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RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/5/2013 9:39:50 AM

Posts: 156
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

The thing is i don't desire to be known by everyone... all i really truly care about is my own "scene", aka my place... my sub... or slave ya know? I love talking with you guys on here, but this lifestyle for me will begin in my own scene, i'm just not ready for that step... and i'm sure many dom's have this same opinion and are content with their own.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Of course ladies have the advantage, i happen to be good friends with two extremely good looking model/strippers... oh the stories they tell me... the money they make... one of em put a pic up on POF, and got 1k messages in 3 hrs in LA area... of course women have the advantage, even below average women get hit up like it's the end of the world lol... and yes that hunter/hunted post was on point, i do agree.

Of course your numbers are high.. u have no dick... and are descent looking IMO, therefore you could have 2-3 guys A DAY if you so desired. Just sayin.

Chris not charles.

I'm sorry for the wrong name. I'll try not to make that mistake again.

Part of it I attribute to being female. Other parts are personality type, (I'm not shy by any means) I'm a pretty decent top in the S/m sense, and My reputation is good in the kink community. Those last two can work in a guy's favor, too.

Online sites have come a long way. There's still a good deal of social networking in the kink community as well. You're in a great location for that.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/5/2013 9:50:19 AM

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

OP, you're thinking of this as a linear process using a single site to find a profile, initiate contact, and then meet. I don't.

My preferred method is to use fetlife to find local groups. Then I show up to those groups and simply meet people. Doms, subs, switches, males, females. The gamut. If I like chatting with a suitable prospect, I get her cm or fet usename and check out her profile.

Bingo!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/5/2013 10:10:00 AM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

The thing is i don't desire to be known by everyone... all i really truly care about is my own "scene", aka my place... my sub... or slave ya know? I love talking with you guys on here, but this lifestyle for me will begin in my own scene, i'm just not ready for that step... and i'm sure many dom's have this same opinion and are content with their own.

Submissive/bottom engaged in BDSM literally puts their life into the Dominant/Top. Because of that, many will be concerned that you know what you're doing and have a good reputation. Some will expect references. Many will be suspicious of the fact that someone in the LA area where there are 100s of events every month, doesn't attend any.

Point in case: I once told a "dominant" at a social that he was being rude. He proceeded to make an ass of himself in front of a large number of people. His behavior did not have the effect he desired and he ended up being a persona non grata at the events.

His response was to refuse to date any woman that attended lifestyle events. Because, after all, if they actually did attend those events they'd find out what an asshat he is.

So yeah, while he found a few. He lost many.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ccc3333)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/5/2013 10:43:43 AM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't have a problem with anyone not attending bdsm events. It's never been my thing either even though I owned a bdsm group on real life once but it was mainly because my Dom at the time wanted one, not me. I also have attended tons of events and parties and dungeons when I was younger when I was looking just to casually play and hook up for a night but as I got older, I got bored with that type of stuff and stopped going and just looking for a relationship. Master and I though still go to bdsm clubs from time to time though when we want to get out for a little while and he wants to use the equipment. But you seem to be a bit naive not all that knowledgeable about bdsm stuff so you might wanna try going to a few events or at least reading some bdsm books. Most subs/slaves want a Dom who at least is knowledgeable unless you plan on finding someone who is as naive as yourself and you both want to learn together.

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Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/5/2013 10:51:20 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

I do not really go either. Once in a while and that is about all. Even if I was not married I have kids and finding childcare is not that easy. I would not trust most teenagers since I have gotten scary bad reports from friends who have hired the local teenagers willing to give up an evening for childcare even when they were being paid. So no way I am leaving a small child and newborn with one of them.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/5/2013 10:54:28 AM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

I do not really go either. Once in a while and that is about all. Even if I was not married I have kids and finding childcare is not that easy. I would not trust most teenagers since I have gotten scary bad reports from friends who have hired the local teenagers willing to give up an evening for childcare even when they were being paid. So no way I am leaving a small child and newborn with one of them.

