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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 2:53:16 AM

WhenLoveBeckons

Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

what was your old username? I'm curious to see what you got banned for.

Over the years there have been several, and as for the reasons I've been banned ... too much self-confidence and not enough ass-kissing ;)

I think one of the main reasons was my essay called "Casual 'Play' and Emotional Abuse: The Case for Love" A copy of it can be found in the writing section of my profile at Fet (same user name). That and my insistence on discussing taboo subjects like ethics and love.

Mobs just love to riot when their sacred paradigms are challenged in an intelligent manner, and rather than remove the rioters the mods prefer to placate the mob by making an example of whomever has earned their scorn.

~shrug~

No biggie. My group at Fet offers me all the respect, friendly discussion and comraderie that CM denied me to keep the mob happy.

As for "collarme refugees" ... lol ... all the jerks who made this site unbearable for discussion hang out there, pining for the good ol' days when they ruled this site.

I don't waste my time on the discussions here, and wouldn't be posting to this discussion if not for the fact I noticed the topic title from the other side of the site.

As far as I can tell this is a case of CM getting what it deserves. Rather than promote diversity and suppress rude behaviour when it was still a popular discussion site, it promoted the narrow-minded mob. People like me who were treated as a troll here moved on to Fet to find their fame and fortune.

Just goes to show if you hang your success on the mob mentality you'll eventually be replaced by those of us who believe in intelligence, innovation and a friendly, polite environment.

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 4:10:57 AM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GothDaddyDom

.

I'd love to know what problems you are having on Fetlife. I've been a member since about a month or two after it openned. I'm sure I could help. Message me if you wish.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled rants.

Trying to traverse the halls of Fet is like trying to find your way around a very old and large middle eastern city. Millions of poorly labeled alleys and streets going no where.

I doubt you can help that. Unless you are the site owners IT person and can restructure it into something less time sucking and more easily navigated. AND, get rid of that bloody awful colour scheme.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GothDaddyDom)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 4:35:12 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Trying to traverse the halls of Fet is like trying to find your way around a very old and large middle eastern city. Millions of poorly labeled alleys and streets going no where.

I doubt you can help that. Unless you are the site owners IT person and can restructure it into something less time sucking and more easily navigated. AND, get rid of that bloody awful colour scheme.

I second that motion.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 5:00:06 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

From Jeff

quote:

ChatteParfaitt: I agree that there aren't very many insightful discussions. I generally attribute that to the "pub atmosphere" and generally insular community. Other people think it's the fault of heavy handed moderation. Do you have any thoughts on why we're not seeing those discussions? And on what topics would you be looking for them? I wonder about the lack of top/bottom discussion that LP pointed out.

We are not seeing these types of discussions b/c the core group of posters has changed, a natural thing that happens to any forum, new people arrive, old people go.

The earlier group (when things were popping) was comprised of posters with more diversity and more experience in the lifestyle. This newer group has some marvelous new posters (Athena comes to mind), but many are younger and have less experience, which means we're back to 'what's the difference between a sub and a slave' type of topics. For many of us, that subject has been done and it's hard to get interested in it.

As for moderation, I believe closing and blocking threads is not conducive to people wanting to start threads. Now we very often have the same people choosing topics, which means the place has become even more insular.

As for topics, I'd like to see more about relationship dynamics, health aspects (how long do you keep clamps on nipples and WHY ??), poly aspects, and how to modify a scene for an aging partner. But I have limited time to create threads, b/c I feel if I start one, I should at least be around to contribute and help it along and thank people and such.

I'd like to see the old hierarchy of Masters and slaves are best, Doms and subs are better, Tops and Bottoms are the lowest of the low tossed out. (Oh, and the switches don't exist bullcrap is just plain old.)

There is no doubt in my mind that Fet has pulled many long term posters. Personally, I don't like Fet, it takes too long for me to find an active discussion. I'm not interested in one where I make a comment today and someone responds 2 months later. I just don't have that kind of attention span. And the hopping discussions are so uber cliquish -- if you are new no one will respond to you, unless it's with a complaint. I strongly prefer CM.

_____________________________

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 7:08:41 AM

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhenLoveBeckons

quote:

what was your old username? I'm curious to see what you got banned for.

Over the years there have been several, and as for the reasons I've been banned ... too much self-confidence and not enough ass-kissing ;)

I would be interested in your user names on here as well but see that you are avoiding the question.

