quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

Yep. This is going to go on for another 10 pages.

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ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

Yep. This is going to go on for another 10 pages.

I believe you were looking for this emoticon...

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

quote:

I've asked the Admin to help me end this thread and move to a new one.

You don't get to decide when a thread ends.
It's a public forum and as long as people are not violating the TOS or forum guidelines they have a right to respond. You may not like what they have a right to say, but they have a right to say it.

If you want to move on to a new thread.
No one is stopping you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

Yep. This is going to go on for another 10 pages.

I believe you were looking for this emoticon...

How could I forget! Thank you~! I'll remember it next time!

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

With the addition of the perspectives described in the article in my last post, plus the perspectives of the posters here, I'm going to attempt to "fix" my OP to better reflect my questions here. Having said that, it really would help if the article was read first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

I’m feeling paralyzed by fear. I don’t even know where to turn for answers. I am hoping that TOS guidelines won’t interfere with a rational and informative discussion of this topic. I simply seek clarity.

My questions pertain to sexual age play between the edge players in DD/lg relationships - NOT about non-sexual age play in the more commonly practiced version of DD/lg relationships. This is soooo taboo, I fear any vanilla searches may come up with some path towards kiddie porn results - not something I want on my computer's history. (nor do I want to see it)

Another concern is that having this conversation in person, one on one, leaves me open to some potentially creepy responses. Plus, even posting this here, I know that there are some who will never forget that I am the one who asked. I don't like the association, but if that's what it takes...

These are my questions:

Question 1

Is a Daddy Dom a pedophile psychologically, but he behaves physically/sexually only with adults?

As is true in the BDSM community and its rainbow of fetishes, there are some fetishes which are considered, "edge play." In terms of DD/lg relationships, there are some who are edge players - which means they act out incest or pedophilia scenarios. These people are not pedophiles or molesters (although as is true of any group, some may be criminals - but that's not the kink). Even within the DD/lg, edge player group, many consider those who actually have fantasies about real minors as sick.

So, even after specifying that the question pertains to sexual age-playing Daddy Doms only, the answer is still, "No, they are not psychologically the same as pedophiles."

I believe people are sexually unique for three reasons:
1) Born that way
2) An early event linked sexuality and (fill in the blank/fetish)
3) Choice.

Question 2

So, if a guy is sexually aroused and attracted to all things youthful and he acts on it, it’s a crime and a horror. But, if that same guy channels those feelings into mutually consensual behavior with another adult, or adults, then I think we’d all want to support that “use” of those feelings, right?

"All things youthful" was my way of saying, "underage." I didn't think we could say that directly here (TOS). So, that was unclear.

The question of whether an edge player (again, as it pertains to DD/lg, sexual play and not to DD's in general), who uses the kink as an outlet for fantasies about real kids, is a good way to deal with the feelings/urges, has been met with a resounding, "NO!" The littles here have said they would run like hell at any hint of this.

I'm still not so sure about that. Is this a matter of my kink may not be your kink? If two people's needs and desires match, and they are consenting adults... where is the harm?

Well, and this is why I am not sure... perhaps the people who match in this very specific and limited respect, only match because one, or both of them, are unhealthy people with unresolved issues?

Question 3

This one has been answered. Again, with a, "No." (and that's allowing for the specifying which type of DD - a sexual age-player, edge player, only and not DD's in general.)
Daddy Doms and pedophiles “groom” the focus of their attention, using praise, gifts and a sense of dependence. But do they share these other qualities as well:

This is a list of known pedophile traits/ red flags...

-a self-image as being younger than they really are?

-inability to maintain peer relationships?

-a need for isolation, control and secrecy?

-shame, self-loathing, but with a charming façade?

- (fill in the blank with your own observations)?

Question 4

To anyone who has seen the film, “The Woodsman,” which shows how a woman accepts a pedophile’s need to express his sexuality in specific ways with her, do you agree that the Daddy Dom relationship is much like this?

Again, the general, DD label has to be revised to specify, "sexual age-player/edge player, type of Daddy Dom." No one seems to have seen the film, so this question can just die its natural death! It would likely be another, "No" response, I suspect.

Question 5

As a submissive who is also a parent, how do you handle both your own emotions, and your responsibility to protect, knowing the Daddy Dom’s preference for youth?

I think enough people said that all Daddy Doms do not have a preference for youth, so that makes the question invalid.

Question 6

As an aging human, how does it feel to be with a guy who is attracted to a look – an illusion – that will become more difficult to create with each passing day? I’m assuming that this feels good, or at least okay, but I wonder how that is achieved.

Again, this question is based on a misconception that all Daddy Doms are attracted to a youthful appearance. Enough posters have been clear that it's not about the looks to make this another irrelevant question.

