rejection or feel diminished in your eyes? And there's nothing she can do about it.

Maybe you know, but I don't, and these are things which are going through my mind.

You see you're playing with something which is far more serious than even the obesity when it comes to such serious illnesses as lupus and fibro - the basic will to live. We are not just physical, we are emotional, psychological, spiritual, and that what is inside us, the soul, the mind, that is far more powerful an influence on our health than anything physical.

Please also bear in mind that right now you are your wife's main resource of support. You live together, maybe still sleep together, no doubt she relies on that support, your attention, your love.

Think about how much time and effort it took you both to get this far.

Now please try to consider how much it's going to take to develop a new relationship with another woman, and how much that second relationship is going to take away from your marriage and your wife.

I would strongly suggest you think this through and I mean, really think this through.

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 11:05:09 AM

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Fast Reply...

I am not able to read in depth all the posts other than a quick glance, but if anyone is saying the op's wife will feel better with exercise, diet and losing weight... from what I have seen of the situation, I am sorry... you are off the mark. You are correct that these things will assist, but when this far into crisis... those things would actually or could actually be dangerous and/or impossible. It can be a goal to work towards... but not something readily done.

Advising someone with illnesses you do not fully or as completely understand as you could... isn't wise.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/21/2011 11:12:33 AM >

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 11:09:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

blah blah blah from haters... move on.

Thank you for proving me right. You've gotten advice and view points from the very demographic you're trying to attract. And instead of seeing those points, you're acting like a child.

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 11:13:05 AM

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Stella.. as always, I love you!!

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 11:57:00 AM

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quote:

she came down with Lupus then she got Fibro

So she has lupus and then she got Fibromyalgia? How did they distiguish that she had Fibromyalgia after she got diagnosed with Lupus? Thats very interesting. Considering the two mimic many of the same symptoms, but Lupus can be tested for with lab results...

That she would be already diagnosed with Lupus and then complain of having fibromyalgia symptoms? Having a dual chronic diagnosis of fibro on top of the Lupus... something sounds very wierd here to me.

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:02:34 PM

MissKittyDeVine

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Stella, I nominate you for board agony aunt thanks to yet another thoughtful, insightful and indepth post. Though I fear your efforts are wasted on someone who, as Oside points out, is getting hissy when he doesn´t hear what he wants to hear.

And Sean ... I don´t hate you. You evoke no emotion in me. I save that for your wife (assuming the situation you have described isn´t all one big crapfest). If she is so ill, she is suffering enough. Plus she can´t enjoy sexual relations or have a family. Just because she says she is OK with another woman coming into the relationship, that doesn´t mean that she IS ok with it. Have you guilt-tripped her into saying so?

I also wonder what you would say if the situation were reversed, you were impotent and ill, and your wife was frustrated at caring for you and not getting any sex. Would you be OK with her taking a lover, or bringing another man INTO THE HOUSEHOLD AND FATHERING HER CHILDREN??

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:07:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

quote:

she came down with Lupus then she got Fibro

So she has lupus and then she got Fibromyalgia? How did they distiguish that she had Fibromyalgia after she got diagnosed with Lupus? Thats very interesting. Considering the two mimic many of the same symptoms, but Lupus can be tested for with lab results...

That she would be already diagnosed with Lupus and then complain of having fibromyalgia symptoms? Having a dual chronic diagnosis of fibro on top of the Lupus... something sounds very wierd here to me.

I'm not going to say the procedure or diagnosis are correct, but this is something that can be done, though challenging. There are enough differences in symptoms and manifestations, that this could be true. Although many doctors just want something to tell a patient to get them out of their office... this isn't as strange as it sounds.

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