RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s?

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/4/2013 8:46:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22

Look, insulting me, or trying to ridicule me, simply doesn't change logic or reality. It might make you feel better, but it's a kind of reaction that says clearly, on a psychological level, "I DON"T WANT TO FACE THE TRUTH!!!" Because it's uncomfortable. Because it doesn't flatter you. Because life is easier if you tell yourself it's simply NOT the truth. That you are right in everything you do.

Such is financial domination.

He pointed out the flaw in your logic and your response is to deny and spin. Maybe you should check out P and R. Should be a great fit.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/4/2013 9:28:28 PM

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[Ed for typo]

If you were to reread your posts, I wonder if you might understand how a casual observer might fall into the misapprehension that you're a whiny little tosser who is every bit as prone to the snark that you so readily accuse others of?

I'm sure you're not a little tosser, but I can see how someone might come to that conclusion.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/4/2013 10:18:22 PM

WorshipTheDragon

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Of course its a real fetish. There is a fetish for everything including balloons. The criticism for FinDom simply comes from the idea of men owning women. You'll find the people who are most upset/insulted about FinDom are the subs who have a long list of desires they want a mistress to fulfill. They want their fantasies fulfilled simply because they asked for it, and they expect any woman they desire to do it when they want it done, and for nothing in return. Sexist men often have the habit of being offended when a woman demands something for her time and attention, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS MONEY. In other words, these are guys who want their fantasies serviced.

There are plenty of lifestyle Dommes on this site of all ages, races, sizes, and fetishes. If a sub looking for a lifestyle Domme can't get their attention, then the problem is with themselves. You can tell that these are the type of people who throw a tantrum and fall apart when they don't get their way. They are a dangerous type to be around.

Scat isn't my fetish, but I don't go around bitching about it and harassing people that are into it. If FinDom isn't your thing, then simply ignore it, just like the slew of other fetishes that people ignore.

I was a lifestyle Domme for 5 years it doesn't matter what type of a Domme you are, there is always going to be a group of whiny men and women who think they own you and have a right to you. They believe that your existence is SOLELY to fulfill their fantasy and to hell with whatever gets your pussy wet.

The world of BDSM is very large, there are just as many styles, personalities, and perspectives to go along with the large spectrum of kinks that exists. You'll have a much happier and fulfilled time in this lifestyle if you simply focus on what you want, and not what you don't want. Find someone whom you click with, care about, and HAVE FUN. Its so much better than being bitter, judgmental, lonely, and horny lmao.

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/4/2013 11:18:59 PM

MissImmortalPain

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Does it count for anything that way back when this thread, and others like it, started I called myself a prostitute? Do I get a cookie for admitting that I have no issues with men that want to pay me to do/or say bad things to them? Don't get me wrong I can see RS's point and yours as well. I really am starting to think that the idea that was suggested before might be a good one though. The idea of doing a statement as to what findomming is actually really about. Of course for me it all boils down to one thing....I like telling men what to do. It really doesn't matter what or why just as long as I get to tell them and they do it. I really don't know if anyone would call it a kink or a control issue but either way it makes me happy and I tend to repeat actions that make me happy.

*And* As for that comment about collarme not listing things....Oh, my, I could add so many things to their list.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 12:39:50 AM

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Wow, dink is back.
I think Oside said it best "we roll our eyes..."

I've gotten to where I don't even read his
posts anymore. I think more than a few of us feel
the same way.

Anyway.....
MIP, I see what you're saying.

I feel like FD is a fetish like anything else. Just bc someone
doesn't like or agree with it doesn't make it
not a fetish.

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 11/5/2013 12:48:13 AM >

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 4:06:13 AM

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I watched this thread for a while but it quickly became apparent that too many pseudo intellectuals were embracing each other and saying "Good job ladies, we are in unanimous agreement that fin Dommes are a legitimate form of D/s.’ At this point the thread had become extremely one sided and what is the point of a one sided debate? It isn’t a debate any longer is it? Anyone who dares to play devils advocate will be tarred and feathered. There is no place on this thread to debate, because there is only one logical side to take in the discussion. Anyone who gives a legitimate opinion about this topic but with an opposing viewpoint, anyone with a fairly robust set of counterarguments is labeled a troll, uneducated, someone who farts in a lift and so on.

Some of the Fin Dommes in this thread are regular and popular posters. When we know and like a person the last thing we want to do is upset them and yet to debate fairly we must be prepared to distance ourselves whilst on topic. Many people were not prepared to do that here and I’m not surprised. Take all the fin Dommes out of this thread and there are actually very few posters.

