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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:29:56 PM

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want to thank everyone that posted and gave me constructive criticism everyone else ya.. you know. I didn't say I was perfect I know I as a person have a lot to learn still. Sorry for all the mix messages and stuff just gave it a go and see if I could find someone I can connect with. My wife and I have a loving relationship was just looking for both of us someone that can complement our relationship is all. Yes she does sleep 14-16 hours a day sometimes due to her illness but really if you haven't walked in my shoes or know anything about the illness please don't judge me or make me feel stupid and lazy. I know a few of you will take parts of what I say and try to twist it to make yourself look smart more power to you... its all simple in my book. I am looking for someone to get to know that might live in my area or willing to relocate that wants to be in a household with me. 2nd wife might be illegal but I want to make it clear she wont be subservient to my wife but be a equal. Take the gist of what im saying and think about the positive and if you need to focus on the negative then so be it... then this isn't for you.

either way... thank you all for your posts and I hope you all find what your looking for...

SS

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:34:19 PM

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quote:

Kali, I get what you're saying, but have you ever dealt with fribromyalgia? I have a bad knee from marching band that gives me fits, but it doesn't occupy my whole life, like fibro can do. I'm active and I dance and I run and walk, blah blah blah -- but I don't believe my knee problem is anything like fibro. Fibro is a full body thing -- even hugs can be painful. It fogs up your brain and steals your motivation, and leaves you feeling exhausted all the time after doing little to nothing.

I have MCS. There's a lot of overlap. I was active on a MCS/CF/FM board for years.

quote:

Getting out and doing exercises is recommended for fibro and for depression, but it's not as easy as flipping on a light switch.

I was first diagnosed with clinical depression almost 30 years ago. Of all the things I've done over the years, eating right and exercising helps the fastest.

quote:

And Kali, to me, you always seemed like a more gregarious, go-getter type. Maybe I'm wrong, but personality can have a big impact, too. A shy, or easily intimidated person is going to respond differently and need a different path to follow than someone who is more of a go-getter.

I'm able to force myself. I try to channel Jillian Michaels :) Feeling great afterwards creates a positive feedback loop.

I have a real problem with D's who want their /s to be healthy and don't lead by example.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:38:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

want to thank everyone that posted and gave me constructive criticism everyone else ya.. you know. I didn't say I was perfect I know I as a person have a lot to learn still. Sorry for all the mix messages and stuff just gave it a go and see if I could find someone I can connect with. My wife and I have a loving relationship was just looking for both of us someone that can complement our relationship is all. Yes she does sleep 14-16 hours a day sometimes due to her illness but really if you haven't walked in my shoes or know anything about the illness please don't judge me or make me feel stupid and lazy. I know a few of you will take parts of what I say and try to twist it to make yourself look smart more power to you... its all simple in my book. I am looking for someone to get to know that might live in my area or willing to relocate that wants to be in a household with me. 2nd wife might be illegal but I want to make it clear she wont be subservient to my wife but be a equal. Take the gist of what im saying and think about the positive and if you need to focus on the negative then so be it... then this isn't for you.

either way... thank you all for your posts and I hope you all find what your looking for...

SS

I don't expect you to hear or value everything that has been said and quickly comply... but this answer says far more than I am sure you are willing to see. Sometimes someone has to rush into burning buildings and sometimes they have to go as is until they crash and burn. You are one of those.

Good luck with that.

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(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:39:42 PM

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quote:

Is this something she's agreed to, or is it something she's had to concede?

OP - read this thread: Slave, help me

And re-read this:

quote:

Please also bear in mind that right now you are your wife's main resource of support. You live together, maybe still sleep together, no doubt she relies on that support, your attention, your love.

Think about how much time and effort it took you both to get this far.

Now please try to consider how much it's going to take to develop a new relationship with another woman, and how much that second relationship is going to take away from your marriage and your wife.

I would strongly suggest you think this through and I mean, really think this through.

