RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mistress usually go?

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/21/2011 5:37:20 PM

MistressDarkArt

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My pleasure, sweetpea.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/21/2011 7:14:10 PM

LadyPact

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Obviously, you've fixed the profile at this point. It's also a good move that you've deleted those <cough> friends <cough>. Don't get into that bit where somehow those 'friend' invitations are really nothing more than picture collecting.

On your question about how kinky women talk or have conversations, it's really not any different than the way the girl next door converses with you. If you are receiving short replies to the emails you are sending, don't be surprised. Many women are flooded with email so they may not go into a lot of discussion with you right off of the bat. While it's true that this isn't exactly a dating site, it has the same male to female ratio that many dating sites do, so that makes it more difficult.

Have you given any thought to finding kink groups in the cities that you mentioned? It would allow you to meet some people who aren't flooded with email every day and it would give you a chance to learn some things about all of this to give you an idea of what you might be interested in looking for. Atlanta has some spectacular events and a lot of good opportunities.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/21/2011 7:27:02 PM

Carralo1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Obviously, you've fixed the profile at this point. It's also a good move that you've deleted those <cough> friends <cough>. Don't get into that bit where somehow those 'friend' invitations are really nothing more than picture collecting.

On your question about how kinky women talk or have conversations, it's really not any different than the way the girl next door converses with you. If you are receiving short replies to the emails you are sending, don't be surprised. Many women are flooded with email so they may not go into a lot of discussion with you right off of the bat. While it's true that this isn't exactly a dating site, it has the same male to female ratio that many dating sites do, so that makes it more difficult.

Have you given any thought to finding kink groups in the cities that you mentioned? It would allow you to meet some people who aren't flooded with email every day and it would give you a chance to learn some things about all of this to give you an idea of what you might be interested in looking for. Atlanta has some spectacular events and a lot of good opportunities.

Well ive heard about the kink groups and munches? i guess they're called? But i feel like I'd be extremely overwhelmed going alone to something like that...

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/21/2011 8:49:24 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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Steve,

This is the internet & as such, there will always be some fakes. Rather than concentrating on the fakes, it's better to concentrate on the ones that seem real to you. Look for the profiles that say something about who they are, not just kink-wise but life-wise too.....what they want in a relationship, what sort of person they are & what they're looking for. I try to do that with mine. Dommes are regular women, we just happen to be kinky too. And write your own profile in the same way, telling about yourself and what you want in a relationship.

As for how a Domme responds to or writes a letter, I can't speak for all Dommes, but I write respectfully and politely and try to address something in the sender's profile. As a matter of fact, whenever I open a letter from someone new, I read his complete profile before actually reading his letter to me. If I read something that interests me, I will ask questions to find out more about it.

If I get a "Hello. How are you?" letter with nothing else in it and his profile is practically blank, I might not answer him. That's just the way it is. There are SO many male subs out there compared to the number of Dommes, that guys have to make themselves stand out from the rest if they want to get anywhere. If a guy doesn't think it's important to say anything about himself, then it's not that important to me to answer him. Consider your profile an advertisement for yourself and what you have to offer/are looking for. That's exactly what it is.

I notice things like spelling and grammar also. I hate to admit it, but when it comes to letters I receive, I can be picky about those things. If English is not someone's first language, I'm more lenient but, if that's not an issue, someone old enough to be on this site & writing to me should know enough to write a decently-written letter. Even at my age(54), I'm almost always hearing from someone new, and I check my CM mail every single day, so I can afford to be picky.

NBMG/Hazel

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/21/2011 9:14:49 PM

Fornica

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Steve
You're doing good in researching, learning, and taking the advice given. You'll sort it out soon enough, hang in there.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/21/2011 11:37:07 PM

peppermint

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quote:

Well ive heard about the kink groups and munches? i guess they're called? But i feel like I'd be extremely overwhelmed going alone to something like that...

Munches are not very overwhelming. You sit at a table in a restaurant. You order your meal. You talk with the people around you. Not much different than attending most gatherings of people.

If you locate the munch group and write to the hosts, they or someone else will meet you several days before the munch for coffee or drinks. It's easier to meet one or two people before being faced with several. That way you'll know people before you go to the munch.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/22/2011 6:37:24 AM

kalikshama

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Are you in MA right now? We are considering going to the South Shore munch in Braintree at 6:30 tonight, which will depend on if I can get off work on time, which is a big "If" at this point.

https://fetlife.com/events/82289/v2

Every munch I've been to has friendly people on the lookout for newcomers to make them feel welcome. I haven't been to this particular one, but M has.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/22/2011 7:04:44 AM

FrostedFlake

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Hi Steve

My $.02 : I don't find the second photo very attractive. Your head is missing. And there are several things sharing the photo with you that are not, uhm exactly, uh, great. You could do better fairly easily. Might want to.

I have some reading selections for you. It is a much greater pleasure to hand them to you than to the last guy I gave them to.

http://www.askmen.com/money/successful/41_success.html
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_60/66b_success.html
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_100/117_success.html
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1717756
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057095/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057123/tm.htm
http://the1585.com/performativemasculinity.htm
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8325689/the-meeting?page=1
http://gayglobeus.powweb.com/barbarella.html

I wish you the best. Don't be a stranger.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/22/2011 1:43:10 PM

Carralo1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Are you in MA right now? We are considering going to the South Shore munch in Braintree at 6:30 tonight, which will depend on if I can get off work on time, which is a big "If" at this point.

https://fetlife.com/events/82289/v2

Every munch I've been to has friendly people on the lookout for newcomers to make them feel welcome. I haven't been to this particular one, but M has.

