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RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:01:05 AM

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten

There is absolutely no point in risking my marriage for a D/s relationship unless it is filling an unmet need in me - the deep longing to give over control to another person and put myself and my trust in another's hands. I know I must bring the best of myself to this relationship if I am to be worthy of his trust and if I am to learn what submission is really all about and if I am to peel back the layers to expose my whole self to my Dom and to myself.

Kitten

I'm assuming that there is a reason why you feel you must stay married. It's a shame that you can't take what you claim to be learning from your Dom and apply it to your marriage. Why continue to drag your husband along in your misery? Do you think given the choice that he would want to continue to live in the "world of trust" you offer him?

Before I get accused of "judging" I should state that I've "been there". My first D/s experiences began online while I was married, and I soon was dedicated to exploring D/s and going in a direction different from my marriage. I kept it hidden for a long time, but eventually shared my feelings with my husband, all along knowing that I would never want him as my sub. I knew at the time I talked with him that the viability of my marriage was exponentially decreasing, and we eventually did end it. There was no need to stay married when we were no longer growing together (it was just the two of us, so it was not a complicated situation, if you know what I mean).

I also understand the phenomenon of trusting in the D/s world while "cheating" in the vanilla relationship. It appears to be a situation of finding someone who finally totally validates everything we feel we are, and therefore we want to give back to them totally. it's interesting to watch it happen and also to experience.

Be well,
Julie

< Message edited by LadyJulieAnn -- 6/9/2006 6:40:57 AM >

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:09:05 AM

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Pecisely! I wonder how honest those people are being when they say they don't have a problem with moral or emotional dilemmas.

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:14:32 AM

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
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i have to agree, this sounds incredibly selfish to me. have your cake and eat it too. why not allow him to go off and find someone vanilla who shares the same beliefs that he does -- so he can be fulfilled and happy -- and be able to trust his wife not to cheat on him to fulfill a need?

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:16:39 AM

MsD

Posts: 68
Joined: 4/25/2004
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quote:

Has anyone been in a long term relationship and was quite happy and content and not looking for anything outside the relationship, then suddenly met someone and immediately fell for them in a big big way? Hell, it's confusing because it wasn't supposed to happen. The solid foundations of your life suddenly start to crack.

I can honestly answer a hell yes to the above. It's not only confusing, it's one of the scariest things I've ever faced in my life. No, I can't say I was "quite happy" in my marriage of 13 yrs, but content, yes, and definately was "not looking for anything outside the relationship". I had been met with offers to cheat on my husband more than once in our time together & my answer was always an unequivical "no, I'm married". When I met this one special person, it absolutely rocked me ... I did things & felt things I would have never before believed was possible. It rocked me hard enough to knock me out of my justifications of things remaining in the status quo ... it rocked me hard enough to start taking a good hard HONEST look at myself, my marriage, my life & the way I had been living it for too many years.

quote:

Do you pretend that your feelings are still the same or do you throw everything away for what could be nothing more than a week's infatuation. Maybe it really is the love of your life but what about the kids? What about the roof over their heads, their schooling and what happened to your partner? Yesterday you were in love with them and now today you apparently love someone else!!

I suck at pretending what I don't feel, but I wasn't about to make a jump without exploring whether or not this marriage of 13 yrs was completely & without a doubt OVER. We went to marriage counseling ... it only affirmed & brought to a head what was wrong with the relationship. After 2 months of this, I separated so that I could think clearly & see clearly without any persuasion from my then husband. Two months into that separation, I knew I wanted out & filed for divorce. I had finally realized, I would rather be alone than live the way we were ... & there was no going back. You should also note, during this time I was not seeing that other fella; I knew it would only cloud my thinking & judgement.

To the OP, good luck ... from the sounds of it, you're in a tight spot. No pc platitudes here. I couldn't maintain a double life & don't understand those that do. Nothing worth having comes easy. My being able to live honestly with myself was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life ... but it's the most rewarding thing I've ever done for myself.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:26:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

Dustyn, I can perfectly understand your feelings and have no doubt of your honesty, but I do doubt your experience as to make you a spokesman for all others. If what you expressed was just an opinion, then I can respect that, but it certainly didn't come across that way.

Forget the specific post for a moment and be hypothetical.

A very common occurance we see in this lifestyle is people finding their hidden D/s desires later in life... often after years of vanilla marriage. So when does it become cheating?

