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RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:11:12 AM

SailingBum

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Just like you train a dog you swatem with a newspaper when the pee on they rug

BadOne

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RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:26:23 AM

JanahX

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Interesting, but do women want slutty guys to be in charge of them? One of the things that comes to my mind when a guy makes the rationalization that he can sleep around without commitment or consequence - is that he is someone whom could care less about that woman or her welfare. I mean you can only spread your attention and concern for others so far. I also view people like that as a health risk.

As far as the improvement - I would think it would be improvement for that particular dominant only. Since when the sub moves on to the next person, that Dominant will require a whole other set of rules and what they like. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to give a b.j. Even the biggest of morons can handle that.

I have a lot of problems with BDSM jargon. Training, consideration, collars, Masters, Doms, Tops, Subs, Slaves, 24/7, different poly set-ups, Sadists, masochists - it just means so many different things to different people. Especially when its just words being thrown around on the internet. Many cant even seem to decipher fantasy from reality, let alone get to the point where its applicable in real life. I cant tell you how many times where guys who claim they are MASTERS or DOMINANT call me for the fiirst time and cant even hold a phone conversation. Pretty dominant trait dont you think? Its actually kind of crazy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrPeppa

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Typically it's an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you and have sex".

Yes I think this is a large part of what people mean when they are saying they are being trained. In society, women do not want to be considered 'sluts' when having a purely sexual encounter with various people, so dominants and subs have found a concept to rationalize being her being slutty. When there is some hypothetical 'good reason' for the kinky encounter, as in being trained to be a better submissive, then the event becomes no long so much about the sex act, but about the benefits the sub will get out of it on a much larger level. The sex act just becomes a means to the real end, her 'improvement' in some area.

I am sure there are exceptions. Personally, I see nothing wrong with this concept if it is fun and I have enjoyed it. I just wanted to see if there was some deeper meaning behind the idea of 'training'. I would never refer to training as something I would do between me and a sub referenced to something as simple as how I want her to fold her clothes for example. In that context, I just express what I want, there is no name given to the process.

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Post #: 22

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:26:46 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Training, well in my own experience it's just "this is what I like, this is what I don't -- remember."
For me, it wasn't any sort of formal intro course or anything like that -- some things were done upfront and other things as they came along.

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Post #: 23

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:31:41 AM

GreedyTop

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I don't see that happening with me as training. I see it as paying attention to what my partner responds to. this goes both ways, as a top or bottom.

gah!! edited to ATTEMPT to make myself more clear (I think I failed again, though...)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 2/6/2012 9:44:17 AM >

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Post #: 24

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:36:34 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

"I am being trained by MasterBater"

This means they are having fun with online role play and will never meet IRL.

(in reply to DrPeppa)

Post #: 25

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:39:45 AM

LadyPact

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What am I training them to be? Basically, an s-type that is knowledgeable in serving Myself, as well as any practical functions necessary to their involvement in the community, and give them the various skills that allow them to do so.

I'm not one of those folks who repeat the mantra of "it's just a different kind of relationship". For those who don't do service only based dynamics, I get the point of that type of reply. Still, for some of us who do use the terminology "training" it is because that is what we mean by it.

For those of us who do engage in service based dynamics, it has a lot to do with what kind of service is required. I wouldn't be using the term if it was about silly things like how to fold a shirt. Instead, I base it on things like the proper way to serve (or host) a high protocol dinner, wine service, leather care, tea service, verbal and non verbal commands, and most of the other things that a number of D/s folks really aren't into. It's isn't just about the way that I get served in My home. It's also regarding how to serve in other homes, in the kink community, and the community at large.

This isn't to say that there aren't some submissives here on the forums that, if they were Mine, wouldn't already come to Me without knowing most, if not all of these areas, particularly those dealing with leather protocols. I may not have to teach them how to lay a table for a seven course dinner, but I would probably still have to teach them the protocols and rituals for My particular house. (Those are two different things, by the way.)

No, I don't use the term for teaching somebody how to deal with getting their ass spanked, forms of 'sexual service', of any of that other crap that a lot of people like to use the word for. It's also not about role playing to Me. My best advice to anyone who comes across using the term is to find out what they mean by it and does that fit with some particular skill a person would like to acquire.