Just a quick hijack: There's a somewhat new employment site called care.com where you can go to find childcare, nurses aides, and such. I've heard they need to have background checks and such. You may want to check it out sometime. I've never used it so I dunno. I've just heard about it from others.

Sorry, having had a young one at one time, I know how difficult it can be so I try to give info where I can to make it easier lol. Ok, hijack done.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/5/2013 4:04:21 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

Cool! Thanks. One friend told me when she had all day appointments her 6 month olds diaper was hanging almost to her knee and her 3 hear old had a handprint on her leg. I have heard similar nightmare stories like that. So we wait until my mom is in town visiting before we do any of that.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/6/2013 9:07:45 PM

Posts: 156
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

I get your point, hence the dialogue on here, and the research i am into. I am a dom, i've supervised 100's of people, done many high risk high reward activities involving lives at stake etcetc... and my desire is for this to be a part of my life, however, i am content to learn on my own from afar, but i will utilize these boards for feedback etc. I'm sure i will meet friends in the lifestyle as well... however, i am not as open as i am in the professional world.

C

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

The thing is i don't desire to be known by everyone... all i really truly care about is my own "scene", aka my place... my sub... or slave ya know? I love talking with you guys on here, but this lifestyle for me will begin in my own scene, i'm just not ready for that step... and i'm sure many dom's have this same opinion and are content with their own.

Submissive/bottom engaged in BDSM literally puts their life into the Dominant/Top. Because of that, many will be concerned that you know what you're doing and have a good reputation. Some will expect references. Many will be suspicious of the fact that someone in the LA area where there are 100s of events every month, doesn't attend any.

Point in case: I once told a "dominant" at a social that he was being rude. He proceeded to make an ass of himself in front of a large number of people. His behavior did not have the effect he desired and he ended up being a persona non grata at the events.

His response was to refuse to date any woman that attended lifestyle events. Because, after all, if they actually did attend those events they'd find out what an asshat he is.

So yeah, while he found a few. He lost many.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/6/2013 10:09:50 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

I was in your corner a little until that reply to LP.. then the little cred you had went flying out the window...

Take a deep breathe and read what she wrote, it was not a slam on you. She was trying to point out the different demographics between the two sites and how approaching females on each cannot carry over to the other...

Absolutely true. I have found many of the same men who are on POF and other vanilla sites, often end up coming here because they hear that women into kink are much easier to hook up with.

I have said no to men who wrote me on those vanilla sites and then the same men find me here and go crazy yelling at me. They say, why did you say no to me when you are HERE!!! The assumption that a woman seeking a serious relationship is more likely to give in because she is on both types of sites, is ludicrous. I call it keeping options open. And in my case, I am most flexible on the kink.

What they fail to see if that your attitude, words, presentation, personality, photos, etc. are far more important to me (as I state in my profile here) than anything else.

As far as trying to find someone here? I have met alot of men here and none of them were right for me. I think it takes luck to find someone.

It also requires having standards and being flexible and compromising on setting what priorities you need vs. you want in a relationship. If you do not want a relationship, then by all means be very upfront about it so that the women you contact have all the information to make an informed choice.

(in reply to SinFix)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/7/2013 12:42:36 AM

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

The thing is i don't desire to be known by everyone... all i really truly care about is my own "scene", aka my place... my sub... or slave ya know? I love talking with you guys on here, but this lifestyle for me will begin in my own scene, i'm just not ready for that step... and i'm sure many dom's have this same opinion and are content with their own.

Submissive/bottom engaged in BDSM literally puts their life into the Dominant/Top. Because of that, many will be concerned that you know what you're doing and have a good reputation. Some will expect references. Many will be suspicious of the fact that someone in the LA area where there are 100s of events every month, doesn't attend any.

Point in case: I once told a "dominant" at a social that he was being rude. He proceeded to make an ass of himself in front of a large number of people. His behavior did not have the effect he desired and he ended up being a persona non grata at the events.

His response was to refuse to date any woman that attended lifestyle events. Because, after all, if they actually did attend those events they'd find out what an asshat he is.