. When there are D/s fantasies not involving the partner? (1)
. When there is research about the feelings in forums such as this? (2)
. When there is D/s forms of flirting in a chatroom? (3)
. When there are private msg and email exchanges about it? (4)
. When the exchanges get more personal? (4)
. When there are r/l meetings? (5)
. When there is r/f bdsm play? (6)
. When there is sex involved? (7)

I guess I know where I would draw the line and call it cheating by my own values and standards, but I'm unsure that I can apply my standards to others. People have to find there own way, and while it may be helpful to explain why we see another's choice as cheating in our own eyes, we have to accept that they see it differently. It is their choice, and not for us to impose our values.

Brosco

Sorry if I ruffled feathers, there, Brosco. Never wanted to stand up and be the spokesman for anyone other than myself. But to continue this in the hypothetical, I'm going to number your scenarios and address then that way, just to avoid confusion, if that's okay. Well, gonna do it either way, but still.

1. That depends on the nature of the fantasy. If it is run through the mind with a specific person in mind, I would say vaguely, but if it is just something obtuse, like wanting to be flogged, then I would say not really.

2. Research? More along the lines of searching for vindication that what you are thinking/feeling isn't so much wrong as normal. It's not really a justification as it is a connection with others on at least a viceral level and are no longer alone in the universe.

3. Depends on the nature of the flirting. I personally have two forms of flirting. I either try to get a smile out of someone or I try to capture an imagination. Anyone can put words together enough to at least intrigue someone. If you are married, or at least exclusively seeing someone, and you purposely try to catch someone's attention, or respond and encourage it, then yes, to an extend you are cheating.

4. If it is just running commentary, then no, it's not really cheating, but if it is with the purpose of continuing it without extra eyes around, then it is definately cheating.

5. Just cranking up the level with this one.

6. If it is just to meet and chat, then it's at least vaguely innocuous. If it is meant as a prelude to more, then it is the appetizer you order at Applebee's before your meal shows up.

7. Not sure what r/f is, so I won't comment either way.

8. If you have to ask this one, you need to find out that someone you are devoted to is sleeping with someone other than you.

Now keep in mind that these answers are just my opinion, and mine only. I expect no one else to agree with me, and can probably find a few that would take a very anti-thetical stance, partially because they think there is nothing wrong with it in the least. Then again, some people have all the morals of an alley cat in heat, too.

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to Brosco)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:27:50 AM

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G'morning all:

No matter how you seek to justify it, cheating on your spouse is still wrong. If you discuss it beforehand and receive permission to seek satisfaction outside the marriage, then I say, have fun. Two of the precepts of this lifestyle are knowledge and consent.

In closing, a tiger can't change their stripes. It's an indication of a serious character flaw. You're in denial. Get help. FAST.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:32:08 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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There's not much more for me to add here. But I will say that I am a past cheater and I've changed. And obviously just because a person cheats in a relationship does not mean they are utterly untrustworthy for anything.

But being a past cheater, I know the selfish mindset it involves, and I know the destruction it leads.

In fact one of my partners and I just had a huge rift because he was dating a woman who wasn't being COMPLETELY honest with her other partner. They were an open relationship, but she wasn't being honest with him about how far she was going and my partner was allowing it to happen. I had a HUGE problem with that and made damn sure he knew that he needed to cut it out. He tried to twist and snarl his way out of that, but eventually realized I was right and got back on the right track.

So cheat if you feel cheating is right for you. But don't expect others to support or "understand." I've been there and all I can say is that nothing was or ever will be worth losing one's sense of self over cheating.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GddssBella)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:38:00 AM

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Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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Sure is easy to judge from the other side of the fence. Isn't it?

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:53:27 AM

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Joined: 4/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Pecisely! I wonder how honest those people are being when they say they don't have a problem with moral or emotional dilemmas.

From what I have seen over the years, morals are left at the door while carnal desires are indulged... frankly, it's disgusting, but hey, people think the same about me and the things that I do, so what the hell...

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to meatcleaver)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 6:56:52 AM

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Good kind decent people find themselves in affairs for as many reasons as there are people. Whats interesting is how Ive seen posts on this site where a person gets vocally upset over something like water sports, makes a statement about how they think its wrong then gets shot down by 12 people. "Your kink is not my kink" seems to be the golden rule here in everything but more than two persons in a marrriage relationship. For all you who were wronged, its a good chance you were 50% of the problem.

I personally think poly relationships are kinda out there. But there's a place for them on this site. You think knowing your g'friend has another b'friend doesn't cause problems? It causes all sorts of problems from what I read. And it appears that people who post their disaproval about/on the poly board, get shot down as well.