Question 7

To Daddy Doms & those they partner with & with everyone in our community…

What is being done already to protect innocents from harm? (This is at the core of what frightens me… is there a difference, if so, how can we tell?)

Someone posted that EDUCATION is the way to protection. That answer makes complete sense to me.

I sincerely hope we can skip the defense of the kink… THAT is not the issue, and there is an abundance of that point of view already. Could we focus on this other concern, please?

And that ^^ is where my vocabulary failed me. I called a DD/lg relationship a kink... although that seems to vary in terms of being considered accurate, or not. I also was unable to clarify that I was referring to the DD/lg edge players - those who engage in sexual age play, only, and not asking anyone to define the more mainstream understanding of what DD/lg relationships are. In other words, no need to defend it... that's not what I am talking about.

Thank you, Everyone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

lw responded to the question, "How did this get to be 10 pages with this comment...

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

because the op is not clear in his/her communication and thinks people should read his/her mind and complains when no one can.

For those who are just now jumping in... the OP questions were revised, early in the thread. When I asked in the OP if we could not defend the DD kink, I meant, DD relationships are fine, I'm talking about DD edge-players only. It was lw's link to an article that gave me the terminology I lacked to state my questions clearly at the beginning.

Ironically, lw thinks that I think people should read my mind. I can tell you that she did not read my mind to come up with that. I am aware of thanking people regularly here and cannot remember doing any complaining at all.

All in all, just a negative post with no merit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

lw responded to the question, "How did this get to be 10 pages with this comment...

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

because the op is not clear in his/her communication and thinks people should read his/her mind and complains when no one can.

For those who are just now jumping in... the OP questions were revised, early in the thread. When I asked in the OP if we could not defend the DD kink, I meant, DD relationships are fine, I'm talking about DD edge-players only. It was lw's link to an article that gave me the terminology I lacked to state my questions clearly at the beginning.

Ironically, lw thinks that I think people should read my mind. I can tell you that she did not read my mind to come up with that. I am aware of thanking people regularly here and cannot remember doing any complaining at all.

All in all, just a negative post with no merit.

I've seen this a few times over the course of the thread and this is starting to bug Me a bit. I understand that you are attempting to learn something here but you are repeating the same mistake that made this thread so difficult in the first place.

See that terminology that you are using (i.e., edge play for those who like a certain type of role play) to correct yourself? Yes, you saw that in the article that littlewonder linked. However, unless they have also read the article, and seen why that particular author describes such as edge play, the reader is not going to understand you. To some people, the type of ROLE PLAY that you are trying to discuss might be edge play to them due to past issues or hurt/harm they have experienced in their lives. To others, it's not edge play at all because they don't consider it a type of play that has risky consequences physically or emotionally.

You are going to confuse more people attempting to use edge play as a universal definition when it honestly isn't a perfect fit. Apples are fruit but not all fruit are necessarily apples.

quote:

So, for pragmatic reasons... I want pedos to be able to speak up. I want them to be able to seek treatment. I want treatment available to them - you know, treatment that works. I want them to have a healthy and normal life and that means that others in society need to be willing to befriend them, live near them, love them, hire them, work with them... Before any of that can happen, the conversation needs to happen.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

lw responded to the question, "How did this get to be 10 pages with this comment...

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

because the op is not clear in his/her communication and thinks people should read his/her mind and complains when no one can.

For those who are just now jumping in... the OP questions were revised, early in the thread. When I asked in the OP if we could not defend the DD kink, I meant, DD relationships are fine, I'm talking about DD edge-players only. It was lw's link to an article that gave me the terminology I lacked to state my questions clearly at the beginning.

Ironically, lw thinks that I think people should read my mind. I can tell you that she did not read my mind to come up with that. I am aware of thanking people regularly here and cannot remember doing any complaining at all.

All in all, just a negative post with no merit.

I've seen this a few times over the course of the thread and this is starting to bug Me a bit. I understand that you are attempting to learn something here but you are repeating the same mistake that made this thread so difficult in the first place.

See that terminology that you are using (i.e., edge play for those who like a certain type of role play) to correct yourself? Yes, you saw that in the article that littlewonder linked. However, unless they have also read the article, and seen why that particular author describes such as edge play, the reader is not going to understand you. To some people, the type of ROLE PLAY that you are trying to discuss might be edge play to them due to past issues or hurt/harm they have experienced in their lives. To others, it's not edge play at all because they don't consider it a type of play that has risky consequences physically or emotionally.

You are going to confuse more people attempting to use edge play as a universal definition when it honestly isn't a perfect fit. Apples are fruit but not all fruit are necessarily apples.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

quote:

So, for pragmatic reasons... I want pedos to be able to speak up. I want them to be able to seek treatment. I want treatment available to them - you know, treatment that works. I want them to have a healthy and normal life and that means that others in society need to be willing to befriend them, live near them, love them, hire them, work with them... Before any of that can happen, the conversation needs to happen.

