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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/24/2012 8:16:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383
Thank you for the post! One question.....do you only look for dominants who don't think of themselves as attractive? You may not agree with the statement, but I didn't know that having a favorable opinion of yourself was a bad thing.

People have eyes and you have pictures. They can pretty much make a judgment call on whether you're attractive or not. You having a need to tell everyone that YOU think you're attractive reeks of insecurity.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/24/2012 8:49:11 PM

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quote:

Thank you for the post! One question.....do you only look for dominants who don't think of themselves as attractive? You may not agree with the statement, but I didn't know that having a favorable opinion of yourself was a bad thing.

You actually seem to be sincere in your confusion which surprises me but maybe it shouldn't (or maybe you're being snarky and I'm tired/missing it). To answer your question, I'm not sure I would date anyone who didn't consider themselves attractive and have a favorable opinion of themselves.

It's not that having a positive opinion of oneself is a bad thing--it's actually pretty vital to one's ability to build a functioning relationship--but it becomes a negative when someone makes it their primary focus or primary source of appeal. My major aversion to your postings is that your self-ascribed level of attractiveness is off-putting. You two are a nice looking couple but I would think Brad and Angelina were lame if they spouted about how beautiful they are. It's a turnoff for me.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 7:36:33 AM

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Is there some way to denote sarcasm? If there isn't, there should be!! Yes, I was being sarcastic.
In or profile, there is one sentence about what we think of ourselves.
And to that, the word "attractive" isn't relegated to physical appearance only. So this notion of us just going on and on about how beautiful we are is absurd, and I am not sure where it came from.

(in reply to subcurious12)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 12:54:58 PM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383

Is there some way to denote sarcasm? If there isn't, there should be!! Yes, I was being sarcastic.
In or profile, there is one sentence about what we think of ourselves.
And to that, the word "attractive" isn't relegated to physical appearance only. So this notion of us just going on and on about how beautiful we are is absurd, and I am not sure where it came from.

Really? Not physical appearance only

quote:

ORIGINAL: Profile Text
We are a VERY attractive couple who turn heads everywhere We go

So I need to ask, why else are you turning heads? Is it because you pull their hair as you walk by. I am not getting into how attractive or not you are but I do agree that people talking about how great they are (wheteher its how good they look or not) is VERY unattrative.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 12:57:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

OMG Just been watching Dr Feelgood & Wilco Johnson was wearing that in '78

maybe Florida is Canvey Island with hurricanes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

You bitch!

I like you. Lots.

Me..a bitch?!?! I speak the truth Nine but you and me both know that only men from Essex wear black shirts with white ties and it just had to be pointed out!

Seriously though, this guy has been hung drawn and quartered and I respect the bloke for keeping his cool and continuing to contribute to the thread.

LMAO ok that was funny

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 1:45:40 PM

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I've worn makeup maybe 10 times in my life - and, no, I didn't wear it to the play party I went to so as to not misrepresent myself. I'm overweight. I'm lovely outside. I'm beautiful inside because that's more important to me than trying to look good outside for other people. And what looks to you like "trying" with one's wardrobe and hair may not be within the financial grasp of some. I think your standards of beauty are limited to YOUR standards of beauty. I have a feeling most of us (BDSM or otherwise) won't measure up.

That being said I agree with what others have posted that the BDSM community, and most "fringe" communities, will find itself the recipient of those who are looking for where they fit because they have yet to find it in mainstream society. Therefore, you will find a representative of every community within - if you take the time to look.

Perhaps you need to find more play parties in areas and with people who are more of your socioeconomic standing. Perhaps you'll feel more comfortable and see the reflections you are looking for.

And perhaps you could try to be a part of your community instead of trying to make your community fit your needs. I think it's kinda like topping from the bottom when that wasn't the agreement. There's give and take with any relationship and that includes your relationship with your community. Do you go around and tell your neighbors how short to cut their lawns? How to trim their homes at Christmas? You just have to put up with it to be a part of the community. And if your neighbors tried to tell you how short to cut your lawn or how to trim your house at Christmas and/or judged you for it publicly how would you take it? I'd bet you'd have a thing or two to say. But if you try to appreciate difference, uniqueness, and creativity perhaps you'll see more.... you'll just see more.

FD

edited to add that I did not read all 19 pages of this discussion - I'm going off the original post and several of the replies I read.

< Message edited by FemmeDominion -- 1/25/2012 1:48:05 PM >

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Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...

o·pin·ion -a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

FD,Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
FD: Mine is much more advanced.

(in reply to Dscouple7383)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 3:18:13 PM

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FR...

OK, I lost patience with reading around page 13...