(in reply to stellauk)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:44:13 PM

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what works for you doesn't work for others.. Having depression and lupis/fibro is TWO different things.. If you need to know more please Google it and learn more.

Want to thank Lockit thanks for writing and thanks man. If you would like to be friends let me know.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:50:09 PM

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My sympathy to your wife.

Depression goes hand in hand with chronic and serious illness. You mentioned cancer, is her treatment over?

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:53:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

what works for you doesn't work for others.. Having depression and lupis/fibro is TWO different things.. If you need to know more please Google it and learn more.

Want to thank Lockit thanks for writing and thanks man. If you would like to be friends let me know.

those are THREE different things. If you need to learn how to count ... go back to school.

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(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:54:09 PM

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You've been asked numerous times if this is something she is supportive of. You keep deflecting.
Why is that?

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There is no spoon.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 12:58:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

You've been asked numerous times if this is something she is supportive of. You keep deflecting.
Why is that?

Maybe because deep in his heart... he knows that she is doing this by default and is afraid not to. On one hand, we who are ill and in a relationship, want our loved one to have it all. We may try to convince ourselves that we can be self sacrificing and open to it by reason, yet by emotion are no where near where we would need to be to handle the situation, much less enjoy it.

Neither of them are ready.

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(in reply to Fornica)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 1:25:13 PM

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quote:

what works for you doesn't work for others.. Having depression and lupis/fibro is TWO different things.. If you need to know more please Google it and learn more.

Doing nothing doesn't work either. Additionally, you missed the context in which Lilly brought up depression and this:

quote:

I have MCS. There's a lot of overlap. I was active on a MCS/CF/FM board for years.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 1:38:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Fast Reply...

I am not able to read in depth all the posts other than a quick glance, but if anyone is saying the op's wife will feel better with exercise, diet and losing weight... from what I have seen of the situation, I am sorry... you are off the mark. You are correct that these things will assist, but when this far into crisis... those things would actually or could actually be dangerous and/or impossible. It can be a goal to work towards... but not something readily done.

Advising someone with illnesses you do not fully or as completely understand as you could... isn't wise.

I don't really think anyone was medically advising on this thread when they advocated for weight loss and exercise. In the overwhelming majority of cases, those are going to be beneficial actions to take. If the wife is ill, of course they should ask the doctor first if she would benefit from weight loss and exercise and how to go about it. If they didn't ask and just went forward with any physical plan of action, that would be incredibly irresponsible - especially with a sick individual.

If someone read this and thought hmmm....this makes sense I'll look into this -then it was worth making the suggestion. It's the old if he told you to jump off a cliff would you do it? Hopefully no one on these boards would ever have the cliff jumping off attitude and before they took any advice on any subject they'd check it for safety and soundness. If they didn't, they shouldn't have a computer to use as they'd be subject to undue influence on anything and everything in the world.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 2:26:44 PM

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I've come to the conclusion that theres trolls in every msg board you go to. some cant wait to out do the other in evilness and bitterness.. im going to stop reading this.. YES my wife is supportive OR I wouldn't have posted in the first place. want to contact me you know how till then happy trolling to the ones that just want to talk shit when they don't know the shit there throwing.

(in reply to Killerangel)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 2:27:58 PM

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Their
hth

quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

I've come to the conclusion that theres trolls in every msg board you go to. some cant wait to out do the other in evilness and bitterness.. im going to stop reading this.. YES my wife is supportive OR I wouldn't have posted in the first place. want to contact me you know how till then happy trolling to the ones that just want to talk shit when they don't know the shit there throwing.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 2:32:53 PM

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quote:

YES my wife is supportive OR I wouldn't have posted in the first place. want to contact me you know how till then happy trolling to the ones that just want to talk shit when they don't know the shit there throwing.