Ah,I wish I could of read this sooner. I actually am busy tonight but Braintree is a pretty far ride for me anyhow. I'm on the NH border so with the traffic It'd probably take me close to 2 hours to get down there. I would definately be a lot more comfortable going if I were to go or meet up with someone there. Only problem is I'm heading back to school in a week so my time in Mass will be done and wont be back till early May. I hope there are some muches or events in my area in GA...

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/22/2011 4:27:30 PM

Baroana

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To answer your main question, I have to agree with the others here who have suggested that you need to treat this like any other social situation. An ice-breaking conversation with a domme should go just like a conversation with anyone else. Do not make the mistake of believing that there are special rules or conventions. That is probably why you are getting jerked around. If someone starts talking to you right off the bat in a strange manner, or if they spout lines that sound like fetish film dialog, you've spotted a poser.

If you emailed someone on match.com, and the first thing they did was ask for a nude photo, what would your reaction be? Would you be interested in someone from okcupid.com who demands that you fill out a questionnaire before they will even discuss the weather with you?

The same real people rules apply to the real people here. Only the phonies do things differently.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/22/2011 5:04:07 PM

Baroana

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For Part II of my commentary, I will discuss the old saying that there are "scores of submissive men for every dominant woman."

My opinion: it's bull.

In my experience, the situation with submissive men is not so different from this much-discussed problem of dominant women not being "real." Most so-called submissive men are not "real" either, as they are not pursuing a true match or personal connection. Rather, they primarily seek fantasy fulfillment. They may tell themselves and others that they want a relationship, but they put the cart before the horse. I envision their internal thought process as something along the lines of, "I want to meet a woman who will give me the erotic satisfaction I crave (for free)."

Afterthought: "Oh yeah, and if she should turn out to otherwise be the woman of my dreams, that's cool too."

I come across very few sub men who are "real." Add in my usual standards (reasonable intelligence and education, class, sophistication, common interests...), and it becomes a true needle in a haystack situation.

So anyhow, the moral of the story is that you should endeavor to be one of the good ones. If you can manage that, then you will be in demand.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/22/2011 6:12:10 PM

kalikshama

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I think Kaliko is up your way and has mentioned munches in N. Ma. SternSkipper is north of Boston too. LadyPact used to live in GA and has mentioned the active ATL BDSM scene.

Join Fet, if you haven't already, and use it check for events.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to get off work on time until 5 minutes before it happened, else I would have emailed you on the other side.

There were about 20 people, and one brought cookies, yay! The organizer was very friendly and welcoming. It was very casual. I overheard someone ask a couple where they met and they said here at the munch, awwwsssss.

Munches aren't terribly scintillating but they are a way to network, make friends and get invited to the fun stuff.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/23/2011 8:04:19 AM

Higuysitsme

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Well, I doubt I can add anything much to this; seems like the good advice has been given. But seriously, why the fish? I think your profile is very good now; but the pics still look a bit fishy!! If the domme doesn't go for fish, you are in trouble already! Lots of luck anyway.

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Peace and happiness is the way.'
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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/23/2011 2:01:14 PM

Carralo1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Higuysitsme

Well, I doubt I can add anything much to this; seems like the good advice has been given. But seriously, why the fish? I think your profile is very good now; but the pics still look a bit fishy!! If the domme doesn't go for fish, you are in trouble already! Lots of luck anyway.

well the fish pics are the best pics I have of me. Don't think it's a big deal and if she wants more I can obviously send her one where I'm not fishing lol

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/23/2011 2:13:16 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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Using FR:

This is an exact quote of a recent email I sent. Please try to learn from it, OP:

That you are new is very obvious, so I will give you some advice. Please put the dildo away and change your screen name. The next time you approach a potential domme, approach her as a gentleman would a lady he wished to court, not a fetish delivery device. And no, I don't charge money. I do offer much needed training and mentoring in this lifestyle. Best, Chatte

I suggest paying special attention to the underlined portion.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/25/2011 8:43:45 PM

BEMYBICH7287

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i GET THAT OH YOUR PROFILE LOOKS LIKE A SCAM THING. I THINK ITS BECAUSE I DEMAND TRIBUTE. bUT WHO CARES. I KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT THIS IS THE LIFESTYLE IVE CHOSEN AND ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF INFLICTING MENTAL AND PHYSICAL TORTURE AND HUMILIATION

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/25/2011 8:51:50 PM

BEMYBICH7287

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I agree, ive been on the site for a lil bit and its almost impossible to meet real sub. Most guys here dont want to tribute yet they expect to push limits and much more. I can usually tell the fakes from the real when they take too long to decide when to met or if they want to meet somewhere either than the specific place i meet at regularly.
Prolonged online play is usually a sign of that as well.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/25/2011 11:59:08 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

If you are receiving short replies to the emails you are sending

That is an excellent opening for a man. Especially a submissive one.

Reread Her profile, find out what she seeks, and write back explaining the positives on how you can meet needs/desires.

Trust me, uninterested Women do not reply here. Women whom you pique an interest give you a VERY short note.

And when you write back with a detailed email ... then you will get a LOT back ...

I am good at this, trust me!

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/26/2011 8:57:15 AM

searching4mysir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BEMYBICH7287

I agree, ive been on the site for a lil bit and its almost impossible to meet real sub. Most guys here dont want to tribute yet they expect to push limits and much more. I can usually tell the fakes from the real when they take too long to decide when to met or if they want to meet somewhere either than the specific place i meet at regularly.
Prolonged online play is usually a sign of that as well.

Not all lifestyle dommes demand tribute (in fact there are several on this board who do not). The fact that you do merely means that you are not compatible with those for whom financial domination is not their kink. Just because someone won't pay you doesn't make them not "a real sub" it only means they are not the sub for you.

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 12/26/2011 8:59:51 AM

GreedyTop

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once again, searching.. so much kinder a response that I was inclined towards ;)

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