Threads usually live and grow or stagnate and die based on their own merits. The problem with this thread is, its 92 pages long and no longer about the initial question. It’s a place of ‘education’ from the Fin Dommes themselves, a place where anyone trying to start a thread with a similar question is to be diverted here. By allowing this thread to continue CM has censored future debate regarding Fin Dommes and whilst I didn’t like the half dozen threads a week on this subject, I don’t think this is the answer.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 4:27:08 AM

MissKittyDeVine

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There are in fact many comments from posters who are NOT findommes or subs into the fetish. I would love to debate and discuss the issue of findom. But many people come here merely to attack. Like dink, they do not come here to learn and debate.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 4:41:35 AM

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I hadn't assumed that the purpose of this thread was to actually try and open minds, I was working on the basis that it's a great way to reduce the number of new fin domme threads that get started.

It's not intended to benefit the whiners, it's intended as a service for the rest of us.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 5:25:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

There are in fact many comments from posters who are NOT findommes or subs into the fetish. I would love to debate and discuss the issue of findom. But many people come here merely to attack. Like dink, they do not come here to learn and debate.

I think we have to be careful not to get overly defensive. Whilst my reaction to K may of appeared personal, it was merely pointing out discrepancies and the counterargument was all to do with financial domination. My absolute frustration showed through, I know that but that frustration was born out of not being able to debate this properly. There’s bound to be conflict of opinion, it’s a very heated subject. People are going to pick apart and dissect something like this with the fine precision of a surgeon’s knife. Stating an opinion that goes against the grain doesn’t have to be accepted but it has to be respected. What alarms me with this particular thread is, anyone who speaks out against financial domination as being a legitimate kink is destined to be the subject of one liner sarcasms for several posts after.

I was speaking to Merc and Beth (long time old members of this site) the other day and we were laughing about how heated our debates on here used to get. Merc used to have me pulling my hair out and it was the same for him with me but at the end of the debate when we all agreed to disagree, we shook hands and moved on to the next topic! This can’t happen here because the thread is never ending and its become an ‘I win, you loose’ argument.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I hadn't assumed that the purpose of this thread was to actually try and open minds, I was working on the basis that it's a great way to reduce the number of new fin domme threads that get started.

It's not intended to benefit the whiners, it's intended as a service for the rest of us.

Its only a service to the Fin Dommes and the people who have no interest in Fin Dommes threads and although I know a lot of people sit in both those categories, what good does this thread do for those who come back with a reasonable counterargument but are then told its already been covered? Does anyone have time to read through 92 pages to find where it was covered? What happens when someone quotes someone from way back so that they may ask a pertinent question? Do all contributors to this thread stick around for its entirety?`no they don't. Most are long gone. And who prey are the whiners? Am I a whiner? Are the Fin Dommes whiners? Are the people who say, ‘I get fed up of all the financial domination on this site’ whiners?

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 5:34:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I watched this thread for a while but it quickly became apparent that too many pseudo intellectuals were embracing each other and saying "Good job ladies, we are in unanimous agreement that fin Dommes are a legitimate form of D/s.’ At this point the thread had become extremely one sided and what is the point of a one sided debate? It isn’t a debate any longer is it? Anyone who dares to play devils advocate will be tarred and feathered. There is no place on this thread to debate, because there is only one logical side to take in the discussion. Anyone who gives a legitimate opinion about this topic but with an opposing viewpoint, anyone with a fairly robust set of counterarguments is labeled a troll, uneducated, someone who farts in a lift and so on.

Some of the Fin Dommes in this thread are regular and popular posters. When we know and like a person the last thing we want to do is upset them and yet to debate fairly we must be prepared to distance ourselves whilst on topic. Many people were not prepared to do that here and I’m not surprised. Take all the fin Dommes out of this thread and there are actually very few posters.

Threads usually live and grow or stagnate and die based on their own merits. The problem with this thread is, its 92 pages long and no longer about the initial question. It’s a place of ‘education’ from the Fin Dommes themselves, a place where anyone trying to start a thread with a similar question is to be diverted here. By allowing this thread to continue CM has censored future debate regarding Fin Dommes and whilst I didn’t like the half dozen threads a week on this subject, I don’t think this is the answer.

