RE: Dom saying I'm sorry

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RE: Dom saying I'm sorry - 1/28/2012 11:21:16 AM

Tseegno

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/14/2007
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Being a submissive does NOT mean you are a doormat. No matter what the apparent difference in stations you can always negotiate.

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RE: Dom saying I'm sorry - 1/28/2012 2:08:54 PM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
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Apologies are basically for when I've caused someone injury - in all its various forms or somehow failed in my responsibility, if I've let someone down.

Making a mistake? Acknowledge it, yes. Usually with a wry smile. Apologise for it? Don't be fucking stupid. People are far too locked into a people-pleasing mindset where they feel they have to apologise for every aspect of their existence. Making mistakes is a fundamental aspect of being human. It's not the mistake itself people need to worry about, it's the outcome.

I'm not going to apologise for making mistakes, although I might apologise for the outcome if that outcome falls into one of the two categories I've nominated. Apologies are either for ignoble intent and subsequent injury or a failure to meet a commitment. Off the top of my head I can't think of any other categories which apply.

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RE: Dom saying I'm sorry - 1/28/2012 11:09:49 PM

stldaddy

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: stldaddy

I haven't read all the responses but...
ALL people are manipulative. ALL people lie. Anyone that claims they don't or never have are manipulating you with a lie.
ALL people have the ability to twist things to fit their perspective.
Saying the actual word sorry is irrelevant to the point of what is being said. For example, a person can misunderstand or forget. Is admitting so any less valuable because the word sorry wasn't used? How something is said is much more important the actual words used.
Crossing a boundary is dependent on the relationship.
The man makes the Dom.
The presence of fear is also dependent on the relationship and the people involved. Interestingly it is believed fear comes from the same part of the brain as excitement. Hence the popularity of "scary" movies. I once dated a girl that jumped and screamed at scary movies. She enjoyed that stimulation.

I would like to add one little tidbit to make your post a bit more deserving of a page in Carnegy. How about we edit your post so that the words: " ... that I've met ..." follow the words: "ALL people ...".

You see, there are some posters here that are people of quality and morals and your blanket statement is bound to offend some.

If you can't find your way to amending your post, this way, I will leave you with a final thought: ALL generalizations are inaccurate (except this one).

Peace and comfort,

Michael

I would agree that there are exceptions to MOST generalizations, but in this case it is a part of the human condition. Whether it is a "white" lie or a "malicious" lie or a conscious manipulation versus a subconscious manipulation everyone does it. The value of your opinion is summarized in your own generalization, which of course is completely valid as the only one that could ever be true. For example, all Masters are Dominant but not all Dominants are Masters, another accurate generalization.
My intention is not to offend anyone, but I understand that some may be offended.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

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RE: Dom saying I'm sorry - 1/28/2012 11:19:04 PM

stldaddy

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Clickofheels

quote:

ORIGINAL: stldaddy

I haven't read all the responses but...
ALL people are manipulative. ALL people lie. Anyone that claims they don't or never have are manipulating you with a lie.
ALL people have the ability to twist things to fit their perspective.
Saying the actual word sorry is irrelevant to the point of what is being said. For example, a person can misunderstand or forget. Is admitting so any less valuable because the word sorry wasn't used? How something is said is much more important the actual words used.
Crossing a boundary is dependent on the relationship.
The man makes the Dom.
The presence of fear is also dependent on the relationship and the people involved. Interestingly it is believed fear comes from the same part of the brain as excitement. Hence the popularity of "scary" movies. I once dated a girl that jumped and screamed at scary movies. She enjoyed that stimulation.

(Raises an eyebrow)
And all THIS from a male whose profile says women are naturally submissive beings. Well of course saying "I'm sorry" would be irrelevant, right?
Oh my!!!