Many of the groups of fet are meaningless, just look at some of the names of them and you can see they are a joke. and to get members, people troll strangers ... I seem to recall that you contacted me out of the blue asking me to join your group.

Jeff, I doubt that there is an answer to your question. I come and go but mostly stay in the "I admit" thread now as it is full of kindness and support. I have made many real life friends from this side of the site and maybe because I generally talk about bdsm related things with my friends face to face, I have less need to use the forums here.

I like the diversity of the FL groups, psychology, spirituality, theory, all mixed in with thoughts about how this impacts (if indeed it does) upon kink. However because the moderators are other members, if you have one that is a dickhead, the group goes to wrack and ruin. I also use it to keep up with the local events.

To whomever said they had a post pulled because it referred back to a person's profile, I have had that happen once before as well, and this is going back years, so I learnt not to do that again.

I have had only a few gold messages in the many years I have been here and that is probably because I do try and be welcoming to newbies, and don't mind answering bdsm 101 questions when asked but will also explain to those who seem to expect a kink website to be more accepting than a non-kink website that this is a load of rubbish. Judgmental people are everywhere, including here. Why should we be any different just because we may have experienced prejudice because of our interests? It is like saying that I should be more accepting of other ethnicities because my heritage is Indian. I actually do tend to be more accepting but that is nothing to do with my own race, it is to do with me as a person and the path in life I have chosen to follow.

How to improve things?

Start discussions, participate in discussions, be innovative in your thoughts and ideas, share your experiences, be respectful when disagreeing, attack the premise not the person. It takes just one person to start a new thread ... so take that step rather than deciding not to.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 7:38:12 AM

Posts: 1927
Joined: 9/3/2011
Status: offline

Purely anecdotal but that matches my experience pretty closely.

I've been here under versions of this name since 2006... when a former mod who shall not be named messaged me sans gold border and told me that 'my kind' needed to quit talking back to our betters. No violation listed, no chance to display different posting behavior, just an order to not argue against certain posters. My response was to ask if the site owners knew that this mod was pursuing a personal agenda at the expense of CM.
The next day, no profile for me (on either side of the forum).
The Powergamz before this one had the password changed by someone other than myself and is inaccessible to me. I can only presume that a regular member wouldn't have the ability to do something like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

I have also had two profiles removed for "excessive reporting".
No warnings, just an email to say cease and desist.... then 30 minutes later, I am just a "guest" visitor and profile deleted.

I seriously believe there is probably much more to that story than you are sharing. If any of it is true in the first place.

I can assure it's very true.

It happened on 23rd October this year - that's why I have yet another new profile.

I was bored on 22nd so decided to browse through the pics.
Every time I came across something that obviously violated ToS, I reported the pic.
I gave up after an hour as the pics were repeating.
The next day, I did the same... browsed the pics and reported those that blatantly violated ToS.
I got a cmail saying to 'cease and desist' or further action would be taken (and no, I won't name the Mod who sent it); so I stopped immediately.
Halfway through the afternoon I was doing just what I am now, reading and making the odd comment.
A post I was replying to wasn't allowed to be posted because 'I was no longer signed in'.
I tried to sign in and found that my profile was deleted.

And that's why my current ID starts from 23rd October - I had to make a new profile... again.
The one before that got deleted around May/June time I believe.
And that was because I had a load of posts pulled and I complained about it because I felt it was unjust.
In that same cmail I asked for my complaint to be made a formal one against the Mod in question.
Again, within 30 minutes of that cmail, my account was deleted.

_____________________________

"DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment" Anthony McLeod Kennedy

" About damn time...wooot!!' Me

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 7:43:17 AM

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Powergamz1

The Powergamz before this one had the password changed by someone other than myself and is inaccessible to me. I can only presume that a regular member wouldn't have the ability to do something like that.

Am I reading this correctly are you basically accusing a MOD of hacking your account?

I will tell you for a fact, regular people get into profile accounts, email accounts, fb, twitter, ect of people ALL the time. Typically it is an error on our parts because we use an easy password or use the same password for every account. Lol Or are silly enough to give out our passwords.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to Powergamz1)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 7:47:10 AM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

LOL, While I am not the MOST banned member of CollarMe, I am in the top 5 or less.

One time, I tried to block and report myself, and Mod11 told me to knock it the fuck off.