So yeah, while he found a few. He lost many.

There still are a great many kinky people who choose not to attend fetish parties or events and do so by choice because it simply is not their crowd. It doesn't make them less credible or experienced. They may not enjoy the dynamic, the politics (that may exist and some, but not all places), the vibe, the demographic, etc.

Also, there are many people who have found a lot of success with finding kinky people through "vanilla" dating, and prefer to put chemistry first rather than go the other way around and look in kinky circles where lifestylers may appear to have different priorities. A totally kinky person "kinky Sandy" may have a a toy collection that rivals many lifestylers, but all her friends are mostly vanilla, her social circles are church friends and her family is traditional. Another person "kinky Andy" might have 100% lifestyle kinksters as his circle of friends, work at a kink shop for his full time job, live in a poly family full time, and his social circles are 100% opposite of Sandy's. Neither of them is "more" or "less" kinky in their relationship.

But some people who don't want "kink" as the center of their relationship, but a core part of it, may just have already found ways to screen partners through dating and experimentation and made a conscious choice not to look at lifestyle events.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/7/2013 5:35:31 PM

Posts: 156
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

Couldn't agree more... and thank you so much for the perfect consolidation of this post...

You truly have a great grasp on the scene imo*

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

The thing is i don't desire to be known by everyone... all i really truly care about is my own "scene", aka my place... my sub... or slave ya know? I love talking with you guys on here, but this lifestyle for me will begin in my own scene, i'm just not ready for that step... and i'm sure many dom's have this same opinion and are content with their own.

Submissive/bottom engaged in BDSM literally puts their life into the Dominant/Top. Because of that, many will be concerned that you know what you're doing and have a good reputation. Some will expect references. Many will be suspicious of the fact that someone in the LA area where there are 100s of events every month, doesn't attend any.

Point in case: I once told a "dominant" at a social that he was being rude. He proceeded to make an ass of himself in front of a large number of people. His behavior did not have the effect he desired and he ended up being a persona non grata at the events.

His response was to refuse to date any woman that attended lifestyle events. Because, after all, if they actually did attend those events they'd find out what an asshat he is.

So yeah, while he found a few. He lost many.

There still are a great many kinky people who choose not to attend fetish parties or events and do so by choice because it simply is not their crowd. It doesn't make them less credible or experienced. They may not enjoy the dynamic, the politics (that may exist and some, but not all places), the vibe, the demographic, etc.

Also, there are many people who have found a lot of success with finding kinky people through "vanilla" dating, and prefer to put chemistry first rather than go the other way around and look in kinky circles where lifestylers may appear to have different priorities. A totally kinky person "kinky Sandy" may have a a toy collection that rivals many lifestylers, but all her friends are mostly vanilla, her social circles are church friends and her family is traditional. Another person "kinky Andy" might have 100% lifestyle kinksters as his circle of friends, work at a kink shop for his full time job, live in a poly family full time, and his social circles are 100% opposite of Sandy's. Neither of them is "more" or "less" kinky in their relationship.

But some people who don't want "kink" as the center of their relationship, but a core part of it, may just have already found ways to screen partners through dating and experimentation and made a conscious choice not to look at lifestyle events.

Akasha

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/7/2013 6:30:13 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There still are a great many kinky people who choose not to attend fetish parties or events and do so by choice because it simply is not their crowd. It doesn't make them less credible or experienced.

I never said it did. What I said is that some people will feel that way, not that I'm one of them.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/9/2013 8:45:50 AM

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

I agree with you, sunshinemiss... it indeed is.

However the longer I've been using personal websites, the quicker I've come to see it as an advantage.

1. It makes evident just who is the most insecure and
2. weeds out (in a hurry) those I wouldn't want to get to know.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

... kind of a self-selecting group wouldn't you say?...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/9/2013 9:19:00 AM

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

I just wanted to add an additional post here... just something I noticed that someone hasn't brought up yet.

Consider if you will a D/s relationship being referred to as "a sub dom thing."

