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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 3:14:06 PM

LadyHibiscus

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shhh!

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 4:40:48 PM

MsSylverdawn

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feather... hell who needs feathers...nekkie... ok ..maybe one of those chain harnesses that have a ring attachment...

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 4:42:11 PM

LadyHibiscus

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My fashion sense is impeccable!

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 5:11:45 PM

PeonForHer

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OK, I'll be serious, now:

Egos. Women with big, brittle, silly egos. See, men know all about egos, because they've been tangling with them for all their lives. The best of men are aware that they're egotistical and have learned how to deal with the way they are. They've learned how to bend and flex with them. But . . . women so often haven't learned that. It's as though they've just started to learn about pride, machismo, braggadocio, aggression, etc, etc, etc . . . in their late twenties or their thirties. Certain of we men look at women like that and see them talking and acting like we used to when we were fourteen or fifteen. It's *really* hard to deal with. The times I've thought, "OK. You want to win this one. Fine, consider yourself as having won it. That sort of fight I don't do now, because I feel old and tired and I can't see the point anymore". Dommes *really* do not have to try to match men at what men do, much less beat them at it. It's an utter waste of energy and does neither side any good.

I'm not sure if all that made sense, even to myself. ;-) Just saying.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 5:23:08 PM

LadyHibiscus

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What sort of women have you been hanging around with, Darling? That would be maddening.

Speaking as a woman who's been picked on rather savagely her whole life, it's hard to *tell* sometimes when a man is teasing or joking. I generally figure that I AM the joke, so it's less of an issue for me. I just cant take myself that seriously most of the time. Other women, I'm not so sure. It takes them longer to learn that they don't have anything to prove.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 5:42:56 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What sort of women have you been hanging around with, Darling? That would be maddening.

Speaking as a woman who's been picked on rather savagely her whole life, it's hard to *tell* sometimes when a man is teasing or joking. I generally figure that I AM the joke, so it's less of an issue for me. I just cant take myself that seriously most of the time. Other women, I'm not so sure. It takes them longer to learn that they don't have anything to prove.

Lady Hib, you are a diamond to me. That's all I can say.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 6:01:31 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Well, you don't need to say much else.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 6:27:18 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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It bugs me if a Domme belches and farts really loudly. (To Lady Constanze: I'm sorry, but there it is.)

Peon....Hib wants you and me for a one nighter.....(or a month....I'm flexible if it's between February and April).

I say we work a deal where we get room service and cranberries delivered on a skewer.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 6:49:49 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Well, actually I was thinking longterm, JJ. You'll love the pool design for the capybara!-

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/3/2012 11:28:48 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Dommes *really* do not have to try to match men at what men do, much less beat them at it. It's an utter waste of energy and does neither side any good.

Replace dommes with women, it can be hard though, because when it comes to business and work, we do have to be as good as men, I guess it can be a bit confusing to switch off after work.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 8:09:49 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What sort of women have you been hanging around with, Darling? That would be maddening.

Speaking as a woman who's been picked on rather savagely her whole life, it's hard to *tell* sometimes when a man is teasing or joking. I generally figure that I AM the joke, so it's less of an issue for me. I just cant take myself that seriously most of the time. Other women, I'm not so sure. It takes them longer to learn that they don't have anything to prove.

Indeed. Childhood, teens and twenties were brutally horrid for me. Thirties weren't exactly spectacular.

I love a rousing debate and will defend a point I believe in quite rigorously at times..........but I am about negative 10 when it comes to any sort of competition gene. It's generally more of a "at least acknowledge I have a brain rather than complete disregard me along with my point" kinda thing.

Humour I've got in spades. Unfortunately it's often a very dry, deadpan, delivery......which tends to confuse people, especially via written word. I actually take myself far less seriously, than those that don't know me well, believe. I've also discovered that I really REALLY grate on the nerves of people that lack self confidence of their own. I don't know why, but there it is.

The only dominant women that really annoy me at all are the ones that play the, I am younger and hotter card, or the, I was young and hot but now I am so wise that my not being young and hot is so irrelevant, card.

Honestly, there are pluses and minuses in both stages of life. The young hot ones that play that card though, only seem to appear threatened by the older women and feel the need to strut their youth and hotness as an over compensation. The older women that play the I am wiser and therefor better card, only seem to come across as desperately over compensating for the loss of their youth and hotness. It all falls into the whole 'methinks the lady doth protest too much' category.

Not all young and hot dominant women are clueless bints, regardless of their occasional strutting. (many of the less hot,'wise' older ones probably did their fair share of silly strutting in their day also). Not all of the older women really are as wise as they would like to believe they are (proven by their own continued train wreck life choices)

So yeah, I think it's the, often catty, competitiveness that bugs me most. It's silly. It makes all who participate in it look foolish.

And yeah, I've made a fool of myself all too often.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/4/2012 8:10:07 AM >

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 9:11:39 AM

MsSylverdawn

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I suppose for me because of who am I and where I come from...the hotness card escapes me... I mean pretty is as pretty does.. Im seen some plain janes who are beautiful and Ive seen some beautiful janes who are downright mean.. What I do not like in fellow dominants is my way is the right way... listen I have brain.. this is my journey... and unfortunately I cant do your journey... I mean if I could find a Dominant is for Dummies dang I would buy it .. make it a paint by numbers .. Ive made horrendous mistakes.. bad choices.. just as often as I made good choices.. so my way is my way for me... You want to show me a better way of doing something ok.. I may do it your way or I may do it the way Ive always done it cuz thats what I feel is best for me and mine.. but please do not philosophize on how your doing it better than I am.. that gets the polite smile nod and your a pillock look...