I was permabanned once, and was let back on, in the great CM allie allie in free of 2010 or whenever that was, jeeze, maybe it was 2008 or something, don't remember, I guess I could ask Huntie.

I have been moderated a few times since then.

But the bottom line, who fuckin cares?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Powergamz1)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 7:49:01 AM

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

But the bottom line, who fuckin cares?

As long as you get a bj right Ron? grins

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 7:55:27 AM

Posts: 1927
Joined: 9/3/2011
Status: offline

If I'm reading this correctly, you are deliberately misstating what I posted in order to fish for a polntless internet drama-fest argument?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

quote:

ORIGINAL: Powergamz1

The Powergamz before this one had the password changed by someone other than myself and is inaccessible to me. I can only presume that a regular member wouldn't have the ability to do something like that.

Am I reading this correctly are you basically accusing a MOD of hacking your account?

I will tell you for a fact, regular people get into profile accounts, email accounts, fb, twitter, ect of people ALL the time. Typically it is an error on our parts because we use an easy password or use the same password for every account. Lol Or are silly enough to give out our passwords.

_____________________________

"DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment" Anthony McLeod Kennedy

" About damn time...wooot!!' Me

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:00:28 AM

Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline

FR,

I would appreciate if everyone who had a post pulled for Off Topic since Oct 1 (excepting P&R and excepting after a mod warning on the thread) would forward it to me so I can add it to the documentation because a review of the documentation of posts pulled for Off Topic does not support all the complaints of moderation for Off Topic in this thread.

Alpha would like to have a complete correct account to be able to assess the true level of moderation for this while re-assessing and possibly adjusting standard procedure protocol guidelines.

Thank you.

VAC

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:00:37 AM

WhenLoveBeckons

Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I would be interested in your user names on here as well but see that you are avoiding the question.

Actually, I'm not avoiding the question. I simply can't recall the names I've used while posting to these forums. For a while they were being hacked out from under me about as fast as I created them. And it has been a couple of years since I last posted here.

quote:

I seem to recall that you contacted me out of the blue asking me to join your group.

~smile~

I never contacted anyone "out of the blue". Fet encourages group leaders to contact anyone whom they have reason to believe might be interested in the group. Since I don't know you, it would be hard to say what it was about your profile that gave me reason to believe you might enjoy my group. However, my group's membership is strictly limited to those who appear to be monogamous. The membership rules spell out what that means. Since there is a limit at Fet to the number of invitations one can send in a four-hour period I am careful about who gets an invitation. Nonetheless, there are several reasons why an invitation may go to someone who isn't interested, including a lack of information in the profile that would indicate someone is not an eligible candidate.

Currently I've been going through those who have subscribed to the "monogamy" fetish. 55% of them do not get invitations because they're not actually monogamous by my group's definition. Another 10% don't get invitations for other reasons, (missing profiles, profiles not written in English, etc). Out of the 35% who do get an invitation, 25% of them join the group.

Whether you appreciate the invitation approach or not, the fact is it works. 85-90% of my group were invited to join, and over the past ten months since I created the group my group has produced more new members, more new topics and more new posts than the top four monogamy groups combined, all of which have existed for four years or more. My group is currently the second-largest monogamy group on the site when it comes to members, and it is the largest monogamy group when it comes to topics and posts. I expect it will be the largest monogamy group on the site within two months, by the first anniversary of the group's creation.

The point to mentioning all of this is simply to point out that CM's decision to back the flame-throwing mob limited diversity and intelligent discussion to the point where its reputation as a discussion forum is a joke. Fet offers as much diversity as anyone could wish for, and allows individuals to mod their own group so as to prevent the mob from taking over (assuming that is the wish of the group owner). My group of 900+ people are as pleasant, friendly, polite and helpful as any mod could ever wish for, which is why we've out-produced the combined effort of four other monogamy groups for the past ten months, and why we have more topics and posts than they've managed to produce in four years.

Had CM chosen to support diversity and good manners they wouldn't be in the fix they're in now.

(in reply to wandersalone)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:03:42 AM

WhenLoveBeckons

Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

in the great CM allie allie in free of 2010 or whenever that was, jeeze, maybe it was 2008 or something, don't remember

2010. That would be the last time I posted here. I think I had a day before I was banned again ;)

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:11:15 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhenLoveBeckons

~smile~

Your old user name was Beloved or some variation of it.

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:16:54 AM

WhenLoveBeckons

Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

The Powergamz before this one had the password changed by someone other than myself and is inaccessible to me. I can only presume that a regular member wouldn't have the ability to do something like that.