And referring to meeting a potential submissive as "closing the deal."

Rather puts a different spin on what motivates one to join this Lifestyle.

That's all. :)

(in reply to EsotericLady)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/11/2013 5:30:40 AM

MistressJinxBBW

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2013
Status: offline

I find it pretty difficult to meet slaves on here... mainly men who are 'unsure' and ask you tons of questions... rather annoying as it wastes so much time!

_____________________________

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financial dominatrix
mistressjinxdominatrix.socialparody.com

(in reply to EsotericLady)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/11/2013 6:13:18 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

I have found that it is no better than anywhere else including "vanilla" dating sites. As a female, every site I have had a profile I got bombarded by messages. I agree about the no search on fet, but given the layout, I have a feeling that a dating site was not the intention...

It doesn't make sense, why this isn't as effective as plenty of fish is.... plenty of fish i find is super effective for me. Especially in an area like LA, there are probably 200 or so females in LA right now that i can search that fit my criteria... i think the userbase here just needs to be grown... i suppose marketing is an issue here....

Chris

Ps- i work in the tech industry and i see a few positions they should be leveraging on this site to make more money.

It's a different demographic: if anything, kinky people are more selective I think, PoF is basically a hook up site, and for the most part, so is CM, with respect to the demographic externalities, i.e., obviously a PE relationship assumes some level of commitment beyond a one night stand, and naturally, it's going to attract a more selective user.

But really, I think all dating sites serve three main functions: basic networking, the hook up (meat market), and in a more roundabout way, a way to meet "the one" - it's just that different sites prioritize these functions differently: i.e., Fet is slanted more towards networking, PoF slanted towards hook ups, etc.

< Message edited by xssve -- 1/11/2013 6:14:35 AM >

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(in reply to ccc3333)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/11/2013 9:48:24 AM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't think cm people are any more or less picky than any other people. We're all people the same as anyone else looking for whatever it is they are looking for. Personally, when I was on POF, match.com, americansingles.com and many others, my profile was exactly the same as my one on here and funny enough, I found the same men hanging out there as on here and bondage.com lol. They were still the same person on both sites.

People are people no matter what it is they are seeking. Everyone in the end is seeking the same things.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to xssve)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/11/2013 2:32:38 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/23/2012
Status: offline

CM is a joke in Pennsylvania. The couples only want females even though the put down males. The Females want money or are guys jerking off. The Trans post one thing and then either do not answer, want money, or are professionals. Even the males that are advertising MWM, are jokes.

(in reply to ccc3333)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/11/2013 2:57:33 PM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Funny-the Mouse lived in PA when I met her

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(in reply to Ghost4U)

RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slav... - 1/11/2013 3:43:39 PM

Posts: 156
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

Yes, and i can say finding what i want is taking some time on here ,but patience is a virtue, because finding the right one... is worth it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

I have found that it is no better than anywhere else including "vanilla" dating sites. As a female, every site I have had a profile I got bombarded by messages. I agree about the no search on fet, but given the layout, I have a feeling that a dating site was not the intention...

It doesn't make sense, why this isn't as effective as plenty of fish is.... plenty of fish i find is super effective for me. Especially in an area like LA, there are probably 200 or so females in LA right now that i can search that fit my criteria... i think the userbase here just needs to be grown... i suppose marketing is an issue here....

Chris

Ps- i work in the tech industry and i see a few positions they should be leveraging on this site to make more money.

It's a different demographic: if anything, kinky people are more selective I think, PoF is basically a hook up site, and for the most part, so is CM, with respect to the demographic externalities, i.e., obviously a PE relationship assumes some level of commitment beyond a one night stand, and naturally, it's going to attract a more selective user.

But really, I think all dating sites serve three main functions: basic networking, the hook up (meat market), and in a more roundabout way, a way to meet "the one" - it's just that different sites prioritize these functions differently: i.e., Fet is slanted more towards networking, PoF slanted towards hook ups, etc.

(in reply to xssve)

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