That is an entirely reasonable concept, socialization is what happens when we... socialize - and it not a bad premise, other than the notion they can ever lead healthy normal lives because they aren't healthy or normal, but keep an eye on 'em by all means, you're one of those chick marries mass murderers, Florence Nightingale syndrome or something,

You aren't entirely off there. I do work for human rights and fight against genocide. But, if you want to take a personal interest in me, rather than direct your focus towards the discussion itself, I direct you to my journal in which I describe my views on criminals in my entry about substance abuse.

and I got nothing against that fetish, you better go find you some you're gonna need 'em, but I just wanted to say, if you do find a cure, "a therapy that works" there are lot of people who would be happy to hear about it, even if it's crazy, but these guys probably never can stop thinking about it, their needles are stuck.

But to put a stake in this daddy dom thing forever hopefully, the two things are not only not the same they are essentially in 180 degree opposition: DD is is allowing and adult woman to act out infantile fantasies, with an adult, in an adult context - pedophilia is taking a child and turning them into an adult.

For that statement I bolded above, I'm trying not to call you something that rhymes with "upid." No, pedophilia, when acted upon, actually stunts the emotional growth of the child until some intervention (therapy, etc...) shows that child how to process, and overcome, the damage.

Even if one or both of the partners were victims, they are bound by a common experience, and they can act out their roles spontaneously, with control and perspective - I mean I think the most common form of child abuse nowadays is neglect anyway, and a good lover can help you fill in those gaps.

It's human, even if some of the shit that happens to people ain't always.

Tell me, how do you do that though - there are female pedophiles, not too many go for prepubescent boys I don't believe, but I'd love to keep one tied up in my basement just to make sure.

You think they'd go for that? I dunno man, I'm skeptical.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne


I am wondering if the BDSM community is simply divided in their opinions, or is there some central, standard of conduct beyond, SSC?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne Do you have a suggestion for how I can say, "Daddy Doms who are edge-players"? I'm open to suggestions.

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ORIGINAL: SinFix

DS, I applaud you for sticking in this thread. I haven't seen one this obtuse in a long time.

For what you are not getting is Daddy Doms for the most part have NO attraction to children or wish to act out sexual situations with one ( yes, there are exceptions). They are not using adult women to satisfy some deep dark secret.... DADDY DOMS= caring, nurturing, guiding, mentoring, helping, growth, they embody that loving male role-model that some people enjoy...

As to whether a DD is right for you, instead of focusing on some kink, how about you focus on finding a partner that is compatible and right for you and lay off the labels...

quote:



Question 1

Is a Daddy Dom a pedophile psychologically, but he behaves physically/sexually only with adults?

quote:


Question 2

So, if a guy is sexually aroused and attracted to all things youthful and he acts on it, it’s a crime and a horror. But, if that same guy channels those feelings into mutually consensual behavior with another adult, or adults, then I think we’d all want to support that “use” of those feelings, right?

quote:


Question 3

Daddy Doms and pedophiles “groom” the focus of their attention, using praise, gifts and a sense of dependence. But do they share these other qualities as well:

-a self-image as being younger than they really are?

-inability to maintain peer relationships?

-a need for isolation, control and secrecy?

-shame, self-loathing, but with a charming façade?

- (fill in the blank with your own observations)?

quote:


Question 4

To anyone who has seen the film, “The Woodsman,” which shows how a woman accepts a pedophile’s need to express his sexuality in specific ways with her, do you agree that the Daddy Dom relationship is much like this?

quote:


Question 5

As a submissive who is also a parent, how do you handle both your own emotions, and your responsibility to protect, knowing the Daddy Dom’s preference for youth?

quote:


Question 6

As an aging human, how does it feel to be with a guy who is attracted to a look – an illusion – that will become more difficult to create with each passing day? I’m assuming that this feels good, or at least okay, but I wonder how that is achieved.

quote:



Question 7

To Daddy Doms & those they partner with & with everyone in our community…

What is being done already to protect innocents from harm? (This is at the core of what frightens me… is there a difference, if so, how can we tell?)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne




However, there are some here who simply do not want me to ask about the psychological relationship between incest/molestation playing Daddy Doms and pedophiles, at all.

Previously, someone said they were offended by the two terms being in the same sentence. My reply, "Would you think it was fucked up if I asked about humans and diseased humans in the same sentence?"

So, IMO, there's a space in between my failure to use the terms "incest, age, molestation" playing Daddy Doms and the stigma of Daddy Doms clouding up the ability to separate the two. In other words, some posters simply thought I was saying there is something wrong with Daddy Doms - of any ilk. The opposite is true.