It could be that having a spouse and a g'friend might actually be a loving gesture towards the unknowing spouse, from some of the marriages I know of. The whole everything out in the open ideal is just that. An ideal. But the world is far from idealic from my experience.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 7:25:27 AM

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

Good kind decent people find themselves in affairs for as many reasons as there are people. Whats interesting is how Ive seen posts on this site where a person gets vocally upset over something like water sports, makes a statement about how they think its wrong then gets shot down by 12 people. "Your kink is not my kink" seems to be the golden rule here in everything but more than two persons in a marrriage relationship. For all you who were wronged, its a good chance you were 50% of the problem.

Ok, I gotta respond to this one. First, no one said that people that cheat on their spouse was anything other then cheaterers. And "your kink is not my kink" has absolutely nothing to do with cheating on your spouse, extra-marital affairs is NOT a kink.

And for the line I high-lighted.... I went into the hospital on a friday morning to give birth to my last nestling, my husband (being the devoted father that he was... yes, that was sarcasm) spent the entire day at the hospital, feeding our son, changing his diaper and all that... he called everyone he knew to announce his birth and the whole nine yards. That evening he left the hospital and went directly to the home of the woman he had been sleeping with for most of my pregnancy... she happened to be my foster sister. He spent the night with her and came back to the hospital the next morning and lied to me once again about where he had been.

Now, as far as I knew we had a great sex life and up until I found out that he screwed everything that walked upright and had a pussy between their legs, I thought that we had a great marriage... so for you to imply that I was 50% of the problem offends me greatly... as I'm sure so many other victims of cheating spouses would agree.

Jewel

edited to add... I am poly and there is a vast difference between a loving poly home and swinging... just an fyi... and there is just as much difference between cheating and poly.

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 6/9/2006 7:27:01 AM >

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to sophia37)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 7:29:32 AM

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yes, good kind decent people do find themselves in these situations, but good kind decent people realize that hurting someone while doing it is wrong and don't try to rationalize it and or blame the person they hurt. they are sorry that they hurt them.

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

(in reply to sophia37)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 7:30:51 AM

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

Now, as far as I knew we had a great sex life and up until I found out that he screwed everything that walked upright and had a pussy between their legs, I thought that we had a great marriage... so for you to imply that I was 50% of the problem offends me greatly... as I'm sure so many other victims of cheating spouses would agree.

I second that! How do you know there is a problem when the cheating spouse never lets on that there is a problem in the first place?

< Message edited by sabswife -- 6/9/2006 7:33:20 AM >

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 7:33:34 AM

Posts: 487
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten

I have read often on these boards statements such as:

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."
"If he's lying to his wife, sooner or later he will lie to you."

I am here to say that's not how it looks from where I sit! Many of us find ourselves in two worlds of trust: we are secretly breaking trust in our vanilla marriages but it is vital to us to be trusted and trusting in the D/s world.

You may wonder how and why we can live by two different standards. The foundation of any meaningful relationship should be trust, so how can we possibly claim to be trustworthy in the D/s world if we cannot be trusted in our marriages? I can only speak for myself, and I do not claim to be justifying cheating. I am only claiming that I am passionate about being 100% open and honest in my D/s relationship.

I live in two different worlds of trust because I have been evolving as a person but my marriage cannot accommodate the person I've become, and so I feel I must pretend to be the person I was, the person who lived for decades with a vanilla life alongside a raging D/s inner fantasy life. Even if I hadn't chosen to cheat, I would still be living a lie, pretending to be content and vanilla. The truth would destroy my marriage, whether the truth of my cheating or the truth of the depth of my longings. And while my choices are hurting my husband though he is unaware, the truth would hurt him more. I am lying to protect him from the harsh pain of the truth that he cannot meet his wife's needs.

There are many ways in which my D/s relationship is helping me to learn and grow and be a better person. One of the most important aspects of my relationship is the understanding that I am to be 100% transparent to my Dom. I know that our relationship depends upon it, and my submission depends upon it, and my growth depends upon it.

Yes, I do realize that my marriage depends upon it too (or at least on trust if not 100% transparency), but I have never been able to tell my husband when I'm unhappy, because he does not try to work toward a constructive solution; it is guaranteed to degenerate into an argument where he is both defensive and accusatory. The funny thing is that his main gripe with me is that I always have to have my own way... when inside myself I am longing to submit... but not to him.