I agree with this. Personally, I don't really have a dog in this fight, so I only comment occasionally about what I see. A while back, I did have some complaints when I thought that using free profiles on a site to advertise commercial services was bad form (I still do). But since it seems clear that the owners and administrators of Collarme have allowed commercial profiles here, there's not much else to say about the subject on that basis.

I think someone in this thread asked a key question about whether or not findommes actually enjoy their kink at home with their Significant Other. That's what cuts to the very heart of the issue, in my opinion, since the answer would reveal one's sincerity (or lack thereof).

I've been able to debate and disagree with people I like, and it can still be done without upsetting people as long as one is respectful and diplomatic. Those who disagree with a certain element of "unpleasantness" are those who seem to be singled out as trolls, since they seem to have a goal of wanting to piss off the findommes in the hope that they might be so angry as to come clean and admit "Yes, I'm only pretending to be dominant just for the money!" They want to hear that confession and admission of guilt, but I don't think such an admission is forthcoming anytime soon. Even if it was true, no one would ever admit it, so it's essentially a dead-end discussion. People will believe whatever they want to believe.

As for this thread and other threads on this topic, I don't think they will go away anytime soon either.

I also have to keep in mind that a lot of this is internet-related, so perhaps a larger question might be whether "online domination" (where there's little to no chance of a real time meeting) is legitimate. I don't think that anyone has expressed any complaints about those in a committed D/s relationship where the dominant controls the couple's shared finances. No one is complaining about that form of financial domination, so based on that, I submit that no one in this thread has denigrated the actual "fetish" of financial domination, but just the commercial/online aspects of it.

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 7:10:45 AM

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Zonie, 'People will believe whatever they want to believe'.

I think this for me says it all…..Probability versus Proof

I challenge any Fin Domme to provide an example of proof that this is a legitimate form of D/s for both the Domme and the sub. Its impossible even though her words are highly probable.

One of my counter arguments near the start of this thread was, I don’t believe we have to prove anything to anyone. We know our own truth but even so we will come across sceptics and those sceptics like to challenge our truth. I’m truly baffled that a Fin Domme would invest so much time and emotion in trying to prove her ‘innocence’ and I say innocence because this is about cleaning up a reputation, this is about not being damned as a prostitute. What I was saying is, you don’t need to explain, you don’t need to tell us how you do things so that we will believe you, it doesn’t matter, we don’t matter, the skeptics don’t matter. You have to accept that you can’t make everyone like you and you can’t get everyone to believe you!

Edited to add, when I worked as a Pro Domme I had this apprentice Domme who came and work at my chambers. This young woman was continually concerned about what people thought about her. She'd arrive at the chambers with her face pinched from stress because her friends had mentioned the word 'hooker' and the guys in her friends group thought she was easy. She was actually a fantastic Domme (when she relaxed), a real natural who thoroughly enjoyed the sessions but she was always internally unhappy.

I just looked her up. She's still a pro, has a fantastic website where she looks out, radiant, beautiful and proud. She's been doing it a lot of years now and so obviously loves it.... I guess she just toughened up.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 11/5/2013 7:19:31 AM >

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 8:33:59 AM

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in my partial, subjective, and rather jaded opinion....

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Its only a service to the Fin Dommes and the people who have no interest in Fin Dommes threads and although I know a lot of people sit in both those categories, what good does this thread do for those who come back with a reasonable counterargument but are then told its already been covered? Does anyone have time to read through 92 pages to find where it was covered? What happens when someone quotes someone from way back so that they may ask a pertinent question? Do all contributors to this thread stick around for its entirety?`no they don't. Most are long gone.

Like I said... I don't think that "debate" is the great value of a thread like this.

quote:

And who prey are the whiners?

Hard to define, easy to spot. I'm referring to the tossy little woman haters who don't have the backbone to get over the fact that while there are a LOT of scam Fin Dommes, it's just fucking absurd to cast them all the same way.

This forum used to be littered with threads of that ilk.

quote:

Am I a whiner?

Nah, don't be silly!

quote:

Are the Fin Dommes whiners?

Some of them are, sure.

quote:

Are the people who say, ‘I get fed up of all the financial domination on this site’ whiners?

Not all of them, but in my (again!) partial, subjective, and rather jaded opinion many of them are.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 8:38:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
I challenge any Fin Domme to provide an example of proof that this is a legitimate form of D/s for both the Domme and the sub. Its impossible even though her words are highly probable.

