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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 6:16:10 AM

servuspet

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A 38 year old? Me too!
I'll leave my age at the time out of this...

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 2:52:27 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Now then, now then. Roch wanted a serious discussion about cuckolding here. I fear that we're disappointing the lad.

I go away for a few days on a business trip, and I return to find that my thread has turned into...........

Oh well. I think the thread has run its course anyway. I had hoped that more people had experience with cuckolding, and would be willing to share those experiences and what they get out of it. I was actually surprised at how few seem to have given cuckolding a try.

Anyway, I guess the serious discussion is over. Let the lusting over Servuspet's youth and over Peon's abs continue.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 3:18:58 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I keep trying to get JJ to do more than rhapsodize, but no luck. Even Kal never really said much about his adventures with MsMlicious, other than it was exciting.

The exciting part I understand. What I want to hear is how does this work as more than a novelty act? Who's playing this cuck game five years into the relationship? Or does the relationship last that long?

And why y'all keep yapping about Simon's tummy when his ass is so supremely bitable is beyond me.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 3:37:41 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Oh well. I think the thread has run its course anyway. I had hoped that more people had experience with cuckolding, and would be willing to share those experiences and what they get out of it. I was actually surprised at how few seem to have given cuckolding a try.

Thing is, Roch, you're an experienced guy. I've very little under my belt and, despite the many discussions on these forums about cuckolding, I suspect that most of those who've even had D/s relationships actually have little experience of that particular activity. Personally, I've never had a D/s partnership that's been remotely close in depth and duration to what I've had as vanilla partnerships in the past. I've become very conscious of that fact, recently. Quite frequently, nowadays, I'll look at a thread in this or the 'Mistress' forum and think to myself, 'Come on, matey. You know bugger all about the matter'.

Though I will hypothesise: for all D/s relationships, the sub must have a very strong, but very flexible kind of ego, to get the most out of it. As my old judo instructor used to say, 'willow trees bend in strong gales; oak trees snap'. Were I to be in a situation where a Domme who I loved were to suggest cuckolding, I'd basically have to be more sure than I've ever been that I'm a willow and not an oak. I'm pretty certain that I won't know that till I get there.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 4:47:31 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am trying to expand my horizons, and I did go out with a 38 yr old once...

I went out with a 34 year old once.

(For a year).

And, to be even more instructive....the sex was fucking incredible....but.....there is a reason God made the Beatles AND the Back Street Boys.

Wonderful person.

Learned a lot....including, how not to get completely stuck in my own time warp.

Lots of good stuff out there....much of which I would have missed.

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 3/7/2012 4:52:20 PM >

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 4:48:24 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Oh hush, JJ, I know what a playa you are! So SPILL! I want some exciting stories of excitement!!

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 4:53:53 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh hush, JJ, I know what a playa you are! So SPILL! I want some exciting stories of excitement!!

I just spilled.

Thankfully I have concrete floors.

(And bleach).

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 3/7/2012 4:58:46 PM >

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/7/2012 4:54:07 PM

LadyHibiscus

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 3:44:27 AM

johnmasters

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I had hoped that more people had experience with cuckolding, and would be willing to share those experiences and what they get out of it. I was actually surprised at how few seem to have given cuckolding a try.

Hi, I'm new to this site and this is my first comment. If you are looking for someone with experience of the cuckolding lifestyle then I'm not your man but if you are looking for comment from someone who is a cuckold then maybe I am.

Some years ago my wife cheated on me with another man. She finally came clean and admited that she was having sex with him on a regular basis and if I wanted to stay married to her I would have to let her carry on with the relationship. I was totally devastated but didn't want to loose her so I agreed to accept the situation provided they stopped playing around behind my back. I'd often tantasised about my wife having sex with other men since learning that she'd had a number of partners before we married and had shared this with her. She used my fantasy as part of her justification for cheating but the reality was that a younger man had hit on her and she was flattered by his attention. She saught to humiliate me by making size comparisons knowing I was insecure in that area anyway.

I think she was willing at that time to include me in her new realtionship and open the situation up to a cuckold lifestyle arrangement but the other guy ran a mile as soon as he knew I was aware of his relationship with my wife. She was devastated and has never discussed sex with other men again. For my part I can no longer get it out of my head and continue to fantasise about her having sex with other men.

My lack of control over the situation also excited me so I've delved into submission to other men. One of the additional effects of my wife making me a cuckold was the breakdown in trust; I can no longer be confident in fidelity and suspect (I'm not etirely sure that this is my imagination) that she has had sex with other men before and since. It turns out that the only reason I know about this one affair is because one of our children found out about it and she decided to tell me first.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 4:20:57 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I keep trying to get JJ to do more than rhapsodize, but no luck. Even Kal never really said much about his adventures with MsMlicious, other than it was exciting.

The exciting part I understand. What I want to hear is how does this work as more than a novelty act? Who's playing this cuck game five years into the relationship? Or does the relationship last that long?

