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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 10:14:12 AM

MarchHare0289

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/24/2012
From: Alabama
Status: offline

I started seeing a girl a few years back, only to find out from her friends that I was being used in some kind of weird revenge triangle. She was apparently seeing me to get back at a guy she had been seeing to get back at her boyfriend who had cheated on her, but she was still dating.

That was a fun conversation to have to say the least, ending in her getting the boot.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 21

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 10:38:48 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

~fast reply~
Well, I've only had one D/s relationship and that started with the woman I'd already been married to for more than a decade. So while we had (and continue to have on and off) rough patches of this and that, there's no horror stories. Honestly, I don't have any dating stories that I would consider "horror stories". When I look back on my life I see a series of women... some of them worked out better than others. If I was seeing horror in my past, I'd be looking pretty closely at myself and the choices which led me to that. IN my own personal (and admittedly second hand) assessment, much of the "horror" I hear in BDSM dating comes from fetishizing words like "trust" and "respect" rather than treating them seriously.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MarchHare0289)

Post #: 22

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 10:59:14 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

Basically I blew it. I concentrated far too much on gratifying her particular kinks and fantasies and on her in-the-moment happiness, and in doing so I neglected her deeper need to serve.

DOes this mean you were not firm enough, giving direction and commands?

I am sure that Lore will answer you from her perspective but I can answer from my own, since her answer resonated with my experience.

For me, it involved letting go of the societal conditioning of 3 plus decades. Ideas of what's fair. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Equality in all aspects of the relationship.

I had to open my mind to understanding why an s-type wants/needs to submit and serve to accept my own desire to have someone submit to and serve me. To accept my desire to treat someone in a manner that I was taught was wrong.

Even when it feels wrong(not authentic to who I am at the core), a knee jerk reaction to years of mental and emotional conditioning are difficult to overcome. Especially when faced with some realities and especially when faced with an s-type you love, respect, care very much for....that is arguing well, crying, cajoling, begging, tears, etc etc etc..... To accept that they needed me to push past that and 'over power' her will. As much as I wanted to do it, she needed it......even though part of me said it was wrong and mean and not fair. It wasn't an easy thing. I made mistakes. I gave in too much when I shouldn't have.

That's when I joined this site. I started by reading, A LOT. I paid special attention to the writings of those that are submissives/slaves. Those that have served for many years. I asked a lot of dumbass questions. But I came to understand a helluva lot more and see where I had really fucked a lot up. I had been getting in my own way. I was my own biggest problem.

I also learned that I needed to be a lot more honest when looking in the mirror. To take 100% responsibility. I had to own my own shit. Otherwise, how on earth could I expect a slave I loved and respected as a woman, to even begin to want to submit to me, OR.....a big huge deal.....to trust me with that power over her???

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/29/2012 11:03:03 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 23

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 11:05:12 AM

LoreBook

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline

Well no. I played the part well enough, what I did do though, was to tailor what we did too much to suit her particular kinks, and I held back on consequences. I thought that by lessening punishments I would make her happier and instead I only lessened my dominance in her eyes. At the time I didn't realize that what she craved was to be really controlled, I approached it more the way one would a kinky romp in an otherwise vanilla relationship, so I was always hesitant to try or do anything she might not like, or asking her if she'd like to try this or that or if she was enjoying it. Basically I was, in the words of a very wise and helpful fellow on here, being more of a fetish-delivery system than a dominant, and in the end we were both just unsatisfied and frustrated. Live and learn I guess.

I like the way LaTigresse put it, I was afraid to just be me, I was afraid she wouldn't like it so I was holding back. I won't make that mistake next time (though I'm sure I'll mess it up some other way.

).

_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"

LLT

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 24

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 11:10:41 AM

LoreBook

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

For me, it involved letting go of the societal conditioning of 3 plus decades. Ideas of what's fair. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Equality in all aspects of the relationship.