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 9:13:32 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I just don't understand the "catty" thing. We've seen the men do it, though their version is the manly chest thumping uberdomly thing. I don't get the "I'm hotter than you" bit, either. If a person is trying to prove themselves "better than" and all they have is "you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny" as reasoning, well that is just faily mcfail, and engaging that sort of argument drags everyone who does it down.

Can't be bothered. WON'T be bothered. A bit bemused, but not bothered. We say "this is the internet" as a way of dismissing it as if it's trivial, but on this site at least our words live as long as the servers hold them. I am sure that I stepped in it a time or two in the past eight years, but I am not ashamed of anything I posted, even when I was genuinely outraged.

It's hard to say if I was like this when I was young, but I think... probably. I was always an edge person, and I learned a lot by being on the outside looking in. I have a very strong sense of myself, and while I have the same rabid insecurities as any other person, I know what they are, and I don't have to make others look bad in order to feel better. I wish that I understood the reasoning behind the "I'm so pretty" people.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 9:26:41 AM

LaTigresse

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I think it's because they've been taught that is their greatest value.

Which is uber sad.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 9:35:09 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Wow. As the ugly duckling in a very very very good looking family... I got nothing for that. How sad to think that something transient is all you have. It's a commonplace view, though. Look at all the middle aged people wearing dresses a size too small to show off how thin they still are? And botox and restylane... not that I am dissing plastic surgery, I think it's just fine, but that chasing after some ideal to the exclusion of all else and to judge OTHER people according to that scale? Just NO.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 11:15:06 AM

LaTigresse

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I agree.

Certainly there are things that have changed about my body and physical appearance that don't totally thrill me. Things that are a "wow, when did that happen and damn, I wasn't expecting THAT!!" kinda deal. Weird little things like changes in skin texture, more annoying things like changes in metabolism. But over all, I really am pretty happy with the trade off. I know I sure like ME a helluva lot more than I did 20 years ago. I honestly feel that anything I actually set my mind to doing, I can. I was so much more critical of myself when I was younger and hotter. Now I am comfortable with me. I do things like exercise and eat healthy for my health, not to try and maintain some sort of unreal beauty standard. Even though I like taking care of myself and looking my best, it's more of a, being the best me I can be while not being somehow invested in just that.........if that makes sense.

I guess for me, rather than beat the hot, and young, up, I would rather, if possible, find a way to be some kind of role model. I don't want them fighting to save that bloom of youth to the exclusion of their happiness, when they are my age. A few extra pounds, a few wrinkles, whatever their particular fears might be, are not that horrible. And they are certainly not a measure of worth, or lack thereof, as a woman.

I firmly believe that there is beauty at any age. I would hope to find joy in being where we are and able to celebrate those that are at different points in their own life path.

Rather than snark something like "You are young and inexperienced, you just don't know sweetie! You think because you are young and hot that you are.............yada yada yada." I would rather give them the equivalent of a sincere "you get on with your bad self!" even if I get a snark in reply about my age, weight, whatthefuckever. I'd rather be gracious and let it roll. It's my own personal goal. It's not easy. Some days the ego makes it bloody awful hard to not sink and snark. But damn, women get enough shit lambasted at us by all sorts of unrealistic media. We don't need to be doing it to one another.

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 11:47:50 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I am just not that into myself, I guess. I am startled and appalled by some things---and holy MOLY my skin is crepey viewed through my reading glasses! And the eyelashes... I swear to you, I laughed when I saw those Latisse ads, but they are not kidding, my eyelashes are not nearly as long as they were!

It's all good, though. I have mascara for when I am in the mood. I am never going to be 25 again, and really? I can handle it. I will never have a perfect body, and since I am not a lingerie model, that's okay too.

I am fine with the young people until they pull the entitlement card. The universe doesn't owe us a damned thing, and yanno? Age might not bring experience(s) but it does bring *perspective*. Some things really do change over time!

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 1:27:22 PM

Alecta

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I blame people, and media.

I can't call myself beautiful with a straight face, not because I dislike my body or anything, and not even because empirically speaking I'm unattractive, it's just not my idea of "beautiful"; but somehow people have insisted all my life that it's because I have body image issues or low self-esteem... I just don't get it......

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RE: What Bugs You Re: Dommes & What Do You Like? - 5/4/2012 1:30:16 PM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

I blame people, and media.

I can't call myself beautiful with a straight face, not because I dislike my body or anything, and not even because empirically speaking I'm unattractive, it's just not my idea of "beautiful"; but somehow people have insisted all my life that it's because I have body image issues or low self-esteem... I just don't get it......

That's the media too. It's like when I say that I'm fat, and the hearer says "oh, but you're so pretty!" Well yeah, I AM pretty, the two are not mutually exclusive, and even though I don't shop in the plus sizes, I am overweight.

There is much to be said for graciously accepting compliments, though. A hard skill to learn, but worthwhile.

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