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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 1:11:25 AM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
This has always been a bone of contention on this site but I think for me its more noticeable of late because a very large and popular English BDSM site is about to close its doors after many successful years and a lot of the members are drifting onto this site and these forums.

I read this and I immediately hoped you weren't referring to Informed Consent. I've always heard such good things about IC from people not based in the United States.

Unfortunately it is Informed Consent. It closes its doors in February.
Its a great shame but I really hope that many of the regular posters will come here and make this their new home.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 5:02:54 AM

DonRosti

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
The purpose of this thread is to explore a tangent I picked up from the "a thread on moderation" thread. I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation.

What has changed?
Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things?

Part of that was Me. It's My position that I believe fewer threads regarding BDSM and/or authority dynamics are started now than there were three or four years ago. Some of our lifestyle boards often have spans of multiple days that don't see a new thread. This is absolutely the case on the Polyamorous and Ask A Mistress boards. I've heard the same in regard to the Gorean forum. The Upcoming Events board has very little on it as far as major events, which is a change from the frequency that used to happen. While it's easy enough to have a look through a few of the current threads to see just how many (or how few) new topics are posted per day, I'm not invested enough to page back through the years to see what the comparison would be from years ago.

What changed? I'm a strong proponent that Fet is designed better for those who are looking to connect with their local kink community. Many of the people who used to be here are now there because it better suits their needs. You don't see people here anymore talking about getting together for SELF or DomCon because it's more effective to join the Fet group dedicated to whichever major event is happening. The more recognizable names that used to be on these boards, authors, presenters, organizers, etc are still active elsewhere.

I agreed with many points of SD's last paragraph. Since this site does tend to lean toward the 101 aspects of kink, it isn't always the best forum for the more complicated aspects. The site has always been more focused on D/s or M/s rather than just topping and bottoming. The signal to noise ratio (educational aspects compared to things like fin domme and fake threads) isn't very high these days.

The suggestions that I have for improvement are probably more closely tied to the discussion on the moderation thread.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 5:35:45 AM

JstAnotherSub

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I am not so sure that there is a decline, as much as there is a movement away from what the forums were when I got here.

Many here want to have serious conversations about topping and bottoming, extreme play, poly, and other things that relate to the, for lack of a better word, scene.

Others, like me, hang out to discuss stuff in general, because this is one place I can hang out, talk about recipes and the sadness on the news that day, and know that if my humor, sarcasm, fat ass, freckles, or something catch the eye of a dominant male, he will know by my being here, that I have interest in a d/s relationship, and we might connect.

There are some who, when they see a question from someone new, feel the need to make some remark about how stupid, ignorant, hopeless, pick your adjective, the poster asking the question is. This normally cause a chain reaction of others joining the dogpile, and I would bet that many who would be interested in learning about the "scene" run like hell after the baptism in fire.

Of course, I am guilty of calling others stupid, without using a "you"

, on things that are non scene and lifestyle related, because my knowledge on the subject makes me think they are spewing horse shit, so that may be why those in the scene, lifestyle, whatever you call it feel justified on calling newbies on their ignorance. Even though there is a difference in the two things to me, I realize I may not know everything, and my impression could be wrong.

All that said, I miss the humor of Domi and Jeff and Aileen. I miss the serious discussions that used to be had involving merc n beth and others who no longer come here. I even miss the dick flapping contests between the funny and the serious posters. But I also understand that they felt it more important to be true to them selves than to back off a bit when told to do so by the mods.

So, all in all, this typing leads me to say, it just is what it is. I will continue to come here and take what I want to, hopefully do something other than appear stupid occasionally, maybe even help someone find a smile every now and then.

I will also continue to roll my eyes at things that *I* find to be ridiculous, do my best to remain within TOS, and, if it ever reaches a point that me stating my opinion about something is more important to me that following the rules here, I will give my opinion and take whatever is handed to me by the mods.

I know, yall wish ya could have what I am smokin, but, it is all gone now til I get some more!

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 6:17:48 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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FR:

For the past year or so, there have been less insightful discussions, especially on BDSM topics. Some great contributors have left, but then some good ones have come back.

I agree it's an ebb and flow thing, and I agree we could be more tolerant of newbies.

The moderation is another thing that has an ebb and flow. When I first came here, the moderation was so strict, I left for a few years. I think it's much better now, but I also hate the "you have to stick on topic" rule. Normal conversations veer off course and often go into new uncharted waters and that makes it a better conversation.

I wish moderation could be limited to "please refrain from personal attacks" and that's it.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 7:20:11 AM

needlesandpins

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

FR:

For the past year or so, there have been less insightful discussions, especially on BDSM topics. Some great contributors have left, but then some good ones have come back.

I agree it's an ebb and flow thing, and I agree we could be more tolerant of newbies.

