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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't consider it cheating because you knew about it and consented to it. There was no secrecy involved. Although the first time was cheating because you didn't know. After that, you had the choice to accept it or to walk and you chose to accept it.

I'm ignoring that whole sideline of love being something that corrupts you because it is nonsensical. Feelings aren't facts. Smart people recognize their feelings and use their brains to decide if what they feel is healthy for them to explore or not. If you decide to ignore reality, you get what you deserve. There isn't a person on earth who hasn't felt chemistry for someone they don't like and don't respect. Which doesn't mean you can't overrule your genitals.

It's not something that would work for me. Humiliation isn't healthy or erotic for me. Since it is for you, then I can well see that you chose to stay in the relationship because you were getting enough of what you need.

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ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Cuckolds and Cuckqueans have fairly different motivations and expectations.

Cucks want to be there, face the humiliations, the enabling, the whole physical aspect knowing that in the end they are going home with the girl....

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ORIGINAL: LunaM

You can avoid reality but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.

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-Women: How does cuckolding your partner make you feel?

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-Both men and women: What aspects of cuckolding appeal to you? The humiliation? The sexual freedom? The taboo nature of it? Or something else?

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

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ORIGINAL: LunaM

You can avoid reality but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.

(In my Yoda voice): Very wise, this one is.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Good Morning, Rochsub.  First, I wanted to say thank you for thinking of Me and including the quote that you liked.  I appreciate that a great deal.

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Also, I noticed on one of your follow up comments that you are trying to avoid this turning into a wank opportunity, so I will try to behave Myself.  This is one of the subjects that, unfortunately for that goal, I tend to feel like I'm writing porn because it's one of the kinks that really gets Me going. 

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Nothing is a bigger aphrodisiac than power.  It's control to the ninth degree.  As far as I'm concerned, it's like chastity plus desert.  There are so many options it is like kink PLUS.  My sex drive actually goes up when I have a cuck.  I love owning his sexuality as well as My own.  I know this might sound odd, but I think one of My favorite parts is just using him to help Me dress for 'dates'.  Having him iron My clothes because of telling him that I have to look "special" or just planting the little seeds that get his mind racing.  Control the mind and you control the man.

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The sexual freedom, definitely.  You know, it wasn't all that long ago that women didn't really own theirs, so there is certainly appeal there.

I like being wanted when I can't be had.  I'm into emotional sadism.  It turns Me on to no end to own someone so completely that I can break the rules.  Taboo?  Nope.  It's more about reaching into somebody and owning them inside.  I don't own just their cock, or their physical pain or pleasure.  I own them to the point that I can make them think and feel whichever way I wish.

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Let me ask you a question, since you said that your Master has earned your submission. What if he said that he wanted to have sex with another woman. As your Master, couldn't he ask that of you? And as his Slave, shouldn't you be willing to accept that from him?

One thing that I find is that my feelings about cuckolding differ based on the relationship. The more solid our relationship is, the more open I feel to accepting being cuckolded.

But the one thing that is a firm rule for me is that it has to just be sex with the other party. My Domme and I typically agree that the relationships with the outsiders will strictly be physical, and she will not "fall in love" with them. So if she engaged in standard "dating activities", like romantic dinners, walks on the beach holding hands, hours of telephone conversations, etc., that WOULD constitute cheating.

Some people might argue that there's no such thing as "cheating" once you've accepted being cuckolded, but I beg to differ. I think that you can lay down specific ground rules, and if those are violated, then it's cheating.

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ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

Another one here with an absolute "NOPE" for anything that isn't strictly, 100% monogamous. I don't share. I don't want to be shared. I am entirely satisfied emotionally and sexually by my one partner, and I need them to feel the same about me. I need mutual exclusive fulfillment. I don't have any actual experience with anything poly- or cuckoldry-related, but I know myself well enough to know that it would NOT work. It would break me. Even thinking about my Master having sexual relations with others hurts. It makes me feel awful, resentful, betrayed, jealous, angry, and most of all, degraded and worthless. None of those things are healthy, positive or erotic for me in any way, and they never will be.

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Let me ask you a question, since you said that your Master has earned your submission. What if he said that he wanted to have sex with another woman. As your Master, couldn't he ask that of you? And as his Slave, shouldn't you be willing to accept that from him?

One thing that I find is that my feelings about cuckolding differ based on the relationship. The more solid our relationship is, the more open I feel to accepting being cuckolded.

But the one thing that is a firm rule for me is that it has to just be sex with the other party. My Domme and I typically agree that the relationships with the outsiders will strictly be physical, and she will not "fall in love" with them. So if she engaged in standard "dating activities", like romantic dinners, walks on the beach holding hands, hours of telephone conversations, etc., that WOULD constitute cheating.

Some people might argue that there's no such thing as "cheating" once you've accepted being cuckolded, but I beg to differ. I think that you can lay down specific ground rules, and if those are violated, then it's cheating.