Do I have a problem getting laid? Actually, yes...but I think it's because I'm picky. If I were less picky, it probably wouldn't be an issue. However, I am what I am. Many alleged Doms on the other side here say I'm too assertive to be a good sub......vanilla men find me a bit too kinky for them, and too unashamed of the kinky desires. *shrugs* I'm here because it's where I feel -right.- I don't feel right with everyone here, but i feel better understood, better accepted, and more at home. The people here are more likely to get me, to accept all of me, and to see the intelligence and heart behind an exterior that's pudgy due to a combination of health conditions and working two jobs to the point of exhaustion to care for myself and my son. While vanilla men are more inclined to see me as chaotically busy, a bit overweight, and maybe a little short and tired...........the good Doms tend to instead applaud my determination and appreciate the qualities that aren't readily apparent.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 7:08:37 PM

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quote:

But if you try to appreciate difference, uniqueness, and creativity perhaps you'll see more.... you'll just see more.

Really, really well said FD.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 7:13:17 PM

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Gee... Thanks. =)

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Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...

o·pin·ion -a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

FD,Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
FD: Mine is much more advanced.

(in reply to subcurious12)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/25/2012 7:34:20 PM

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FR

OP, I think you should be grateful for the education you've received here, as am I. Possibly, like me, you once assumed that people became obese because they ate too much and did too little exercise as a result of being greedy and lazy. However I'm sure that you'll have realised from this thread, as much as I've done myself, just what level of truth there is in that belief, and how much sympathy and understanding fat people truly deserve.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 8:16:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVall

So I need to ask, why else are you turning heads? Is it because you pull their hair as you walk by. I am not getting into how attractive or not you are but I do agree that people talking about how great they are (wheteher its how good they look or not) is VERY unattrative.

You would have to ask them that. Although, being almost 6'5" draws a certain amount of attention in and of itself. But I believe it's mostly the way we carry ourselves. Confidence, not cockiness. And again, I think it's natural that draws a certain level of attention.

We know we aren't perfect, but we are confident in ourselves and our abilities, and I believe we exude that naturally.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 8:22:03 AM

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383
Thank you for the post! One question.....do you only look for dominants who don't think of themselves as attractive? You may not agree with the statement, but I didn't know that having a favorable opinion of yourself was a bad thing.

No, I have no interest in narcissists.

The people I like don't sit around worrying about whether or not they are perceived as attractive. Nor do they stare into mirrors admiring themselves.

Clean up and dress appropriately, fine. Preening and thinking that they deserve something because of how they look? That's rather creepy, actually.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 1:17:34 PM

Alida

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I read half this thread. I'm not going to read any more.

I've seen 87 year old women wearing nothing more than rope bondage and see through panties. I've seen women who are 100# plus overweight. I've seen women with tattoos and scars and boy figures. I've seen men dressed as women in ballet boots and corsets.

And I've seen every single one of them called 'beautiful'.

I am a couple of pounds overweight. Not enough for my doctor to care about, I am overweight, not obese. I am older, but not old, and look way younger than I am. I post my picture on a vanilla discussion board and I get called ugly, fat and an old hag. I am none of those things. I have no doubt that I will be 'beautiful' at a local party or munch.

Because that beauty comes form the glow on the faces and the joy within.

And that's all that matters to me. What people are inside. And that's one reason I love this scene.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 6:30:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383
What I AM frustrated with, is not being able to find people near me who share the same kind of mindset. And by the same kind of mindset, I mean people who make an effort to take care of themselves. THAT'S IT!!!

There is a HUGE difference (no pun intended) on a woman OR MAN who is overweight and BEAUTIFUL, compared to an overweight SLOB who just doesn't give an f about anything, including themselves.

So, yes....I seem to be running into the latter, as opposed to the first. I think anyone who kept reaching out in the local community, and all they seemed to find were people who were more slobs than people who work hard and may not have the nicest clothes, or manicured nails or whatever, would get frustrated after a while.

I don't care whether you are ugly or supermodel. I don't care whether you are morbidly obese or if you are unhealthily skinny. I don't care if you are rich or poor. But what I DO care about is having a shred of pride in yourself. OR, having a shred of pride in your partner, to not allow them to just be a slob. And slob doesn't mean FAT!!! I've met plenty of skinny slobs.

So this isn't about weight EITHER!!!!!! It isn't about women or men. It's about a mentality. And I'm frustrated that I haven't, as yet, found people in our local community who share that same mentality.

And again, TO ME, just because you affix a label to you, doesn't just grant you access to everything. Anything worth doing takes EFFORT. It takes WORK. And I'm not finding people with the same motivation. I think if everyone were honest with themselves, you can understand how that MIGHT be a touch frustrating.