Every week we have a slew of married cheaters. We have only your words to go on - and your profile essay doesn't mention your wife, you just added her to the left side today, and you didn't respond to repeated requests for clarification.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 2:42:18 PM

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There is something I just don't get. I'm older... but I still remember when being younger. I remember taking on an adult life at sixteen, being a step mother to four, having my own, going about life as an adult and dealing with a lot. By the time I was in my late twenties I was working in a serious field, taking charge and creating agencies that dealt with people in crisis etc. Now, I look back and people in their thirties look so damn young!

But what the hell? They aren't! Thirty six sounds young to me, but for gods sakes that it almost forty!!! They have many years of adulthood behind them and yet... these days so many seem so clueless, so unteachable, so stubborn, so entitled that you fuckers make me feel even older!

OP... you need a dominant woman to put you right... however, I don't know one dumb enough to put up with your ass. It wasn't us trolling for a sexual second wife... but you. How you did that and presented yourself is why all that has been said has been said and if you can't see your fucking faults... can't own up and must lay blame... you are a child in a mans body. My brain damaged son actually has more common sense.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/21/2011 2:44:10 PM >

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 3:11:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

what works for you doesn't work for others..

And what you may think works for you now might not, or if it does now it may not later on.

You seem to be attaching a lot of weight to the lupus and fibro. Yes they are serious illnesses, yes they are debilitating, but this takes nothing away from the fact that there are two individual people involved who appear to have to make choices.

Judgment call? No, not at all. I'm not you, we've not had contact, no idea what exact circumstances you find yourself in or the state of your marriage. None of us know. You do.

Actually I'm not too sure why you seem to be going on and on about the lupus and issues and the past because from what I can see you have put yourself forward as the one with the need here, you have elected yourself to be the chief decision maker, you wrote the profile and started the thread.

Is your situation really all that rare and so unique as you make out?

No it isn't. Not at all. We all need love, we all crave some degree of physical intimacy, and we all want to be happy and fulfilled.

But it's also a fact of life that to achieve these things and share them with someone else we go through a process of learning and discovery and along the way we are hurt, we hurt others, we are deceived, and we deceive not just others, we deceive ourselves. We sometimes find ourselves in tough situations in life, situations which few people really understand, and we sometimes have to compromise our own values and beliefs.

And maybe not in the same set of circumstances and context I have stood quite a few times in that spot where you find yourself now. I know what it is to face the judgment of many people, to go completely against societal norms, and furthermore I know what it means to go against yourself and to betray yourself in the determination to get something you believe that you want and need so badly.

Oh please don't get me wrong, I strongly believe that even in the darkest, the sickest, the most depraved any existence can offer you can still find some semblance of humanity, of morality, and of love. Some of the most heinous crimes ever committed in Texas are by those held on the Polunsky Unit on Texas Death Row but throughout many still share the love of their mothers and family, they remain loyal to their friends and many of their last words are of love.

There is no evil strong enough to erase humanity from us, and so where some may judge, I do what I can to keep an open mind.

And this is why without having anything more than what you have posted here I see beyond the lupus and illnesses, the obesity, and the marriage to that what lies at the core of all this - your conscience and sense of morality. You need both to make any sort of decision, right?

Why didn't you do what most people do in your situation and just look for a carer, a maid, an au pair? Nobody would have batted an eyelid. Well, not unless your name is Arnold Schwarzenegger.

No you resorted to bonerism and revealed yourself to be a bonerist. Think Buddhism and Buddha. A Buddhist practices Buddhism to follow Buddha, a bonerist practices bonerism to follow the desires of his boner. Quite common around these parts.

This is where I feel you've gone wrong.

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(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 3:50:13 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

I've come to the conclusion that theres trolls in every msg board you go to. some cant wait to out do the other in evilness and bitterness.. im going to stop reading this.. YES my wife is supportive OR I wouldn't have posted in the first place. want to contact me you know how till then happy trolling to the ones that just want to talk shit when they don't know the shit there throwing.

OP, if what you got out of this thread was shit-throwing then we must have been reading different threads. I saw a lot of insight and constructive help here that may have given you a leg up in your situation had you cared to consider it.

