Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect?

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Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 8:36:45 AM

MistressKel

Posts: 44
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline

I'm new to the online BDSM community and I have noticed that some Doms/Dommes tend to capitalize pronouns that reference themselves--me, my, mine and so forth...

To me, this just seems to be a power trip. But, is this actually something that is acceptable in the community? And if so, why? It just seems so egocentric to me.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Post #: 1

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 8:44:54 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Capping has its origin in the early (or earlier) internet chat rooms where it was seen as a useful way to determine which side of the kneel a person was. So it has a fairly long history.

You might also have noticed that some subs use lowercase too.

It's not as common today, and I can understand why it might initially strike you as a bit egocentric, but I know a couple of top quality d types who I really respect and like who do it, so I'd say that you shouldn't read much into it.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to MistressKel)

Post #: 2

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 8:45:41 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm kinda old fashioned and when the bdsm sites had first started on the net, it was protocol to cap a dom/me's name as respect toward the dom/me. It was also used to determine who was a Dom/me and who was a sub/slave.

I sometimes do it out of habit still. Plus I do it for Master not because it's required but simply to show my respect for him. I don't always do it but I do it from time to time.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 3

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 8:48:56 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
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I can understand why it seems a bit of a power trip but hey, I get why it's done too. I don't read too much into it and cap or not depending on what I feel like doing at the time. Like most things, do what speaks to you OP and whatever seems right.

(in reply to MistressKel)

Post #: 4

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 8:55:08 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

I do it sometimes as a means of putting emphasis on the word, like I do other non-kink-related words.

And, strangely, my iPad has always autocrrected my non-capitalized Dom to capitalized (like it did right there). Do I bother to fix it when it does? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

_____________________________

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I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

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(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 5

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 8:57:56 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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I think if you are fortunate enough to meet a real master and you are their slave, they deserve that capital.

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 6

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 9:01:06 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

i never write using caps in forums, or pm's for speed. i do tons of paper work where i have to be very correct about everything. for fun i just can't be arsed to be so pedantic. i will use capitals online for those who do so in their usernames.

i would write Him in reference to my playmate so as to be decrete, or because to start with he wasn't on here while i was. i wrote it that way not because he's a dom, but so that people would see i was refering to my playmate as i would type his name.

i did find it odd that people capitalise pronouns when refering to themselves. i have also seen some people writing in the generic sence put Y/you, Y/your, and so on. each to their own, but i couldn't be bothered to write in such a way.

you'll notice LadyPact capitalises the pronouns (and i only mention her because she is one that i see post regularly enough to remember her doing it), but she certainly doesn't come across to me as being egotistical in doing so.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 9:26:17 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

In some people, I think it is just their way.

In others, I think they are pompous blowhards who capitalize anything that might possibly refer to them, and use that atrocious slashy-speak, and worst of all, apply the caps to the slashy speak, like this: anyO/one

I mean seriously... anyOne? really? REALLY???

What I think is really funny is the ones who don't even do the slashy "right" (as if there's a right way to do it). For instance, the pronoun "we". Since they use it to refer to their dominant and themself, and the dominant is ALWAYS part of the "we", then it should just be "We", not "W/we". The slash stands for "or". So "he/she" means "he or she". If you're capping "we", then there is never a case to NOT cap it when referring to your dom, and therefore no cause for "We or we"

Respect has zero to do with capitalization of non-proper nouns or pronouns, in my world.

_____________________________

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(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 8

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 9:34:22 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I always found it ridiculous to not cap submissives names and flat out refused to comply to those that thought I should follow the herd. I figured if someone couldn't take the 5 seconds it would take to read my profile, I wasn't interested anyway.

Personally, whatever you chose to do is up to you, however expecting everyone else to conform to your views is just futile.

(I remember a long time ago on these forums when a submissive tore me a new asshole because I capitalized her screen name)

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 9

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 9:38:35 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Please CAPITAL the letter C in CHATTERBOX when referring to me. LOL. Easy now Im just having fun it is friday.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 9:44:45 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I think it's a whimisical habit at best, pomposity at worst. I tend to hide people who use the slashyspeak, or at least stop reading their posts.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 11

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 10:29:23 AM

MistressKel

Posts: 44
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline

Wow...great feedback!

I agree with capitalizing Master and Dom/Domme out of respect, and because it is actually a title OF respect.
I myself do not feel comfortable, capitalizing personal pronouns for no seemingly good reason; if it was the way the community worked as a whole, then of course, I would conform to those standards. But it's not, so I won't.

I'm really glad to get the feedback because I was really worried about not complying to an expected community standard, so thanks much folks!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 11:05:44 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

The cool thing is, there's no community standard

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There's nowt so queer as folk

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Post #: 13

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 11:19:10 AM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

For written purpose I don't really care if someone uses capitals or slashes. I've used them before in the past, they suited the place I was at. They don't work here and I'm indifferent, so I don't use them.

I do think if a person is being heartfelt or creative, they deserve a little slack. If my girl calls me Daddy (capitalized) it's because it comes natural to her. It's how she chooses to express herself. I don't think she has ever once called me "RemoteUser" - she's more likely to say "darling" or plain old "Todd", and I'm fine with either because I can hear what it means to her, in her voice. I also see it in her eyes when we are together. Likewise with creativity, if I wrote a poem and capitalized the word Time it's an emphasis, and to hell with grammar.

We're all guilty of judging written words by presentation, not just content. If you can look past it, though, sometimes you see something worth reading. (Not always, but it costs nothing to try.)

~ DumDumDom, caps-happy and looking for rum

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 14

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 11:23:48 AM

Salinedion

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline

It does seem a little daft and dorky to me, but if it rings someone's bell, why not? It does seem to be in remission.