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(in reply to DrPeppa)

Post #: 26

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:43:23 AM

Yachtie

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I have no sub to even contemplate training, but should such happen I'd train my sub to make sure all hatches are closed, she has a green board and sufficient depth prior to going down

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 27

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:44:44 AM

LillyBoPeep

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That's a cool post. ^_^
I'd love to follow LP around for a day.

Anyway, those areas you mentioned (HP dinners, leather care, etc) are all areas where training would be handy. I learn really well in hands-on situations, so having someone show me steps -- like with bootblacking for instance -- would be pretty freaking helpful. We don't really have leatherfolk in NE (at least so far as I've seen), or any kind of high protocol "scene" either. It would be interesting. One side of me likes the looser approach, while another side is fascinated by and interested in at least TRYING the kind of thing you're talking about.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 28

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 9:45:29 AM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Yachtie

, she has a green board

I hope that isnt contagious.

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RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 10:12:42 AM

Buzzzz

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Training doesn't mean anything to me . I just tell her the way I like things, She agrees she wants to do them my way and, there you go. Simple as that. It is a little like a business decision. You make a deal with your employer. Show up on time, live on time, do your work, etc, etc, Same difference here .

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RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 1:34:14 PM

warlock1935

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I'm not leather, but otherwise I'm on the same page with LadyPact. Like most of my friends, I use Rituals and Protocols to change attitudes and to give submissives a sense of order. It eliminates most of the need for submissives to make decisions, and that makes most submissives very relaxed and happy.
I find that having a fairly complete set of rules for a submissive to behave and address me (Protocols) coupled with a set of rituals for her to follow when serving me and to perform at important parts of the day relaxes submissives to the point of putting them in subspace. It also helps me wean them of ingrained Vanilla attitudes and habits toward relationships.
Is it a lot of work? Well, it isn't work for me, because I enjoy it and I've been doing it for so long it's almost automatic, but for others it certainly would be. Personally, if a Dom doesn't enjoy that type of training I'd recommend they not do it; what my friends and I practice isn't better than any other type of relationship, it's just what we like.
~~Warlock

< Message edited by warlock1935 -- 2/6/2012 1:35:20 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 31

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 6:05:15 PM

ResidentSadist

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~ I train them to be Stepford Slaves.

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Post #: 32

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 6:11:58 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DrPeppa

I am curious to hear some of your different goals regarding training. For example, would you have a practice of spanking a sub for the purpose of correcting a behavior(punishment), or could the same act be used to increase a subs tolerance to pain(an act of submitting to pain for the dominants pleasure). This is a poor example, but I want to expand my thinking on all the reasons and end results behind training. You see a sub post something like "I am being trained by MasterBater". Well, what is he training her to do or be, what is the end result? What is the real purpose of training.

That's a fascinating question Doc....

I'd have to say that without much more (and far {more} descriptive) data, I'd have to go with the Chevy.

(Unless of course the DVD player didn't accept WMA files, at which point I'd have to say I'd choose the low cal derivative, and I'd demand a 60 day trial run w/no upfront costs, or at minimum....no back end fees).

(in reply to DrPeppa)

Post #: 33

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 6:18:45 PM

Sizesub

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My greatest pleasure comes from wearing the marks of a slave. My Master trains me to please him. I can think of nothing better then being corrected as I learn what pleases him.

(in reply to DrPeppa)

Post #: 34

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 8:13:34 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Buzzzz

Training doesn't mean anything to me . I just tell her the way I like things, She agrees she wants to do them my way and, there you go. Simple as that.

Whoa - training doesn't mean anything to you? Then you give your own definition of how you train, anyway?

Me, I don't like the particular word (training) but if you want to participate in a discussion with strangers, it makes sense (to me, at least) to communicate in a fashion everyone understands rather than getting hung up on the semantics of the particular word.

Your methods may be a little looser or less formal than most, but training her is what you did. Even if you didn't mean it.... ;)

Focus.

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Post #: 35

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 8:53:31 PM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Hmmmm, I see what you're saying. In fact, when I read your other post, I caught myself liking it to the point of wishing my man would give me more of a concrete idea of that type of thing. He's funny though, he doesn't like to micromanage but he expects me to read his mind when it comes to appearance. Perhaps that's exactly what you mean then. The lightbulb just went on...
You see, the overall shorts don't come out of the closet anymore unless I'm sure I'll be alone for the day as they got a less than favorable reaction at one point.