LOL. I am merely pointing out that the use of a word doesn't make the meaning. There are many ways to say sorry without using the word. The same way as there are many ways to call someone pretentious without saying the word pretentious :)

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RE: Dom saying I'm sorry - 2/15/2012 7:00:10 AM

Hellion64

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Joined: 11/20/2011
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Really? I'm not a robot. I am a human being. Of course I say 'I'm sorry' or 'I'm wrong'. It may take a while, and my slave makes sure I realize it. I want my relationship with me slave to be healthy and happy, and me admitting those things will help that along.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

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RE: Dom saying I'm sorry - 2/15/2012 7:08:49 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Yesterday was not a good day.....which has left me pondering a few questions (and about getting the fuck out of it). Such as does being a Dom mean you don't have to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong"? Does it also mean that he can twist something around to the point of it being an outright lie ok because he is the Dom? And because he is a Dom, the sub cannot call him on it because that would be crossing a boundary or showing disrespect? Is making a sub feel like shit one of the Dom's prerogatives? Does the Dom make the man or does the man make the Dom?

And above all, is a certain low level of fear of the Dom keep the respect where it needs to be?

Experience taught me that words are very important emotionally to a submissive who cares for her dom. The wrong one can devastate her. The right one can make her bloom in your hands and right before your eyes. "Sorry" and "I made a mistake" are right and good words that any man must hold close to their heart and never be afraid to say. Such words are important and willingly owning up to mistakes does not reduce a man, instead it makes him bigger, especially in her eyes.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 2/15/2012 7:12:55 AM >

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RE: Dom saying I'm sorry - 2/15/2012 4:14:19 PM

JeffBC

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Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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does being a Dom mean you don't have to say "I'm sorry"
Nobody ever has to say "I'm sorry." We do so for reasons of our own. For me, "I'm sorry is the beginning of me correcting some error I've made." Given that I am still imperfect so I still make errors (damnit) I find myself saying "I'm sorry." Being a dom has nothing to do with it.

or "I was wrong"?
Being wrong is a factual state. I was either wrong or I was not. If I was in fact wrong but do not acknowledge that, then I am living in a state of denial. I prefer to live in actual reality... blemishes and all. Again, I see this as having nothing to do with "being a dom" and everything to do with being strong and well-grounded in reality.

Does it also mean that he can twist something around to the point of it being an outright lie ok because he is the Dom?
Again, anyone can do this whether or not they are a dom. Again, this has more to do with the character of the person in question than their domliness or lack thereof.

And because he is a Dom, the sub cannot call him on it because that would be crossing a boundary or showing disrespect?
I'm always amused at this sort of reasoning. I figure "a sub" can do whatever he or she wants to.. just as I can as the dominant. Role-based authority is... well.. it gets into questions like this. In addition, I might point out that if reality "shows disrespect" then the dom in question has some problems, neh? That being said, there are certainly ways to say the truth in both respectful and disrespectful ways. But I don't see what that's got to do with dominance and submission. I see it as having a lot more to do with how respectful the sub is and how respectable the dom is.

Is making a sub feel like shit one of the Dom's prerogatives?
Sure, I can make Carol feel like shit if I want to. Then, of course, I have a miserable Carol. Seeing as I much prefer a deliriously happy Carol then making her feel like shit is contra-indicated. Perhaps this dom prefers his subs to be unhappy for some reason. If so, he needs to be hooked up with people who prefer unhappiness themselves.

Does the Dom make the man or does the man make the Dom?
Neither of the above.

And above all, is a certain low level of fear of the Dom keep the respect where it needs to be?
Fear is not respect. Fear is fear. Respect is respect. Confusing the two is unwise. I have known lots of people that I have feared during my life. Pretty much invariably I also classed those people as "the enemy" and if possible I took them out of the equation. If I feared Carol, then I'd divorce her. If she feared me, I'd be mortified then encourage her to divorce me. Her respect of me is based upon her judgement that I'm respectable. I don't need to intimidate her into feeling that way. I just need to generally do respectable things.

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