I can answer this as well. My Master and I are monogamous. That is part of our commitment to each other. Setting that aside for a moment: My Master is free to command and ask whatever he wants of me and do whatever he wants to me, as long as it does not damage me in any way--physically or psychologically. Him taking on other partners (sexually or emotionally) would be one of the surest ways possible to emotionally damage me. So no, it would not be a "lawful order" on his part. As I mentioned above, it would absolutely destroy me. Not only would I be a psychological wreck and feel utterly devalued, but he would also have to deal with my trust in him being terribly desecrated. After all, he broke his word to me that we are monogamous and that he doesn't want/need others--and his word is everything to me. Him being my Master does not mean he gets to break promises and commitments to me. If that was the kind of person he was, I wouldn't be with him.

As far as what constitutes cheating, I agree that it is a very subjective thing, the definition of which is only defined by each person and each relationship. It is important for those in a relationship to have clear boundaries that they both agree upon. My Master and I have a pretty strict definition of cheating as far as our relationship is concerned. To us, anything that indicates an intention of sexual or emotional intimacy with another is considered cheating. That means flirting is absolutely off the table as far as what is acceptable is concerned. A friendly hug is ok, but a deep and lengthy intimate embrace or cuddling is not. A kiss on the cheek with a family member is fine, but with a friend it is not. As I said, very strict definition for us. For others in their relationships, not so much, and that's ok. What's important is that every person in their relationship agree on the same definition and boundaries with all other parties involved.

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ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

Another one here with an absolute "NOPE" for anything that isn't strictly, 100% monogamous. I don't share. I don't want to be shared. I am entirely satisfied emotionally and sexually by my one partner, and I need them to feel the same about me. I need mutual exclusive fulfillment. I don't have any actual experience with anything poly- or cuckoldry-related, but I know myself well enough to know that it would NOT work. It would break me. Even thinking about my Master having sexual relations with others hurts. It makes me feel awful, resentful, betrayed, jealous, angry, and most of all, degraded and worthless. None of those things are healthy, positive or erotic for me in any way, and they never will be.

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Let me ask you a question, since you said that your Master has earned your submission. What if he said that he wanted to have sex with another woman. As your Master, couldn't he ask that of you? And as his Slave, shouldn't you be willing to accept that from him?

One thing that I find is that my feelings about cuckolding differ based on the relationship. The more solid our relationship is, the more open I feel to accepting being cuckolded.

But the one thing that is a firm rule for me is that it has to just be sex with the other party. My Domme and I typically agree that the relationships with the outsiders will strictly be physical, and she will not "fall in love" with them. So if she engaged in standard "dating activities", like romantic dinners, walks on the beach holding hands, hours of telephone conversations, etc., that WOULD constitute cheating.

Some people might argue that there's no such thing as "cheating" once you've accepted being cuckolded, but I beg to differ. I think that you can lay down specific ground rules, and if those are violated, then it's cheating.

I can answer this as well. My Master and I are monogamous. That is part of our commitment to each other. Setting that aside for a moment: My Master is free to command and ask whatever he wants of me and do whatever he wants to me, as long as it does not damage me in any way--physically or psychologically. Him taking on other partners (sexually or emotionally) would be one of the surest ways possible to emotionally damage me. So no, it would not be a "lawful order" on his part. As I mentioned above, it would absolutely destroy me. Not only would I be a psychological wreck and feel utterly devalued, but he would also have to deal with my trust in him being terribly desecrated. After all, he broke his word to me that we are monogamous and that he doesn't want/need others--and his word is everything to me. Him being my Master does not mean he gets to break promises and commitments to me. If that was the kind of person he was, I wouldn't be with him.

As far as what constitutes cheating, I agree that it is a very subjective thing, the definition of which is only defined by each person and each relationship. It is important for those in a relationship to have clear boundaries that they both agree upon. My Master and I have a pretty strict definition of cheating as far as our relationship is concerned. To us, anything that indicates an intention of sexual or emotional intimacy with another is considered cheating. That means flirting is absolutely off the table as far as what is acceptable is concerned. A friendly hug is ok, but a deep and lengthy intimate embrace or cuddling is not. A kiss on the cheek with a family member is fine, but with a friend it is not. As I said, very strict definition for us. For others in their relationships, not so much, and that's ok. What's important is that every person in their relationship agree on the same definition and boundaries with all other parties involved.

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I had a situation I could have pursued the whole cuckolding, and made it successful. I lost total interest cause I had lost my total self due to LOVE and other issues that were fogging my judegement.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact



Nothing is a bigger aphrodisiac than power.  It's control to the ninth degree.  As far as I'm concerned, it's like chastity plus desert.  There are so many options it is like kink PLUS.  My sex drive actually goes up when I have a cuck.  I love owning his sexuality as well as My own.  I know this might sound odd, but I think one of My favorite parts is just using him to help Me dress for 'dates'.  Having him iron My clothes because of telling him that I have to look "special" or just planting the little seeds that get his mind racing.  Control the mind and you control the man.

