ok, so I'm asking...about profiles

ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (Full Version)

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Unshriven -> ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/3/2011 10:16:28 PM)
I have to ask, I know CM has a lot of flakes but many of the emails I send get deleted unread or not looked at. I'm starting to think I have electronic BO....I know there's going to be a fair amount of loss but when I send an message, I'm polite (not whimpy), I read their profiles and include something they've said so they know I'm not doing a cut and paste, I include a pic and I mention that I actually put an effort into my profile. Now, granted, I'm not George Clooney but I don't think I'm fugly. I've been in the life 20 years, ex-military, college educated, a vice president at a global company etc etc....it should say that at least I'm not a flake or a poser. I swear, there could be a profile out there saying they only want a Dom from my city, my height, my experience and my age and the fucker would still get deleted....can someone take a look at my profile and let me know if I've got a booger hanging out of my nose I don't know about? Seriously, any constructive criticism would be appreciated. Unshriven

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/3/2011 10:28:54 PM)
I'd delete everything before the "Who I am" section. The only reason I made it that far was because you asked for a critique. By the time I had read through all the preliminary junk, I had completely lost interest and skipped the rest, so even if we were a perfect match I'd never know. Also, you already have a clear pic on your profile, so I find myself wondering what sort of picture you send and why?

comicslave -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/3/2011 10:47:27 PM)
Yes I agree with Heather, it is a lot of information I do the same thing but at times some of it is useless and needs to be cute some =D Try to edit it down to just what you want to say not extra, also it takes time to find people, so no worries you will find your girl

SweetCheri -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/3/2011 11:32:37 PM)
quote: I read their profiles and include something they've said so they know I'm not doing a cut and paste, It depends on how you do this. I get messages that say what a wonderful profile I have, how refreshing it is. All my profile says is: quote: Hi/Bonjour. My name is Cheri (short for Cherisse). *I am one of the 4 members of Haytch House. I'm not on the site very often, so if you write me, it may be a while before I write back.** C. *Haytch House is a quad poly lesbian household. Then there are some links to the other girls' profiles. That's it. Suze got a message commenting on how "stunning" her profile pic is. Its a shot of her making a peace sign with her mouth open and sticking out her tongue!! So when somebody writes and says something like that, we know they are BSing us, and it usually just gets deleted.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/3/2011 11:53:03 PM)
I'll tighten it up. It's a little frustrating. I've been in the life 20 years or so. I remember dialing directly in to BBS systems to meet others. It seems like there's a lot of people slumming. I'm very serious about what I do. I wish others were as well. The one I like the best is when someone sends you a message first and you respond and they don't read it or their profile is gone....

myotherself -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/3/2011 11:55:57 PM)
to be honest, I found your profile a bit of a turn-off. I agree that you're not fugly, and your pics are great [:)] But the profile - the first section should be the last section, if it's there at all. The rest is all kink, apart from one sentence about eating chinese food in bed. It also felt a little negative. Why the 'twue dom/sub' bit? You make it sound like a sub is not allowed to have ANY limits or needs/wants. And finally, the word 'bred'. It's the biggest turn-off EVER! Why not say 'I would like to be a parent/have children/whatever'. Sounds so much more pleasant. Basically, were I looking I'd pass over your profile, even if your pics are fine. Try injecting a bit of your fun, vanilla side into the profile and take out some of the 'story of O' stuff. Good luck!

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/3/2011 11:56:32 PM)
ok, I took your advice and removed a lot. Any general thoughts on content/attitude/how I come across? I'm curious. I think people who post on the forums have a tendency to be a bit more serious so I'm asking.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 12:01:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself to be honest, I found your profile a bit of a turn-off. I agree that you're not fugly, and your pics are great [:)] But the profile - the first section should be the last section, if it's there at all. The rest is all kink, apart from one sentence about eating chinese food in bed. It also felt a little negative. Why the 'twue dom/sub' bit? You make it sound like a sub is not allowed to have ANY limits or needs/wants. And finally, the word 'bred'. It's the biggest turn-off EVER! Why not say 'I would like to be a parent/have children/whatever'. Sounds so much more pleasant. Basically, were I looking I'd pass over your profile, even if your pics are fine. Try injecting a bit of your fun, vanilla side into the profile and take out some of the 'story of O' stuff. Good luck! You know, I agonized over using the term "bred" for a while. I decided to go with it because I have a tendency to go for more intense people. My supposition was that the more intense/more intelligent would see it for what it was. Probably a miscalculation on my part. As to the tone, yes I can see that as well. I worried that coming across as a "nice guy" would make me seem a bit weak or not very Dom. I'm still getting the a handle on the whole mass communication thing. I'm a good technical writer but in a personal sense, not so much. It's hard to balance being an ass or being to mild. I'll revisit it tomorrow and see if I can lighten it up a bit.