Summing things up, it's a tough situation you and your wife are in. You're looking for something that you don't really seem to have thought out carefully although you know you want it, and that is why you seem to be pushing ahead regardless of the issues it may cause. No surprise there, it seems to be how you do things in life.

You haven't ever really come up with details on what you could offer this person you would like to acquire. An example...I'm not sure if you've made plans on how you will support her and any children you may have, it's got to be debilitating to your finances to have your wife out of work and you perhaps taking time off to tend to her as you've said you go to all the appts with her. I mean if I can wonder about these things then so will anyone who even thinks she might be interested, but your plan here is to offer an explanation later when you receive interest. You usually need to generate that interest in the first place in order to receive it. You're not really thinking this through, you just want it to happen is my impression.

Btw Stella, bonerism = genius.

(in reply to sean333333)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 6:09:23 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
OP... you need a dominant woman to put you right... however, I don't know one dumb enough to put up with your ass. It wasn't us trolling for a sexual second wife... but you. How you did that and presented yourself is why all that has been said has been said and if you can't see your fucking faults... can't own up and must lay blame... you are a child in a mans body

This. ^^^^ ALL of it. At first I was just going to say welcome to CM, but now I'm saying this instead.....

OP, I know you said you are leaving this thread, but I'm posting anyway. I looked at your profile AND your last journal entry AND I read this whole thread. You say you want this, you want that. What does your wife want? I mean for real.

1. Does your wife willingly agree to you having a "second wife" or is she just putting up with it because she doesn't want to lose you?
2. Other than marrying her, you haven't said one positive thing about your wife on this thread. It's all about how her illnesses have impacted YOUR life.
3. I could be wrong, but what I've read makes it sound like you want that second wife to cook and clean and sexually serve you, but you don't say a single thing about what's in it for HER.
4. Any woman willing to include herself in an already-established relationship will want to know the answer to that question...what's in it for her?
5. I also see that you complain about BBWs and fat chicks, but your own profile says you're 485 pounds. You may be 6'5" but that's still ragingly morbidly obese. Kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, eh?
6. Just because you call yourself Dominant, that doesn't mean you can just put in an order and expect all the sweet things to line up at your door to fill it. Esp when it appears to be all about you and no one else. Anyone looking for a unicorn will most likely have a long wait.

I know you probably think I'm mean, but can you see what I'm saying here? Probably not.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 6:45:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX
That she would be already diagnosed with Lupus and then complain of having fibromyalgia symptoms? Having a dual chronic diagnosis of fibro on top of the Lupus... something sounds very wierd here to me.

Nothing weird about it at all. I have 3 autoimmune diseases (one primary, 2 secondary), plus a benign bone marrow abnormality. It's not unusual to get multiple disorders.

Some can be diagnosed by lab tests, but others have to be done by clinical exam. For instance, a lot of Sjogren's patients don't show a positive ANA result. However, they have the dry eyes, dry mucous membranes, and enlarged lymph nodes characteristic of Sjogren's. Some will also have muscle and joint pain, others have nerve damage. Autoimmune stuff's complicated as all hell.

Just go the the scleroderma, RA, Sjogren's pages and check out the associated diseases.

(in reply to JanahX)

RE: Looking for a 2nd wife. - 11/21/2011 7:42:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sean333333

...if you haven't walked in my shoes or know anything about the illness please don't judge me or make me feel stupid and lazy....

This part of what the OP stated caught my attention.... And no thisnis not about twisting what you said OP

First... People will judge some fairly and wisely, others not so much. But, only you can allow yourself to feel stupid or lazy from the words of others.

Lastly... I did notice you posted that you will not be falling this thread anymore and what I say hear might be said to the wind. But I do question, if you are having so much trouble just to indicate your views and wants for another partner in uour life as is demonstrated by this thread. I have to wonder successful you are going to be if even find someone that is willing to give it a go?

You have much to learn and the first is to learn the willingness to learn. Without that I am afraid you are more likely to fail in your hopes with this desire than succeed.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sean333333)

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