I like being wanted when I can't be had.  I'm into emotional sadism.  It turns Me on to no end to own someone so completely that I can break the rules.  Taboo?  Nope.  It's more about reaching into somebody and owning them inside.  I don't own just their cock, or their physical pain or pleasure.  I own them to the point that I can make them think and feel whichever way I wish.

If that's not power, I want to know what is.

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

You're welcome. I was hoping that you would join this conversation. I know that cuckolding is a significant part of your dynamic.

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I actually don't mind if you provide wank fodder, since I know that it's coming from your real experience, and not some guy on his computer masturbating over the fantasy of seeing his wife get fucked by a BBC.

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Frankly, I think that there are many elements of cuckolding that are extremely HOT!

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And this is the part that I didn't think that some people would understand, but that you would grasp immediately. I don't like cuckolding. It goes against my very nature as a man. I think that we are genetically programmed to be jealous. Yet, the right woman can completely override that genetic programming and make me accept it.

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I've always found that to be extremely profound. She is able to make me do something that I disdain. And not only do I accept it, but I am aroused by the fact that I am allowing her to do something that everything within me screams against.

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I'm unable to properly describe what that inner struggle feels like to me. But I imagine that it must be extremely empowering for the woman.

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And there you have captured exactly what I was talking about when I first mentioned the psychological aspects of cuckolding. To me, it is unlike any other kink.

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So many males think only of the voyeuristic aspects of it, and the "clean up". But when executed properly, it is one of the purest forms of absolute dominance and control that I've ever come across.

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Thank you for your contribution to the discussion. I hope that more people who have actually used cuckolding in their relationships will chime in. IMO, cuckolding is an incredibly powerful thing that too often gets reduced to mere wank fodder in the forums here on CM.

You are quite welcome.  I will even forgive you for causing Me to need a cold shower. 

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Hib is gonna do what Hib is gonna do, and the notion of entering into a relationship where I am EXPECTED to find some strange to satisfy someone else's kink is just not appealing.

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Hib is gonna do what Hib is gonna do, and the notion of entering into a relationship where I am EXPECTED to find some strange to satisfy someone else's kink is just not appealing.

And that's part of why I believe that cuckolding gets a bad rap. Far too often, it's the guy begging for it, rather than the woman exercising her own power and sexual freedom at his expense. The fact that he initiates it (rather than her), somewhat negates the very essence of cuckolding.

I know that there are some who disagree with this point, but IMO if a guy is begging for it, then he's not really being cuckolded. Instead, you're simply playing a role in his voyeur fantasy.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Not so much the current one, dear.  I would love to own another though.  It's an amazing type of dynamic.

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Here is what I think a lot of people don't get.  This kink is not about the end game.  It's about savoring everything.  Hell, if it takes a year or more for that scene where the cuck actually gets to watch or becomes a fluffer, that is soooooo not the point.  A word, a look, a swing in your step.......  That's the good part.

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Here's the thing.  Jealousy is NOT a primary emotion.  All jealousy stems from fear, which is a primary emotion.  Being afraid of losing something (someone) is a powerful motivator.  This is the basis of WHY there must be an emotional attachment in existence for someone to be a proper cuck.  No, it does not have to be a marriage but there must be affection.  As the D-type in the scenario, you MUST foster this to make it work.  You don't pick up somebody in a bar and tomorrow, they are your cuck.  There has to be real enjoyment in the relationship and that is used in their desire to stay. 

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I've been told that part of this is all about inner conflict.  Loving it and hating it all at once.  If a person can do it, I understand that it is quite beautiful to watch the woman you love orgasm when you are not distracted by making the orgasm happen yourself.  At the same time, you WANT to be the man who is making the orgasm happen.  This creates the emotional conflict and is part of why this is such a joy.  It's not *just* voyeurism.  It's better.

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Oh, it is.  You really have no idea.  When done right, it's like power flowing through your veins.  I don't even have to lay a fingertip on you to control you.  That inner struggle is the nectar of the Gods.

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You are quite welcome.  I will even forgive you for causing Me to need a cold shower. 

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ORIGINAL: LunaM
Agreed. Masters can ask but they have to respect their subs as humans as well that have thoughts and feelings. As Raspberry Lemon said she would feel less worthy and degraded and I see her point in this. The feeling would bring me to think that he is looking for something more than I can give him and if this is the case then I need to be moving on since our relationship is no longer fulfilling for either of us.
I couldn't agree more with Lemon's view on exclusive fulfillment. If I get everything I need from my Master and he gets everything he needs from me, then it is not benefical or logical to bring another person into a dynamic that is working just fine.