Maybe there are others out there who have the same type of motivation, drive, and mentality that my fiance, our sub, and I have. But at the time I wrote my original post, I was starting to feel like there aren't any people out there close to us who we can talk to, meet, share ideas, stories, etc.

Take care,

Derek

I trimmed some of this down, but I hopefully kept the parts that I want to address.

I'm actually going to give you this part. I admit that I've done it. Not so much when I've been going to the dungeon. Even those times when it's been three hours away and it's one of those change when you get there deals. (Ever try riding in the car in an over the bust corset? It kind of sucks.) Once I have gotten on the leather, touched My face up, etc, I'm usually fairly decent looking until I start playing. After that, the bets are off because I'm going to be more worried about My scene and enjoying that nice endorphin rush afterward to even think much about every little hair is in place.

It's happened at munches, too. Even though I told people what My work schedule was like before I got voted on the board, I got voted in anyway which meant that half of the munches for the year, I was coming straight from work. There's nothing like a twelve hour day working on equipment to give you that refined look.

Of course, there are those times when it was My day off and I should have plenty of time to get ready, when the greeter calls and says they have some emergency or another and can I possibly be across town an hour early so we don't lose our room? Or, it's time for the quarterly financial report and our treasurer hasn't been able to get the spread sheet to work and it won't take long if someone else type's it up.

Oh, and don't forget the times when there has been an all day set up for an event that I've promised to host. That's three hours away just to get there. Plus the one thing you needed for said event is something you can't do without so you're in an unfamiliar town trying to find some obscure item like poker chips.

Yeah. I just don't know what's wrong with Me not being presentable.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Dscouple7383)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 8:27:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Yo Derek, I look lived in cos I am, I don't care cos I'm not some metrosexual tosser. But I'll lay fucking odds that were we both to hit a nightclub (bearing in mind also that I'm older than you) I'd pull faster & higher up the league than you old son. Because I might be a bit ugly on the outside & I reckon I am, but I'm fucking gorgeous on the inside. I like women I don't sit in judgement cos she's had a couple of kids, those battle scars, those extra pounds are earnt the hard way. Some of us work long hours & don't have time for health clubs & spa's & facials & shit & some realise that this search for eternal youth & beauty is just to keep the unemployable in fucking clover.

Your premise is insulting & patronising simultaneously, well done. Your true colours are now firmly nailed to a mast for all to see.

This guy, this fuckin guy. YES!!

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 8:28:56 PM

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quote:

I am not getting into how attractive or not you are but I do agree that people talking about how great they are (wheteher its how good they look or not) is VERY unattrative.

Except when I do it and it's good.

< Message edited by DBWhiskey -- 1/26/2012 8:31:54 PM >

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 10:08:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy

The reason is that BDSM makes a person fat and ugly. So if you wanna stay pretty get out now.

I read it on the internet so it must be true.

Omg that was hilarious...

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/26/2012 10:29:11 PM

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I am a full figured girl...though funny thing is I ended up LOSING weight after having two children. Maybe that's because I have to chase around two kids under the age of 5 around.

But even before that...I have never in my life had a problem getting a man or getting laid. Can you believe that a guy would want to take fat ol me out on a date?

I have never been in the BDSM lifestyle before. So ALL of my experience in relationships have been in the vanilla world. In my profile I make it pretty clear I am involved. My fiance and I have lived together for 4 years. And the funny thing is that I was initially intimidated by him even though it was HIM who stopped my fat ass on the street when I was on my way to work. The rest is history.

I keep seeing fat and unattractive being thrown together as if you can't have one without the other and as if they go hand in hand. And essentially that's why these "undesirables" come here?

I call bullshit. I didn't come here because I'm fattish(no it's not a word)...I come here because I have always had a deep interest in the lifestyle and was hoping to make new friends. Which I will because I am clever and I drip awesome-sauce.

(in reply to ebonyfruit)

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/27/2012 12:36:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ebonyfruit
Which I will because I am clever and I drip awesome-sauce.

Great line from a good post. Welcome to the forums.

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/27/2012 1:46:45 AM

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Alot of people took the sarcastic(and very funny) response to this, but I would like to take a serious one. I only know of me and one other person that are into bdsm in real life. I am not saying this just to gloat, but I dated good looking college girls in high school and my friend is definitely more beautiful than your wife(with all due respect). Maybe you had some bad luck, but I feel like this is saying you've seen a bad batch of germans and now you believe all of them are ugly? generalizing about the few you have seen.

btw i didn't read anything for the first post so if I come off as an ass...It's because I am lol

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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