Maybe it's the individual interpretation of the terms then- I'll admit when I hear 'training' I envision every man that's ever tried to pose as a Dom before me with his nose in the air. It's like a knee jerk reaction I have to the word and it makes me look down on it, but maybe I should stop with that. In fact, I think I will. Thanks.

I think "training" largely gets a negative rep because of the Internet. Seems to be the HNG bait of choice when fishing for the new sub meat. My favourites are the ones who set themselves up to train subs in preparation for their first D/s encounters (with some other dom, natch). I s'pose you can give a newbie a peripheral idea of what to expect, but in the end, the concept of training anyone other than your own is still comical to me.

Dunno about your particular relationship but in mine, there's rules and standards of behaviour the girl needs to know. The act of teaching them to her constitutes training, even though I don't use that particular word ('cause I don't like it, either). And frankly, if you take out the ropes and toys etc, the formalised unequal dynamic of obeying/enforcing rules is probably the only difference between a committed D/s vs vanilla relationship. Are there rules in your dynamic? If so, the act of learning them constitutes training.

Re clothes, every woman I've ever known personally (vanilla and sub) has the same wardrobe. That is, about a third of clothes I really like, a third I really don't and the rest... depends.... Vanillas will still largely wear what pleases their partners most of the time but within D/s, I get to choose.

I'm not into micro-managing, either, so other than the rare occasion I want her to wear something specific, she generally learns what I like and what I don't over time. I don't expect her to discard the clothes I don't like, simply not wear them when she's with me. Sleeping is easy; the rules are that she gets to wear a smile.... ;)

Focus.

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Post #: 36

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/6/2012 10:55:16 PM

Pigboat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Yachtie

I have no sub to even contemplate training, but should such happen I'd train my sub to make sure all hatches are closed, she has a green board and sufficient depth prior to going down

Green board. Haven't heard that term in years.

Be well fellow submariner.

(in reply to Yachtie)

Post #: 37

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/7/2012 3:45:49 AM

LillyBoPeep

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I've always wondered about the dudes who want to "train" random chicks - I mean, how do they even get that jive to work? :p or people want to "further your training" which is probably about the same thing. Those are usually the ones who make it all about free sexin' with no real intention.

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Post #: 38

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/7/2012 3:52:25 AM

OrionTheWolf

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My goals are obedience, and to teach them my preferences.

I rarely use physical punishment, and instead use rewards for completed tasks, and for punishments isolation (crating), or witholding something they enjoy. I use repetative tasks, and they must ask permission to do even the most mundane things in the beginning. It requires getting to know my property emotionally and psychologically, as I use that to guide my training. If you were to research Internal Enslavement, you would find some essays on some of the methods I use.

This perspective is only my own, and comes from my own personal experiences. I involve myself only in CNC Owner/property type relationships and from there allow the inter-personal portion to grow where it will. Not always does the connection develope for deep internal enslavement, but that is the goal. Once established obedience becomes ingrained and not something that requires a lot of thought. It does take a lot of work on my side, but it is often rewarding in the manifestation of a more secure and stable slave.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrPeppa

I am curious to hear some of your different goals regarding training. For example, would you have a practice of spanking a sub for the purpose of correcting a behavior(punishment), or could the same act be used to increase a subs tolerance to pain(an act of submitting to pain for the dominants pleasure). This is a poor example, but I want to expand my thinking on all the reasons and end results behind training. You see a sub post something like "I am being trained by MasterBater". Well, what is he training her to do or be, what is the end result? What is the real purpose of training.

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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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Post #: 39

RE: What is your goal in training a sub? - 2/7/2012 3:57:09 AM

OrionTheWolf

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I can relate, I find not training pretty silly. If someone loves not doing it, great, but I cannot take things very seriously when people avoid a term for something, for very little reasons.

All things new require training, whether it is formal or not, whether the term is used or not. It pretty much comes down to "if you do "x" then you get "y" result".

I think we should call it sliming instead of training, and then the conversations would be a little more interesting "I am being slimed by MasterBater." ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

No training done here, never has been probably never will be. We have a relationship, we have a set structure to it, that's about it. I treat him respectfully as he does me.

It's just my opinion, I think training is pretty silly. If someone loves it and all that - great. I just can't take the term seriously as a description for relationship type things.

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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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Post #: 40

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