This!

quote:

I had to open my mind to understanding why an s-type wants/needs to submit and serve to accept my own desire to have someone submit to and serve me. To accept my desire to treat someone in a manner that I was taught was wrong.

This!

quote:

Even when it feels wrong(not authentic to who I am at the core), a knee jerk reaction to years of mental and emotional conditioning are difficult to overcome. Especially when faced with some realities and especially when faced with an s-type you love, respect, care very much for....that is arguing well, crying, cajoling, begging, tears, etc etc etc..... To accept that they needed me to push past that and 'over power' her will. As much as I wanted to do it, she needed it......even though part of me said it was wrong and mean and not fair. It wasn't an easy thing. I made mistakes. I gave in too much when I shouldn't have.

This!

quote:

That's when I joined this site. I started by reading, A LOT. I paid special attention to the writings of those that are submissives/slaves. Those that have served for many years. I asked a lot of dumbass questions. But I came to understand a helluva lot more and see where I had really fucked a lot up. I had been getting in my own way. I was my own biggest problem.

This!

quote:

I also learned that I needed to be a lot more honest when looking in the mirror. To take 100% responsibility. I had to own my own shit. Otherwise, how on earth could I expect a slave I loved and respected as a woman, to even begin to want to submit to me, OR.....a big huge deal.....to trust me with that power over her???

Aaaaaand THIS!

_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"

LLT

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 25

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 11:14:26 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Well you all know my story

why couldnt my Dom have been a lil bit more a fetish delivery system!!! he was the direct opposite all discipline no play. LOL

But all kidding aside Im lucky he didnt deliver, Id still be caught up in a hell of a mess.

(in reply to LoreBook)

Post #: 26

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 11:29:28 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I don't really have a horror story.. but. I had a sub last year that was at a bad point in her life and drunk one night. She showed up at my home. Yelled at the kids(teenagers) that were there and when I told her that she needed to seek mental help or I would no longer allow her in my home she went to her house and tried to od on sleeping pills. She lived and has since found (some) of the help she needed. We are still friends but it has ended things for us as far as bdsm goes. Not really a horror story because she did live and she really did need mental help with the things that were happening in her life, but that is as close to a horror story as I can get.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 27

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 11:44:58 AM

AttitudyJudy

Posts: 85
Joined: 1/6/2012
Status: offline

Master? You mean the poster child for Narcissist Personality Disorder? The one who took 'sense of entitlement' to a whole new level?

Nah, no horror stories there

_____________________________

You're about one stack of shit away from an episode of Hoarders.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 28

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:03:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Like Jeff, no horror stories. Because I've always been as honest with myself as I could be at the time when it came to what I did and didn't want in a partner. And what I could and couldn't give one.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AttitudyJudy)

Post #: 29

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:09:23 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I was cruelly deceived by a sociopath who lied and cheated. Eventually I kicked him to the curb. He stalked me for years after, which is why my online presence is so very minimal. I last heard from him this past 4th of July. Hopefully that will be the last message telling me how much he's "changed."

Which explain why I agree with this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

It proved to me that you can make huge mistakes even when you think you're too old to, but it also made me perfectly sure what sort of person I never wanted to be with ever again.
We live and learn.

_____________________________

(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 30

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:11:13 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I want to tell you girls that as a sociopath myself, I would kindly decieve you...

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 31

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:16:23 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I want to tell you girls that as a sociopath myself, I would kindly decieve you...

hee hee, COme hither Mister Sociopath, i got a treat for you.........Looks into the silverware drawer

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 32

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:17:36 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Unless you are planning on me using that for sex for you, I suggest you close the drawer.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 33

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:21:50 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I was cruelly deceived by a sociopath who lied and cheated. Eventually I kicked him to the curb. He stalked me for years after, which is why my online presence is so very minimal. I last heard from him this past 4th of July. Hopefully that will be the last message telling me how much he's "changed."