There is absolutely no point in risking my marriage for a D/s relationship unless it is filling an unmet need in me - the deep longing to give over control to another person and put myself and my trust in another's hands. I know I must bring the best of myself to this relationship if I am to be worthy of his trust and if I am to learn what submission is really all about and if I am to peel back the layers to expose my whole self to my Dom and to myself.

One time I started to do something that I knew would not please him. And then all of a sudden it struck me with a shock that I must tell him and face the consequences, no matter what. I knew that if I hid anything from my Dom then there would be no point to the relationship at all. Even though I burst into tears at the realization that I would have to tell him (minor transgression though it was), at the same moment a huge wave of gratitude and relief swept through me too. For I realized that this full accountability and transparency is a big part of what I have been longing for in my quest for submission, and that even when it is difficult, it is what I want and need.

Trust is obtainable in my D/s relationship. Trust *is* my D/s relationship. It permeates everything. I lay myself bare to my Dom. I hide myself from my husband. This is my life. I wish I did not lead a fractured life but it is how I manage to make peace inside myself, even though it is sometimes an uneasy peace.

And this is how and why I live in two worlds of trust.

(I do not expect to change anyone's mind here. And I know there are plenty of cheaters in the world of BDSM as well as the vanilla world. This is just one humble kitten's perspective, shared as well by some trusted friends in the D/s world.)

By the way, I've mentioned it a couple of times before, but for those of you who, like me, have made the hard decision to cheat in your marriage and would like to be able to discuss related issues in a nonjudgmental environment, I've started a Yahoo group for this purpose and we have been having some very lively and meaningful discussions. The group is:

Two Flavors - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/two_flavors
(one flavor is vanilla; the other is whatever you want it to be)

Kitten

You take your pleasure at your husband's expense -- i predict E/everyone involved will pay a high price s'day. But you didn't ask for my agreement, so i won't say anything further.

pinkee

< Message edited by pinkee -- 6/9/2006 7:35:15 AM >

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 8:04:42 AM

Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten

I have read often on these boards statements such as:

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."
"If he's lying to his wife, sooner or later he will lie to you."

I am here to say that's not how it looks from where I sit! Many of us find ourselves in two worlds of trust: we are secretly breaking trust in our vanilla marriages but it is vital to us to be trusted and trusting in the D/s world.

You may wonder how and why we can live by two different standards. The foundation of any meaningful relationship should be trust, so how can we possibly claim to be trustworthy in the D/s world if we cannot be trusted in our marriages? I can only speak for myself, and I do not claim to be justifying cheating. I am only claiming that I am passionate about being 100% open and honest in my D/s relationship.

I live in two different worlds of trust because I have been evolving as a person but my marriage cannot accommodate the person I've become, and so I feel I must pretend to be the person I was, the person who lived for decades with a vanilla life alongside a raging D/s inner fantasy life. Even if I hadn't chosen to cheat, I would still be living a lie, pretending to be content and vanilla. The truth would destroy my marriage, whether the truth of my cheating or the truth of the depth of my longings. And while my choices are hurting my husband though he is unaware, the truth would hurt him more. I am lying to protect him from the harsh pain of the truth that he cannot meet his wife's needs.

There are many ways in which my D/s relationship is helping me to learn and grow and be a better person. One of the most important aspects of my relationship is the understanding that I am to be 100% transparent to my Dom. I know that our relationship depends upon it, and my submission depends upon it, and my growth depends upon it.

Yes, I do realize that my marriage depends upon it too (or at least on trust if not 100% transparency), but I have never been able to tell my husband when I'm unhappy, because he does not try to work toward a constructive solution; it is guaranteed to degenerate into an argument where he is both defensive and accusatory. The funny thing is that his main gripe with me is that I always have to have my own way... when inside myself I am longing to submit... but not to him.

There is absolutely no point in risking my marriage for a D/s relationship unless it is filling an unmet need in me - the deep longing to give over control to another person and put myself and my trust in another's hands. I know I must bring the best of myself to this relationship if I am to be worthy of his trust and if I am to learn what submission is really all about and if I am to peel back the layers to expose my whole self to my Dom and to myself.

One time I started to do something that I knew would not please him. And then all of a sudden it struck me with a shock that I must tell him and face the consequences, no matter what. I knew that if I hid anything from my Dom then there would be no point to the relationship at all. Even though I burst into tears at the realization that I would have to tell him (minor transgression though it was), at the same moment a huge wave of gratitude and relief swept through me too. For I realized that this full accountability and transparency is a big part of what I have been longing for in my quest for submission, and that even when it is difficult, it is what I want and need.