Awww... c'mon. You could posit that challenge for dozens of kinks and fetishes.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 8:41:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

Are the people who say, ‘I get fed up of all the financial domination on this site’ whiners?

Not all of them, but in my (again!) partial, subjective, and rather jaded opinion many of them are.

Yeah, no fucking kidding. How hard can it be to not-click on a thread topic you aren't interested in? For some people, obviously very hard indeed. The people who complain that findoms-R-bad threads ruin their message board experience have no self-control whatsoever. It's the exact same form of social retardation that causes men to complain about profiles they could hide in less than two seconds. There are a lot of people, both male and female, who don't want to accept responsibility for crafting their online experiences.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 8:42:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
I challenge any Fin Domme to provide an example of proof that this is a legitimate form of D/s for both the Domme and the sub.

Awww... c'mon. You could posit that challenge for dozens of kinks and fetishes.

And which immediately made me wonder what would constitute "a legitimate form of D/s". I boss Carol around. It has nothing to do with sexuality. Is it "legitimate"? IS there some application somewhere I ought to be filling in? Now that I think on it, I boss lots of other people around too... some of them in ways which are definitely frowned on at this site. Who's making the rulings on all these forms of D/s?

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 8:52:38 AM

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quote:

I challenge any Fin Domme to provide an example of proof that this is a legitimate form of D/s for both the Domme and the sub. Its impossible even though her words are highly probable.

I'm not a findomme by any means.

However, in order for findomme to be a legitimate form of d/s, there has to be a set of rules and regulations. There is no governing body, no application or review board, all we have is a bare bones agreement of what d/s is: a hierarchy in a relationship to which 2 or more people consent. In light of that it's "legit". Ward and June Cleaver.

Is it a kink or a fetish? Only if the D says she needs money/tributes etc to get off sexually, or she has an obsession with money/tributes etc. If the answer to those is no, it's just a business. If the answer is yes, then it's a kink or fetish (and may also be a business).

Somehow I don't see the fd's lining to up say "pay me so I'll feel gratified, I need it, I crave it, it makes me horny it makes me cum", but rather "pay me if you want me to take charge of you in certain ways tba".

No fin to finDomme = no fetish to the finsub.

That said, it's ok to take pleasure in your job.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 9:02:43 AM

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~FRing it~

Not a fin anything myself, so no official dog in the fight.

On a personal note, I think it's an extremely slippery slope when we start asking people to prove the legitimacy of what it is that they do fetish-wise...kink-wise...or whatever else term we are using to classify. Today it's the FinFolks. Tomorrow it could be any single one of us being asked to prove what we do is legitimate. Who's standards decide this? What criteria are we using?

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 11/5/2013 9:03:28 AM >

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 9:54:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

Are the people who say, ‘I get fed up of all the financial domination on this site’ whiners?

Not all of them, but in my (again!) partial, subjective, and rather jaded opinion many of them are.

Yeah, no fucking kidding. How hard can it be to not-click on a thread topic you aren't interested in?

Now that's a fair point.

quote:

For some people, obviously very hard indeed. The people who complain that findoms-R-bad threads ruin their message board experience have no self-control whatsoever. It's the exact same form of social retardation that causes men to complain about profiles they could hide in less than two seconds. There are a lot of people, both male and female, who don't want to accept responsibility for crafting their online experiences.

Hmm.

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 10:21:55 AM

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Maria, I must say I 100% agree with you on the fact that we should be able to debate
and move to the next topic. However, I did feel you got a bit more heated
and began throwing insults.
I would love to actually debate this with people provided that if a fact is stated, they respect
it, and not call me a liar.

I also agree with the fact that if people don't want to be in the debate, don't click on the thread.
It's hard to debate when you have ppl like dink who trashes up the place. But to debate with ppl who
actually want to listen and ask questions and get questions answered would be awesome.

SeekingTrinity, great point. You guys will often hear me say that
this is an ALTERNATIVE lifestyle. How in the world are we even fixing our mouths to say
what is or isn't legit in the kink world?!

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 11/5/2013 10:24:41 AM >

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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 11/5/2013 10:27:09 AM

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I'm not getting into the ongoing debate anymore than I already have waaaaaaay back in pages except to say:

The very passion and upset, the anger and emotional reactions against Findom as compared to so many other fetishes is part of what is so thrilling about it in large part: money is a deeply emotional topic for people... How we make it, what we do with it, how much we have, how much it looks like we have, and so on. Something that is charged with such passion and emotion makes for a delicious focus of play.

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