Which explain why I agree with this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

It proved to me that you can make huge mistakes even when you think you're too old to, but it also made me perfectly sure what sort of person I never wanted to be with ever again.
We live and learn.

Yikes, did you give him money? And for how many years? There had to be a huge attraction, trigger and thats scarey. Trying to find you at a vulnerable point or something.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 34

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:32:07 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Unless you are planning on me using that for sex for you, I suggest you close the drawer.

You sociopaths are never any fun.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 35

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:41:17 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Oh, I can be fun. In fact I am funny in bed.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 36

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:42:00 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

No, I did not give him money -- I'm not *that stupid* -- I was just thinking with my pussy. (So I was pussy stupid.)

I learned much after the fact that he had got money out of many women, and had one slave who was close to signing her house, her boat, and all her other financial assets over to him before she messaged me out of the blue. You see, when they first got together, I messaged her, but she ignored me. After close to a year with him, she was seeing the red flags and replied to me. That was quite the conservation, since between the two of us we sussed out so many of his lies and deceptions.

Turns out he was living with two women, had a child by one, was claiming both as slave or just roommates or just friend, depending on who you talked to.

This was a quagmire of lies, cheating and deception that went back years. I eventually got in contact with the woman he referred to as his ex wife (though they never married) who is the mother of his children.

This man makes his living off vulnerable females, and his past is filled with a long line of victims. Being a sociopath, he's really really good. You want to believe him.

This was a LD relationship for he and I, and had it not been I would have sussed him out much sooner. On the other hand, he would have been able to stalk me physically, not merely online.

Yes, this is a horror story, but it has nothing to do with BDSM and everything to so with the character of this abusive person.

_____________________________

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 37

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 1:46:55 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

No, I did not give him money -- I'm not *that stupid* -- I was just thinking with my pussy. (So I was pussy stupid.)

I learned much after the fact that he had got money out of many women, and had one slave who was close to signing her house, her boat, and all her other financial assets over to him before she messaged me out of the blue. You see, when they first got together, I messaged her, but she ignored me. After close to a year with him, she was seeing the red flags and replied to me. That was quite the conservation, since between the two of us we sussed out so many of his lies and deceptions.

Turns out he was living with two women, had a child by one, was claiming both as slave or just roommates or just friend, depending on who you talked to.

My DOm if asked about his past said "You know we never talk about that, its unacceptable" I really wonder how many stories there are linked to this man. He was so secretive about everything.

This was a quagmire of lies, cheating and deception that went back years. I eventually got in contact with the woman he referred to as his ex wife (though they never married) who is the mother of his children.

This man makes his living off vulnerable females, and his past is filled with a long line of victims. Being a sociopath, he's really really good. You want to believe him.

This was a LD relationship for he and I, and had it not been I would have sussed him out much sooner. On the other hand, he would have been able to stalk me physically, not merely online.

Yes, this is a horror story, but it has nothing to do with BDSM and everything to so with the character of this abusive person.

Damn it. I screwed up this response.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 2/29/2012 1:48:28 PM >

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 38

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 3:02:09 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

i met a dom i (stupidly) trusted, found myself slowly getting more and more isolated from my friends etc, manipulated, ended up walking on eggshells, everything i did was "wrong", i ended up seriously depressed and scared to talk to anyone, sat doing nothing so that I wouldnt trigger him and finally left after an anger outburst that scared me more than others, then spent months being scared of having him sat outside my house again. (used to sit out on the road, technically doing nothing wrong as public area just "watching" my house)

In the end i got the balls to leave due to a couple of good friends who refused to stop trying to get through to me

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 39

RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 2/29/2012 3:06:23 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He cheated, he lied, I kicked him out.

Excellent story, right to the point. No further info required really.

She was cat person.
I was a dog person.
No amount of passion could compensate for our basic personality differences in the long run.
Fun while it lasted, but we couldn't live together... I am only tolerant to a point.
We remained lovers.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 2/29/2012 3:11:27 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 40

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