Trust is obtainable in my D/s relationship. Trust *is* my D/s relationship. It permeates everything. I lay myself bare to my Dom. I hide myself from my husband. This is my life. I wish I did not lead a fractured life but it is how I manage to make peace inside myself, even though it is sometimes an uneasy peace.

And this is how and why I live in two worlds of trust.

(I do not expect to change anyone's mind here. And I know there are plenty of cheaters in the world of BDSM as well as the vanilla world. This is just one humble kitten's perspective, shared as well by some trusted friends in the D/s world.)

By the way, I've mentioned it a couple of times before, but for those of you who, like me, have made the hard decision to cheat in your marriage and would like to be able to discuss related issues in a nonjudgmental environment, I've started a Yahoo group for this purpose and we have been having some very lively and meaningful discussions. The group is:

Two Flavors - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/two_flavors
(one flavor is vanilla; the other is whatever you want it to be)

Kitten

I have to.......just have to.

You say you are passionate about being 100% open and honest in your D/s relationship. What about being that passionate about the feelings of your "vanilla" spouse? Does he not deserve the same passion as your Master? Just asking questions, not flaming here.......that is not my right. But my opinion is that anyone that proclaims 100% honesty in an extramarital relationsip is showing 100% dishonesty in original relationship, and they are hypocrites.

Now again this is my opinion.....Honesty and trust is key in any relationship. Now I do agree that you need to be true to your inner self, believe me I understand "to thine own self be true" But also remember "Honesty is the Best Policy"

_____________________________

Peace
His slut

"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 8:13:02 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten
I don't hate myself quite yet, thank you.

Keep living life this way, and you will. Again, I speak from experience. I have never met anyone who has as much self-love as I do, yet I hated myself for lying and cheating. It is just not a healthy way to live.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 8:30:27 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I do not believe in the line "Once a cheater always a cheater". People grow, learn, and evolve in this life. In your case I see no growth and you have not come clean with the person you signed a contract with and wore his wedding band.. you even gave birth to his unmentionables. Im sorry but I have to say, I would not find your actions to be trustworthy when it comes to any intimate relationship because you havent come clean in your primary one. When it counts the most you lie. Now I am not judging you, this is the facts of your life. I would trust you as a friend, but I would not trust you as a lover, because frankly you havent evolved or learned... and you are still professing you can be a liar and still be trusted.,.. you can't. Let me rephrase that, someone may trust you, but I would wonder how much he really trusts you.

Like I said, there may come a time where you opt for an open marriage, and when you do you will have evolved and learned. Nothing can grow in the dark but mold.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/9/2006 9:08:10 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 8:38:38 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

Sorry sskitten this is not the reply you were looking for. You spent a great deal of time thinking through your post...and what you ended up with is a well though out excuse. Bottom line, trust is not something we conveniently mold to fit our needs. If you can wake up each morning beside your husband, walk into the bathroom and look yourself in the mirror and honestly believe what you just wrote and what your doing ok, then i feel sorry for your husband...he is married to someone that is not worthy of his trust.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to sskitten)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 8:56:01 AM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
Has anyone been in a long term relationship and was quite happy and content and not looking for anything outside the relationship, then suddenly met someone and immediately fell for them in a big big way?

My Lord did that; he was not looking but was open to the possibilities. He is still quite happy and content in the relationship that started almost 20 years ago, he is also quite happy and content with the relationship he and I started over a year ago and the three of us are building a happy and content relationship together.

quote:

Hell, it's confusing because it wasn't supposed to happen. The solid foundations of your life suddenly start to crack. Do you pretend that your feelings are still the same or do you throw everything away for what could be nothing more than a week's infatuation. Maybe it really is the love of your life but what about the kids? What about the roof over their heads, their schooling and what happened to your partner? Yesterday you were in love with them and now today you apparently love someone else!!

The foundations of life only start to crack if you believe the notion that you can only love one person. Loving someone else doesn't in any way have to detract from the original relationship. It only does if you let it.

quote:

Life isn't easy as mouthing platitudes.

Quite a few people on here a successfully living in open or poly relationships, so you might find it trite, but they are putting these concepts to use everyday in their lives.

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to meatcleaver)

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/9/2006 9:16:42 AM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

The foundations of life only start to crack if you believe the notion that you can only love one person. Loving someone else doesn't in any way have to detract from the original relationship. It only does if you let it... snip... Quite a few people on here a successfully living in open or poly relationships, so you might find it trite, but they are putting these concepts to use everyday in their lives.

Thank you kyraofMists for saying what I've been stumbling over. And you said it so well.

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

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