RE: Being tested as a Dom

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RE: Being tested as a Dom - 2/6/2012 1:50:17 PM

subdomcpl

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/21/2005
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DOM of the couple here: is it a test or is the DOM allowing the situation to occur thru his leniency? like everyone does--pushing buttons is a life's norm. when this testing does happen, i allow the situation to accomplish two things- 1. know when to modify my role dominantly 2. to perpetuate my sub's growth

any and every relationship must adapt to the complexities of what life offers. it is my responsibility to recognize then decide what the adaptation 'may' be. it is my sub's responsibility to accept my decision.

< Message edited by subdomcpl -- 2/6/2012 1:51:42 PM >

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RE: Being tested as a Dom - 2/6/2012 2:12:24 PM

Madame4a

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Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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Yes... and like others.. I've found it amusing -- I once had a possible ask me.. "what's your potential" ... I laughed at her and said.. well.. what a question... you've got two choices.. walk away and never find out, or stick around and get an answer...

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Post #: 142

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 2/9/2012 12:37:27 PM

ConfidencePlays

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Joined: 10/17/2011
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Personally, I've never had much patience for it. I'm not interested in getting into a pissing match with someone who has agreed to follow my lead within limits of ability, and sanity. As I'm not the type to expect things that are irrational, asinine, or dangerous, I don't leave much room for irrational, asinine or dangerous behavior.

Last I checked, high school was well behind me. I prefer to leave that kind of drama where it belongs. Just an opinion, I suppose.

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Post #: 143

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 2/29/2012 9:48:08 PM

Arturas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ConfidencePlays

Personally, I've never had much patience for it. I'm not interested in getting into a pissing match with someone who has agreed to follow my lead within limits of ability, and sanity. As I'm not the type to expect things that are irrational, asinine, or dangerous, I don't leave much room for irrational, asinine or dangerous behavior.

Last I checked, high school was well behind me. I prefer to leave that kind of drama where it belongs. Just an opinion, I suppose.

I may understand this point of view. I had one submissive who used to be a dungeon monitor and she brought to the table a certain formal contract attitude in which she was only comfortable with sitting down with me and going over a detailed list of kink items and identifying scene limits and need to haves as in a top and bottom formal relationship. In that situation the test was if we agreed on the contract. So, there was no other 'test' other than the walk and talk and look test for the first three seconds I met her, as someone mentioned earlier, at least initially. I can see that a Dom who knows no other relationship except that type would very honestly and truthfully use terms like "follow my lead within limits of ability", "sanity", "no room for dangrous behavior" instead of terms like submitted to my will, or she challenged me but found I could meet her challenges and overcome her reluctance and even show her she wanted to follow my lead.

But in my case with this one submiissive who did first what she was taught in the dungeon scene, when the relationship evolved out of a simple top/bottom scene oriented relationship and into one more emotionally based then the testing of my will as a master, as one who controlled her outside of a formal contract of dos and don'ts, came quickly.

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Post #: 144

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 3/10/2012 1:05:42 AM

Footstoolnyc

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Joined: 6/17/2011
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Being a submissive, I have tested my doms. The reason why is that I often feel that doms are not really doms but they just say they are. I want to really know they are. The ONLY way that I can truly know that the man I am with is a true dom is if, when I willfully disobey him, he will physically beat the shit out of me. I know this isn't a popular thing to say but it is the only way I will truly have respect for a man and look up to him.

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Post #: 145

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 3/10/2012 10:55:00 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Did you explain that to him before you got involved in a relationship with him? Because there are dominants who feel that you needing this means you aren't a submissive.
Neither way is right or wrong, what is wrong is not talking about it to make sure that you're on the same page and are sufficiently compatible.

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Post #: 146

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 3/11/2012 1:30:11 PM

Endivius

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There's a test?! Since when is there a test?! I thought you created a FL or CM account and labelled yourself Dominant. Curses, everything that gypsy told me was a lie!

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Post #: 147

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 3/13/2012 3:06:04 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

Posts: 3907
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

There's a test?! Since when is there a test?! I thought you created a FL or CM account and labelled yourself Dominant. Curses, everything that gypsy told me was a lie!

Sigh...I might have met that gypsy, or was it a zombie rabbit?

This does get more grey when it gets into more emotional fields but then again what doesn't?

Oh, I am certain that I have failed all tests at least that is what I have been told, now if I just believed everything I heard...

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Post #: 148

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 3/13/2012 4:30:36 PM

TNDommeK

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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I think most subs want to see if their Dom/Domme walks the walk. of course I think a bit of this is done (in My experiences) before hand. meaning, I have had slaves "test" Me before they moved in, to see what type of Domme I was, what Id let them get away with, what types of things they could say, or couldnt say to me. I think structure and disciple is very much needed in a successful D/s relationship. without it, as so many have stated on this thread, they will eventually leave. of course that works both ways.

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Post #: 149

RE: Being tested as a Dom - 3/16/2012 2:36:27 PM

littlekitten1

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if a sub likes testing doms, then all she has to do is find someone who likes a feisty sub :) I can be feisty, but I also mostly know when not to cross the line. I may sometimes, just reassure myself that everything's cool. If a dom wont be bothered dominating me, that's when I get sad and depressed.

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Post #: 150