I had my lover meet me not wearing panties a few times. Nothing is more cliche than that, but it always made for an early dinner and a night in.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 15

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 11:25:22 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

The cool thing is, there's no community standard

For realsies!! I do what I like and snigger at the folks I think are bringing the lulz. It's all about the entertainments!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 16

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 11:32:03 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

In some people, I think it is just their way.

In others, I think they are pompous blowhards who capitalize anything that might possibly refer to them, and use that atrocious slashy-speak, and worst of all, apply the caps to the slashy speak, like this: anyO/one

I mean seriously... anyOne? really? REALLY???

What I think is really funny is the ones who don't even do the slashy "right" (as if there's a right way to do it). For instance, the pronoun "we". Since they use it to refer to their dominant and themself, and the dominant is ALWAYS part of the "we", then it should just be "We", not "W/we". The slash stands for "or". So "he/she" means "he or she". If you're capping "we", then there is never a case to NOT cap it when referring to your dom, and therefore no cause for "We or we"

Respect has zero to do with capitalization of non-proper nouns or pronouns, in my world.

This.

Even thought when I read it it was with an inner voice that did it really fast without bothering to even take a breath. And I have nnnnnoooooooo idea why.

I personally do not get the whole Me, My, Master, Mistress.....yada yada yada. To MEEEEE, it just feels pretentious and silly. What trips other's triggers.......I don't much care. I kinda sorta try to do what that wonderful teacher Mrs. Morgan beat into my thick skull lo those many years ago. Mrs. Morgan did not capitalize Me, Mine, Her, etc......unless it was at the beginning of a sentence. Proper names yes. So regardless of whatever BDSM bullshit drama laden protocol others have. I am sticking with Mrs. Morgan's way (as best as can, it was a lot of years ago...).

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 17

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 12:31:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's been a while since we've had this one. Since this is one of My habits, I'm going to tell you a story.

I actually didn't start the kink thing on the net. I had My first boy and was into BDSM before I even owned a computer. (I'm usually behind the times in the technology area.)

The very first site that I was ever on was ALT. This was back before Fet made it so much easier to find local events and such. The advantage to Alt was that it had chat rooms for designated sections of the country by geographic location. Many of us who attended the clubs in Atlanta would coordinate our BDSM activities in the SouthEast USA chat room.

Back then, just about everybody who chatted did what they called "protocol capitalization". It was a quick way to identify if the person typing was a dominant or a submissive.

When my sub (at the time) introduced me to this site five years ago, I transferred the habit. I didn't know any better. I started in kink before I ever got on the internet. Nobody really bothered about it then because there were several regular posters on the boards who had similar habits.

After a while, there was a real flamefest of a thread about the low opinion of those who chose to do type out things a little differently. Some of the comments were downright mean. (Moderation was a bit different back then.) One person even made a post about how bad she felt that she was doing things wrong and she was so disappointed in herself for sounding so dumb. It wasn't sarcasm. It was sincere. She felt terrible because this site was her only connection to the kink community. The only place that she felt she could connect to the submissive that she had inside and wrote in a way to reflect that.

Well, being me, that ticked me right the hell off. I wrote a post that basically tore the guy a new asshole and reminded Mr Bully that kink was all about personal expression and that these forums might be the only place where it was acceptable for people to be different. If writing in a different way was their only instance of feeling closer to the submissive that they really were inside, he had no place trying to take it away from them. I closed that post by making a promise. That I would keep my protocol capping and my purple font on the boards so that nobody would ever have to feel that they were the only one who expressed themselves differently or that they would have to conform to the way some bully told them it had to be done.

I've been doing that ever since and I'm going to keep doing it. Some people don't like it, but frankly, I don't care. If they can't get past a capital 'M' on a pronoun to get to the meat of the message of what I have to say, it's no harm, no foul. I get through to plenty of other folks who, on the various occasion, think I have something worth reading.

One of the best posters that we ever had here wrote in third person speech. I can only imagine what would have been lost if she were on the boards these days.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MistressKel)

Post #: 18

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 12:36:14 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

There is no one way to do it, and every one in the "community " will have an opinion of their own on all things. It's not like a hive where we're all drones who're of the same mind and on the same wave length of doing things.

Personally I won't do it. I think it's stupid, nor will I do slashy speak, nor will i do third person speak.

But those who want to are free to do it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKel

I'm new to the online BDSM community and I have noticed that some Doms/Dommes tend to capitalize pronouns that reference themselves--me, my, mine and so forth...

To me, this just seems to be a power trip. But, is this actually something that is acceptable in the community? And if so, why? It just seems so egocentric to me.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/21/2012 12:49:30 PM >

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to MistressKel)

Post #: 19

RE: Capping Self Reference Pronouns- Ego or Respect? - 9/21/2012 12:41:57 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

I have my own protocols that I follow for correspondence, but it's personal to me, and I don't think any differently of anyone if they don't do the same (for example, I will usually capitalize Dominant when I write). I do strongly feel these types of things are a matter of personal preference (or preferences within a given relationship), and that all approaches should be respected. Some have more elaborate protocol, others use none at all, but regardless, I don't judge one way or the other. Everyone should do what they feel comfortable doing.

I will say that often people will get criticized for using protocol, particularly because sometimes it can be cumbersome to read, but my feeling on this is that it is the writer's prerogative to write however they feel most comfortable, and some people enjoy using elaborate protocol in their speech and writing. I think people can choose not to read things if they want, but I feel that criticizing someone for using protocol is not necessary.

In the same way, unless one is involved with someone who demands certain protocol, people who are otherwise not directly involved with one do not have the right to demand any protocol. As a Mistress, you can choose the level of protocol you feel comfortable with for both general communications, personal communications, and within your personal relationships. And these levels could be the same or not. It's all good.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to MistressKel)

Post #: 20

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