myotherself -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 12:08:52 AM)
It's good to talk to someone who asks for advice and actually takes it too [:D] Having vanilla stuff in your profile will make you seem more 'human'. I know you want an intense relationship with clearly defined roles, but there are also going to be times when you're snuggled up together watching a movie, or cooking a meal together, or going out with friends, or...well, you get the picture. A potential partner needs to know that there is something to relate to in those less formal times. I'm a slave, and Master is the boss. When we're together I do what he says, no objections allowed. But we still talk, laugh, tease, kiss...all the stuff that keeps the relationship on track. Think of kink as the bricks and the vanilla as the mortar. Get the mix right and you will build a relationship that is solid and could last forever.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 12:25:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself It's good to talk to someone who asks for advice and actually takes it too [:D] Having vanilla stuff in your profile will make you seem more 'human'. I know you want an intense relationship with clearly defined roles, but there are also going to be times when you're snuggled up together watching a movie, or cooking a meal together, or going out with friends, or...well, you get the picture. A potential partner needs to know that there is something to relate to in those less formal times. I'm a slave, and Master is the boss. When we're together I do what he says, no objections allowed. But we still talk, laugh, tease, kiss...all the stuff that keeps the relationship on track. Think of kink as the bricks and the vanilla as the mortar. Get the mix right and you will build a relationship that is solid and could last forever. You're a smart cookie. I did a re-write. I'll probably go back again and change it a bit more. I tried to be more positive.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 12:29:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather I'd delete everything before the "Who I am" section. The only reason I made it that far was because you asked for a critique. By the time I had read through all the preliminary junk, I had completely lost interest and skipped the rest, so even if we were a perfect match I'd never know. Also, you already have a clear pic on your profile, so I find myself wondering what sort of picture you send and why? I usually send one of the pics I already have on my profile. I have found that most subs won't even bother looking without some idea of who I am. If you were asking if I send pictures of my dick, I don't. For the same reason I don't send pictures of my Hyundae. Most are not impressed....[:D]

Fornica -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 2:05:43 AM)
Ok, you asked for total honesty...your profile is a bit..dull. Like, there's nothing that really stands out to me as interesting enough to catch the eye..I'd trim it wayyyyy down, and write some fun stuff in there, too. What do you like to do for fun? You have shown in here that you have a sense of humour, but that doesn't show on your profile..it's just sort of monotone.

DarkSteven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 2:25:47 AM)
You say in your post that you're ex-military, a VP, college educated. Why isn't that in your profile? To be VERY blunt - your main profile is kinda long and doesn't say much. Your journal entries, however, strike me as showing serious anger issues. The one about the one woman who got pissed at you at not sending her a text, and that led to a conversation that broke you up. The woman that did something, and you said you weren't going to do XXX for a fat chick from Texas who was missing a tooth. It's not a profile issue. It's an issue regarding who would write those entries. I suggest soul-searching.

Fornica -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 2:30:00 AM)
I meant to touch on that, too. Your journal entries are a massive turn-off and I kinda see them as a red flag. You come off as a bit of a judgey asshole in them.