That happened quite a bit for a period of a year. That was how I managed to go through so many accounts. Whomever it was really hated my essay on casual 'play' and emotional abuse.

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:19:34 AM

WhenLoveBeckons

Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

Your old user name was Beloved or some variation of it.

"BLoved" I think. There were others as well, but thanks for reminding me of this one.

I think I also used "LoveIsAllYouNeed", LIAYN for short.

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:20:37 AM

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

The Powergamz before this one had the password changed by someone other than myself and is inaccessible to me. I can only presume that a regular member wouldn't have the ability to do something like that.

No. YOU stated, that your password was changed by someone other than yourself. That you presume that a "regular"member wouldn't be able to do that. So if it wasn't a real member who .. only people left are Mods.

That's not creating internet drama that is asking for clarification on YOUR statement.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 12/28/2012 8:21:24 AM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to Powergamz1)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:25:03 AM

SacredDepravity

Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline

I have never been moderated or banned. I have been run out on a rail exactly once. Moderation in the formal sense is not really the issue. When you up the anty beyond the 101 crap, either no one will respond to you or no one is willing to discuss it civilly. I have talked to folks offline that took a less traveled road on a thread and had all kinds of interesting mail privately as well. These boards can be better. They just simply aren't. No one is arguing that this is common in message boards internet wide, but that doesn't mean we can't discuss how to do it better and hopefully put forward some improvement. As we sit here bitching and moaning, there are STILL only 3 comments of input on my breast nailing thread (which I greatly appreciate by the way) . I am sure there have been discussions before, but it is not something that comes up every day and there is A LOT that can and should be discussed on the matter. I'd post another more specialized or advanced thread, but either no one will participate or I would find a hard time keeping a handle on the ranting and raving.

I'd like some of us to intentionally keep away from knee jerk reactions and make a strong effort to respond seriously and respectfully to some of these threads. And I'd like to think that others and I are not so gun shy that we won't put up some decent threads for those needing bdsm meat rather than milk. Then from there, unless something is strictly illegal or devolving an otherwise productive conversation into a shouting match, we need the mods to just stay out of it. My kink is not your kink applies to them as well. Just like the advice we spout on the threads all the time about relationships, we are all the only constant in the equation and the only one we can change as well. We want better message boards? Then be a better, more interesting, and more respectful poster. That goes for me and anybody else. We don't get to bitch about the problem and then not do our part to fix it. Okay we can, but that is a practice in absurdity.

SD

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:25:34 AM

WhenLoveBeckons

Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

Start discussions, participate in discussions, be innovative in your thoughts and ideas, share your experiences, be respectful when disagreeing, attack the premise not the person. It takes just one person to start a new thread ... so take that step rather than deciding not to.

~smile~

That's not how it works around here. I could post my essay on casual 'play' and a riot would ensue. Immature people are not reasonable, and cannot be reasoned with.

Unfortuately bdsm attracts a considerable number of immature people. It is easier for the mods to remove those of us who are mature and reasonable to mollify the mob than it is to control the mob and get a reasonable, intelligent discussion.

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 8:38:32 AM

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhenLoveBeckons

quote:

Start discussions, participate in discussions, be innovative in your thoughts and ideas, share your experiences, be respectful when disagreeing, attack the premise not the person. It takes just one person to start a new thread ... so take that step rather than deciding not to.

~smile~

That's not how it works around here. I could post my essay on casual 'play' and a riot would ensue. Immature people are not reasonable, and cannot be reasoned with.

Unfortuately bdsm attracts a considerable number of immature people. It is easier for the mods to remove those of us who are mature and reasonable to mollify the mob than it is to control the mob and get a reasonable, intelligent discussion.

oh my, that essay of yours must have been mighty provocative.....a "riot"

Unfortuately bdsm attracts a considerable number of immature people.

I don't see any more immature people here than on other forums I am a member of such as music and photography ones, and of course the outside world.

I apologise in advance Jeff as this thread is not about the mod's however my own opinion based on years of reading posts on here and other message boards is that those who whine the loudest about the big mean mod's are those who deserve what they get but lack the insight to realise this. they also tend to be the ones who complain that everyone else doesn't understand them and everyone else is wrong.

Others like Ron, acknowledge, accept, joke about it and come back and post without incessant whining.

I stand by my suggestions.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)

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