And why y'all keep yapping about Simon's tummy when his ass is so supremely bitable is beyond me.

To volunteer, Mine didn't last that long. It didn't hit the five year mark. I do know some who have.

How does anything else with this kind of a twist continue to work as more than a novelty? If the thinking goes that way, rape play shouldn't work for long term because the bottom has had the experience before. Take down scenes should lose their appeal or forced humiliation wouldn't work over long term. If we were talking about physical S/m, how do you avoid a heavy bottom from getting leather butt? It's very simple. You don't wail on the same damn spot every single time you play and you don't actually beat on them 24 hours a day, every day.

I said earlier in the thread that this kink for Me is not about the end game. Some folks rushed straight to that on this thread and were talking about threesomes. There are some people who get to that point, or want to, but a lot of cucks never are included in any of the sex that the woman has with her lovers. It's not cheating and it's not poly, in My opinion. It has a special niche all it's own.

Unfortunately, when this particular kink comes up, a lot of people take the stereotypes that they learn from porn and erotica, rather than personal experience or a good educational resource, and believe that is what cuckolding is about. It's not about men going through a revolving door and there are so many of them that it's impossible to remember all of the names. How many times the woman goes 'out' can depend on how well the dynamic supports it. That could be three times a week or three times a year depending on how often it's working out and still keeping the emotional bonds of the cuck dynamic strong. I find what works best is to go on a 'date' often enough to keep the excitement going, but not so often that the emotional sadism doesn't lose it's sting.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 4:47:41 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I'd often fantasized about my wife having sex with other men since learning that she'd had a number of partners before we married and had shared this with her. She used my fantasy as part of her justification for cheating but the reality was that a younger man had hit on her and she was flattered by his attention. She sought to humiliate me by making size comparisons knowing I was insecure in that area anyway.

I think she was willing at that time to include me in her new relationship and open the situation up to a cuckold lifestyle arrangement but the other guy ran a mile as soon as he knew I was aware of his relationship with my wife. She was devastated and has never discussed sex with other men again. For my part I can no longer get it out of my head and continue to fantasise about her having sex with other men. My lack of control over the situation also excited me so I've delved into submission to other men. One of the additional effects of my wife making me a cuckold was the breakdown in trust; I can no longer be confident in fidelity and suspect (I'm not entirely sure that this is my imagination) that she has had sex with other men before and since.

This could be why many women will not acquiesce to cuckolding when urged by the man. They know that despite him being hot for the fantasy, the reality will have consequences.

This was certainly the case for me and my now ex husband.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 5:22:55 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: johnmasters
My lack of control over the situation also excited me so I've delved into submission to other men. One of the additional effects of my wife making me a cuckold was the breakdown in trust; I can no longer be confident in fidelity and suspect (I'm not etirely sure that this is my imagination) that she has had sex with other men before and since. It turns out that the only reason I know about this one affair is because one of our children found out about it and she decided to tell me first.

This reminds me of one of my worst fears about submission in general: that of getting into a spiral of submissive humiliation that ends up being terminally corrosive to both my own spirit and the partnership. When the turn-on impacts on other, crucial, factors in a relationship (like trust), then disaster is just around the corner.

Gawd. My opinion's unchanged. Cuckolding is a horny idea - but it needs to be handled *so* carefully. Me, I think I'd agree to playing only in the context of a BDSM club, at first, with complete transparency. Then, I'd need a long while to process what had happened.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 6:23:41 AM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Biology's not my field. Still, I'd read of something like this:

"The volume of ejaculate is subconsciously controlled by a man, and is dependent upon the perceived likelihood of other males potentially mating with his partner. "

from http://www.reasoned.org/rs_text7.htm

(Lots of other stuff in there about aggressive and defensive sperm. Quite interesting.)

Anyway, so I guess the obvious hypothesis is that there might a tendency for the notion of cuckolding to be a turn-on for a male because it gets the old bullet factory down below working at wartime production-rates.

I wish I could add more to this thread. However, it does feel so abstract for me because, like Roch, I can't conceive of cuckolding outside of a settled relationship (in which one half of said relationship wants to bring in a third party). I can stretch my imagination to lots of sexual acts, but I can't, at present, stretch it to picture a settled relationship with a given, real-life, woman and how I'd feel in that.

A lot of that information is outdated or subject to dispute, although it makes sense that competition would increase sperm production.

In general, cucking is very close to typical primate sexual behavior: the female chooses a nurturing male during her infertile period, and an aggressive one during her fertile period (the Bull). So in cucking, she's getting the best of both worlds, aggressive traits for her offspring and a more nurturing male who will share reproductive costs, since it's likely the more aggressive male will not be monogamous. It's technically a form of polyandry.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 6:52:43 AM

xssve

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quote:

I've always found cuckolding to be one of the most fascinating areas of BDSM from a psychological standpoint.