The moderation is another thing that has an ebb and flow. When I first came here, the moderation was so strict, I left for a few years. I think it's much better now, but I also hate the "you have to stick on topic" rule. Normal conversations veer off course and often go into new uncharted waters and that makes it a better conversation.

I wish moderation could be limited to "please refrain from personal attacks" and that's it.

well i wasn't around years ago, and i said to start with i just couldn't arsed to try and reply. however, what CP has written about pretty much sums up how i feel. alot of the time i don't want to bother replying incase it gets pulled because some little sweetheart got upset while playing with the big boys, and girls.

what's the point taking time to answer anything when someone can come along and pull it. and you know what? i'm not always sure it's even people posting in the tread who get their panties in a twist to cause the pulls, locks, and deletion.

needles

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 7:20:29 AM

LizDeluxe

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One person's 'veering off course into uncharted waters' is another person's hijack. Overall I like these forums or I wouldn't come back. Anyone who laments how any given internet forum has changed over time probably doesn't visit many internet forums. They are all like that (kink or not) and their personality morphs over time as different folks come and go. Bondage.com has changed in the same way over the years.

If you assemble two lists: "Regulars who you miss the most" and "Regulars that you are glad to be gone" you might be surprised how often the same names shows up on both lists. I have seen people comment on how they miss poster X and I scratch my head in amazement glad that I no longer have to skim over that person's drivel.

It is dismaying to see how often a newbie asks an admittedly rudimentary question in the bdsm forum only to be referred to Google. If people do not want to answer the question or join in the discussion they should just shut the fuck up. Really.

I think the moderators here do an overall good job. They are a peculiar bunch, to be sure but trust me... it is a much better alternative to no moderation at all. Been there and done that. It can get very ugly. I wouldn't volunteer to moderate the P&R forum.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 8:08:39 AM

xssve

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Sure people come and go, every internet forum has regulars who establish a certain "tone", and expect it to stay that way, but the membership of a given site is always comprised of rank noobs, semi regulars, and jaded junkies, that never changes, and as a rank noob morphs into a semi regular, another rank noob replaces them, a jaded junkie rage quits, and the new blood, the new perspective, alters the culture ever so slightly - and thank Cthulu, because otherwise you have to read the same old tedious opinions over and over again.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 8:46:54 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

The purpose of this thread is to explore a tangent I picked up from the "a thread on moderation" thread. I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation.

What has changed?

It's gotten boring as fuck.

Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things?

Moderation has run off most of the people that had anything interesting to discuss.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 9:37:40 AM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

The purpose of this thread is to explore a tangent I picked up from the "a thread on moderation" thread. I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation.

What has changed?

It's gotten boring as fuck.

Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things?

Moderation has run off most of the people that had anything interesting to discuss.

Those 2 are very closely related.

If people are censoring themselves for fear of the banhammer, the convos get boring really fast.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 10:26:33 AM

JeffBC

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gathering up a bunch of replies while I nurse my first cup o' coffee.

Ladypact: Interesting observation on Fet. I agree that when I want to know what's going on near me I had on over to Fetlife. I just can't manage to discuss anything there so it's pretty much just a community calendar for me. I find your characterization of findomme to be interesting since for me at those threads have become incredibly interesting -- surely better than "how do I punish my slave?" It's an interesting point you have about topping and bottoming and the preponderance of D/s & M/s on the forums.

Aries: I agree that decent google positioning would help but the Gor board is a barren wasteland right now anyway. I pretty much chalk that up to self-inflicted injury though.

heartcream, Aynne88, sexyred1, TheHeretic: So "interesting" people have moved on (LOL, people that I had hidden-- gotta love 'taste'). But in a normal community these things happen. New people come in. Vibrancy continues. I think the question I have here is given the expansion of BDSM in the main culture why isn't collarme finding it's share of new people who are also "interesting" by whatever means you measure that? It's not the people moving on part that bothers me. It's the "where are the new people" part.

MariaB: Is there anything in specific we can do or keep in mind to help make a comfy landing pad for the IC refugees?

ChatteParfaitt: I agree that there aren't very many insightful discussions. I generally attribute that to the "pub atmosphere" and generally insular community. Other people think it's the fault of heavy handed moderation. Do you have any thoughts on why we're not seeing those discussions? And on what topics would you be looking for them? I wonder about the lack of top/bottom discussion that LP pointed out.

LizDeluxe: "It is dismaying to see how often a newbie asks an admittedly rudimentary question in the bdsm forum only to be referred to Google." When you look at it, that is a "community" saying clearly to a newcomer, "Get lost. We don't want you." No surprise then that such a community slowly dies over time. That's the self-inflicted injury I think the gor boards did to themselves.

