njlauren
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
quote:
ORIGINAL: zpenguin
Lets simmer down people, this topic is just for opinions and thoughts. No need to get all hyped about it. Everyone is right in their own minds.
WTF? Every single person on the face of the earth believes something that is false. I, personally, think dozens of false things a day. It's called brainstorming and trying to be creative, then putting my maybe-crazy-maybe-good ideas to the test.
I haven't read the thread yet, but this comment showed up in the scroller, and, damn, it's the silliest thing I've seen posted here since I read something in a pink font.
Do you really believe there is no such thing as truth? Because my life experience has taught me that some people have much more knowledge and wisdom than others.
The problem with truth is there are different types of truth, there is quantifiable truth and there is subjective truth. Quantifiable truth can be verified, for example that at sea level, if I raise the temperature of water to 100 C, it will boil, or that if I compress enough U235 together, it will create a chain fission reaction that will generate heat and or an explosion. But there is also subjective truth, for example, in this discussion about who holds the power in a D/s. On the surface, seems easy, the dominant has control, has the power, sub at most has the power to walk away or perhaps say no to limits or via a safe word.....but in reality, it depends on the D/s couples own version of the truth. A lifestyle D/s couple can talk about their experiences, how they have lived this is, they can share their truth, what worked for them and didn't work, and it is valid, but another couple would read that and filter it through their own experience. Some people do have more wisdom and knowledge about things then other people, but it doesn't mean everything they say is the truth, if what they say doesn't resonate with someone else. Parents reputedly have more knowledge and wisdom then their kids, yet when it comes to things like sexuality, parents for all their experience may be totally clueless, in part because of what they were told by others supposedly who knew 'the truth' (religion is a classic example of that one, for all their revealed truth, being the one and only true faith, they are often so fucking stupid it isn't even funny).
The answer to this one is that it is very hard to answer the question, because the real question needs to be answered, what is power and how do you define it? More importantly, when you say holds the power, what that implies is a D holds all the power.....and that isn't always true. Is it the majority of the power? What does that mean? In many D/s, the D is not absolute, they don't decide everything in the s's life, they don't make every decision, they in fact cede certain power to their s, whether it is something mundane as to what the s wears on a given day, to the s making decisions about the family house or business, like paying a bill.....from the viewpoint of a TPE person, that isn't the D with the power, that is simply a relationship in name only (I should say, possible from the viewpoint of a TPE person).....is that a true view, that because the D doesn't take all control, all power, it isn't real?
Okay, so here goes my attempt at a lame ass answer:
-Going into a D/s, it is definitely equal power, because even if the s says "I give you total power to decide how this relationship will work", they at that point are still 50/50, because they agreed to it. The s negotiates how much power the D will take usually, they negotiate the bounds of the relationship going into it. Even if the s leaves it up to the D what powers he wants s to have, s granted that.
-Coming out of a relationship, they likewise have equal power, assuming they both have that right (in some TPE's, only a D can dissolve it).
-In the relationship itself, it depends on the relationship. The power flow can change, what happens in the bedroom is not the same thing as outside the bedroom; it could be the kind of relationship where the D decides everything, where s has to run everything through them, in which it is nearly all the D's, with whatever the s has granted them; it also can change, the D on any given day may cede more or less power. If there is a conflict in the Ds, and the D's has the last say always, then you could argue the D has the real power in the end, but it can be debated.
My take on it is that if it is a D/s, that inside the relationship the D will have more power, otherwise where does the s come in, if there is nothing where the D rules? If everything is up for discussion or the s can say no, not much s there.....but from my experience, you can say that focused in daily living, that the D as whole has more power then the s, not by statistics or percentages of such decided, but rather by how the s feels and how the D feels...which to me means whether a D has the power or not is not an objective truth, in the end, it is up to the people in the D/s and how they feel, because otherwise it is nearly impossible to define what having power means.
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RE: Who really holds the power in a D/s relationship? - 
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