Cuckolding is a violation of traditional concepts of monogamy. Moreover, men have typically been more apt to violate the contract of monogamy and "cheat" on their wives/girlfriends. But a cuckolding situation completely flips the script. It elevates the female as the party who exercises her sexuality outside of the primary relationship. I find this concept to be fascinating on many levels.

Not true I'm afraid, women cheat as often as men, they're just better at not getting caught - those cheating me are cheating with somebody, after all.

It's not for me, the bonding or voyeurism dynamics are more attractive to me, I have to be in charge, and in any case, even that's not a compulsive fetish, I can take it or leave it, although I like the idea of cuckqueaning, just not nearly as many chicks into that. Females don't bond over sex as often as men, I don't think, and when they do it's usually homosexual, e.g., a female on male gangbang (bonding dynamic) is practically unheard of, and most FFM Threesomes seem to be instigated or directed by men.

I don't know that there is any overwhelming reasons for this in evolutionary terms, females can benefit from sharing childcare duties and sharing resources, although this is not typical among mammals: females can be very competitive when it comes to their offspring, and the historical anecdotal evidence (the wicked stepmother) seems to reinforce this, when it occurs it's usually a polygynous dynamic.

That is to say, pair bonds of this nature between females don't appear to be common, but broader, more communal sharing of some childcare duties is not uncommon, it's part of herd dynamics, but then long term heterosexual pair bonding (monogamy, including sharing or reproductive costs) is not all that common among mammals, including primates, compensated for by herd behaviors.

I believe a recent study however, suggested that of all "alternative" dynamics, cuck couples, including hotwives, reported the highest levels of satisfaction with their relationships, with little disparity between the partners.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 6:58:45 AM

MsSylverdawn

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Cucking has recently become an interest of mine.. I am however leary of the emotional complexities that it involves.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 6:59:39 AM

LadyPact

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I would have to disagree that a cuckolding dynamic is necessarily a form of polyandry. One definition of polyandry is having two or more husbands, which would be poly, but completely discounts those who take bulls as one night stands. The other is related to the breeding habits of certain species (birds in particular). Nice theory, but I would have to think that it kind of ends when menopause would hit for females when it comes to humans.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 7:07:23 AM

sunshinemiss

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Don't mind me. I'm just popping in for a drive by smooch of the ever so lovely Lady Pact.

*SMOOCH*

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 7:35:39 AM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I would have to disagree that a cuckolding dynamic is necessarily a form of polyandry. One definition of polyandry is having two or more husbands, which would be poly, but completely discounts those who take bulls as one night stands. The other is related to the breeding habits of certain species (birds in particular). Nice theory, but I would have to think that it kind of ends when menopause would hit for females when it comes to humans.

Only if you make the assumption that evolution follows anything but it's own rationales. i.e., it's still polyandry: one male is contributing sperm, the other is sharing reproductive costs - this applies in spite of the existence of artificial forms of birth control, or what the duration of the relationship is - prostitution is polyandry too.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 7:44:56 AM

Rochsub2009

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ORIGINAL: johnmasters

I'd often fantasized about my wife having sex with other men ......For my part I can no longer get it out of my head and continue to fantasize about her having sex with other men.

One of the additional effects of my wife making me a cuckold was the breakdown in trust; I can no longer be confident in fidelity

JohnMasters,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You touched on a number of points that I was hoping that other males would share.

The first is that despite the distasteful nature of imagining your wife or girlfriend with another man, there is nevertheless something about the thought that can be arousing. I don't claim to understand this phenomenon. I just know that I've experienced it.

You also touched on one of the key negatives of cuckolding. It can have a traumatic effect on trust in a relationship. This is why I've repeatedly said that most people should probably stick to the fantasy of cuckolding. The reality of it can be very hurtful, and can lead to a permanent loss of trust.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/8/2012 7:53:23 AM

Rochsub2009

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
How many times the woman goes 'out' can depend on how well the dynamic supports it. That could be three times a week or three times a year depending on how often it's working out and still keeping the emotional bonds of the cuck dynamic strong. I find what works best is to go on a 'date' often enough to keep the excitement going, but not so often that the emotional sadism doesn't lose it's sting.

Exactly! I'm not sure I understand Lady Hibiscus' concerns about longevity. How do you maintain any BDSM activity for the longterm? It takes work and skillful planning.

What I've found is that most of the best BDSM experiences I've had were good because of the mental aspect, and not because of the actual physical act. So cuckolding is not effective because the cuckoldress has a constant stream of lovers. It's effective because she has the freedom to do it, and the cuck has no control over if or when she will exercise her freedom. She might go 5 years without a single date, and then see a cute guy at a bar and decide to exercise her sexual freedom.

Perhaps LadyHibiscus could help us understand better why she doesn't think it is a sustainable dynamic, and then we can address her concern more accurately. But I don't see cuckolding as being any less sustainable than any other kink in the BDSM spectrum (assuming that distrust on the part of the primary partner doesn't enter into the picture).

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