MariaB -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 3:35:34 AM)
You have obviously modified your profile since you started this thread. I found your profile fine. Its straightforward, to the point, not dull and reasonably interesting but then I read your journal entries and believe me, most women will read your journals if they have more than a moment of interest. If I were you I would delete most of them. You say you have been in this lifestyle for 20 years but your journals say otherwise. When you have been doing this as long as you claim you have, you get over the bitterness and learn to shrug things off, not write about them for all the world to see. After all this time, do you not realize your initial conversations with a woman will very likely not bring about her submission? That submission often only happens after lengthy conversations? As much as you are interviewing her, she is interviewing you and if she blatantly speaks her mind or even turns out to be a sour rude woman, its not because she isn't submissive as you keep stating but because she isn't submissive to you. You see these sort of bitter complaints from dominants who are new to this, not men who have been at it for years. Edited as always because Im a crap speller [8\|]

JanahX -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 3:49:10 AM)
What bothers me is that if I didnt come to the forums .. which most people on the other side DONT ... Is not knowing who you really are and what you had posted beforehand. That was the real you and how you veiw things and what your priorities are or were before you noticed that wasnt attracting any pussy. Scary to think that someone might think you have a clue, when in reality ... you dont. About the anger issue ... no one has to worry about that one there .. it will come out in your personality sooner than later when someone gets to speaking with you. Maybe you will attract someone with an anger issue as well and you can be angry together. I love it when it all evens out in the end.

FrostedFlake -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 4:08:43 AM)
One thing I note that hasn't been mentioned is cigar/brand. If you are serious, it's not my problem. If you're not, maybe that is part of yours. Best wishes. FF

searching4mysir -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 4:38:14 AM)
FR Took a look at your profile. Very verbose but mostly about kink (turn off). Less kink and more vanilla (for my tastes) as we can't have kinky sex 24/7 (you wouldn't last that long [;)] ) I second the attitude in your journals, particularly those in July. Yes, subs/slaves read journals (and past posts in the forums as well). Just an FYI: if you hover over the message in your mailbox, you can read most, if not all, of it without triggering a "read" on the message. If what you said didn't float their boat when they hovered, then they deleted it ("unread") because they just weren't all that interested. Keep in mind that KSWs (Kinky Submissive Women) are a minority here (that might have something to do with the "attitude" you perceive) and generally we know it. We are also, generally, willing to wait for Mr. Right instead of settling for Mr. Right Now. If it is a new profile and she is a younger woman, in the first month or so she is getting anywhere from 25-100 new emails A DAY. If she responds to each one, even to say she isn't interested, that is still a lot of emails to write. Add to that the fact that when we send a "thanks but no thanks" we often either get verbally abused ("you're a fat cunt who is never going to find someone") or there is a pathetic attempt to change our mind. Rather than deal with those hassles, we just don't respond. No response IS a response...it says "I'm not interested".

DesFIP -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 5:12:44 AM)
About not getting responses. Firstly, if you are writing people who ask for someone within a certain distance, age limit etc and you don't fit that then they won't even get your mail. They will have set their mail filters to send you straight to junk mail. Secondly, you're extremely narrow minded. You claim to be tolerant of other people's kinks yet you also demand that every sub be humble to every self proclaimed dominant out there. I'm submissive to one. Which means not you and there is no reason I should be to you or any one else. And this applies to every submissive. Until she has agreed to commit to you, she owes you nothing. You want someone to feel humbled in your presence? Then you need to inspire her with your dominance. Until that happens, there's no reason for someone to pretend it. As far as the anyone who won't do housework isn't a real sub, we've just had a long thread on that. To sum it up, we've all gotten emails from guys who say their bathroom hasn't been cleaned it six months and that's why they need a new sub. Because of that, and the fact that we aren't interested in being anyone's mommy, we don't feel it necessary to agree to clean the house for some guy who can't take out his own garbage. Beyond that, if she works all day, comes home and cleans her own house, and then has to come over and clean yours, when does she get any down time? If you're living together and both working, then you both need to do the household stuff as otherwise there's no time for fun. Plus you sitting watching tv while she's working an unpaid job won't inspire her with your dominance, it will make her think you're a lazy ass. Overall the profile is filled with nice sounding stuff but the journal entries show the real you who isn't at all like the man the profile describes.

fragilepieces -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 5:41:14 AM)
Did you copy and paste this question from your journal because you were bitching about the same thing in July? Your journal entries are extremely negative. You have also mentioned a number of times that you have been in the lifestyle over 20 yrs, it's a number--19 of them could have been spent online. It sounds cocky and arrogant, and since I have more years than you do, I'd have to delete unread.

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