HillWilliam: Obviously some people... and some very respected ones at that... are censoring themselves because they don't want to get the gold letter and/or they just don't want to waste a bunch of time with a post that gets yanked. For me it's really more about the "pub atmosphere". I've even been discussing with a few people the idea of taking 5 minutes and putting up a discussion board on my own site. But whether it's moderation or "inappropriate venue" it makes me wonder who many "good topics" just aren't getting posted... leaving us with "what should I make my slave do?"

------

So collectively we've got the mod problems that we know about and are being discussed separately. We have "social drift" for lack of a better phrase... some well-liked and respected members have left and their shoes aren't getting filled (or we just miss them). We have a dearth of interesting questions. That least one leads me to another question.

Without attempting to discuss them here, anyone want to put up a sample of a few topics that they wish would appear here? I'd like to get a sense of what "not boring as fuck" would look like.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 10:50:51 AM

LaTigresse

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You won't get interesting new people if shit that drove the interesting 'old' people off, continues.

Personally, I think some of it is even the way it's marketed. Look at the adds, on the right of the screen, when you go to collarme.com. Imagine the sort of people those adds attract. Then, imagine trying to have an intelligent conversation with that sort of person.

When they pop in over here they post stupid bullshit. When they get called on their stupid bullshit, they toss a tantrum and disappear. Hell, we can't even have fun with the damned creatures before they disappear anymore. And now, when you get a persistent troll, they are wrapped up in cotton swaddling clothes and run amok spewing their stupidity all over the place. As long as they stay within TOS, they can continue to spew.

I don't like to wade through thread after thread of troll spewage just to find the occasional nugget.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 10:59:02 AM

NuevaVida

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I realize some people see it as a moderation problem, but I think we are moderated a lot more lightly than when Mod 11 was here, and the boards were hopping back then. So I'm not so sure that's a key issue, but I could be wrong.

As an aside, I agree that names that appear on someone's "I miss you" list would also appear on someone else's "Good riddance" list. I also think there is much LESS snark these days, and I like that, although I realize others find that boring. Viva the various personality types :)

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 10:59:40 AM

TheLilSquaw

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FR:
I don't think that the forum itself has "changed".

People have always come and gone.
People have always gotten tired of the same ole repetitive posts and topics.
Those that are snarky, trolls and plain asshats have and always will be.
Just like I can always count on thought out, well written responses from certain posters.

I think its personal tolerances that change, and us as individuals that change.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 11:05:32 AM

LaTigresse

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Actually, I'd rather have Eleven back than a lot of what we've had since.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 12:45:22 PM

NuevaVida

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I never had an issue with 11, but everyone complained about 11 being too strict - the strictest mod ever. And still these boards were hopping...which is why I don't think low participation is a moderation issue.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 1:23:38 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I never had an issue with 11, but everyone complained about 11 being too strict - the strictest mod ever. And still these boards were hopping...which is why I don't think low participation is a moderation issue.

I actually think, and it really could just be my perception, that the moderation then was a lot more lax in many ways. Today it's all about mollycoddling everyone's delicate sensibilities. I remember seeing a lot more shit fly under her/his nose, than does now.

Not to mention the whole thread drift issue which has, to me, turned into a big scary monster in more recent times than Eleven's reign.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/27/2012 1:25:43 PM >

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 1:39:41 PM

NuevaVida

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It could also be that back then there wasn't anywhere else to go. Now, many have gone to Fet, where there's a group to talk about CollarMe lol.

We're on different sides of the thread drift issue but maybe there's a happy medium that hasn't been reached yet.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 3:10:38 PM

heartcream

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I could give a flying pickle for new people, whatever forever. If I were the kind of person to hide people practically all yalls would be hid, so boring and self righteous for a buncha freaks. I dont even believe you are freaks, there are more narrow/closed minded people here than one would hope to find in a place like this. Dang depressing I tell ya. I miss the clever people with hearts and the bravado to say so.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 3:13:25 PM

NuevaVida

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Um wow. Thanks?!

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/27/2012 3:25:16 PM

littlewonder

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Here's the thing. I don't think any of these "problems" that everyone is spewing here are really the problems. I personally don't see a single thing different now than before but it's definitely not mods or keeping new people or older people disappearing.

It's society. Bdsm is acceptable. It's mainstream. Most people really feel no need to come to a forum board to discuss it. What's to discuss? Really? You have kinky sex with whoever you want in whatever way you want. There are movies with it, books written about it, tv series that are surrounded with it, sex is easier and easier to find, kinky sex just as easy. We no longer have taboos, etc....it's everywhere.

The only people who really come to these types of forums these days are those who are socially inept and barely ever leave their mom's basement let alone ever even get laid if they ever have at all.

And those of us who have been here forever because we're either just bored or we can't sleep so it's better entertainment than tv.

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